2 Jokes

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".

"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.

"I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?".

"Certainly", says the landlord, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?”

"I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck. Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".

"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!”

"Yeah?” says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?”

"At the circus", says the landlord.

"The circus?” the duck enquires.

"That's right", replies the landlord.

"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle”, asks the duck.

“That’s right!” says the landlord.

The duck looks confused. “What on earth would they want with an electrician?”

It was Amanpreet's birthday, and that morning there was a knock on the door. “Telegram!”

He opened the door excitedly, “Is it a singing telegram?” Lizard Pecker asked the messenger boy.

“No Sir. We don’t do singing telegrams anymore.”

“I’ve always wanted a singing telegram. Can’t you bend the rules and make an old man happy?”

“Sorry.”

“Please,” begged Preet. “Today’s my birthday.”

“Oh, all right,” said the boy, “Dah-dah dah… dah-dah-dah, your sister Rose is dead!”