How Can I Teach My Thai Wife To Budget Her Money

[Farma]

I think a lot of the spending depends on the relationship.

I’ve seen a guy give his wife 80% of his substantial income for years in an attempt to buy her love. She spent the lot on gambling, boyfriends, clothes and gold. He even had to sell their house to pay off her gambling debts. After many years he saw the light and divorced her.

On the other hand, I know wives who are very frugal and save every penny they can for the future. These wives also work with the money going into their joint investments. These marriages tend to last.

I think the OP needs to have a serious money talk with his wife and agree on a common plan for their future.

[jumnien]

Where's the OP? First his wife abuses him weekly, then we abuse him hourly, what next?

[Boo]

Instead of telling her it is an allowance, tell her it is an expese account & as such all items need to be accounted for in the form of receipts. Anything she cannot produce a valid receipt for, then the amount is deducted from next weeks expenses.

7k is a massive amount for one week IMO. It does depend on what she is expected to pay for but as a comparison, my MIL gets approx 6-10k baht a month from my husband & that feeds, clothes & pays the bills for normally 5 people (although is sister has just broke up with her husband so is back with a 4 y/o & only earns 100 baht a day) so 7 people a month are fed & bills paid on the same amount your wife gets in a week!!

[65Craig]

7,000 baht a week for food!!! What exactly are you two eating? My wife barely makes that in a whole month with her teaching job here in Chiang Mai. Maybe instead of giving her big money to go shopping, take her shopping with you. You both pick out what you need and your wallet will thank you for it. Give her a little extra for the knick-knacks ladies love, but giving her large sums of cash seems like trouble. Or you could give her the money, when it runs out: TOUGH you know what. Some tough love. Regardless of what you decide to do, you need to have a serious talk and see where the money is going.

[wiki256]

Give her what she really needs and tell her to keep receipts for your tax filling.

[Thai-Spy]

Break her allowance into smaller chunks and require her to clear with you in advance any "big ticket" items.

Do you date children? Allowances?

You may wish to look up the meanings of the word. Here's a place to start:

http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=allowance

[Skyline]

Bloody hel_l!...7k a week on food does seem a bit much.Are you feeding 10?

Give her 14k a month and if its not enough for her....tell her to get a job!

[bkkmadness]

Break her allowance into smaller chunks and require her to clear with you in advance any "big ticket" items.

Do you date children? Allowances?

You may wish to look up the meanings of the word. Here's a place to start:

http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=allowance

Appreciated dude, it often sounds more like the kids term 'pocket money' the way some people talk about it.

I might have been a bit away with the booze last night.

[bina]

Having said that, many Thai people (males and females) seem to have a problem sticking to a budget.

i alsways find these threads a bit wierd: first, cause from the large group of thai men i know, their wives handle the money. the men get the allowance at the end of the week for beer/lao/whatever.

anon hands me his full amount w/o blinking an eye. and we have expenditures that he as a thai foreigner doesnt even comprehend (childrens' parties/gifts/school extras/holiday gifts/worker funds,the list is endless )as he never got birthday presents or luxuries as his family is 'kon jon mak' (poor people). however, i do think that in general, poor thai people tend to be used to living hand to mouth, i.e., when they have money, they use it, when they dont have money, they dont. like feast/famine. if u notice that they have single use shampoos/laundry soap etc for those that have 10 baht only that is what they will buy. or two cigerattes at a time.

money managment is a taught skill. if u never really had money, then u cant learn to manage it in the way that someone with money would. i find it hard to manage thinking small. when i shop, i buy the largest amount of a non perishable item (family size its called here) to avoid going shopping often. this means a larger outlay at once, something that most poorer people all over the world dont have. large amounts at once. but less actual shopping and temptation.

i am now very poor but have management skills learned from my parents so good shopping habits stick.

i had to teach anon about sale items (two for one) and when a sale is a rip off, and comparison shopping etc. its just skills that small village people dont ever need to aquire. on the other hand, he reuses nails/screws /wood when building, and is a DIY builder, and is very thrifty in general.

i taught him the dos/donts of credit cards; and managing the atm impulse of pulling cash at will. i also dont buy things for myself (not a makeup/jewelerry/clothes horse person). we both wear second hand as do the kids unless they buy their own/or need for school stuff. we do not send money to anon's parents as we dont ahve any. we do send good used clothes; small useful gift items that we can afford to buy (baby toys/school stuff) to his mother and she distributes to the siblings. the only problem we seem to have is deciding whether more then two beers on a friday is a luxury or a neccesity (for anon). so i compare it to my favorite chocolate.

