I Don't Like My Wife's Parents.

[Boomhauer]

We don't get on anymore. We used to, but our relationship has massively deteriorated, partly due to miscommunication and cultural differences. Now when I am in their vicinity I tend to ignore them totally and be kind of standoffish in my demeanor. Please don't think this is a harsh stance to take, they have given me more than enough reason to behave in this manner.

 

Anyone else had trouble with the in laws? It doesn't faze me much but I would prefer we had a constructive relationship instead of ignoring each other and not making eye contact etc.. I am willing to change and have tried many times to put things right but they are very stubborn and set in their ways, possibly a cultural thing, not sure. I worry that my child will suffer in the long run from the toxic environment that this kind of a relationship naturally creates. 

[NCC1701A]

43 minutes ago, Boomhauer said:

Anyone else had trouble with the in laws?

you are lower status than the parents. are you younger than the parents? what is their age?

[direction BANGKOK]

I really love my inlaws. On occasion I have had problems with things I know have been said and done, and what I have found to be very successful is I just forget it and reset like it never happened. Because, let's face it, have I acted perfectly? Have i never done anything they found offensive? 

 

Just realize these things go both ways, try to shun the thought that you have any sort of moral or logical high ground, and act like a reset has taken place next time you see them. Because one thing I have noticed they can have short memories when it comes to disagreements etc, which is great. 

[Boomhauer]

1 minute ago, NCC1701A said:

you are lower status than the parents. are you younger than the parents?

How am I lower status than the parents and how does that relate to my current problems?

[NCC1701A]

1 minute ago, Boomhauer said:

How am I lower status than the parents and how does that relate to my current problems?

do you know anything about Thai status and class? parents are automatically of a higher status because of their age.

 

so please answer the question. what is their age? how old are you? 

[Boomhauer]

8 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

do you know anything about Thai status and class? parents are automatically of a higher status because of their age.

 

so please answer the question. what is their age? how old are you? 

I am 62. My wife is 23 and her mum is 42 and dad 48. 

 

So now what?

[worgeordie]

I think their feelings for you will be mutual,the plus side

if you don't get on they can never ask your for a "loan".

of money.

regards worgeordie

[petermik]

7 hours ago, Boomhauer said:

I am 62. My wife is 23 and her mum is 42 and dad 48. 

 

So now what?

I,m sorry but with the "so now what" tone of your reply to a perfectly acceptable question leads me to understand why you have difficulty with your in-laws

[Boomhauer]

3 minutes ago, petermik said:

I,m sorry but with the "so now what" tone of your reply to a perfectly acceptable question leads me to understand why you have difficulty with your in-laws

I was responding to the tone of his previous post where he asked "so please answer the question." and "do I know anything about Thai status and class." I found that tone to be rather condescending.. 

[marcusarelus]

2 minutes ago, Boomhauer said:

I was responding to the tone of his previous post where he asked "so please answer the question." and "do I know anything about Thai status and class." I found that tone to be rather condescending.. 

Well he is a Thai Visa poster. 

[baansgr]

11 minutes ago, Boomhauer said:

I am 62. My wife is 23 and her mum is 42 and dad 48. 

 

So now what?

Not criticising your relationship but I can only imagine how I would feel if a man 40 years senior married my daughter....Maybe the honeymoon period of sin sod etc has worn off and the reality has hit home.

[madmen]

Your old enough to be mums father. They tolerate you because you provide a service as does your wife. Try telling them Your out of $ and see them all run for the hills. Personally i wouldn't visit the in laws, just send your wife

[Boomhauer]

1 minute ago, baansgr said:

Not criticising your relationship but I can only imagine how I would feel if a man 40 years senior married my daughter....Maybe the honeymoon period of sin sod etc has worn off and the reality has hit home.

Either way I cant win can I?

 

Too young - They don't respect me.

 

Too old - They don't respect me.

 

What's a man to do?

[KMartinHandyman]

After rereading it seems you’ve only asked if others have your same problem, no.

[Boomhauer]

8 minutes ago, madmen said:

Your old enough to be mums father. They tolerate you because you provide a service as does your wife. Try telling them Your out of $ and see them all run for the hills. Personally i wouldn't visit the in laws, just send your wife

Yes. They still take my money every month.(substantial amounts)

 

they used to smile as i gave it to them, now they dont even look at me.

