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Wtf Thai Boys

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So I met this Thai boy on Sunday, have eaten dinner with him every night since (but it's only Thursday) and I met his Mum on Monday and last night he took me for dinner with him, his dad and his dad's friend. What on earth is the deal with that? Is that normal?

He's acting very old school and everything he says and does is like he wants a serious relationship, which was not what I was originally after (though I am okay with it), but I'm not sure if he's just doing that because that's what he thinks he needs to do, or if that's what he really wants, and I have NO idea how to tell.

What the hel_l kind of mess have I got myself into? haha

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Watch out, Bellatrix, that is the same thing that happened to me.

Very romantic, old school, serious fast, kinda guy.

We celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary next August :o

  • Author

*runs for the hills* :o:D

hmm seems a bit fast to me... if he wants a serious relationship after a week maybe he has some issues?

wheres your romantic side girlx? maybe its love at first sight?

i say run with it. if it feels good, if he treats you right, then go for it. if youve met the folks, hes proving to you that he doesnt have anyone else (hopefully) so if you want to be with him, go for it.

lifes too short to go hunting for the bad points. concentrate on the good stuff and enjoy.

so if you want to be with him, go for it.

lifes too short to go hunting for the bad points. concentrate on the good stuff and enjoy.

Yup I agree with Donna!!

Edited by sbk
fixed quotes

My boyfriend was the same (except for the parents - his father was dead & he hated his mother; first time I met her was 100 days after the funeral ceremony at the temple!) & that was it until he died, three & a half years later. I'd only wanted a one-night-stand!

Agree with meme & Donna, though. Life is too short... Do what you want to & enjoy yourself! :o

My boyfriend was the same (except for the parents - his father was dead & he hated his mother; first time I met her was 100 days after the funeral ceremony at the temple!) & that was it until he died, three & a half years later. I'd only wanted a one-night-stand!

Agree with meme & Donna, though. Life is too short... Do what you want to & enjoy yourself! :o

hahah so funny NR, I only wanted a one night stand too!!! But he had other ideas!!

I met mom (his dad is dead) one month after we met, I didnt know this at the time but he says that he had to wait to make sure he was going to marry me (although he was saying the love word right away) before he brought me home to meet the number one women in his life. I guess he only needed a month to figure that out.. I needed a little more time than that!!

LOL my hubby was all set for marriage & kids within a month of us getting together (we were friends within the same group for 6months first though - he joined my circle) I took slightly longer. We moved in after 6months of dating & married a year later. been married 4 years this year & first child on the way. Met his mum after a year but we were living 1700kms away so wasn't so easy to visit.

As my nan says, you don't choose who to love, love chooses you!!! :o

He's showing you by his actions that he has serious feelings and intentions. And yes, Thai guys sometimes are very quick to decide that.

Now the question is..how do you feel about him? If there ius a possibility that you'll come to feel the same way, go for it.

If you're unsure, tell him so, honestly, and try to take it a bit slower until you've had a chance to sort out if he's someone you could be serious baout.

Coz he sure seems to be serious about you.......

Agree with Sheryl... and really think about not hurting his feelings because if you 'go along with it' and your heart is not in it... he's going to be VERY cut up. Thai guys take these things seriously

Uh ask him? :o

with sheryl and seonai on this one; met my now husband and within one month mom had sent a baht gold necklace for me, a thai suit and met me over the phone... hubby had decided i am the one. he called mom up to say we were a couple. i thought we were a couple as in 'dating/sleeping with the guy' type of couple. he meant 'she's my wife' kind of couple. i certainly didnt know what i was in for but here we are, a year and four months later, married and going for the visa thing. and i was warned that when thai men are serious, they are very very serious and if i was playing him , then he would take that very very seriously also (he said to a friend that he wouldve gone back to thailand to become a monk again).

bina

I definitely agree with the replies. My Thai BF is ages younger than I am; however after my first visit to Chiangmai, we kept in constant touch; when I returned he took me to visit his mother. Also present were his sister, older brother and even his 'real dad'. Where the heck he came from don't know cause his parents had been divorced for quite some time. He has asked me to marry him, but I am only recently separaated from my husband. If I am angry with him, he brings his mother to visit with me online on webcam. Thai guys are serious when they wnt you to meet and love their family. So I am expatting to Chiangmai in two months. Now he will have a 'second mom' :o

If you want a serious relationship, it appears tht you have one now. Treat him with kindness and do let him down very very gently if you must do so. Chok dee!

