How to live with Isaan wife in respect of culture

[SteveK]

Every situation will be different. I have found my wife's family to be very welcoming. I usually pick up some snacks, beer etc for the in-laws when I pop out, always goes down well. If you over-analyse everything it's going to be tiring.

[Yinn]

28 minutes ago, puchooay said:

We bought land and built in my wife's village. I am on first name terms with in laws, aunts, uncles, cousins.

 

Never had any problems. Never get called "Farang". I have shown respect to them from day 1 and received it back.

 

21 years and happy as ever.

Happy you are happy!

Show respect, you will receive respect. Will have friend. 

How can people marry and not know the family name? 

 

34 minutes ago, amykat said:

That’s okay, they don’t know your name either.  They just call you the farang.  They do know a lot about your finances however.  How much your car cost, how much you spend on beer, what you have in the bank ....anything your wife knows.

Where in issan you live?

[Skallywag]

1 hour ago, Elzear said:

One aspect of married life that puzzles me is that of giving a salary to the wife ? How can that be and if applicable, if a must, how is this monthly amount decided ? 

 

 

Do you give your wife a ... monthly salary ? Please I am serious. It is what I read on some article about local culture (whether a Thai or Isaan custom, I do not know)

Wow - you are not ready to get married yet IMO. 

Yes wives/humans need money if you expect them to purchase and prepare food and do laundry and pay for necessities if they do not work or you do not expect them to work after marriage.

Have you not talked to your future "wife" about money? 

Does she work 12 hour days, 6-7 days a week?  How much income does that provide?

You realize not much time together if she does work a lot.  

Are you just winging it with like 65,000 baht a month income and figuring it will be enough for you both? 

 

How many months have you spent in LOS with your girlfriend/fiance?  

 

Edited October 24, 2019 by Skallywag

[Isaan Alan]

As others have said, it's very hard to generalise. It varies because of her education, English level, income level and of course, her individual personality (and yours). 

One thing: in Thai culture you are marrying the family, not just her. If her parents are sick, you are the "wealthy farang" (even if you aren't wealthy) and are expected to show naam jai = a generous heart. If you don't, you will be thought badly of.

If your wife is a serious Buddhist she might expect you to honour some Buddhist customs including visiting the temple and donating at least token amounts of money. However Buddhist is a very tolerant religion.

Be ready for a different way of thinking to many Westerners, less individualistic and more collective and less logical and more feeling.

Also "face" is so important in Thai society and sadly my experience that has a dark side manifested in jealousy.

[Elzear]

1 minute ago, Skallywag said:

Wow - you are not ready to married yet IMO.  Yes wives need money if you expect them to purchase and prepare food and do laundry and purchase even a toothbrush if they do not work or you do not expect them to work after marriage.

Have you not talked to your future "wife" about money? 

Does she work 12 hour days, 6-7 days a week?  How much does income does that provide?

You realize not much time together if she does work a lot.

 

Are you just winging it with like 40,000 baht a month income and figuring it will be enough for you both? 

 

How many months have you spent in LOS with your girlfriend/fiance?  

 

Hang on ... money here is not the issue. It is the idea of this allowance. In my previous life with a Japanese wife, this never existed. I’d bring the bacon home and let her figure the rest. We never had issues with that. Now, I could do the same here, I have no problem with entrusting my Isaan future misuus with my money. We talked about it. I told here here’s my bank book, you deal with it. But she preferred settling on a 25k baht a month as allowance. Fine by me.. but still a strange notion. I felt like, yes, she was keeping her liberty by putting herself as my employee. Weird. Or I got it all wrong

[EVENKEEL]

2 minutes ago, Elzear said:

Hang on ... money here is not the issue. It is the idea of this allowance. In my previous life with a Japanese wife, this never existed. I’d bring the bacon home and let her figure the rest. We never had issues with that. Now, I could do the same here, I have no problem with entrusting my Isaan future misuus with my money. We talked about it. I told here here’s my bank book, you deal with it. But she preferred settling on a 25k baht a month as allowance. Fine by me.. but still a strange notion. I felt like, yes, she was keeping her liberty by putting herself as my employee. Weird. Or I got it all wrong

I'm not saying your lady isn't capable of actually managing a large sum of money, but chances are she isn't and she knows it. 

