I'm not so sure as it may depend on your taste buds!

 

The Irish boss on a building site ordered one of his men to dig a hole six feet deep.

After the job was done, the boss returned and explained that there had been a mistake and the hole wouldn’t be needed after all. So he ordered the man to fill it in. 
 The worker did as he was told, but couldn’t get all the soil packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went back to the office and explained his problem. 
 The boss snorted: ‘Honestly! What sort of idiots do we employ these days?"

"Obviously you didn’t dig the hole deep enough!’ 
 

 Genuine Excuses for Speeding: 
 • I had passed out after seeing flashing lights, which I believed to be UFOs in the distance. The flash of the camera brought me round from my trance. 
 • I had to rush my dying hamster to the vet’s. 
 • I was in the airport’s flight path and I believe the camera was triggered by a jet overhead, not my car. 
 • A violent sneeze caused a chain reaction where my foot pushed down harder on the accelerator. 
 • I had a severe bout of diarrhoea and had to speed to a public toilet. 
 • There was a strong wind behind my car, which pushed me over the limit. 
 • My friend had just chopped his fingers off and I was rushing the fingers to hospital. 
 • The only way I could demonstrate my faulty clutch was to accelerate madly. 
 • The vibrations from the surfboard I had on the roof rack set off the camera. 
 

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on his wife’s  movements. 
The husband demanded more than just a written report - he wanted a video of his wife’s activities. 
 A week later, the detective returned with a tape and sat down to watch it with the husband. As the tape played, he saw his wife meeting another man. He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor café. He saw them having a playful fight in the street. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them waltzing gleefully into a downtown hotel!
 When the tape ended, the distraught husband said: ‘I can’t believe this!’ 
 ‘What’s not to believe?’ asked the detective. ‘It’s right up there on the screen. The camera never lies.’ 
 The husband replied: 
‘What I mean is, I can’t believe my wife is so much fun!’ 
 

What do you get when you cross a hummingbird with a doorbell?

A humdinger. 
 

Do people who eat metal paper fastenings have a staple diet?
 

Chat-up Line:-  • If this bar was a meat market, you would have to be the prime rib. 
 

After 10 years, what is the difference between your job and your wife?

 

Your job still sucks.

My 20 year old son has declared himself a Republican and a Trump supporter.

 

He has been spat at, slapped, kicked and verbally abused.

 

God knows what he will face when he leaves the house.

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I have been there many times, especially on calls to the UK.

Pre flight check.

On 9/13/2021 at 6:52 AM, Zyxel said:

must be hard to do that ?!

4 hours ago, roo860 said:

Pre flight check.

getting a flashback of spending empty-wallet off-Pay weekends... spinning gheckos on the ceiling fannnnnnnnn