Worst Joke Ever 2025

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Marriage is grand.
Divorce is about 20 grand.

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Why did the MP cross the road?
I don't know, but he claimed 80 quid expenses for the journey.

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I can't find my copies of Murder at the gallop, The alphabet murders, Murder most foul and Murderahoy.
I'm losing my Marples

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Just finished on line confirming the Mother in law a surprise holiday in Switzerland over the Christmas period.
Dignitas say she can book in any time after 3pm on the 21st.

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I took a vase to get valued on the Antiques Roadshow, and they told me it was 'absolutely priceless'.
Well, I got 4 quid for it at a car boot sale last weekend. Who's laughing now?

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How do you milk sheep?
Release another iPhone.

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I saw the most useless guide dog I've ever seen yesterday.
It knew nothing about the history of the town and just sat there licking its <deleted>.

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Did you know ?
Line dancing was started by a woman waiting to use the toilet....

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12 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Just finished on line confirming the Mother in law a surprise holiday in Switzerland over the Christmas period.
Dignitas say she can book in any time after 3pm on the 21st.

I hope they have a "No returns" policy!

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25 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

A man walks into a book shop, as asks the cashier "Do you have any cookery books with advice on using Oxo?"
"No" replied the cashier, "We're out of stock."

I see you are back on the gravy train again!

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What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?

He gives them the sack
 

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What’s a dog’s favourite carol?

Bark, the herald angels sing!

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Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year?

It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
 

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Child: This turkey tastes like an old sofa!
 Mom: Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing!
 

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During an excursion by ferry to the Isle of Lewis on the west coast of Scotland, the weather turned bitterly cold and rainy so the passengers huddled together for warmth.

The ferry boat captain shouted down to the crew's quarters.

" Is there a mackintosh down there large enough to keep three ladies warm?"

 

" Naw, " came the booming answer, " but there's a MacPherson who'd sure like to try."
 

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night? -

By flood lighting. 

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Chat-up Line:-  • Is it hot in here or is it just you? 
 

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TODAY’s DAILY INSULT;

You’re about as much use as a chocolate teapot!
 

[overherebc]

35 minutes ago, fangless said:

Why does Prancer have a brown nose?

Because he runs behind Rudolf but can't stop as quickly.

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7 hours ago, VBF said:

Now....is this somebody missing the double meaning of the word "sentence". Or are we for the drop?

 

(Remember what thread we're on - I'm getting confused ????)

It depends on what your sentenced for/to!

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[Zyxel]