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Thai Custom Re: Financial Expectations


Tilokarat

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:o Hi! I (a farang from Canada) have a Thai girlfriend in Udon Thani who I have been sending money to on a monthly basis. She is quite satisfied with this arrangement, but her very wealthy sister in Washington, D.C. expects that I should be paying for all of my girlfriend's expenses such as a new car, a new motorcycle, an airconditioner and so on. The sister has explained that it is the Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay all expenses for the girlfriend prior to marriage. By the way, this will be the second marriage for my girlfriend, and she has one son. Is the sister correct? Is it a Thai custom for a boyfriend to pay everything before marriage to his girlfriend? The sister in Washington, D.C. thinks that I should be sending around 40,000 baht a month, which seems rather steep.

This custom, if true, is news to me. From my experience, most of the Thai men who married had little money, and poor jobs and the Thai girlfriends did not expect the man to pay all expenses. And the farangs that I know who have become engaged to Thai women do not pay everything for their Thai fiancees. So far, I am resisting the pressure to send more money than I already am on the basis that my girlfriend and her son do not become my full responsibility until we are married. Consequently, the sister in Washington is advising my girlfriend to 'finish with this Canadian'!

I would appreciate any comments and advice that anyone can provide.

Thank you.

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:o Hi! I (a farang from Canada) have a Thai girlfriend in Udon Thani who I have been sending money to on a monthly basis. She is quite satisfied with this arrangement, but her very wealthy sister in Washington, D.C. expects that I should be paying for all of my girlfriend's expenses such as a new car, a new motorcycle, an airconditioner and so on. The sister has explained that it is the Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay all expenses for the girlfriend prior to marriage. By the way, this will be the second marriage for my girlfriend, and she has one son. Is the sister correct? Is it a Thai custom for a boyfriend to pay everything before marriage to his girlfriend? The sister in Washington, D.C. thinks that I should be sending around 40,000 baht a month, which seems rather steep.

This custom, if true, is news to me. From my experience, most of the Thai men who married had little money, and poor jobs and the Thai girlfriends did not expect the man to pay all expenses. And the farangs that I know who have become engaged to Thai women do not pay everything for their Thai fiancees. So far, I am resisting the pressure to send more money than I already am on the basis that my girlfriend and her son do not become my full responsibility until we are married. Consequently, the sister in Washington is advising my girlfriend to 'finish with this Canadian'!

I would appreciate any comments and advice that anyone can provide.

Thank you.

Sounds like you have been letting yourself get screwed to much. Right now your in Canada screwing yourself probably. Why pay anything for that? Thailand is awash with beautiful single moms that will love you. Pick one without a sister like this. How was this woman staying alive before you started feeling sorry for her? They want your money, not you. I think you should stop sending money now. The stoeck market just went down and you have money problems now. Tell her you still love her and see is she says the same. You need to read more about Thai/Farang family dynamics etc. before getting involved to the point of marriage. Let this one go, feel the pain and move on. 40k a month will pay the rent on several decent houses! Don't be a chump any longer. Take a weekind at Whistler and think about how humid and hot it is in LOS now.Think about poisoness snakes and noisy neighbors and no legal rights and visa hassles and endless bloodsucking. Do you really need to feel like a third-world superhero? If you do, gor for it! Great place to visit though.

-GL-

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:o Hi! I (a farang from Canada) have a Thai girlfriend in Udon Thani who I have been sending money to on a monthly basis. She is quite satisfied with this arrangement, but her very wealthy sister in Washington, D.C. expects that I should be paying for all of my girlfriend's expenses such as a new car, a new motorcycle, an airconditioner and so on. The sister has explained that it is the Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay all expenses for the girlfriend prior to marriage. By the way, this will be the second marriage for my girlfriend, and she has one son. Is the sister correct? Is it a Thai custom for a boyfriend to pay everything before marriage to his girlfriend? The sister in Washington, D.C. thinks that I should be sending around 40,000 baht a month, which seems rather steep.

This custom, if true, is news to me. From my experience, most of the Thai men who married had little money, and poor jobs and the Thai girlfriends did not expect the man to pay all expenses. And the farangs that I know who have become engaged to Thai women do not pay everything for their Thai fiancees. So far, I am resisting the pressure to send more money than I already am on the basis that my girlfriend and her son do not become my full responsibility until we are married. Consequently, the sister in Washington is advising my girlfriend to 'finish with this Canadian'!

