4 hours ago, shootrrdave said:

but I note that none of the men have. Am I going to have to wait another 3 weeks? 

I think this line of yours tells it own tale. I've also noticed that many Thai fathers seem to lack empathy with their kids, especially small ones.

 

In fact I'd say your newborn is a very lucky one. Many mothers don't seem to care either. It's straight off to granny with them. I wife's attitude could simply be a result of social conditioning.

 

I suggest you be patient but quietly persistent. Wifey will come round eventually.

25 minutes ago, Briggsy said:

Your wife cannot trust you to do the simplest thing. My father was the same, "Don't touch it, you'll break it!" I must have heard that a thousand times. The issue is trust in others' competence. I would expect your wife to be a little OCD and uptight. That can be a good thing but not in this instance. My father used to open my letters, inspect after my chores and go through the bin, a total inability to trust anyone. Does your wife do stuff like that?

Not particularly which is why I was caught a little off guard by the baby holding issue.

22 minutes ago, geoffbezoz said:

She is probably only interested in opening bank statement letters

This line of attack is becoming rather annoying. She hasn't said "you can hold the baby if you increase my allowance". Nothing of the sort. It seems to be a protection issue. She genuinely seems concerned that I am incapable of holding the baby without hurting her. The one time I picked her up when the wife left the room she made a show of supporting the baby's head when she took her back from me even though I had one of my hands completely underneath her head and neck while I was holding her. 

1 minute ago, shootrrdave said:

This line of attack is becoming rather annoying. She hasn't said "you can hold the baby if you increase my allowance". Nothing of the sort. It seems to be a protection issue. She genuinely seems concerned that I am incapable of holding the baby without hurting her. The one time I picked her up when the wife left the room she made a show of supporting the baby's head when she took her back from me even though I had one of my hands completely underneath her head and neck while I was holding her. 

How old is the baby now ?

14 minutes ago, Moonlover said:

I think this line of yours tells it own tale. I've also noticed that many Thai fathers seem to lack empathy with their kids, especially small ones.

 

In fact I'd say your newborn is a very lucky one. Many mothers don't seem to care either. It's straight off to granny with them. I wife's attitude could simply be a result of social conditioning.

 

I suggest you be patient but quietly persistent. Wifey will come round eventually.

It could be partially that she just doesn't know what to do with me. She never knew her own father and her 12 year old's father didn't even hang around long enough for the birth. 

 

I will be patient. I can play the long game. 

2 minutes ago, geoffbezoz said:

How old is the baby now ?

7 days

4 minutes ago, shootrrdave said:

She never knew her own father and her 12 year old's father didn't even hang around long enough for the birth. 

12 year old's father probably realised she was a headcase earlier than you.

I don't blame him for clearing off, you've already lasted 6 days longer than I would have.

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

12 year old's father probably realised she was a headcase earlier than you.

I don't blame him for clearing off.

So she never knew her own Father either.   Well maybe both the wife and her Mother are strange.  One good reason to avoid picking up women based on  a "friends" email recommendation, as was the case this time, by the sounds of it.

5 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

12 year old's father probably realised she was a headcase earlier than you.

I don't blame him for clearing off, you've already lasted 6 days longer than I would have.

I'm amazed how dismissive some of you guys are. How does anyone grow a relationship when the 1st thing they think of is walking (running) away? 

Was her ignorance and manipulative obduracy in evidence before this? Is the wife very strong willed or the OP weak willed. His future does not look bright.

You need to grow a pair . . . 

3 minutes ago, shootrrdave said:

I'm amazed how dismissive some of you guys are. How does anyone grow a relationship when the 1st thing they think of is walking (running) away? 

As previously posted it's called 'dread game'.

You keep your woman in a state of fear that you'll leave, so she has to constantly try that little bit harder.

No woman wants a guy who lets her carry his balls around in her purse.

16 minutes ago, shootrrdave said:

It could be partially that she just doesn't know what to do with me. She never knew her own father and her 12 year old's father didn't even hang around long enough for the birth. 

 

I will be patient. I can play the long game. 

Parenting is not a game. What is your relationship with the 12 year old.

Buy a book in English language that explains how to give the best care to babies. Hoping that she doesn't understand English too well you both can read in it with your help and develop trust into each other. 