Thai-Ginny

glad to see an other female way older then her husband!!!

i'm still worrying about the pregnancy issue.... curiuos about that . hows it with u ginny?? (if u are my age that is _)

bina (44 +3 kids from previous)

bina, my husband and I chose not to have children (various reasons) and I still get the "Why don't you have kids, when are you going to have kids, whose going to take care of you when you get old, you should have kids" bs :o

Mother-in-law stopped a few years ago when my husband told her that if we had kids we'd move back to the US for their education. Stopped the nagging immediately.

For the rest of the large extended family, I just smile, shrug and tell them to ask my husband. his family, his problem :D

  • Author

I asked one of the Thai girls I work with, and she said he may have just introduced me to his family to show them that "look, I got a farang!".

Also, my other concern here is that he always holds my hand in public lately, which as I understand it is not the done thing, though I have seen younger couples in BKK doing it. What's the deal?

It is so nice to read some positive stories from the girls about Thai men. There's a lot of negative sentiments toward Thai men, but I rarely hear it from women who have had LTR's with them, or at least enough first-hand information to have a valid opinion.

Never had great experiences myself, but I've had too few of them to be relevant in helping advise someone else.

Thanks for sharing.

I asked one of the Thai girls I work with, and she said he may have just introduced me to his family to show them that "look, I got a farang!".

Also, my other concern here is that he always holds my hand in public lately, which as I understand it is not the done thing, though I have seen younger couples in BKK doing it. What's the deal?

sounds like it could be sour grapes, bella. My husband overheard two Thai girls talking to each other on the mainland once, after seeing us together "Well, I guess Thai girls aren't good enough for him". So, something to bear in mind, I guess :o

As for holding hands, it is ok in Bangkok and most certainly catching on with the younger crowd out in the rural areas too.

he may be holding your hand in public because he likes to....sure, its not the 'normal' thing to do, but that doesnt mean that they dont want to do it. maybe if he did that to a thai girl she would get all 'girly' on him and slap him away? maybe he just feels like it is the right thing to do?

dont think too much about all of this.

the only thing i would say to you - and i would say this about any man no matter what the nationality - if you have doubts, they usually pop up for a reason. trust your sixth sense. if you dont want this, get out now. if you do, then enjoy the ride. enjoy getting to know his culture and ways, and teach him yours at the same time.

give a little. take a little. blend it all in and you can have a wonderful package.

(i think ive had too much sugar today)

  • Author

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far :o

I don't know him well enough to know if I want a serious relationship with him (or a serious relationship at all, frankly), so I suppose I will just try to get to know him and tell him to take it easy. I am only 23 and he is only 21, so hopefully I don't have to worry about too much!!

The language barrier (my Thai is really very average) and the cultural mysteries make it a bit hard to know what I should and shouldn't be doing, but I guess he's in the same boat too, though at least he's in his own country.

Do you girls generally interact with Thai bfs the way you would with Western ones, or do you try to do things Thai style? How much do you think we should be concerned about what's expected of us?

Edited by Bellatrix

Good question, and I think one should behave appropriately (without, obviously, compromising one's own integrity) in a new culture regardless of whether or not one has a local boyfriend or girlfriend.

That said, no, I am still me. A mellower me, but then hopefully some of that has to do with maturing and not just age :o

Any relationship requires some compromise on the part of both people, lets be honest, life requires some compromise. But don't ever compromise on those things that are key to your morals, integrity or personality.

If its going to work out, he will meet you halfway as well. If he doesn't and he expects you to do all the changing in order for the relationship to work then it won't work out, to either your benefit or your happiness or fulfillment.

100% agree sbk! If you're his first farang girlfriend, then you'll both come up against some things you're not used to, attitude wise or culturally, but as long as you're both willing to give & take, it's not a huge problem. As I've only had one Thai BF, I don't know whether it was culture, or just BF's personality, but he really was the sweetest, most caring, most tactile man I've ever been with & I loved those Thai "sniff-kisses". Really miss them... Good luck & have fun! :o

Regarding the age difference -and it is a huge one - it appears to work beneficially for both of us. I give him stability, security and true affection; in return he has given me a new outlook and perspective into the hearts of Thai people. Very rarely am I uncomforable when with him. and feel accepted by his friends and family. I had to explain to him that am too old to produce a baby. However down the road, we may consider adoption, as I truly do love all children. From my observation, the new Thai generation are eager to become more westernized. However a great amount of communication is necessary to make this relationship work. There are times when my bf clams up and times when he does not care to show affection in public. These times are very rare, so I try not to take it personally...mai pen rai...making it an issue is futile. Maintain a close relationship with his famiy; they will prove to be your best friends during times of trouble.

Do you girls generally interact with Thai bfs the way you would with Western ones, or do you try to do things Thai style? How much do you think we should be concerned about what's expected of us?

I'll address this in reverse order...

