Getting married to Thai wife in a month: Need help to know if she is cheating. :(

[Opl]

catch of the day...

https://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/1076496-in-love-with-a-massage-girl-i-want-to-marry-herhelp/

[Neeranam]

5 hours ago, Tchooptip said:

No offence Sir just allow me to give politely my opinion

Woman use Krap with "little" children to avoid them using Kaa themselves.  But "talking with male children"??

Many Tomgirls logically use Krap.

I show the conversation to my wife she told me are you sure it's not a ladyboy?  

When bantering with men?

One could not say "no" for anything, because even if very unusual everything could happen...but 

And if bantering never used one time "Ja" most usual with women bantering with friends. 

So for me, as it is presented, it's not clear at all...

...to me, but my Thai is not fluent even if I can read it, but for my Thai wife too, it is not as easily understandable as for some members, even though they do not speak a word of the language, funny isn't it 

Some women use krap with me and I'm not a ladyboy. 

[BTB1977]

Do her a few more times while you plan your escape..  Because you will need to disappear soon. Print out the above conversation and show it to her and family if necessary  explain marriage is not in her future. 

[BTB1977]

My Thai wife says it is a boyfriend girlfriend conversation.  

[observer90210]

OP remember the golden rule with women in Thailand..and perhaps females all around the world....don't buy....rent !!!

 

p.s.   ... leave NOW, pal !!...

[Tchooptip]

6 hours ago, Neeranam said:

Some women use krap with me and I'm not a ladyboy. 

Who said the woman said krap to ladyboys? Or maybe those "some woman"...are ladyboys 

 

[AtoZ]

On 1/4/2019 at 8:17 AM, FolkGuitar said:

To be fair, you should tell her that you are sneaking into her private affairs, spying on her. She should know what sort of person YOU are before she marries you. Even if her conversation is on the up and up, YOUR behavior is NOT! Think about THAT for a moment.

 

If you don't trust her completely, do not marry her.  It is that simple. Marital relationships are built on a foundation of trust. You'll have no foundation what so ever. Every time her phone rings, you will assume it's her lover calling her. Every time she is even a little late coming home, you will assume she's had some clandestine affair. You will second guess her every action, always wondering about ulterior motives. Your life will be complete sh!t.

those male feminists of today...

[mikehongpark]

Thank you all for the support, advice, and encouragement. What I failed to mention is that we are already married (in Thailand) and have been for 10+ months, in order to get the green card paperwork started. We met in Myrtle Beach during my vacation and during her work/study travel. Had a small ceremony with just her side in Feb 2018. The wedding reception next month is the 2nd reception joined by my family and friends from America. I stated that I've vested $100K+ in the 3.5 years of our relationship, but I'm forgetting about the Sin Sod, 5 x 24K gold chains for her family, and the wedding costs last year so I'm looking at close to $150K. Yes, I was stupid and flashed my money on my 1st visit to meet her in Asia 3 years ago, and took her to 4 different countries and gave her a few gifts. Stupid as stupid goes, and lesson learned.

The 2nd wedding reception is scheduled for next month and we were planning to have babies once her green card/visa is approved. Ironically, the National Visa Center just sent an approval email to proceed right after this Post. I am 48 and she is 26 and I really want to have kids and feel that I might lose the chance to have kids if I move on as I don't want to have kid after passing 50 yo. Don't want to be the grandpa/dad, even though I know that I can be one of the best dad. I know that I must move on, as the trust has been lost.  But, I ask myself, can the trust be regained? 

I always had the chance to access her facebook acct in the past 2 years as she always have the password saved on my laptop, but I never felt the need until the recent New Year trip to Moscow as I noticed suspicious behavior. I did have some trust issues 2 years ago, so she gave me her Facebook credentials also.

She has now admitted to cheating and blamed the distance and not having anyone to talk to during stressful time, as we have a 13 hour time difference and we are both working. I had plenty of chances to have other women, but I always right thing. I just turned 48 and I have never cheated on a significant other and plan to keep it that way.

