Are we by nature melancholy beings?

[thaibeachlovers]

Listening to music, the most popular songs seem to be about lost love, death, loss, misery. Happy songs are much less popular.

Is our default program to be melancholy, in your opinion?

 

For example, The River, by Springsteen; The Boxer, by Simon and Garfunkel; The Wichita Linesman by Glen Campbell. All massive hits.

[BritManToo]

Life is generally unhappy, songs reflect that state of being.

Spent most of my life trying to please women, first mom, then my Brit wife.

I never managed to give them what they wanted, making both them and me generally dissatisfied and unhappy.

 

Then I stopped trying to do anything for a women, I just pay and she can accept it or leave.

I won't go shopping with them, or take them for holidays or romantic meals, or mix with their friends, or wait for her to be 'in the mood'.

Resulting in me being much happier, and them never wanting to leave (I did have to boot a couple out though).

 

In the west we were trapped in an unhappy life trying to please people, who essentially can't be pleased and always want more.

Edited November 19, 2019 by BritManToo

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Life is generally unhappy, songs reflect that state of being.

I agree, so why don't we prefer happy songs that buck us up and make us cheerful?

 

[cmsally]

Maybe happiness is actually not a state but rather the absence of melancholy ?

[thaibeachlovers]

8 minutes ago, cmsally said:

Maybe happiness is actually not a state but rather the absence of melancholy ?

That's a very good observation. I don't think I've ever been "happy" in the same way as I've been unhappy or melancholy.

I've definitely enjoyed some parts of my life, but like you say, more absence of negativity, rather than "happiness" per se.

I've been happy in some things, some relationships, but only while they were happening. When they were not happening I wasn't still enjoying them, or happy- just absence of unhappiness. Being away from the person that made me happy when I was with them made me sad as I missed them.

 

Melancholia, on the other hand, lasts even if the thing that caused melancholia is no longer present.

 

Back to the music- if I listen to a happy song I'm happy only as long as the song plays, but if I listen to a sad song I feel sad even after the song ends.

I'll have to ponder on that for a while.

[CharlieH]

" that even a fictional sadness is enough to fool our body to trigger such an endocrine response, intended to soften the mental pain involved in real loss. This response is driven by hormones such as oxytocin and prolactin, which actually induce the feelings of comfort, warmth and mild pleasure in us"

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/the-scientific-reason-why-some-of-us-enjoy-sad-songs-more-than-others-a7316626.html

[thaibeachlovers]

8 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

" that even a fictional sadness is enough to fool our body to trigger such an endocrine response, intended to soften the mental pain involved in real loss. This response is driven by hormones such as oxytocin and prolactin, which actually induce the feelings of comfort, warmth and mild pleasure in us"

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/the-scientific-reason-why-some-of-us-enjoy-sad-songs-more-than-others-a7316626.html

Goes some way to explaining though I can't agree with it all.

I must be really empathetic though, massively so as I get really melancholy listening to songs like Lace covered window, and Wish you were here!

Interesting that non empathetic people apparently don't feel sad listening to sad music. 

 

[nikmar]

"Dont worry, be happy"

[CharlieH]

On 11/19/2019 at 1:40 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

Goes some way to explaining though I can't agree with it all.

I must be really empathetic though, massively so as I get really melancholy listening to songs like Lace covered window, and Wish you were here!

Interesting that non empathetic people apparently don't feel sad listening to sad music. 

 

You might not agree with this either, but here goes.....

 

Alot has to do with the individuals mental state and age when listening. We all suffer ups and downs and it will often hit a chord with many people at different times dependent on whats going on with their lives and emotions at that specific time.

We have all at some time turned off music as being "depressing" if our mood is upbeat from some recent event. Likewise it can resonate with us when we are down.

However, and this is just an opinion, as we get older, we get more empathetic, we realise the stupidity of some actions, the waste in lives, and more that can only come with a lifetime of experiencing so many events and traumas. I think we actually become more sensitive as we age.

[Farangwithaplan]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

 

Spent most of my life trying to please women, first mom,

That explains about your posts in general.

[mauGR1]

I find hard, if not impossible to exactly define feelings, so i won't even try.

My happiness has always been permeated by melancholy; maybe strange, but that's it.

One of the few things i'm absolutely positive, it's that everything is transitory.

[WalkingOrders]

Sad music ??? Nah. Start listening to Reggaeton. Start with this oldie but goodie. 

