Been working for me so far...

Pinocchio has gained a reputation as quite the successful stud. But one of his girlfriends complains to him crossly "I can’t go on like this. Every time we make love I get splinters."

So Pinocchio goes to Geppetto to ask his advice. Geppetto says, "Try this #40 sandpaper, my boy - that's all you need. She’ll never complain again."

A few days later Geppetto runs into Pinocchio and asks him "So how are you doing with the girls now?"

Pinocchio screams insanely "Girls?? Who needs girls?"