 

I have the choice to move on or give her a chance, but I'm so confused and feeling pretty pathetic right now.

1) Move On:

* I must notify 30+ friends with confirmed flights to Thailand. 

* Fear of not having kids.

* Not sure if I will find a companion to have kids with, within a year.

* A lot of money has been vested into this relationship

* Have to divorce, before ever having to cohabitate with the wife

 

2) Give her a chance:

* Start working on having kids this year.

* Will take time to earn my trust.

* Relationship will be rocky for a while, at least until she gives me the gift of a child as the love for a child will change all mindsets.

[amykat]

On 1/3/2019 at 9:08 PM, Rugon said:

If you can't read what is written, why bother posting? Not just you, but all the others.

 

OP, it looks like your GF is not cheating but is concerned if you are and love her. However, it is a bit difficult to tell what is exactly going on.

Omg...why are  you lying??? If you CAN read these texts it is clear that his fiancée is involved with another man on the side. That she had been cheating and intends to keep cheating.  She claims to love the Thai man and NOT the foreign man.

 

I was expecting some Thais to lie about what this says!!!  Is that you, faithful to your fellows???  Get all the money to your side no matter what right???  Screw all foreigners.  Why don’t you go to Thai website if you hate us...oh doing research???

[amykat]

Mike,

 

Do you realize what a nightmare your life can turn into when you have a child with someone who is not right for you, who also has totally different cultural background, raises children in a different style that you find abhorrent probably, who may very well run away with your child to Thailand later???  Or will divorce you and then run from man to man with your child and you can’t control what kind of idiots your child is around.  This woman is selling herself to you for money.  She will sell herself later to other men.  She will run through the money like a young child no matter how much she gets, most likely.  She has not shown you WHO she is yet because she has no power in the relationship yet.  They save that for when they do ...then you start to see who they are.  

 

They usually revert to treating you like shit.  Why ...well you are not her savior, you are a job that she didn’t like.  She will not be fair and sweet like you are being to her, generous and kind.  No, not at all!!! 

 

You need to wake yourself up and go read the threads where men had their children kidnapped and follow the thread for the entire 3 to 6 years and see how it went.  There are several on here ...since you don’t know any people personally.

 

 I can’t warn you strongly enough away from what and how you are thinking right now.  Someone needs to kidnap you for awhile to keep you safe from yourself until this passes.  I’m so sorry all this happened but you are lucky to know now ...good thing you warned yourself and read these texts.  You want to save yourself down deep so please do that!! 

[rumak]

1 hour ago, mikehongpark said:

I have the choice to move on or give her a chance, but I'm so confused and feeling pretty pathetic right now

well, this post  is a doozyyyy.   should definitely rekindle this dying thread.  Have at it boys   

[BritManToo]

5 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

I might lose the chance to have kids if I move on as I don't want to have kid after passing 50 yo.

Had my last kid when I was 55, he's 7 now, I don't have a problem with that and the Thais don't either.

If you decide that sharing is OK, don't forget to DNA test the kids.

 

You do understand the Thai religious ceremony has no legal validity, without the paperwork at the Amphur office, you aren't married.

Edited January 5, 2019 by BritManToo

[mikehongpark]

5 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Had my last kid when I was 55, he's 7 now, I don't have a problem with that and the Thais don't either.

If you decide that sharing is OK, don't forget to DNA test the kids.

Thanks Brit. Maybe kids after 50 won't be too bad. I put a timeline at 50 for having kids since that will make me 66 yo when they are 16.

[bannork]

23 hours ago, BritManToo said:

My Thai pal is 60, just retired from schoolteaching, his girlfriend was 23.

You say she was 23. The question is, how old is she now?

[Carib]

Pfffffffffttt

 

[Seligne2]

Troll.

[Wake Up]

On 1/4/2019 at 8:17 AM, FolkGuitar said:

To be fair, you should tell her that you are sneaking into her private affairs, spying on her. She should know what sort of person YOU are before she marries you. Even if her conversation is on the up and up, YOUR behavior is NOT! Think about THAT for a moment.

