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Posted

Hi I am new here and just have a few questions? This is me, average nice guy, comfotable, not much $$$, not poor, but certainly unable to support another, is it possible to have a relationaship without "financial" obligations? If anyone else asks me for $$$ I will surely explode! Can I honestly expect to have dates here? Where would the best place be to meet guys? Would love to hear some inspirational stories! :o

Posted

Well not quite a question of affording to, rather than not willing to. The only guy I am taking shopping at LOUIS VUITTON is me! So any other happy stories out there? PS I am also looking for a guy late 20's-30's, read previous post but not much info?!?

Posted

Problem is they earn very little, so when we want to do the things we enjoy that cost money you must pay or go alone. This is the same with boyfriend/girl friends or just mates. So you have to expect to have deeper pockets.

Although I have been lucky and met some great new friends who own their own construction business and the above does not apply, infact they have insisted on taking me out.

Is that a Thai Loius Vitton by the way :0

Posted (edited)

Well, the point about "they don't have much money" is true...

and we mean like 200baht is a lot to some of the "non-commercial" boys. Now to you, 200b is probably little.

So even if you have a date.. and you go the movies.. a luxury seat for 1 is only 220baht $6 US... Now don't tell me you're not willing to pay THAT. :o That's enough to keep them happy.

You'll have to get over one major thing... and this one you will NEVER change.. it's cultural now. "Farang have MUCH more money than Thai.." and Thai's expect Farang to be "generous" and pay for whatever/wherever you are. Don't forget this is Proportional though!

Now if we're NOT talking Money-boys... your idea of generous and their idea.. are Miles apart... and you should be ok.

Second, don't look for a serious bf/relationship in BKK/Patpong, or any of the bar areas. Needle in a Haystack. Probably more chance of finding a non-commercial boy in a sauna first.

Look outside the entertainment zones... even outside BKK... even on Gay.com Chat. (But screen CAREFULLY).

Cheers! Let us know.

Chris P

Edited by ChrisP
Posted

If you would describe yourself a little more, height, weight, age, occupation, etc. we would be in a better position to advise you.

An "average" what? Nigerian, South American, etc.

Realistically, you insist on approaching dating as you would in the west, you would have to compete with Thais for Thais. What do you have that would attract a Thai?

Do you speak Thai?

If you can deal with older men, I am sure there are rich Thais that would love to meet you and take YOU out.

More info please.

Posted

Yes where are my inspirational stories? Well Mr P thanks for the upfront info, will keep it in mind. The movie thing and such would be fine, but I hear rthe stories of families, and debts, blah-blah-blah. I am quite immune to it. Oh me? Just an average American Joe, creative,fashionable, late 30's, fading looks but still miles of charm...and the smile...oh the smile has gotten me through alot. And as for the older Thias define old? 40's? cool bring them on! :o

Posted

Ah now I understand, you don't want a boyfriend where you end up supporting the whole family, a common occurance I believe amoung women as well as men.

Perhaps you should try dating another American because as far as I can see dating Thais is a mine field. :o

Posted

So far I think I have an inspirational story...

I am dating a very nice man that has his own house, a great job, speaks english and isn't a mooch.

However i still think that how you have described yourself so far sounds kind of "stingy". Be generous in heart and wallet and enjoy life.

Posted

There are lots of nice non commercial guys out there of all age groups. They are everywhere, working in shops, hospitals etc, etc. My advice, keep your eyes open & use that wonderful smile you mention & see where it takes you. Don't be stingy, remember even professional people earn a pittance in comparison to your home country. You may think you are'nt so well off, but you are super wealthy in the eyes of the majority of Thais. Chokdee in your search:-)

Clicker

Posted

Well jd and clicker I am hardly stingy (never been called that before, called many other things...) but am sick and tired of picking up the tab for it all! Most guys do not even offer to split things on a first date...well honestly who needs them? A treat is just that, but you still should have enough $$$ in your own pockets to pay for anything offered to you-if not call it what you may but it is either charity or a mild form of prostitution. Clicker am following your lead but the cute guys always get away! I think Kuni. Bookshop is prime hunting grounds. Well all in all its nice to be swimming back in the dating pool!

Posted

Well, I’ve got sth to share too, on the other side, though. How abt Thai guy looking for serious LTR with farang living in Thailand? I’m financially secured n don’t expect any financial support from my bf. I was pretty sure they (one at a time, mind u) were comfortable being around w/ me. But what bugged me most was almost all these farangs just wanna fck around, never make it to any comitment. They think they r “the last bottle of cola in the desert”n ignore the part of being faithful n respect to their bf. They really luved to flirt arnd… :o

Where can I get a decent one? :D

Posted

Well I am glad to see ur post thomasma, it gives me hope that I will find a nice guy one day. Well I am quite new here and well yes I see alot of "butterflies" on both sides of the fence. But well if you think it is much different anywhere else in the world I would have to think it is pretty much the same. Alot has to do with age- when the butterflies are young they do flit from flower to flower looking for the sweetest nectar, the older ones well they cocoon. Sort of a backwards life cycle...

