19 hours ago, sweatalot said:

I have been working with a lot of dying humans - they all knew.

It is not simply telling the truth or lying - there is a third way: withholding the truth until it is requested, and there is a difference between offering a fatal truth - or force it on someone

Patients sometimes are not ready to hear the truth. And you don't know. Then it could be a good idea to start slowly, giving them a piece of truth that would make them ask for more or just the full truth. If they don't ask I'd leave it this way. May be next time they will be ready. I don't think it is a good idea to force the truth on someone who does not want to know. But always be ready to tell the truth when it is wanted. If you want to find out you could start with a question "what do you think how your ailment will go on?" 

Experience talking.

22 hours ago, sweatalot said:

I have been working with a lot of dying humans - they all knew.

It is not simply telling the truth or lying - there is a third way: withholding the truth until it is requested, and there is a difference between offering a fatal truth - or force it on someone

Patients sometimes are not ready to hear the truth. And you don't know. Then it could be a good idea to start slowly, giving them a piece of truth that would make them ask for more or just the full truth. If they don't ask I'd leave it this way. May be next time they will be ready. I don't think it is a good idea to force the truth on someone who does not want to know. But always be ready to tell the truth when it is wanted. If you want to find out you could start with a question "what do you think how your ailment will go on?" 

Or maybe they won't be "ready to hear the truth" until suddenly they're at the pearly gates and are wondering W T F* happened...  A doctor can "force the truth" on someone, or reality can do it.  This isn't like not telling your friend their spouse is cheating because they'd rather turn a blind eye and it can go on forever... with terminal illnesses, eventually the truth is going to rear its ugly head; the question is just whether you're going to spend the rest of your time in denial and tiptoeing around the issue and leave a lot of unfinished business behind, or be honest with yourself and your family/friends, accept their support, spend as much quality time with them as you can, and get your affairs in order as much as you can.

 

*(oh hi TV, we talk about prostitution and racism here and get in all sorts of nasty arguments, but I can't type "W T F" without it being deleted like we're a kindergarten?  Give me a break.)

 

 

I was not amused near the end for my mom when it seems a few medical people told ME what was going on and not my mom.  I suppose maybe they thought it might be easier for her to hear from me?  Wasn't easier for me to deliver, though...  And yes, I know, a mature person should be able to do it, but, still.  They're the doctor.  That was up there with a supervisor I used to have who, whenever he needed to tell me I screwed up, would get one of my coworkers to do it... guess he thought I might take it easier coming from "not an authority figure" but in reality it just pissed me off that he both wouldn't do his job *and* got coworkers involved in things that weren't their business (and shouldn't have to be *their* job).

At 78, I think I could easily handle the "you gonna die", I've heard "you should die" from several women

over the years, it would be nice to send them a note "Your wish is coming true".

39 minutes ago, oldrunner said:

At 78, I think I could easily handle the "you gonna die", I've heard "you should die" from several women

over the years, it would be nice to send them a note "Your wish is coming true".

????

It's obviously not a 24/7 thought, dying that is, but it sometimes get's into my head.

Mostly I deal with it, when it does, by falling back on my heart and kidney problems.

It stems from the fact that I'm generally heart lazy and mostly I kidney be bothered.

????

I just take it that tomorrow is promised to no-one.

22 hours ago, blazes said:

 

 

Yes, well put.  The thing is, every single person in the world (and on this thread!) is a dying human being.  As Shakespeare put it: "we are born astride the grave".

The problem is that, especially in the West, we somehow expect to be immortal.  Only the other guy, down the street, has to die.  And if some doctor tells me I have X months to live, I  will "battle" this horrible enemy called Death (Cancer whatever).

This notion of "battling" Death is what makes us miserable (and allows the pharmaceutical companies (not to mention the Naturopaths and all such quacks)  to make millions from our fear of Death.

As Shakespeare put it: "we are born astride the grave".

I think the correct line is not attributable to Shakespeare but Samuel Beckett

“They give birth astride of a grave, the light gleams an instant, then it's night once more.”

(Pozzo, Waiting for Godot)

3 hours ago, oldrunner said:

At 78, I think I could easily handle the "you gonna die", I've heard "you should die" from several women

over the years, it would be nice to send them a note "Your wish is coming true".

I got the, "you are going to die alone" shtick a lot when I dated bar girls.  Now my wife says, "don't you dare give up, who walk the dogs?"

I would prefer that doctors are telling the truths...but keep in mind that different doctors will have different opinions. happen to me and some of my friends (two off them could be safe with my help and money); myself was diagnosed twice wrongly and but on the degeneration road...and here I am turning 70.

Doctors can't cured chronic disease. Doctors are totally useless in this. 

 

Based on my learning, cancer can be cured and many had reversed their cancer. 

 

Why don't the doctor tell her that she has totally no idea how to heal cancer based on their mainstream medical education on drugs. And trained to be a drug pusher by pharmaceutical industry. 

15 hours ago, ratcatcher said:

As Shakespeare put it: "we are born astride the grave".

I think the correct line is not attributable to Shakespeare but Samuel Beckett

“They give birth astride of a grave, the light gleams an instant, then it's night once more.”

(Pozzo, Waiting for Godot)

Thank you for reminding me of this mis-attribution.  I had a senior moment and was probably thinking of the brilliant line that Prince Hal (rather cruelly) arrows towards the very fat Falstaff when he says, "The grave doth gape for thee thrice wider than for other men."