[Elzear]

4 minutes ago, Isaan Alan said:

As others have said, it's very hard to generalise. It varies because of her education, English level, income level and of course, her individual personality (and yours). 

One thing: in Thai culture you are marrying the family, not just her. If her parents are sick, you are the "wealthy farang" (even if you aren't wealthy) and are expected to show naam jai = a generous heart. If you don't, you will be thought badly of.

If your wife is a serious Buddhist she might expect you to honour some Buddhist customs including visiting the temple and donating at least token amounts of money. However Buddhist is a very tolerant religion.

Be ready for a different way of thinking to many Westerners, less individualistic and more collective and less logical and more feeling.

Also "face" is so important in Thai society and sadly my experience that has a dark side manifested in jealousy.

She is Christian, Protestant... used to be Buddhist but didn’t like it and converted. Taught herself English, probably 4 out of 10 but enough to understand each other. I’m happy to share with the family, and have done so without claiming any merit. Îm happy with that. In-laws have a couple of rice paddies next door. I’ve started to build a ber hive to get into apiculture. To share with the Ban. 

[Skallywag]

4 minutes ago, Elzear said:

Hang on ... money here is not the issue. It is the idea of this allowance. In my previous life with a Japanese wife, this never existed. I’d bring the bacon home and let her figure the rest. We never had issues with that. Now, I could do the same here, I have no problem with entrusting my Isaan future misuus with my money. We talked about it. I told here here’s my bank book, you deal with it. But she preferred settling on a 25k baht a month as allowance. Fine by me.. but still a strange notion. I felt like, yes, she was keeping her liberty by putting herself as my employee. Weird. Or I got it all wrong

So your previous wife worked and never asked for money.

You "bring home the bacon", does that mean you handed her your paycheck every 2 weeks?

Or you actually did all the grocery and clothes shopping and brought it home?

[Elzear]

1 minute ago, EVENKEEL said:

I'm not saying your lady isn't capable of actually managing a large sum of money, but chances are she isn't and she knows it. 

That came to my mind, and that’s fine. But when I have to pay for the car or other debts and I ask for invoices, I’m accused of only talking about money ! I like to keep books.. 

[Elzear]

45 minutes ago, Yinn said:

Happy you are happy!

Show respect, you will receive respect. Will have friend. 

How can people marry and not know the family name? 

 

Where in issan you live?

 

5 minutes ago, Skallywag said:

So your previous wife worked and never asked for money.

You "bring home the bacon", does that mean you handed her your paycheck every 2 weeks?

Or you actually did all the grocery and clothes shopping and brought it home?

no, she never worked, I did. Just like Japan’s ways, I’d give her my wages and she’d manage the budget for the family. Except for major expenses, I never bothered to ask and al’ was done in fairness. 

Oh and the residence will be in Phon Charoen

Edited October 24, 2019 by Elzear
update

[Golden Triangle]

TBH, it's not just Isaan is it ? No matter where your lovely lady hails from in this part of SEA the cultural differences are going to be huge, whether she comes from the South of Thailand, or up on the border looking at the Mekong river every day or over towards the Myanmar border area or East towards Vietnam, each and every one is gonna be different with different expectations and customs, food, culture, language, do you see what I'm saying ? 

 

So take life at a steady pace, there is a lot of good info on here for you, listen to the good bits & disregard the rubbish, I wish you both well for your future, remember it is probably gonna be as hard for her as it is for you, unless of course she has been married or had a long term relationship with a farang before ???? 

Edited October 24, 2019 by Golden Triangle
Spelling

[Elzear]

2 minutes ago, Golden Triangle said:

TBH, it's not just Isaan is it ? No matter where your lovely lady hails from in this part of SEA the cultural differences are going to be huge, whether she comes from the South of Thailand, or up on the border looking at the Mekong river every day or over towards the Myanmar border area or East towards Vietnam, each and every one is gonna be different with different expectations and customs, food, culture, language, do you see what I'm saying ? 

 

So take life at a steady pace, there is a lot of good info on here for you, listen to the good bits & disregard the rubbish, I wish you both well for your future, remeber it is probably gonna be as hard for her as it is for you, unlell of course she has been married or had a long term relationship with a farang before ???? 