Posted

Oh and I almost forgot thomasma, if I knew where to find the good ones I would be the richest man on earth, cause' I would open a gay men's crystal ball matchmaking service!!! Are there enough good men to go around? :o

Posted

The commercial sex in Thailand can look overwhelming. I live in Jomtien/Pattaya and have many friends who on principle, preference or a tight budget "do not pay for it" They cruise the malls and tea rooms, scour the beach and flirt with everyone in sight.

At 30 years old you are at least 20 years younger than most Farangs looking for a friend

I would suggest that you hit the disco's DJ Station and Freeman (no charge in the darkroom), gay bars, non-commercial saunas such as Babylon and Chakran, stroll in Lumphini Park and the malls with your Gaydar on, hit the chat rooms and place adverts on gay listings. There are sex cinemas and details are on cruisingforsex message trail - if you are interested PM or e-mail me for their address. Have a browse around dreadedned and dragoncastle websites - sorry links not permitted here.

I have one friend who had very bad investment luck and is supported by his Thai boyfriend who is 25 years younger and quite rich. You can find some delightful inspirational stories on the sawatdee forum though it may be that there is a flow of benefits involved.

Having said all that, our moderator is absolutely right that you are going to have to get used to the fact that in Thai culture its the norm for the senior/higher status person to pay. Going Dutch or sharing is not usual unless you are with Westernised Thais. A flow of benefit is expected from association with persons of high rank. Like the Thais, who give food on a daily basis to monks, they do not want thanks as the monks are giving them the opportunity for making merit.

I think that you are going to have a wonderful time. Just try not to break too many hearts.

Posted

Wow yes clear and what I needed, though I am finding my way here. Everyday seems to give at least some ray of hope. I have noticed one thing however there will be nothing for me on Soi 2-4! I still like to sit and watch the parade roll by! Is there any social life? Dinner circles? Why not start some up? There has to be other like minded guys here?

Posted

sorry haven't kept up ... but I think stingy sounds right ... split the check on a first date? I have never ever ever asked someone "That I Asked Out" to pay for any of the first date.

I wouldn't go on a second date with a guy that asked me out and didn't pay.

Posted
sorry haven't kept up ... but I think stingy sounds right ... split the check on a first date? I have never ever ever asked someone "That I Asked Out" to pay for any of the first date.

I wouldn't go on a second date with a guy that asked me out and didn't pay.

I wouldn't go on a second date with a guy that asked me out and didn't pay.

Me neither but then you probably wouldn't find me going out on a date with a guy "whether he was paying or not " period.

I guess that, that is part of the attraction "they don't have periods do they"

:o

Posted

Wow sorry I didn't know I was dealing with a princess here who get's everything paid for by local dates! I really have to wonder when was the last time your date picked up the tab for the evening? Back in the civilised world sure dates are split especially among guys, the "guy always pays rule" just doesn't apply to dating in either sex. These days meeting a guy online or on a blind date through friends why should one party be responsible for the check? I can only imagine that ur dates are spent at some eatery on the side of the road and then a quick go round the shopping arcade. :D

And John all I can say is what are you doing cruising a gay chat forum? Wanna meet for some coffee-sweetie? :o

Posted

Actually in my dating here in Thailand I have always been the one to ask someone out on the first date. I have always paid for the first date. It was that way 90% of the time in the USA too. 90% of the time I asked and I paid; 10% they asked and they paid. That is the first date.

My BF here in BKK has a great job, his own condo, and the first date I paid for. The second date he came to visit me at the coast. Took me to a fabulous dinner and a night out on the town. He paid. Soon thereafter we went to Krabi for a week. I was going to pay because I invited him. We split the hotel and meals and transpo. I paid for the snorkelling and kayaking tours etc (but he helped me get a great deal ... nice having a BF fluent in both Thai and English!)

My point above was simply if you are too cheap to pay for a date then dating will likely be problematic. However if you only date guys your age or older with careers I am sure you can keep it pretty even. Or as a second choice try only dating farang!

Posted

Where are you from JD? Iowa? circa 1958? The one who asks out pays? Gosh seems so old fashioned and high buttoned collar-do you put out on the third date too? And well I think its funny you should keep calling me cheap as I have been paying,and yes it is so nice your BF has his own condo-guess you have said that like 3 times? The point of this whole discussion was where to find stable, independent, and educated guys over 30-not who pays for what. And funny you should mention dating foreigners-the best date I have had here was with a guy from Spain and wow they have the same gay dating rituals as the rest of the world. :o

Posted
Hi I am new here and just have a few questions? This is me, average nice guy, comfotable, not much $$$, not poor, but certainly unable to support another, is it possible to have a relationaship without "financial" obligations? If anyone else asks me for $$$ I will surely explode! Can I honestly expect to have dates here? Where would the best place be to meet guys? Would love to hear some inspirational stories! :o

In defence of everyone your initial question was very much who pays for what, and lets face it this Thailand and those "old fashioned" values still hold true, exspecially where Ferangs are concerned.