 

If you don't trust her completely, do not marry her.  It is that simple. Marital relationships are built on a foundation of trust. You'll have no foundation what so ever. Every time her phone rings, you will assume it's her lover calling her. Every time she is even a little late coming home, you will assume she's had some clandestine affair. You will second guess her every action, always wondering about ulterior motives. Your life will be complete sh!t.

Have you ever heard of trust but verify?. OP is actly smartly before he marries. His life will not be a complete shit if he married the right woman but if he married the wrong one than his life will be shit especially if he had the chance to verify his suspicions before marriage and failed to do so. 

[Wake Up]

6 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

Thank you all for the support, advice, and encouragement. What I failed to mention is that we are already married (in Thailand) and have been for 10+ months, in order to get the green card paperwork started. We met in Myrtle Beach during my vacation and during her work/study travel. Had a small ceremony with just her side in Feb 2018. The wedding reception next month is the 2nd reception joined by my family and friends from America. I stated that I've vested $100K+ in the 3.5 years of our relationship, but I'm forgetting about the Sin Sod, 5 x 24K gold chains for her family, and the wedding costs last year so I'm looking at close to $150K. Yes, I was stupid and flashed my money on my 1st visit to meet her in Asia 3 years ago, and took her to 4 different countries and gave her a few gifts. Stupid as stupid goes, and lesson learned.

The 2nd wedding reception is scheduled for next month and we were planning to have babies once her green card/visa is approved. Ironically, the National Visa Center just sent an approval email to proceed right after this Post. I am 48 and she is 26 and I really want to have kids and feel that I might lose the chance to have kids if I move on as I don't want to have kid after passing 50 yo. Don't want to be the grandpa/dad, even though I know that I can be one of the best dad. I know that I must move on, as the trust has been lost.  But, I ask myself, can the trust be regained? 

I always had the chance to access her facebook acct in the past 2 years as she always have the password saved on my laptop, but I never felt the need until the recent New Year trip to Moscow as I noticed suspicious behavior. I did have some trust issues 2 years ago, so she gave me her Facebook credentials also.

She has now admitted to cheating and blamed the distance and not having anyone to talk to during stressful time, as we have a 13 hour time difference and we are both working. I had plenty of chances to have other women, but I always right thing. I just turned 48 and I have never cheated on a significant other and plan to keep it that way.

 

I have the choice to move on or give her a chance, but I'm so confused and feeling pretty pathetic right now.

1) Move On:

* I must notify 30+ friends with confirmed flights to Thailand. 

* Fear of not having kids.

* Not sure if I will find a companion to have kids with, within a year.

* A lot of money has been vested into this relationship

* Have to divorce, before ever having to cohabitate with the wife

 

2) Give her a chance:

* Start working on having kids this year.

* Will take time to earn my trust.

* Relationship will be rocky for a while, at least until she gives me the gift of a child as the love for a child will change all mindsets.

Read some books about life, marriage and kids. Adults wanting kids think kids will fix everything they are missing in life. That will not happen and it is not fair to the kids to have your burden of needing to be a good dad to feel good about yourself.  Get yourself some counseling and don’t marry and don’t have kids until you care and love yourself. You can always have a kid and you can always get married there is no rush. 

Edited January 6, 2019 by Wake Up

[Wake Up]

6 hours ago, amykat said:

Mike,

 

Do you realize what a nightmare your life can turn into when you have a child with someone who is not right for you, who also has totally different cultural background, raises children in a different style that you find abhorrent probably, who may very well run away with your child to Thailand later???  Or will divorce you and then run from man to man with your child and you can’t control what kind of idiots your child is around.  This woman is selling herself to you for money.  She will sell herself later to other men.  She will run through the money like a young child no matter how much she gets, most likely.  She has not shown you WHO she is yet because she has no power in the relationship yet.  They save that for when they do ...then you start to see who they are.  