so again, its sort of wierd to hear about allowances etc. if she's in charge of cooking, then she should know how much is needed for basic shopping. special dinners, extra money. household cleaning etc... who ever does it, buys the supplies. same as bill paying/fixing/car/insurance. extra spending is based each on your own salary or agreed amount ahead of time if one person isnt working. (sometimes the person not working needs more money due to the boredom factor/comfort foods/drinks/shopping). a busy person has less time to shop and waste.

i'm not sure my shopping methods would work in a muubaan in thailand for instance. i might be in the same postion of getting an allowance and having to make do with what i've got ...

other possibilities: how much importance do u place on having new things instead of old;the newest cell phone; name brand instead of cheapy; house improvements/additions instead of making do; and most importantly, if u chose a man or woman that likes to spend a lot on themselves/clothing/perfume/whatever/junk for the house, i.e. the material girl or boy, then thats what u have to deal with...or if u are like that, then that is the message the other partner gets also.

and how many gay men on the forum complain about their thai boyfriends wasting money?

bina

[jasreeve17]

I'm trying to think of a constructive comment for the OP, but it's tricky.

People tend to have their traits with regard to money, and they usually don't change them easily, if at all.

Or they are just taking you for a financial ride?

Looking at the other posts, they are interesting to read. Many posters seem to be quite controlling. I'm the opposite, and I'm lucky too. I give my missus a lump sum to deal with everything, every month. - and she does, and saves some too. She often gives me pocket money, if I've been good.

Boo's method would cause a huge argument in my house...might work for other people though?

[teacup]

Unless of course she learns by your examples?

If not, shut her off now and put her on a more reasonable budget, or better yet teach her about budgeting. Tell her money don't grow on tree! If she can't control herself, then strongly suggest she gets a job and tries helping out. Maybe when you two have kids, this will be alot clearer to her?

Dude believe me If you do not, your life will be full of frustration later on and to the point where you can’t even climax when having sex!....... Urr well may be not that extreme, but you get my drift

[jumnien]

Can you imagine giving a farang wife an entire $200/week to do with what she wants? Oh, come to think of it, I guess I could. Why should Thai wives be any different? Understandably, the OP has financial restrictions of his own, but we shouldn't be judging the wife as necessarily extravagant, just inappropriate given her husband's situation.

[qwertz]

I'm trying to think of a constructive comment for the OP, but it's tricky.

People tend to have their traits with regard to money, and they usually don't change them easily, if at all.

Or they are just taking you for a financial ride?

Looking at the other posts, they are interesting to read. Many posters seem to be quite controlling. I'm the opposite, and I'm lucky too. I give my missus a lump sum to deal with everything, every month. - and she does, and saves some too. She often gives me pocket money, if I've been good.

Boo's method would cause a huge argument in my house...might work for other people though?

I notice that many Thais are not good with arithmetic; this is not a snide comment as I'm a dunce too. I try to put myself in the OP's wife's place as I have to pay an accountant to sort out my budget and I assume she doesn't have one. The advice I get is: understand where the money is coming from, learn its value in your particular location and circumstances, if you're not sure how much to spend, make a projection and be sure to leave a plus margin so as not to drain your budget before the next inflow of cash, keep a small reserve for the unexpected expenses. If the lady is as unskilled as I am she'll have just about learned point one by now and is waiting to be taught point two. Hope this helps. A dunce

[garro]

I think that the important thing is that your wife knows exactly what your financial situation is. My wife knows how much money we have. I leave my wallet in a drawer and we just take from it what we need. I go to the ATM every couple of weeks. 10,000 bath lasts at least two weeks. If we run into trouble my wife has some cows she can sell. Neither of us are big spenders but my wife is much more of a cheapskate than me (she is even a coupon collector).

[Gary A]

I'm always a little shocked when I hear how much guys give their wives. My wife always HATED to ask me for money, so one day I sat her down and asked her to figure out how much she needed every month to pay the bills. She came up with the figure of 15,000 baht per month for everything. I told her that sounded fair and that I was going to give her 20,000 baht and she could use what was left however she chose. She normally manages to put 5,000 baht per month in her savings account. She pays all the utilities, food, my Internet, UBC and buys our clothes. I usually buy my own beer because I normally don't drink at home. I also pay the insurance premiums and buy big ticket things. It works well for us.

[qwertz]

I think that the important thing is that your wife knows exactly what your financial situation is. My wife knows how much money we have. I leave my wallet in a drawer and we just take from it what we need. I go to the ATM every couple of weeks. 10,000 bath lasts at least two weeks. If we run into trouble my wife has some cows she can sell. Neither of us are big spenders but my wife is much more of a cheapskate than me (she is even a coupon collector).