I would appreciate any comments and advice that anyone can provide.

Thank you.

Sounds like you have been letting yourself get screwed to much. Right now your in Canada screwing yourself probably. Why pay anything for that? Thailand is awash with beautiful single moms that will love you. Pick one without a sister like this. How was this woman staying alive before you started feeling sorry for her? They want your money, not you. I think you should stop sending money now. The stoeck market just went down and you have money problems now. Tell her you still love her and see is she says the same. You need to read more about Thai/Farang family dynamics etc. before getting involved to the point of marriage. Let this one go, feel the pain and move on. 40k a month will pay the rent on several decent houses! Don't be a chump any longer. Take a weekind at Whistler and think about how humid and hot it is in LOS now.Think about poisoness snakes and noisy neighbors and no legal rights and visa hassles and endless bloodsucking. Do you really need to feel like a third-world superhero? If you do, gor for it! Great place to visit though.

-GL-

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Well the sister is keeping with the local tradition as concerned to farang relationships.

I would almost adventure to say before you come onto the scene, the child stayed with the grandparents and the girl worked in a toursit area.

She is stinking rich at 40K baht a month and few jobs pay that in the area she lives in and is

probably in the top 2% of income for the area.

Her sister should not be in your business and hope you can handle more of it to come in the future.

You are providing for new house and what not for the family at 40K. Air-Con equals maybe 2K baht a month which most likely will be the first one in the family. New car, are you nuts, what is wrong with taxi at 20 baht maybe 30 with higher fuel cost now days. What did they have before the cash cow,

you.

Money, Family and Farang is somewhere down the line of importance, hope you can deal with it.

The sister is trying to lower the amount she sends back to the family. Thai men would hardley accept

a girl with another mans child and if so the girl would be paying the expenses 90% of the time.

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How much does the wealthy sister send back to Thailand for the family a month?

Knowing this may help you understand where she is coming from.

I have been told that the wealthy sister in Washington sends 30,000 baht per month, mostly to pay for private schooling for the son of my girlfriend. In addition, the wealthy sister rents a house in Udon Thani to an Australian that brings in another 8,000 baht a month. To this point, I have been sending 10,000 baht a month.

I just wonder if it is the Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay everything for his girlfriend before they marry. This is the first time I have heard of this.

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faranggi, I think you are over-reacting. The OP has stated that his girlfriend/fiancee is 'quite satisfied with the arrangement' - in other words she is not greedy. At least for now. His girlfriend/fiancee is happy that she has found a farang future husband.

If the OP is also happy with the current arrangement it should stand.

If the OP's girlfriend/fiancee starts to listen to her sister and believe her and starts to demand more - then it could be time to cut the strings.

It is human nature to like more - heck!, I would like more money in my pay packet each week - but I know what I am worth - and I know what my boss is able to pay me. I know that if I push the wrong buttons, I will be out of a job.

It sounds like the girlfriend's sister wants what's best for sister - with the expectation that some of it will come her way too.

I would say keep things happenening as they are now. Explain to your girlfriend that you could possibly could send more money - but that would mean that no trip to Thailand from you, no marriage and no visa for her to ever live with you in Canada - and longterm - no more boyfriend/husband-to-be.

Peter

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Just a point of comparison, as that seems to be what Tilokarat is looking for. My lady is also from Udon. We've been living together for a year and I've been giving her 20K per month to support her family. She's got two teenage sons both in school as well as mom and dad who are dirt farmers. She never asks me for more and still has cash to buy things for our house and me. I consider myself lucky.

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:o Hi! I (a farang from Canada) have a Thai girlfriend in Udon Thani who I have been sending money to on a monthly basis. She is quite satisfied with this arrangement, but her very wealthy sister in Washington, D.C. expects that I should be paying for all of my girlfriend's expenses such as a new car, a new motorcycle, an airconditioner and so on. The sister has explained that it is the Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay all expenses for the girlfriend prior to marriage. By the way, this will be the second marriage for my girlfriend, and she has one son. Is the sister correct? Is it a Thai custom for a boyfriend to pay everything before marriage to his girlfriend? The sister in Washington, D.C. thinks that I should be sending around 40,000 baht a month, which seems rather steep.

This custom, if true, is news to me. From my experience, most of the Thai men who married had little money, and poor jobs and the Thai girlfriends did not expect the man to pay all expenses. And the farangs that I know who have become engaged to Thai women do not pay everything for their Thai fiancees. So far, I am resisting the pressure to send more money than I already am on the basis that my girlfriend and her son do not become my full responsibility until we are married. Consequently, the sister in Washington is advising my girlfriend to 'finish with this Canadian'!

I would appreciate any comments and advice that anyone can provide.

Thank you.

Sounds like you have been letting yourself get screwed to much. Right now your in Canada screwing yourself probably. Why pay anything for that? Thailand is awash with beautiful single moms that will love you. Pick one without a sister like this. How was this woman staying alive before you started feeling sorry for her? They want your money, not you. I think you should stop sending money now. The stoeck market just went down and you have money problems now. Tell her you still love her and see is she says the same. You need to read more about Thai/Farang family dynamics etc. before getting involved to the point of marriage. Let this one go, feel the pain and move on. 40k a month will pay the rent on several decent houses! Don't be a chump any longer. Take a weekind at Whistler and think about how humid and hot it is in LOS now.Think about poisoness snakes and noisy neighbors and no legal rights and visa hassles and endless bloodsucking. Do you really need to feel like a third-world superhero? If you do, gor for it! Great place to visit though.

-GL-

My girlfriend is not like that, although the sister may be. The sister is saying that if my girlfriend marries me, she will be cut off from the sister's help in the future. She wants, of course, a comfortable life, and she can certainly have one with the sister's help. She has told me that she does not need my money for anything, but the sister insists that I pay for all expenses otherwise, she should dump me. My girlfriend has said she is not sure if she will marry me owing to the pressure from her sister.

My girlfriend does not work with tourists at all. She grooms, trains and shows dogs for competition around Thailand.

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Well the sister is keeping with the local tradition as concerned to farang relationships.

I would almost adventure to say before you come onto the scene, the child stayed with the grandparents and the girl worked in a toursit area.

She is stinking rich at 40K baht a month and few jobs pay that in the area she lives in and is

probably in the top 2% of income for the area.

Her sister should not be in your business and hope you can handle more of it to come in the future.

You are providing for new house and what not for the family at 40K. Air-Con equals maybe 2K baht a month which most likely will be the first one in the family. New car, are you nuts, what is wrong with taxi at 20 baht maybe 30 with higher fuel cost now days. What did they have before the cash cow,

you.

Money, Family and Farang is somewhere down the line of importance, hope you can deal with it.

The sister is trying to lower the amount she sends back to the family. Thai men would hardley accept

a girl with another mans child and if so the girl would be paying the expenses 90% of the time.

Hi! Thanks for the comments. My girlfriend has got a Honda Jazz. Apparently, she is going to upgrade it to racing ability. I do not know how well this car will perform as a racing car. She will then enter it in a race of some kind. The kicker is that she will be driving the thing! She is an excellent driver, and can handle the big trucks that ply the highways, but this is going to be on a racing track at high speeds, not on the highway or in Udon. Why is she going to do this? To earn more money so she does not have to rely on the sister in Washington.

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you need to post in the Udon Thani section and find out what other farangs think is normal for the area.

Unless the kid is in a international school in BKK or tourist area 30K baht a month should be

5K baht. I would assume this to be straight out lie and disrespect to you.

20K baht is alot for that area and especially someone else child involved. How much does the father

pay, Mr. ATM that you are.

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faranggi, I think you are over-reacting. The OP has stated that his girlfriend/fiancee is 'quite satisfied with the arrangement' - in other words she is not greedy. At least for now. His girlfriend/fiancee is happy that she has found a farang future husband.

If the OP is also happy with the current arrangement it should stand.

If the OP's girlfriend/fiancee starts to listen to her sister and believe her and starts to demand more - then it could be time to cut the strings.

It is human nature to like more - heck!, I would like more money in my pay packet each week - but I know what I am worth - and I know what my boss is able to pay me. I know that if I push the wrong buttons, I will be out of a job.