That´s just sick. You should be man enough to set your wife straight in this matter.

33 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

As previously posted it's called 'dread game'.

You keep your woman in a state of fear that you'll leave, so she has to constantly try that little bit harder.

No woman wants a guy who lets her carry his balls around in her purse.

Yeah, that sounds real healthy. Keep your wife in a constant state of fear. 

 

My (perhaps idealistic) idea of a healthy relationship is one where we both trust each of us will always be there for the other one. 

 

I want a partnership that builds, not tears down.  

36 minutes ago, sunnyboy2018 said:

Parenting is not a game. What is your relationship with the 12 year old.

Relax just a little bit. It's a figure of speech.

 

She is accepting of me at this point.

10 minutes ago, shootrrdave said:

Yeah, that sounds real healthy. Keep your wife in a constant state of fear. 

My (perhaps idealistic) idea of a healthy relationship is one where we both trust each of us will always be there for the other one. I want a partnership that builds, not tears down.  

You obviously know best, but then I'm not the one whose wife won't let him hold his baby.

Guys that ask for help, then tell you you're wrong when you do, you gotta love 'em.

Well, if you have let your wife become a control freak, and she runs the house, and your life, maybe you will have to wait a month. I would not tolerate that for a nanosecond. I would give her one more opportunity. Then I would say I am going for a 30 day vacation. When I come back, I will hold my child, or file for divorce. Up to you. See ya. 

12 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

You obviously know best, but then I'm not the one whose wife won't let him hold his baby.

Guys that ask for help, then tell you you're wrong when you do, you gotta love 'em.

I clearly don't know best but thought maybe someone here might have some advice for me (besides running away or being abusive).

 

Anyway, my main question has been answered. It's not a "thai" thing. It's something going on individually within our relationship. I will now work on it from that angle. 

3 hours ago, Mitkof Island said:

I think that might explain a lot

A lot of what?

A number of nasty/derogatory/ troll remarks and responses removed.

 She needs to know how much she is disrespecting you right now.  And that she is behaving ridiculously. 

Do you have a common language?

41 minutes ago, canuckamuck said:

 She needs to know how much she is disrespecting you right now.  And that she is behaving ridiculously. 

Do you have a common language?

I'm only starting to learn thai but her English is decent.

 

We have a doctor appt in Roi Et tomorrow. I'm going to bring it up with the doctor. 

7 minutes ago, shootrrdave said:

I'm only starting to learn thai but her English is decent.

 

We have a doctor appt in Roi Et tomorrow. I'm going to bring it up with the doctor. 

Tell her what you are going to do.  Thai wife 101.

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

Well, if you have let your wife become a control freak, and she runs the house, and your life, maybe you will have to wait a month. I would not tolerate that for a nanosecond. I would give her one more opportunity. Then I would say I am going for a 30 day vacation. When I come back, I will hold my child, or file for divorce. Up to you. See ya. 

What are your qualification for marriage adviser in Thailand?

2 hours ago, shootrrdave said:

It could be partially that she just doesn't know what to do with me. She never knew her own father and her 12 year old's father didn't even hang around long enough for the birth. 

 

I will be patient. I can play the long game. 

Now that tells its own tale. I've just been reading a very interesting book by an American psychologist called John Selby.

 

In it he writes at length about the negative influence that dysfunctional parenting can have on young children. And in particular abandonment, apparent or real can leave mental scars that can last a life time. What's worse, it passes down to the next generation.

 

Very sadly, I see this all the time in this country.

 

You have quite a challenge ahead of shootrrdave. I wish good luck.

and this is a problem how?

2 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

Well, if you have let your wife become a control freak, and she runs the house, and your life, maybe you will have to wait a month. I would not tolerate that for a nanosecond. I would give her one more opportunity. Then I would say I am going for a 30 day vacation. When I come back, I will hold my child, or file for divorce. Up to you. See ya. 

Quite right too and 30 days is being generous.

Hey Shootrr:

 

I did have an idea which might actually help you. Why don't you look on U-tube and find a bunch of videos showing new fathers caring for their newborn kids to give your wife a better idea of where you're coming from and help get her comfortable with the idea of you playing a more active parenting role.

 

The below video is not an example of the videos I have in mind, and provided strictly for comic relief for you and maybe others on this thread: