The baaad Christmas jokes thread - old, new, recycled we don't care, they just have to be bad!

[scottiejohn]

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE VATICAN ON CHRISTMAS DAY
Due to a dispute regarding pay and conditions in the Vatican recently the Castrato choir there have refused to perform at the Sistine Chapel at tonight's evening mass and have downed tools(!) due to a lack of assets.
A spokesman said that they had already had what was coming to them and they could go and sing for their supper as far as he?/she? was concerned. 

[Beachcomber]

Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year!

Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.Such a pity it was a puppy.

[Beachcomber]

A very Merry Xmas to all

 

Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). 

The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s). 

 

And same for Happy New Year.

[overherebc]

37 minutes ago, Beachcomber said:

Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year!

Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.Such a pity it was a puppy.

I will save that one.

Meanwhile,

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

On 12/25/2018 at 5:49 PM, Beachcomber said:

And same for Happy New Year.

Without prejudice to any previous statements either above, below or in any other thread(s) posted, thought of, implied, moderated or in any previous post(s) you, I or others may or may not have made, either in the past, present or future may I reciprocate your felicitations for the forthcoming addition to the about to be aged numerical unit.

 

I.E  HAPPY NEW YEAR to all

[Crossy]

On 12/25/2018 at 5:49 PM, Beachcomber said:

The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s). 

Please add "species" to the list, our viscious Chihuahuas are not happy at being left out and could kill!!

 

[scottiejohn]

 

Bah! Humbug!

[Andrew Dwyer]