 

They usually revert to treating you like shit.  Why ...well you are not her savior, you are a job that she didn’t like.  She will not be fair and sweet like you are being to her, generous and kind.  No, not at all!!! 

 

You need to wake yourself up and go read the threads where men had their children kidnapped and follow the thread for the entire 3 to 6 years and see how it went.  There are several on here ...since you don’t know any people personally.

 

 I can’t warn you strongly enough away from what and how you are thinking right now.  Someone needs to kidnap you for awhile to keep you safe from yourself until this passes.  I’m so sorry all this happened but you are lucky to know now ...good thing you warned yourself and read these texts.  You want to save yourself down deep so please do that!! 

Really really good advice. Read this over and over and someday you will realize you are lucky to have the chance to get out without a lot of emotional and financial harm. 

[FolkGuitar]

1 hour ago, Wake Up said:

Have you ever heard of trust but verify?. OP is actly smartly before he marries. His life will not be a complete shit if he married the right woman but if he married the wrong one than his life will be shit especially if he had the chance to verify his suspicions before marriage and failed to do so. 

 

I've heard of 'trust but verify,' and in business dealings is a wise policy.

But marriage is not always a business deal.

If you think you need to 'trust but verify' the actions of your spouse, perhaps you are not married to the right person, unless, of course, your marriage IS one of a 'business contract' nature; i.e. I provide you with money, and you provide me with cooking, cleaning and other household duties including bearing children.

If one is so sad and lonely as to need that sort of 'marriage,' then yes, being paranoid is just another negative emotion that you bring can to the table to sublimate the lack of love and trust in the relationship. It would be wise to keep the phone number of a good private investigator on speed dial, as you will need those services often.

[BritManToo]

19 minutes ago, FolkGuitar said:

But marriage is not always a business deal.

For her it always is a business deal.

And her part of the deal isn't cooking, cleaning and other household duties, it's sex.

The moment she feels she isn't getting paid enough, the sex stops (with you anyway).

Edited January 6, 2019 by BritManToo

[FolkGuitar]

13 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

For her it always is a business deal.

And her part of the deal isn't cooking, cleaning and other household duties, it's sex.

The moment she feels she isn't getting paid enough, the sex stops (with you anyway).

 

Frankly, no one I even know married to Thai spouses are in that position. Even the ones that have gone financially broke over the years are still married to non-cheating spouses. 15, 20, 30 years. Happily married, with no worries needing to spy on their spouses.  I've read about it, for sure. A time or two here on ThaiVisa, and usually with women they originally met as bar girls. They were foolish from the start. But oddly enough, have never encountered it in real life.

 

From your cynicism, it sounds as if you married the wrong one. Sorry 'bout that.

[Hummin]

3 minutes ago, FolkGuitar said:

 

Frankly, no one I even know married to Thai spouses are in that position. Even the ones that have gone financially broke over the years are still married to non-cheating spouses. 15, 20, 30 years. Happily married, with no worries needing to spy on their spouses.  I've read about it, for sure. A time or two here on ThaiVisa, and usually with women they originally met as bar girls. They were foolish from the start. But oddly enough, have never encountered it in real life.

 

From your cynicism, it sounds as if you married the wrong one. Sorry 'bout that.

All the bar girls and prostitutes alone, do not make the infidelity % to be 59% among the women, as the durex survey shows. 

 

just think about it

 

edit note, and the last to know,,,,,,,

Edited January 6, 2019 by Hummin

[bannork]

12 minutes ago, Hummin said:

All the bar girls and prostitutes alone, do not make the infidelity % to be 59% among the women, as the durex survey shows. 

 

just think about it

 

edit note, and the last to know,,,,,,,

And a durex survey is reliable?

[BritManToo]

19 minutes ago, FolkGuitar said:

 

Frankly, no one I even know married to Thai spouses are in that position. Even the ones that have gone financially broke over the years are still married to non-cheating spouses. 15, 20, 30 years. Happily married, with no worries needing to spy on their spouses.  I've read about it, for sure. A time or two here on ThaiVisa, and usually with women they originally met as bar girls. They were foolish from the start. But oddly enough, have never encountered it in real life.