It sounds like the girlfriend's sister wants what's best for sister - with the expectation that some of it will come her way too.

I would say keep things happenening as they are now. Explain to your girlfriend that you could possibly could send more money - but that would mean that no trip to Thailand from you, no marriage and no visa for her to ever live with you in Canada - and longterm - no more boyfriend/husband-to-be.

Peter

Thanks for your comments Peter. I do not mind paying all of the realistic expenses for my girlfriend and her son once we are married, but now we are just engaged. I can see the concern of the sister in Washington too. Since my girlfriend's parents died quite awhile ago, this sister has acted like a mother to my girlfriend and like a grandmother to the boy (12 years old). The sister wants the best for her sister and nephew. This is understandable. And she has lots of money because her husband makes $30,000/month. But, I do not like her interfering and demanding that I pay all expenses before we are married, or threaten to cut ties with my girlfriend. She probably would not do this because she loves my girlfriend's son. This sister has also offered to find a rich farang husband for my girlfriend in Washington, but to this point she prefers the poorer Canadian version for a husband.

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Whoa you are not making this stuff up are you.

Come-on get real.

I need to get some sleep I think my eyes are failing me this early in the morn.

No, all of this is true. My eyes have been failing me since Monday when I first heard about the sister's comments and analysis.

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your doing fine with the 10K and she is lucky to have someone as nice as you under the circumstances.

Please take your time and live together first before marriage if possible. If she is going to reside with you in the future then how they are living back there now is not that important.

Dear I need to save if we are to be together and from what you have said so far does not sound to be wise. I could say something objectively but will wait, but wish I was in your place for your sake.

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:o Hi! I (a farang from Canada) have a Thai girlfriend in Udon Thani who I have been sending money to on a monthly basis. She is quite satisfied with this arrangement, but her very wealthy sister in Washington, D.C. expects that I should be paying for all of my girlfriend's expenses such as a new car, a new motorcycle, an airconditioner and so on. The sister has explained that it is the Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay all expenses for the girlfriend prior to marriage. By the way, this will be the second marriage for my girlfriend, and she has one son. Is the sister correct? Is it a Thai custom for a boyfriend to pay everything before marriage to his girlfriend? The sister in Washington, D.C. thinks that I should be sending around 40,000 baht a month, which seems rather steep.

This custom, if true, is news to me. From my experience, most of the Thai men who married had little money, and poor jobs and the Thai girlfriends did not expect the man to pay all expenses. And the farangs that I know who have become engaged to Thai women do not pay everything for their Thai fiancees. So far, I am resisting the pressure to send more money than I already am on the basis that my girlfriend and her son do not become my full responsibility until we are married. Consequently, the sister in Washington is advising my girlfriend to 'finish with this Canadian'!

I would appreciate any comments and advice that anyone can provide.

Thank you.

1. The sister in Washington is:

a.) a sukhumvit scammer helping your girl draft emails too you.

b.) the thai boyfriend using the money you send to gamble on football or trick his motorbike up.

c.) a farang on the side having fun, knowing some dope is helping finance his girlfriend (yes, you probably not the only one or the last one).

quit sending money now, come to Thailand again (that's if you haven't visited already), there are lots of really lovely girls in LOS. Make it your aim to date a girl for 3 months before she asks for money in any way!! If you last this long, you might be onto someone repectable. Do not expect the dating game to be easy, it is more difficult to find a good partner in Thailand than you think, but saying that, good girls do come from all walks of life,, good luck, but get out of this one NOW!!

PS: No, it is not customary to pay anything before marriage, SCAM (20yrs living in Thaiand)

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How much does the wealthy sister send back to Thailand for the family a month?

Knowing this may help you understand where she is coming from.

I have been told that the wealthy sister in Washington sends 30,000 baht per month, mostly to pay for private schooling for the son of my girlfriend. In addition, the wealthy sister rents a house in Udon Thani to an Australian that brings in another 8,000 baht a month. To this point, I have been sending 10,000 baht a month.

I just wonder if it is the Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay everything for his girlfriend before they marry. This is the first time I have heard of this.

The custom... there is NO custom for the Thai boys to pay anything.. there could be a dowry, but dont go there with this gf, family,mob of crooks that give Thailand a bad name.....