[brokenbone]

how much sin sod did you pay ?

[Boomhauer]

5 minutes ago, brokenbone said:

how much sin sod did you pay ?

2 million baht cash and 1 million in gold.

 

why do you ask?

[AlexRich]

4 minutes ago, Boomhauer said:

Yes. They still take my money every month.(substantial amounts)

 

they used to smile as i gave it to them, now they dont even look at me.

What? If you didn’t have a child I would advise you to walk away. But given that you do and you want what’s best for the child you need to get your wife to help reset the relationship. You’ve explained the relationship has deteriorated but you have not explained why? So what have you done that upsets them? You need to understand that first. 

[brokenbone]

Just now, Boomhauer said:

2 million baht cash and 1 million in gold.

 

why do you ask?

i think they figure they have met their objective,

and are content with you leaving the family

[AlexRich]

1 minute ago, Boomhauer said:

2 million baht cash and 1 million in gold.

 

why do you ask?

I’m guessing that it wasn’t returned? And I’m also guessing they are not a wealthy family? The point of sin sod, apparently, is to compensate the parents for taking away their daughter. So no need to be handing over substantial amounts every month when a payment of that significance has been made.

[CGW]

I get on great with my wife's parents, least i did the last time I saw them about 4 years ago, they live a fair distance away 70 km or so which helps no end in maintaining our relationship ???? 

[Mavideol]

20 minutes ago, Boomhauer said:

Either way I cant win can I?

 

Too young - They don't respect me.

 

Too old - They don't respect me.

 

What's a man to do?

swallow it, take 3 deeps breaths and go for a walk to cool down, you will NEVER win

[AlexRich]

3 minutes ago, brokenbone said:

i think they figure they have met their objective,

and are content with you leaving the family

Sorry to say this, but brokenbone may well be right. They’ve won the lottery, and you may well be persona non grata. 

[Puchaiyank]

I am not suggesting you do this...what I have observed on more than one occasion...the adult children will cry, wye deeply while falling to their knees in front of their parents and put their face to the parents feet while begging for forgiveness...

 

If this doesn't work...pay a monk several thousand bath to interceded on your behalf...  

 

Your welcome!   ????

[BestB]

Not to sure what exactly you puzzled about. 

 

You were chosen and married to to support her and her parents which you clearly not doing in their minds and expectations.

 

either start to pay more or trade her in for a new one, unless you still delusional enough to think she married you and stay with you for love when you old enough to be her grandfather

 

her parents are not going to ease up but intensify the pressure until either you pay up or she dumps you to look for bigger and better paying fish.

 

sorry sounds harsh, but such as life 

[Boomhauer]

2 minutes ago, BestB said:

Not to sure what exactly you puzzled about. 

 

You were chosen and married to to support her and her parents which you clearly not doing in their minds and expectations.

 

either start to pay more or trade her in for a new one, unless you still delusional enough to think she married you and stay with you for love when you old enough to be her grandfather

 

her parents are not going to ease up but intensify the pressure until either you pay up or she dumps you to look for bigger and better paying fish.

 

sorry sounds harsh, but such as life 

I paid 3 mil sin sod and I pay 50,000 baht monthly to them..

 

should I be paying more u think?

[NCC1701A]

45 minutes ago, Boomhauer said:

I am 62. My wife is 23 and her mum is 42 and dad 48. 

 

So now what?

sorry for my tone but i ask many questions and i need answers. you see, her parents are upset because you are older than them, so you are of higher status. but you are a son in law so they don't know what to do with you. Also they are old school, but not super old school, so they are expecting a lot respect from the kids. that would be you.  

[NCC1701A]

16 minutes ago, brokenbone said:

i think they figure they have met their objective,

and are content with you leaving the family

yes don't mark up the daughter with stretch marks.

[Pilotman]

I happen to get on with my in laws. but if I didn't, it wouldn't worry me.  I married their daughter, not them. 

[1FinickyOne]

Did you pay sin sod? I have seen many cases where the farang is sure the family has cheated him and by his definitions, they have... and yet, when not paying the customary sin sod, they have cheated the family first and the family is just cheating back...

 

If not, is there something that you have done to upset them. On TVF I regularly see people call Thai stupid... insulting people rarely ends well for anyone... 

 

Can you think of any reason they might not like you?