My point too Garro, if she reckons like me she won't take offence at being advised.

P.S. The cows: how much, are they good looking, can they budget?

[cdnvic]

Joint checking account. She takes what she needs, never any problems.

[PeaceBlondie]

From what I've seen, kids finishing matayom or trade school around age 18, or working for 4,000 baht a month in their first few years of work, don't have a clue about budgeting. I moved in with a hotel manager who'd lived on his own for over 15 years, so he knew how to manage money. Now I give him 1000 baht at a time, for food and household expenses, and he has to ask for it each time; no problem. When it's time to pay big items like rent, I give him that.

Some of your partners were so poor 20 years ago that a ten-satang coin really meant something. Now they've moved in with a multi-billionaire! If you let them think you're filthy rich, they will act accordingly.

Some folks have never made a budget, or seen one. Make one, discuss it, explain it, and put it into use, faithfully. Wow, imagine that - a plan that actually gets put into action!

Like my father did, I keep track day by day how much I spent on each of about 30 expense categories. At the end of the month, I inventory all cash on hand, in the bank accounts, etc. When your partner sees you doing that, they'll know you expect the same from them.

I like to ask questions (it used to be my job). What did you buy? How much did that cost? How much for four watermelons? Most folks, especially Thais, hate being interrogated. It's so serious. And it's so good for them.

[jasreeve17]

Joint checking account. She takes what she needs, never any problems.

Danger!!!

[jasreeve17]

Some of the posters on the last two pages are very controlling. Thai partners are neither simpletons, nor children.

To hand them a few coins to get the groceries, then later check how much the items cost seems to me like a total lack of respect.

I think Cdnvic's attitude is much healthier. Respect for your partner is vital, or there's a serious problem.

My missus is just a normal Nakorn nowhere Thai. She has a degree, and was a teacher. For 7,000 baht per month I told her not to work. Concentrate on looking after her elderly mother, improve her skillset (there are many training centres around. The Onnut one does everything from cooking to powerpoint, and gives well valued certification at the end of the very cheap courses.), and get a 20,000 baht per month job down the line. She is awful at maths. But, she can manage the household very well, and I don't question her every move. She is honest and sensible with money, because she's never had much before.

If I questioned her every move, she'd feel nervous and insecure. She'd become unhappy...life would go down hill fast.

Guys (and galls), what are you after? A partner or a pet?

How would you feel if they questioned your every move? Treat them as you would your partner in your home country.

[cdnvic]

Joint checking account. She takes what she needs, never any problems.

Danger!!!

Not if you're careful who you marry.

My god, where are all these people who can't trust their wives finding them, and why marry someone you can't trust? Are they that desperate for someone that they are willing to settle for a woman they need to keep an eye on like a child?

[popshirt]

Having said that, many Thai people (males and females) seem to have a problem sticking to a budget.

i alsways find these threads a bit wierd: first, cause from the large group of thai men i know, their wives handle the money. the men get the allowance at the end of the week for beer/lao/whatever.

anon hands me his full amount w/o blinking an eye. and we have expenditures that he as a thai foreigner doesnt even comprehend (childrens' parties/gifts/school extras/holiday gifts/worker funds,the list is endless )as he never got birthday presents or luxuries as his family is 'kon jon mak' (poor people). however, i do think that in general, poor thai people tend to be used to living hand to mouth, i.e., when they have money, they use it, when they dont have money, they dont. like feast/famine. if u notice that they have single use shampoos/laundry soap etc for those that have 10 baht only that is what they will buy. or two cigerattes at a time.

money managment is a taught skill. if u never really had money, then u cant learn to manage it in the way that someone with money would. i find it hard to manage thinking small. when i shop, i buy the largest amount of a non perishable item (family size its called here) to avoid going shopping often. this means a larger outlay at once, something that most poorer people all over the world dont have. large amounts at once. but less actual shopping and temptation.

i am now very poor but have management skills learned from my parents so good shopping habits stick.

i had to teach anon about sale items (two for one) and when a sale is a rip off, and comparison shopping etc. its just skills that small villagepeople dont ever need to aquire. on the other hand, he reuses nails/screws /wood when building, and is a DIY builder, and is very thrifty in general.