I thank you for your wisdom and encouragement. Yes, I pick what I feel is positive in all this feed back. Most of it I believe I already abide by. I look forward to this future. 

[Destiny1990]

What advantage of marrying her?

what u like about living in Isarn and with her family?

 

[richard_smith237]

2 hours ago, GalaxyMan said:

2 hours ago, Elzear said:

One aspect of married life that puzzles me is that of giving a salary to the wife ? How can that be and if applicable, if a must, how is this monthly amount decided ? 

 

 

Do you give your wife a ... monthly salary ? Please I am serious. It is what I read on some article about local culture (whether a Thai or Isaan custom, I do not know)

A salary? Is she doing some work that she should be paid for? Last I checked, paying a woman for companionship is considered prostitution.

 

When we met my Wife worked, when we married she continued to work. 

Now that we have a child my Wife no longer works, she has to drive him to school & collect and is too busy being a mum which is more important than work. 

 

Fairly recently my Wife decided that she will get a salary of 30,000 baht from me, thats fair enough. My Sisters both get a stipulated amount from their husbands in the UK to. 

 

It gives my Wife some independent spending money. Once my Wife's business is back up and running she will once again rely on her own income. 

 

I think this is more than fair and has nothing to do with prostitution. However, if the Wife / GF is just sat at home doing nothing all day the outlook maybe somewhat different. 

[nakluapattaya]

Just be yourself at all times, dont try to adapt to anything except for the obvious polite things like taking out shoes when entering a home and stuff like that. They are normal people like anywhere else in the world. With the same understanding and thoughts like you. Dont try to change yourself, has always worked out pretty well for me anywhere i did go. The younger generation of people in Thailand arent much different than anywhere else in the world. The older people might think very different than you, but that goes for any country as well. I dont really give a **** about them. I am friendly, polite, and respectfull for elders, but im not going to kiss anyones ass or act different. And that whole "face" issue also only goes for older and shortminded people. And in work enviroment. Never cared about that either.

 

Things that might be normal for other people that arent normal for me; will never be. Theres a word for all of this in Thai language too "ขวานผ่าซาก" Plain spoken people.

[Elzear]

1 minute ago, Destiny1990 said:

What advantage of marrying her?

what u like about living in Isarn and with her family?

 

I like the collective type of life, the sharing and support of each other. I like their strength and their positive attitude in their daily struggle. I like their hospitality and their welcoming smile. I believe in their good heartedness. I have travelled a fair bit in my life, from the comforts of embassy life to the ruggedness of sleeping under porches. Everywhere I went, on all continents, it was the poorest of the poorest who kept me going. This is what I find in Isaan. And if I can give back to a family what so many gave me, I’l’ be content. As to why Isaan ? because it happened to be there at this time of my life. I don’t look for advantages. It would be counterproductive. I let life provide those in due time. 

[Elzear]

1 hour ago, Yinn said:

Happy you are happy!

Show respect, you will receive respect. Will have friend. 

How can people marry and not know the family name? 

 

Where in issan you live?

 

11 minutes ago, Destiny1990 said:

What advantage of marrying her?

what u like about living in Isarn and with her family?

 

Phon Charoen

[amykat]

What does the Thai family like about living with you??

[EVENKEEL]

Sure you can score a few points if you will try BBQ rat, raw pork and beef, bha lah, oh and the stir fried bugs are always a treat. Oh and don't forget to have a few shots Lhao kao with water chasers, ice in the beer. 

[EVENKEEL]

1 minute ago, amykat said:

What does the Thai family like about living with you??

Money, Money  more money...…….

[puchooay]

Just now, amykat said:

What does the Thai family like about living with you??

What would any family like about living with someone who is polite, caring, thoughtful and respectful?

[EVENKEEL]

8 minutes ago, Elzear said:

I like the collective type of life, the sharing and support of each other. I like their strength and their positive attitude in their daily struggle. I like their hospitality and their welcoming smile. I believe in their good heartedness. I have travelled a fair bit in my life, from the comforts of embassy life to the ruggedness of sleeping under porches. Everywhere I went, on all continents, it was the poorest of the poorest who kept me going. This is what I find in Isaan. And if I can give back to a family what so many gave me, I’l’ be content. As to why Isaan ? because it happened to be there at this time of my life. I don’t look for advantages. It would be counterproductive. I let life provide those in due time. 