 

From your cynicism, it sounds as if you married the wrong one. Sorry 'bout that.

From your age I guess you've confused the words 'wife' and 'nurse'.

Edited January 6, 2019 by BritManToo

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, bannork said:

And a durex survey is reliable?

Well, when Danmark is second, I think thats is quite accurate, but to be honest, I thought Sweeden should score higher as wll, at least before Norway. A shame it is.

 

why do you think Thailand is not one of the top countries among Ghana? 

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, bannork said:

And a durex survey is reliable?

I've always trusted Durex.

[Mavideol]

10 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

Thank you all for the support, advice, and encouragement. What I failed to mention is that we are already married (in Thailand) and have been for 10+ months, in order to get the green card paperwork started. We met in Myrtle Beach during my vacation and during her work/study travel. Had a small ceremony with just her side in Feb 2018. The wedding reception next month is the 2nd reception joined by my family and friends from America. I stated that I've vested $100K+ in the 3.5 years of our relationship, but I'm forgetting about the Sin Sod, 5 x 24K gold chains for her family, and the wedding costs last year so I'm looking at close to $150K. Yes, I was stupid and flashed my money on my 1st visit to meet her in Asia 3 years ago, and took her to 4 different countries and gave her a few gifts. Stupid as stupid goes, and lesson learned.

The 2nd wedding reception is scheduled for next month and we were planning to have babies once her green card/visa is approved. Ironically, the National Visa Center just sent an approval email to proceed right after this Post. I am 48 and she is 26 and I really want to have kids and feel that I might lose the chance to have kids if I move on as I don't want to have kid after passing 50 yo. Don't want to be the grandpa/dad, even though I know that I can be one of the best dad. I know that I must move on, as the trust has been lost.  But, I ask myself, can the trust be regained? 

I always had the chance to access her facebook acct in the past 2 years as she always have the password saved on my laptop, but I never felt the need until the recent New Year trip to Moscow as I noticed suspicious behavior. I did have some trust issues 2 years ago, so she gave me her Facebook credentials also.

She has now admitted to cheating and blamed the distance and not having anyone to talk to during stressful time, as we have a 13 hour time difference and we are both working. I had plenty of chances to have other women, but I always right thing. I just turned 48 and I have never cheated on a significant other and plan to keep it that way.

 

I have the choice to move on or give her a chance, but I'm so confused and feeling pretty pathetic right now.

1) Move On:

* I must notify 30+ friends with confirmed flights to Thailand. 

* Fear of not having kids.

* Not sure if I will find a companion to have kids with, within a year.

* A lot of money has been vested into this relationship

* Have to divorce, before ever having to cohabitate with the wife

 

2) Give her a chance:

* Start working on having kids this year.

* Will take time to earn my trust.

* Relationship will be rocky for a while, at least until she gives me the gift of a child as the love for a child will change all mindsets.

so you were not truthfully with the original post, why?

[bannork]

46 minutes ago, Mavideol said:

so you were not truthfully with the original post, why?

Because the whole thing is the work of a troll. Nobody could be this stupid.

[FolkGuitar]

3 hours ago, Hummin said:

All the bar girls and prostitutes alone, do not make the infidelity % to be 59% among the women, as the durex survey shows.

 

Perhaps this is why most countries don't rely upon Durex to do their important polls and surveys.

 

3 hours ago, BritManToo said:

From your age I guess you've confused the words 'wife' and 'nurse'.

 

Actually, when required, my wife will nurse me back to health.

Of course, when required, I will nurse my wife back to health.

Our relationships is based on mutual trust and love, so we both will do what ever is needed to insure the successful continuation of our marriage. It's been 23 years so far, and there never has been any trust issues. She has my passwords, I have hers. We both have access to each other's bank accounts. Trust and love.  It's a very workable and comfortable combination.