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LOL, they never end. By the way do you know how many boyfriends she has sending her money. That way you can add up all the expenses and share them.

An interesting idea, but so far as I can tell, there are no other boyfriends. I hope there are not any more lurking about!!! She had to give her house paper to the bank to get a loan to pay the ex-husband so that she could have sole custody of her son. I will pay for that after we marry, about $7,000, so she can get her house back from the bank as sin sod. I have had that document translated into English, and have spoken to people in the bank, and have confirmed she is telling the truth.

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A fool and his money are soon parted. Walking ATM. Farang stupid. Ever hear any of these?

Yes, I have heard all of these. I hope you are wrong. And it may be me! On the other hand, she has said that if the marriage is off, when I go back in August, she will return the engagement ring, return money and so on. She keeps saying now she does not need my money since her sister is providing for her and her son. Of course, this is not what I heard when we were together in December.

The words to an old Elvis song might come back to haunt me too, 'Now and then, there's a fool such as I'!

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Hi! Thanks for the comments. My girlfriend has got a Honda Jazz. Apparently, she is going to upgrade it to racing ability. I do not know how well this car will perform as a racing car. She will then enter it in a race of some kind. The kicker is that she will be driving the thing! She is an excellent driver, and can handle the big trucks that ply the highways, but this is going to be on a racing track at high speeds, not on the highway or in Udon. Why is she going to do this? To earn more money so she does not have to rely on the sister in Washington.

Tilokarat,,, Thai girls with a child, living in Udon, do not race Honda Jazz's period. This is the boyfriends dream to be a Micheal Shuemaker... so, the question is, why would you help here boyfriend trick up a car for racing....... you need spend some money on a Private Investigator to save yourself...

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:o Hi! I (a farang from Canada) have a Thai girlfriend in Udon Thani who I have been sending money to on a monthly basis. She is quite satisfied with this arrangement, but her very wealthy sister in Washington, D.C. expects that I should be paying for all of my girlfriend's expenses such as a new car, a new motorcycle, an airconditioner and so on. The sister has explained that it is the Thai custom for the boyfriend to pay all expenses for the girlfriend prior to marriage. By the way, this will be the second marriage for my girlfriend, and she has one son. Is the sister correct? Is it a Thai custom for a boyfriend to pay everything before marriage to his girlfriend? The sister in Washington, D.C. thinks that I should be sending around 40,000 baht a month, which seems rather steep.

This custom, if true, is news to me. From my experience, most of the Thai men who married had little money, and poor jobs and the Thai girlfriends did not expect the man to pay all expenses. And the farangs that I know who have become engaged to Thai women do not pay everything for their Thai fiancees. So far, I am resisting the pressure to send more money than I already am on the basis that my girlfriend and her son do not become my full responsibility until we are married. Consequently, the sister in Washington is advising my girlfriend to 'finish with this Canadian'!

I would appreciate any comments and advice that anyone can provide.

Thank you.

1. The sister in Washington is:

a.) a sukhumvit scammer helping your girl draft emails too you.

b.) the thai boyfriend using the money you send to gamble on football or trick his motorbike up.

c.) a farang on the side having fun, knowing some dope is helping finance his girlfriend (yes, you probably not the only one or the last one).

quit sending money now, come to Thailand again (that's if you haven't visited already), there are lots of really lovely girls in LOS. Make it your aim to date a girl for 3 months before she asks for money in any way!! If you last this long, you might be onto someone repectable. Do not expect the dating game to be easy, it is more difficult to find a good partner in Thailand than you think, but saying that, good girls do come from all walks of life,, good luck, but get out of this one NOW!!

PS: No, it is not customary to pay anything before marriage, SCAM (20yrs living in Thaiand)

I will be back in Thailand in August, and I know there are many really nice and lovely girls. And thank you for answering the question, I did not think it was a Thai custom to pay anything before marriage.

Prior to me coming to Udon in December, someone did help draft her e-mails. Since that time she uses her son's computer to send me messages mostly in Thai. I have them translated by a Thai lady in Toronto. Most of what I have told you in this forum is from telephone conversations, but it is true that the sister in Washington could be telling her what to write to me in Thai.

