Worst Joke Ever 2025

xylophone · April 19, 2021

A woman had been on the game for four years and was about to get married, but she was worried about the size of her fanny and didn't know quite how to tell her new husband.

So she told him that she had caught it while climbing over a fence.

The morning after the wedding night, the husband turned to her and asked, "just how far across the field were you before you realised it was caught?".

ravip · April 19, 2021

A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.

She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"

She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to find a man with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

"Can I help you?" She asks.

The man smiles and says "Its me, your new husband!"

"You must be joking..." The woman laughs.

"Well think about it," he says. "I have no arms so i cannot beat you. I have no legs so i cant walk all over you."

The woman's eyes narrow and she asks "Are you still good in bed?"

The man leans back in his chair and smiles. "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

ballpoint · April 19, 2021

ballpoint · April 19, 2021

When my girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.

I give her a shoulder to crayon.

ballpoint · April 19, 2021

I can tolerate algebra, even a bit of calculus.

But geometry is where I draw the line.

ballpoint · April 19, 2021

I got fired today because I wouldn't let a customer buy a bagel with cream cheese.

I told him we only accept cash.

ballpoint · April 19, 2021

I remember the time I accidently swallowed a whole pack of Viagra.

It was the hardest week of my life.

ballpoint · April 19, 2021

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster. '

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

ravip · April 19, 2021

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice.

"I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.

Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man.

"What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, what?"

The man replied, "I work for the IRS."