*Why men prefer to watch football in pubs or cafes*

Wife: Where are you going?

Husband: Watch the game at the pub.

Wife: Why don't you watch it with me?

Husband: I want to watch it with my friends.

Wife: So I mean nothing to you?

Husband: OK, OK. I am staying.

Wife: Why is the goalkeeper in black?

Husband: He is mourning his mother.

Wife: The commentator how does he know all the names?

Husband: It's his job.

Wife: There's a goal.

Husband: No, it's an offside.

Wife: What is offside?

Husband: No, it's a goal. Just kidding.

Wife: OK, but what is offside?

Husband: Offside is the name of the Coach.

Wife: Where's the Coach?

Husband: He is off the field.

Wife: Why isn't he playing?

Husband: No, he doesn't play. He changes the players and the game tactics.

Wife: Tell me, is Maradona there?

Husband: No, he died.

Wife: Oh my God, how?

Husband: He watched a game with his wife

A journalist goes to Russia for a documentary.

In a little village he saw an old man and asked him to narrate a typical happy story of his village.

The old man smiled and began:"One day, a long time ago, my goat got lost in the mountains. As is our tradition, all the men of the village gathered to drink vodka first and then looked for the goat. When we finally found her, as is our tradition, we all drank some more vodka and all the men in the village each got their turn to mate with the goat. We had so much fun that day!"

The journalist realized that he couldn't publish such a story so he asked the old man if he had another happy story.

The old man smiled again and started all over again: "Once, my neighbor’s wife got lost in the mountains. As per our tradition, all of the village's men gathered to drink vodka and then went to look for her. As is our tradition, when we finally found her, all the men in the village got their turn to mate with the neighbor’s wife. We had great fun that day!"

The journalist couldn't publish that story either and therefore asked: "Don't you have a story that is less happy; something... umm ... sadder?"

The old man's smile faded. His eyes welled up.....

In a sad, soft voice he began: "One day I got lost in the mountains.....

6 hours ago, ballpoint said:

For those who don't get it...

Corny but logical response....

2 hours ago, ravip said:

*Why men prefer to watch football in pubs or cafes*

Wife: Where are you going?

Husband: Watch the game at the pub.

Wife: Why don't you watch it with me?

Husband: I want to watch it with my friends.

Wife: So I mean nothing to you?

Husband: OK, OK. I am staying.

Wife: Why is the goalkeeper in black?

Husband: He is mourning his mother.

Wife: The commentator how does he know all the names?

Husband: It's his job.

Wife: There's a goal.

Husband: No, it's an offside.

Wife: What is offside?

Husband: No, it's a goal. Just kidding.

Wife: OK, but what is offside?

Husband: Offside is the name of the Coach.

Wife: Where's the Coach?

Husband: He is off the field.

Wife: Why isn't he playing?

Husband: No, he doesn't play. He changes the players and the game tactics.

Wife: Tell me, is Maradona there?

Husband: No, he died.

Wife: Oh my God, how?

Husband: He watched a game with his wife

I would never, ever, ever, ever condone violence against females but perhaps the above is the only exception when it might be ever so, ever so slightly allowed as long as you are wearing one of these.

It's not gonna hurt but hopefully she'll get the point and stop asking (wishful thinking as I am finding out during this world cup).

It's bad enough having to get up at 3 in the morning and trying to creep out of the bedroom without making a noise. If you are 50+ there is no way you are not making an old man noise however hard you try. Same as getting up of the sofa when you are two cans in on an afternoon session. Plus the involuntary 'arris trumpet when you lift yourself off the bed. Mine has been known to set off the fire alarm.

I'm half looking forward to England getting knocked out so I can stop mucking about and fooling myself. It's coming home? Is it F$$k. Lord Lucan, re-entering the EU or Trump winning mastermind are all far more likely.

That's enough of my ranting. It's Friday evening so time for a Tapper's and Friday Fish 'n' Chips. Viva La 'Anglais

Whoooaah there - I didn't take the photo, it's not down to me.

.

Hydration Break ⚽ 🍺

Edited June 20Jun 20 by oxo1947