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Hi! Thanks for the comments. My girlfriend has got a Honda Jazz. Apparently, she is going to upgrade it to racing ability. I do not know how well this car will perform as a racing car. She will then enter it in a race of some kind. The kicker is that she will be driving the thing! She is an excellent driver, and can handle the big trucks that ply the highways, but this is going to be on a racing track at high speeds, not on the highway or in Udon. Why is she going to do this? To earn more money so she does not have to rely on the sister in Washington.

Tilokarat,,, Thai girls with a child, living in Udon, do not race Honda Jazz's period. This is the boyfriends dream to be a Micheal Shuemaker... so, the question is, why would you help here boyfriend trick up a car for racing....... you need spend some money on a Private Investigator to save yourself...

True, but this lady is different. As far as I know she is one of only two people in Thailand who trains rotweilers for dog shows in Thailand, and the only woman in Issan who trains dogs. She works with German Shepards, Labrador retrievers, poodles and many other breeds. I have seen some of the trophies she has won, and her picture has appeared in dog magazines in Thailand. So I am not surprised by anything she does. She told me that when she appears at dog shows for the King's Cup, the trainers from Bangkok, will ask, who is this small woman, from Issan, with no-name, but it makes her supremely happy when she takes home the prize and they have nothing.

As for driving, I know from personal experience that she is an excellent driver. Furthermore, her father used to drive the heavy trucks on the road from Udon to Bangkok with military supplies for the Americans. She used to accompany her father, and recounted to me how difficult it was for her to understand how bandits would shoot at her father. She was young and would stand up and ask, 'what are you doing, why are you doing this to my father?'. Later, her father taught her Thai boxing, and yes, she is very adept at it.

At university in Chiang Mai, her parents died and she had to fend for herself by selling duck and chicken eggs. She and another woman were the only two females studying animal medicine. Then she joined the army for two years to pay her way through university.

Believe she fears no-one and nothing. She has a scar near her eye from a bullet wound when some guys were fighting in a restaurant. If she tells me she will race a car, I believe her. She warned me that the possibility of an accident is very real, and this, as you can imagine, worries me.

I am not saying you are wrong in your assessment, just that this is a very unique and amazing woman.

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What are the odds that she is being honest/legit,.. 10% ?

There is a long standing Thai tradition of scamming Farangs.

They consider us lowlifes, crass, stupid, rich, Barbarians, deserving to be fleeced.

These girls troll until a sucker comes along, then lie, lie, lie. No shame.

Chances are, she and her boyfriend are laughing their as*s off every time they go to the ATM.

Getting drunk, gambling and sleeping in till 2PM every day.

If they had an opportunity, they would take it all, leave you broke.

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What are the odds that she is being honest/legit,.. 10% ?

There is a long standing Thai tradition of scamming Farangs.

They consider us lowlifes, crass, stupid, rich, Barbarians, deserving to be fleeced.

These girls troll until a sucker comes along, then lie, lie, lie. No shame.

Chances are, she and her boyfriend are laughing their as*s off every time they go to the ATM.

Getting drunk, gambling and sleeping in till 2PM every day.

If they had an opportunity, they would take it all, leave you broke.

Yikes!!! This does not give one much confidence that our relationship is going to get anywhere. However, I do appreciate your warnings, and the advice everyone has given. Food for thought, as one might say. I hope you are wrong, but I have been warned.

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What are the odds that she is being honest/legit,.. 10% ?

There is a long standing Thai tradition of scamming Farangs.

They consider us lowlifes, crass, stupid, rich, Barbarians, deserving to be fleeced.

These girls troll until a sucker comes along, then lie, lie, lie. No shame.

Chances are, she and her boyfriend are laughing their as*s off every time they go to the ATM.

Getting drunk, gambling and sleeping in till 2PM every day.

If they had an opportunity, they would take it all, leave you broke.

You are right they will take all and leave you broke. All the walking ATM think theres is different.

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There sure are a lot of suckers (or trolls) in this thread. Think about it for a minute..is it acceptable to pay a girlfriend from your own country a monthly salary? Guess what..it's really not the norm in Thailand either unless it has to do with bleeding naive foreign men. I have paid exactly 0 baht except for the occasional dinner out or small gift to my girlfriend. It's not hard to filter out the money greedy skanks by refusing to be taken for a ride.

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