i taught him the dos/donts of credit cards; and managing the atm impulse of pulling cash at will. i also dont buy things for myself (not a makeup/jewelerry/clothes horse person). we both wear second hand as do the kids unless they buy their own/or need for school stuff. we do not send money to anon's parents as we dont ahve any. we do send good used clothes; small useful gift items that we can afford to buy (baby toys/school stuff) to his mother and she distributes to the siblings. the only problem we seem to have is deciding whether more then two beers on a friday is a luxury or a neccesity (for anon). so i compare it to my favorite chocolate.

so again, its sort of wierd to hear about allowances etc. if she's in charge of cooking, then she should know how much is needed for basic shopping. special dinners, extra money. household cleaning etc... who ever does it, buys the supplies. same as bill paying/fixing/car/insurance. extra spending is based each on your own salary or agreed amount ahead of time if one person isnt working. (sometimes the person not working needs more money due to the boredom factor/comfort foods/drinks/shopping). a busy person has less time to shop and waste.

i'm not sure my shopping methods would work in a muubaan in thailand for instance. i might be in the same postion of getting an allowance and having to make do with what i've got ...

other possibilities: how much importance do u place on having new things instead of old;the newest cell phone; name brand instead of cheapy; house improvements/additions instead of making do; and most importantly, if u chose a man or woman that likes to spend a lot on themselves/clothing/perfume/whatever/junk for the house, i.e. the material girl or boy, then thats what u have to deal with...or if u are like that, then that is the message the other partner gets also.

and how many gay men on the forum complain about their thai boyfriends wasting money?

bina

bina, you sound like a very nice person. Ok, I have a Thai boyfriend and we have never had any money problems (except occasionally not having enough of it!). He is an educated person but is undertaking serious continuing education courses at the moment (7 days a week) and also is on chemotherapy for a serious health condition. I have great admiration for his stamina and commitment. I am paying for all of this, and we live quite simply. We have known each other three years now. At present, he simply goes to my wallet and takes what money he may need for daily expenses (travel, food, etc.) and asks me for cash for the larger expenses such as lab work at the hospital, books for school, etc. He is very frugal with his daily expenses (usually around 500 baht/week) and neither of us are into trendy clothes and "stuff". I trust him absolutely as I know him so well and also the family he has come from, they are all energetic, thrifty people.

But I may be lucky. I have heard some horror stories from farang in other gay relationships where there is great financial inequality. For myself, I am delighted to contribute to make someone's life better especially given the enthusiastic response and impressive results.

[garro]

Joint checking account. She takes what she needs, never any problems.

Danger!!!

Not if you're careful who you marry.

My god, where are all these people who can't trust their wives finding them, and why marry someone you can't trust? Are they that desperate for someone that they are willing to settle for a woman they need to keep an eye on like a child?

I agree with you but before meeting my wife money would burn a hole in my pocket. It is only over the last three years that I have learned to budget. My wife is one of those people who are naturally trifty but to me it doesn't come naturally.

[jasreeve17]

Joint checking account. She takes what she needs, never any problems.

Danger!!!

Not if you're careful who you marry.

My god, where are all these people who can't trust their wives finding them, and why marry someone you can't trust? Are they that desperate for someone that they are willing to settle for a woman they need to keep an eye on like a child?

I agree with you but before meeting my wife money would burn a hole in my pocket. It is only over the last three years that I have learned to budget. My wife is one of those people who are naturally trifty but to me it doesn't come naturally.

Cdnvic - It's a mystery to me. I can't imagine having a wife / partner that I couldn't trust with a few hundred baht. The mind boggles.

Garro - Thai wives seem to be great with money. I waste so much, that now I'd rather give her most of my money (as a team, she helps us much more in that regard, I rather let the team down given any opportunity).

Or maybe, we are just lucky.

(as I speak she's just brought me a plate full of "Rungnapa club sandwich" mmm.)

[no beer though, ######.]

[sceadugenga]

The budget problem in our house is me, not my wife. I'm the one who says 20K a month is max, we don't pay rent, and I'm the one who runs over. She's the one who pulls money out of little jars to pay the satellite TV etc so I don't have to run to the ATM.

I had a Lao wife once and used to give her weekly money one day, the family would turn up the next and she'd be broke the third. Came down to money as needed for her. Jeez she was cute though.

[65Craig]

Can you imagine giving a farang wife an entire $200/week to do with what she wants? Oh, come to think of it, I guess I could. Why should Thai wives be any different? Understandably, the OP has financial restrictions of his own, but we shouldn't be judging the wife as necessarily extravagant, just inappropriate given her husband's situation.