First of all, there is no clear definition of what is expected of you...except that you are not expected to behave exactly like a Thai. Different people have different assumptions about foreigners and many simply don't know what to expect. Don't worry about the "expectation" bit beyond taking care to communicate clearly and honestly with your BF. And feel free to ask what certain things mean in Thai culture. For example, you could express concern thatr meeting his family might lead them to assume marriage is in the offing and explain that in the West it wouldn't necessarily be so...

Secondly, it is by definition impossible to do things "Thai style" as you are not a Thai. In my experience the secret to good relationships between Thais and westerners (romantic and otherwise) is establishing a comfortable middle ground which is neither Thai nor western but that both of you can accept...and to communicate well and often and assume nothing.

This "middle ground" actually confers a great deal of freedom to negotiate a unique set of rules for yourselves that would be difficult/impossibkle if either of you were dating within your own cultures.

Remember that above all you are 2 distinct individual people, with your own individual needs and quirks. If being a very traditional Thai was of utmost importance to him you would not have chosen you...so it's safe to assume he has an independent streak and is looking for something outside the cultural norm. Of course, he has to live in Thai society, and you don't want to make that unnecessarily difficult for him, so some sensitivity is needed, but don't for a minute think you need to be or act like a typical Thai GF. Just talk openly about cultural differences., be prepared to make small concessions to avoid embarrassing him as long as they don't step one your rights or values in any major way.

Agree with Sheryl on the above, when i met my husband we had the usual teething problems as he was used to thai gf's & found some of my ways difficult to understand at first. "If you want a thai gf then go get one" became a mantra for a few months. I will never be thai dont want to be thai & shouldn't be expected to act like a thai as I have no idea what that would involve. :o

I was more flexible & compromising in the beginning to his ways as I had a lot more exposure to thai people & had a very close nit group of freinds which included several thai men of the same age & from his region.

I am sensitive to thai cultural norms & know all the routines, like when to wai, how to act in public & how to interact to his family but baiscally I am the exact same person in London or Bangkok & he is too. My family found some of his ways odd at first & I know his family found mine weird (why she eat cornflakes for breakfast instead of fish head!!!) but after 6 years together neither of us cares or even thinks about the differences as we have too much in common & common goals for our life.

As others have said, if you arne't sure, then let him down gently & calm the visits & dates down to a couple of times a week. If the fast "thai" way is freaking you out then explain to him that in your world, people date slowly & then get serious & ask him to respect that.

You aren't the only one who needs to compromise, I see a lot of western women with thais forgetting that basic fact & whenever I hear them excusing bad behaviour or mistreatment "thai style or thai ways" I want to punch them in the face as there is no culturally acceptable get out clause for being an <deleted> :D

Who paid for the dinner with him and his parents? There could be other, more sinister (maybe financial) motives than just love here. (seems strange to be so keen in such a short time, don't you think?)

After all, this 21 year old Thai guy has his choice of millions of beautiful, young Thai girls.

Who paid for the dinner with him and his parents? There could be other, more sinister (maybe financial) motives than just love here. (seems strange to be so keen in such a short time, don't you think?)

After all, this 21 year old Thai guy has his choice of millions of beautiful, young Thai girls.

You've been reading too many bargirl stories. Best part of reading this section is the noticible absense of the "they only want your money" attitudes. :o

Who paid for the dinner with him and his parents? There could be other, more sinister (maybe financial) motives than just love here. (seems strange to be so keen in such a short time, don't you think?)

After all, this 21 year old Thai guy has his choice of millions of beautiful, young Thai girls.

That is insulting in the extreme to all of us that have or have had relationships with Thai men (and there are a lot of us on this sub-forum!). Why don't you stick to spreading your vitriol & dissatisfaction with Thailand (yes, I've read a lot of your posts) in General Topics? That type of comment is neither wanted, nor needed, here. :D And (he) "has his choice of millions of beautiful young Thai girls" says far more about you than this young man. I've never seen Bellatrix, I assume neither have you. So, how do you know she's not the most beautiful woman living in Thailand, bar none? She could be! And, rather than wanting finances, maybe, just maybe, Thai men who have relationships with Farang women: a- find them attractive (I have green eyes & bigger boobs than Thai women - both were a source of fascination for my BF) and b- want something different to relationships they've had before. We do have our good points, you know! :o

Edit - typo

Edited by November Rain

i agree, there could be ulterior motives. it's not like it doesn't happen in thailand! anyone who thinks they are in love after a week is fooling themselves. they don't even know each other! granted, i watched my mother get married 16 times based on this feeling of "love at first sight", so i am a bit dubious. i was with a guy for 8 years whom i loved at first sight (we still talk every day), but our relationship took a hel_l of a lot of work despite that and still didn't end up being right for us. obviously, as the girls here say, it can happen, however in my opinion chances are slim...

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