:D

Posted
Hi I am new here and just have a few questions? This is me, average nice guy, comfotable, not much $$$, not poor, but certainly unable to support another, is it possible to have a relationaship without "financial" obligations?  If anyone else asks me for $$$ I will surely explode! Can I honestly expect to have dates here?  Where would the best place be to meet guys?  Would love to hear some inspirational stories!  :o

I apologise for not including this in my earlier response but regardless of whether you are seeking a male (or female) companion in Thailand you will have to pay.

If this is not in line with your expectations it is likely you will remain "companionless".

You make reference to circa 1958 in one of your postings but you are talking about 1958 stateside and Thailand has in many respects not quite got there yet.

Good luck.

And thank you Chris P

Posted

My initial posting queried wether there was "dating without financial obligations." Luckily I have met piles of nice friends and am having a blast with them and they are guiding me through the waves. I still maybe naively so believe that there are some quality guys out there. I have seen them! And as for the idea that we always have to pay, I think it is time to debunk this myth! I realize my average "date" is a week's wages for some, but money is not really the i$$ue rather than some guys expectations of getting it...Ouch lets drop this, how about start up with a new question??? Can I close this one down it's getting hot in here...?

Carry yourself like a queen and you will attract a king...or is it a prince attracting a king in the gay universe...? :o

Posted
Well jd and clicker I am hardly stingy (never been called that before, called many other things...) but am sick and tired of picking up the tab for it all! Most guys do not even offer to split things on a first date...well honestly who needs them? A treat is just that, but you still should have enough $$$ in your own pockets to pay for anything offered to you-if not call it what you may but it is either charity or a mild form of prostitution. Clicker am following your lead but the cute guys always get away! I think Kuni. Bookshop is prime hunting grounds. Well all in all its nice to be swimming back in the dating pool!

First ... sorry if I repeated that my BF is a rare catch and financially stable. Guess inspirational stories were only wanted from folks that agrre with you :-)

I would be happy to be considered to have some old fashioned values when it comes to dating, after all I don't want to be dating a different guy every other month for the next 30 years and it seems the way to avoid that might be to be loving and kind and generous.

Third date and sex? That is certainly what I did back in the USA ... too easy to get laid at a bathhouse/sauna without peeing in a very limited dating pool all the time.

splitting things on a first date though ... DAYUM ... that's cheap! A decent restaraunt and a movie costs less than $20 USD. Thing is after a few dates if you are still paying for every date etc it is time to look at the situation. It is worth remembering at the end of the month you might just end up paying more than your share more often. Most Thais (I think) get paid only once a month at the beginning.

Really ... I wish you luck with your Spanish guy, but if the dating practices here were the same as the "rest of the world" you would hardly have started this thread.

Posted

Interesting posts!! Slapdash started with the question of if there's a date for him here...as the posts go...it turns out to be a discussion of who pays for what.

I think Slap just goes with the western standard where everything should be split. I've been in the states for a few years and am used to that. I always ask my date if I could split the check with him and I do if he said okay, otherwise I would get it next time if we went on the second date. Thais are not accustomed to this. Also, I feel like if I let him pay, I owe him something and would have to go out on a second date even if I don't want to.

Over here, if you're older than your date, you should, at least, offer to pay, see how your date react and go from there. It's more of a culture issue where the older is likely to pay.

You know what, if your date is happy and able to split your check, you've probably found the guy who fits your bill, comfortable and not much $$$.

I don't know what to say as to where is the place to find your nice guy. I've been back to Thailand for almost a couple of years and am still single. I'm 20's, comfortable with myself, financially secured, decent career, average look....I believe there're lots of single gay guys like me on almost every single corner of the street. For whatever reason, we just don't go out on gay scenes. I myself don't find that environment enjoyable especially with noise and smoke. I would prefer a regular restaurant with less chance of finding my right guy. :o

Posted

Well JD the 3rd date thing was meant as a joke-a jab at antiquated hetero-dating modes. And as for the bathhouse thing gross! Sorry you would not catch me there. The B800 date? Well I guess we are on a different level. On my last date I went in the hole for B2300! Not a king's ransom but I am a student here. Tried last weekend the cheap date a.k.a. I pay for it all idea, well yes it was cheap-he was cute and mildly interesting-pretty good sack time, but in the end completely unfullfilling. The guy was nice but really I need an equal emotionally, physically, and intellectually.

Posted

I'm sorry I must have missed something. What did how much you spent on the date have to do with liking/feeling connected to the guy or not? Plus .. Some afternoon when you are just beat down by the heat why don't you drop your bias and hit the pool at Babylon. Bring a swimsuit as nud_e swimming is not ok. The food and drinks there are nice as is the Gym. You don't have to go into the naughty parts. You might be surprised and meet some nice guys.

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