I'm not sure where you are from, but living here in Chiang Mai I'd estimate it's about 4 times less expensive than where I'm from (Berkeley, California). So if I would look at it from the farang wife perspective, that 7,000 baht (or $200) is equivalent to about $800 a week back home. Which over the course of a year is $41,600. I can't imagine giving a farang wife that (for grocery shopping). I think the reason a lot of us live here in Thailand is the cost of living is cheap and the people are so friendly. 7,000 baht by my estimation should easily last a week and is pretty extravagant for buying FOOD (which is what the post stated). And according to the OP it doesn't last. I don't think under the circumstances (obviously it's bothering the guy) that it's wrong to put some sort of restraint on the cash flow. Good luck to the guy, but if he keeps shelling out the money, he's going to be heading home very soon looking for work.

[November Rain]

Agree, 65craig. 7,000 bt per week for groceries for 2 people is a lot! Unless there's a lot of imported goods & drink being bought...

[SamuiJens]

Can you imagine giving a farang wife an entire $200/week to do with what she wants? Oh, come to think of it, I guess I could. Why should Thai wives be any different? Understandably, the OP has financial restrictions of his own, but we shouldn't be judging the wife as necessarily extravagant, just inappropriate given her husband's situation.

I'm not sure where you are from, but living here in Chiang Mai I'd estimate it's about 4 times less expensive than where I'm from (Berkeley, California). So if I would look at it from the farang wife perspective, that 7,000 baht (or $200) is equivalent to about $800 a week back home. Which over the course of a year is $41,600. I can't imagine giving a farang wife that (for grocery shopping). I think the reason a lot of us live here in Thailand is the cost of living is cheap and the people are so friendly. 7,000 baht by my estimation should easily last a week and is pretty extravagant for buying FOOD (which is what the post stated). And according to the OP it doesn't last. I don't think under the circumstances (obviously it's bothering the guy) that it's wrong to put some sort of restraint on the cash flow. Good luck to the guy, but if he keeps shelling out the money, he's going to be heading home very soon looking for work.

Or sitting on a sidewalk, like the dutch(or any other farang) begger! Life is a learning trip!

[Furbie]

People are bad budgeting money the world over – my ex-wife could not stay within her considerable income if you offered her a pair of diamond earrings each month. Contrast that with my current Thai girlfriend who is better then me when it comes to saving and living within her means.

Your particular problem, however, will be difficult to resolve if any of the following factors are in play 1) she is from a poor background, 2) she has never had a true monthly income that she lived on, 3) she has never had to save/use money sensibly, 4) she has a poor extended family.

My advice to you is to go over your finances with your wife in detail (including your wife's and her family's needs). Make it clear what your expenses are, your savings needs are and how much you like to spend on the "nice to haves". Make it clear that you are willing to help her family, but by and large these should not be unexpected expenses – if Somchai is starting school and needs tuition money, this should be brought up well in advance not the week its due – Mom being rushed to the hospital would not be something discussed in advance – make sure she understands the difference.

Get agreement on the budget. Get her to understand why you are saving. Ask her what happens if you have to go to the hospital and are out of work for five months – who will pay the rent, the hospital bill, the food bill? She is used to an interdependent family where when one person is down, the others chip in – you are used to being on your own. I would imagine that if her family had to pay your bills for a month they would go broke – you need to impress this fact upon her – no one is going to help you if things go bad financially – savings are important.

She is not going to get this right away. You will have to be firm, but not mean or pushy about it. Good luck.

[Neeranam]

How can I teach my wife to budget her money, If I give my wife 7000 baht on a friday to buy food for the next week, by tuesday she will be telling she spend it and can I lend her some money to buy something she needs to get. I need to know how much money I am going to spend each month so as I know how long I can stay in thailand before I need to go back to work

I wonder how much your wife was spending/earning before you were married?

In situations like this, usually the wife, or her family, has some debt that is unknown to the new husband. She is maybe spending 2,000 baht a week on food(a lot more than my wife) and paying off the debt with the other 5,000.

Surely your wife knows the situation? What happens to her when you leave Thailand to work? Maybe she wants you to leave so she can spend more time with her original husband? Seems very strange, but then again it happens.

I give my wife 500 baht every Monday for food for the week and there are 4 of us, actually there are 6 of us this month. We do a shopping at Big C once a week which I pay for(average 2,000 baht). When newly married, we sometimes overspent and had to live on rice and eggs for a week. My wife, two kids and I can live very comfortably on 2,500 baht a week, once the car re-payments, rent, school fees, and other bills/expenses have been paid. Just for food - 1,500 a week is more than enough. If eating at home every day, we can do it on much less.