Worst Joke Ever 2025

[ravip]

When you make a suicide pact with someone, NEVER offer to go first.

Trust me. I’ve done like five of them.

[ravip]

Son of a…

A birch tree and a beech tree stood next to each other in the woods. They were tall old trees, and usually got on quite well.

 

One day they noticed a little sapling between them, far below. The birch noticed first and said “Hey beech! Check out that little son of a birch down there!”

 

The beech tree retorts, “That isn’t a son of a birch. That is clearly a son of a beech!”

 

They argue for some time until a small woodpecker lands nearby. The trees see this as a chance to settle their argument.

 

“Hey woodpecker,” asks the beech, “You must be somewhat of an authority on trees. Do you see that sapling down there? This birch, here thinks that it’s a son of a birch, while I maintain that it is a son of a beech. Would you please go check it out and let us know?”

 

So the woodpecker agrees and flies down, checks out the sapling, and returns.

“SO?!” Cry the trees in unison, each eager to prove the other wrong.

 

“Well,” replies the woodpecker, “that sapling is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, but I’ll tell you what. That is the best damn piece of ash I’ve ever stuck my pecker in.”

[sanuk711]

                It's Tough Being British..........

 

 

 

[ravip]

Bad news. I got fired from my job at the bank today.

I mean, it was an easy mistake... An elderly woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

[ravip]

How many beans does it take to make Irish bean soup?
239. Because one more would make it too farty

[ravip]

Pharmacist: May I help you, sir?
Customer: Yes... I, uh... well, this is sort of embarrassing, but I'm going out on a date tonight and, you know, I need some...

Pharmacist: Protection?

Customer: Right.

Pharmacist: Small, medium or large?

Customer: Uhhhh... Medium, I guess.

Pharmacist: Okay, that'll be $2.35 including tax.

Customer: Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!

[ravip]

[fangless]

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

Rubbish!  ????

I was going to say it went out half as often as you as you had to gout out twice, once to put it out and once to bring it in.  Then I remembered you have a wife to do that!

 

PS;  I have a vivid imagination!

[fangless]

33 minutes ago, ravip said:

I couldn't hold a candle to man of your talents!

[fangless]

37 minutes ago, ravip said:

How many beans does it take to make Irish bean soup?
239. Because one more would make it too farty

Do the Irish make that in stink?

[fangless]

43 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

It's Tough Being British.........

Yes it is an onerous task but somebody has to do it after all old chap!

Keep up the good work, that's a good fellow.

[fangless]

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

Cause there is nobody left to boss about!

[fangless]

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

Ryanair at it's best!

[fangless]

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

I'm not so sure he is sure what he is protesting against, or supporting - he seems too middle of the road to be outspoken.

[fangless]

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

.

No!

On yer bike!

[fangless]

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

.

EXTRA PROMOTIONS;

1.  Indicate you have COVID19 and get upgraded to 5 star accommodation free of charge ;

2.  Free Primary School education - must have full beard!

3. Claim Religious discrimination and ask for anything you want! No questions asked!

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[ballpoint]

9 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

Jesus! No!

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[fangless]

3 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Jesus! No!

God help us!

[ballpoint]

[fangless]

2 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

I do like sucking up to them and pawing them.  Do you think I can take them for a walk in my bed.

[ballpoint]

[fangless]

Just now, ballpoint said:

At 69% is that you turning everything around to get the most satisfaction out of your cleaning regime?

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]