Well, if it's the poorest of the poor you like...…….welcome son.

[SteveK]

A lot of people talk about "cultural differences" like it's a bad thing. It gives you an insight into another country's culture, gives you an opportunity to learn more about your wife and yourself, and maybe learn something new along the way like a language, a cuisine or religion. For me it taught me to be more accepting and to just go with the flow. After all, if I wanted a woman with the same culture as me I could have married a pasty bloater from the UK. Embrace the differences and enjoy each day - there are surely thousands of men who'd love to ditch the rat race and shack up in Thailand with a beautiful wife.

Edited October 24, 2019 by SteveK

[Elzear]

Just now, amykat said:

What does the Thai family like about living with you??

That I fitted in and accepted their ways. That they felt I was good (not me saying). That I would provide for their daughter (normal). That I was happy to share their meal, sitting on the floor, eating with hands. That I could cook them a mushroom risotto, although not spicy.. For more, you’ll have to ask them ????

[1FinickyOne]

3 hours ago, Elzear said:

the indigenous mind needs some understanding.

Understanding that there is often a different way of looking at things is a very good start... I have been part of a Thai country family for near 20 years now... they assumed good things right from the start and we have always gotten along well. You can start with some of the simple basics... be polite, be helpful in some ways as you can - - yes, they see this! - of course, don't be condescending.. 

 

This is a very expansive topic but be respectful and keep your eyes open - - it has been an incredibly wonderful experience for me to be a cog in a very large and functional family, and as time passes and you experience life together as a family, being there when loved ones are not well, or emergencies... it creates a bond that is amazing and rewarding in ways you might not expect... 

 

best of luck to you... 

[from the home of CC]

So from what I just researched, men give Japanese wives their paycheck and it's the man that gets the allowance. Always been up to different lifestyles but would have to draw the line on that one lol..

[Elzear]

1 minute ago, kenk24 said:

Understanding that there is often a different way of looking at things is a very good start... I have been part of a Thai country family for near 20 years now... they assumed good things right from the start and we have always gotten along well. You can start with some of the simple basics... be polite, be helpful in some ways as you can - - yes, they see this! - of course, don't be condescending.. 

 

This is a very expansive topic but be respectful and keep your eyes open - - it has been an incredibly wonderful experience for me to be a cog in a very large and functional family, and as time passes and you experience life together as a family, being there when loved ones are not well, or emergencies... it creates a bond that is amazing and rewarding in ways you might not expect... 

 

best of luck to you... 

Thank you. You put balm in my heart and I do look forward to this rich yet simple life. Thank you ????

[from the home of CC]

2 minutes ago, SteveK said:

A lot of people talk about "cultural differences" like it's a bad thing. It gives you an insight into another country's culture, gives you an opportunity to learn more about your wife and yourself, and maybe learn something new along the way like a language, a cuisine or religion. For me it taught me to be more accepting and to just go with the flow. After all, if I wanted a woman with the same culture as me I could have married a pasty bloater from the UK. Embrace the differences and enjoy each day - there are surely thousands of men who'd love to ditch the rat race and shack up in Thailand with a beautiful wife.

c'mon be honest now, no self respecting pasty bloater would have you in the UK..????

[1FinickyOne]

13 minutes ago, Elzear said:

I like the collective type of life, the sharing and support of each other. I like their strength and their positive attitude in their daily struggle. I like their hospitality and their welcoming smile. I believe in their good heartedness. I have travelled a fair bit in my life, from the comforts of embassy life to the ruggedness of sleeping under porches. Everywhere I went, on all continents, it was the poorest of the poorest who kept me going. This is what I find in Isaan. And if I can give back to a family what so many gave me, I’l’ be content. As to why Isaan ? because it happened to be there at this time of my life. I don’t look for advantages. It would be counterproductive. I let life provide those in due time. 

Sounds to me like you are doing terrific... congratulations - I only wish more people would come here with this type of attitude!!! My family was also of the poorest in the village and we have turned that around. It only gets better through time. 

[Gecko123]

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