Worst Joke Ever 2025

[Andrew Dwyer]

[Andrew Dwyer]

[Andrew Dwyer]

[Andrew Dwyer]

[metisdead]

[fangless]

12 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Ran into my old mate Dave the other day, poor lad has only got one arm .

” where you off to “ I said .

” off to change a lightbulb “ he replied 

“ that’s gonna be a bit awkward  “ I said laughing 

“ easy “ he replied “ still got the receipt “.

 

Moral of the story:

If someone doesn’t get the joke , don’t explain it ...... 3 1/2 miles he chased me with that stick !!

On the other hand!

[Andrew Dwyer]

[fangless]

1 hour ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

A load of balls, tee he!

[tifino]

Before vs After 

[Disparate Dan]

11 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

la vie en rose – pink toilet

[kickstart]

Contrived record introduction.

Fred was having a hard time selling his ice cream ,business was not good ,so he had a word with a mate in advertising ,thinking that would help, his mate said it is your jingle.

Now Fred was proud of his jingle he had been using it ever sine he brought the ice cream van, what he was even more proud of, was the ice cream van, old Commer van ,the only one in the area, which he cleaned every day, people would comment on his van.

But, things must change ,so he went and brought a new jingle ,and low and behold business pick up ,and he was well happy, his wife said, you are doing well, what was the reason, Fred said "Van fair for the Commer van "

with apologies to ELP, Emerson, Lake and Palmer.  

[ballpoint]

I recently took a pole, and found out that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

[ballpoint]

Yesterday my Grandad went to the Cobblers to collect his shoes:
The cobbler says. ''When did you bring them in mate?''
Grandad says. ''Wednesday, March the 10th 1949.''
The Cobbler says. "You're having a laugh mate, this shop has changed hands 17 times and we don't keep records. Anyway, where's your ticket?''
Grandad opens his wallet and produces the ticket in perfect condition.
The cobbler can't believe it, but goes down the cellar stairs and searches an hour for the shoes,
He comes up the stairs all covered in cobwebs with a pair of shoes and says to grandad. ''Is this ''em?''
Grandad says. ''Yes.'' All excited.
The Cobbler says. ''They'll be ready Friday!''

[ballpoint]

A bloke goes into a Welsh pub and asks for a gin and tonic.
All the pub falls silent, then the landlord says "Where are you from boyo, you sound English"?
"Er, I'm from Bristol actually" he replies nervously.
"Bristol you say, and what do you do in Bristol,"? says the Landlord
"I'm a Taxidermist" says the man
"Taxi.... what"? says the Landlord, "is that something to do with transport boyo?
The man says "No I stuff and mount animals"
The landlord shouts "It's OK lads, he's one of us"

[fangless]

A journalist wants to write an article about the life of Welsh farmers...
When he finds one, amidst the questions he asks: "What was the best day of your life?"

The farmer answers:" One day we lost a sheep. We looked everywhere, and when we finally found her, we wanted to celebrate, so we had sex with her!".

The journalist is taken aback, he can't really write that on his article, so he thanks the farmer and moves on to the next one.

After the usual questions he comes again to the "best day of your life" question, but the second farmer's answer is remarkably similar to the first one's, and he can't really write about finding lost sheep and shagging them in his article, so he asks a third farmer.

The third farmer answers the same thing, and so does the fourth, and the fifth, and the sixth, and so on. The journalist explodes and says:" That's it, I'm done with losing and screwing sheep, I need an other question for my piece and I'm gonna get it!".
So he walks up to an other farmer, plants his feet down, looks him in the eyes and asks:" What was the WORST day of your life?". The farmer recoils for a moment, his eyes get teary and, in a whisper, he starts:

 

 

"I got lost..."

[fangless]

[fangless]

[fangless]

[fangless]

A man is hiking through the Welsh mountains with his pet newt when he comes across a pub. He enters the pub and sees that there is a sign that says dogs are allowed in.

"Can I bring my pet newt inside?" The man asks the bartender.
"Hmm, I suppose so." The bartender says, slightly sceptical.
The man leaves and enters again with the biggest newt the bartender had ever seen. It was almost a meter long and the bartender was shocked silent.

"This is my newt: Tiny." The man tells the bartender.
"Tiny? But it's massive!" The bartender says in shock.

"He's called Tiny because he's my newt."

[fangless]

A Welsh father is hitchhiking with his son when he comes across a sheep with his head stuck in a fence

The father says to the son "Watch this." and proceeds to undo his zipper and then makes love to the sheep. When he is finished, he steps away from the sheep and says to his son "Your turn, son."

 

The son sighs before sticking his head in the fence.

[fangless]

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman all get caught by the Iraqis. Sounds painful, but the head captor tells them "You are all to be shot- but it is tradition and a mark of honour to grant the first four prisoners of war whatsoever they wish before they are executed."...

...The Welshman says "Well then. It'd be bladdy magic to hear an 'undred members of the Welsh male voice choir all singing 'Land of my Fathers'. Smashin'. Yaki Da!."

The Scotsman says "Wehw, Ah wanna hund'ed bag-pipers aw playin' 'Flower of Scotland'."

Then the Irishman says "Oi tink Oi'd like for t' see a hundred Oirish dancers all doin' Riverdance before Oi go."

The Englishman says "My request? Will you shoot me first?"

[fangless]

I'm wary of the the Scottish at the moment

I heard the main symptoms of COVID-19 are fever, cough, and shortness of bread.

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[Peter Denis]

28 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said:

'Maximum damage, minimal effort; that's my philosophy,' said Johnson...

Couldn't help laughing loud when reading that one-liner...

 

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]