 

[swissie]

9 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

That's a very good observation. I don't think I've ever been "happy" in the same way as I've been unhappy or melancholy.

I've definitely enjoyed some parts of my life, but like you say, more absence of negativity, rather than "happiness" per se.

I've been happy in some things, some relationships, but only while they were happening. When they were not happening I wasn't still enjoying them, or happy- just absence of unhappiness. Being away from the person that made me happy when I was with them made me sad as I missed them.

 

Melancholia, on the other hand, lasts even if the thing that caused melancholia is no longer present.

 

Back to the music- if I listen to a happy song I'm happy only as long as the song plays, but if I listen to a sad song I feel sad even after the song ends.

I'll have to ponder on that for a while.

About time we realise that what we call "feelings" is produced by hormones docking on to certain aereas of our brain.
Example: Oxytocin is the "love hormone". Resulting in a mild form of Schizophrenia but also keeping "melancholy" at bay.

 

We are slaves of the hormones that our body produces. Some "bodies" produce more "happyness"- hormones than others. Those persons are less prone to Melancholy, obviously.
Of course, some temporary events can have an effect on our moods/feelings, but longer term it seems to be a genetic thing and science is just starting to scratch the surface of the phenomenon that we call "feelings". By birth and by nature, some people are more Happy than others during their lifetime, regardless of "life-circumstances". Must be, as certain drugs dock on to certain aereas of the brain that produce feelings of happyness. The reason drugs are so popular as they produce artificial happyness "on demand".

 

- I myself have a deal with the outdoor hookers on my Soi. I give everyone that yells at me accross the street "hello sexy man" a Buck and a Half. Seems to produce Oxytocin, thus keeping Melancholy at bay.

 

And if all the above should not help, I quote Nietsche: "Happyness is the absence of pain". Cheers.

[geronimo]

17 hours ago, CharlieH said:

You might not agree with this either, but here goes.....

 

Alot has to do with the individuals mental state and age when listening. We all suffer ups and downs and it will often hit a chord with many people at different times dependent on whars going on with their lives and emotions at that specific time.

We have all at some time turned off music as being "depressing" if our mood is upbeat from some recent event. Likewise it can resonate with us when we are down.

However, and this is just an opinion, as we get older, we get more empathetic, we realise the stupidity of some actions, the waste in lives, and more that can only come with a lifetime of experiencing so many events and traumas. I think we actually become more sensitive as we age.

Have you ever thought of running for POTY?

[PatOngo]

18 hours ago, cmsally said:

Maybe happiness is actually not a state but rather the absence of melancholy ?

Life's a bitch, then you die! ????

[soalbundy]

We are naturally joyful beings if allowed to be, society and schooling does its best to knock this out of us. We then over think things, attach importance to that which is fleeting and temporary and want more of that which will never satisfy beyond a very short time. Detach yourself, view life and anything that happens to you as if it were a film you were watching (because in reality that is all it is) of cause you can join in the performance if you so choose but remember it's not real and won't last, nothing ever does. You are in a state of 'being' as the words human being suggests so enjoy it no matter what, with no money in your pocket you can sit still and enjoy a sunrise, that is soon gone but then other things arise, if you have no money to give a beggar you can still offer a smile and a greeting. Life is simple, why make it difficult. Go with the flow, you can't change it anyway, you aren't in control.

Edited November 20, 2019 by soalbundy

[geronimo]

I have gone down the Buddhist path and after 15 years, have managed to become emotionally detached. This doesn't mean I am void of feeling, but I have trained my mind not to respond to situations. Being emotionally detached does not mean you don't care, caring is about the right action, which I will do, but I do not have the emotional baggage that most people carry around with them.

 

I do not feel, sadness, fear, envy, frustration, anger, or hate.

 

I am always in a state of happiness, as I have complete control of the conscious mind.

[MadMuhammad]

Until one suffers true sadness and plumbs the depth of life changing loss I feel many, not all obvious you, chase sadness as a justification for mediocrity or not dealing with life’s many issues. 
6 years ago I was on top of the world. At 34 I was the fittest I had ever been. I had a high paying job in construction, had just built a million $ home, owned nearly everything (car, bikes etc) and travelled the world. I had a catastrophic traffic accident and just like that life pulled the rug out form under me. 
The next 4 years of rehab were tough. 5 surgeries to repair my broken body, the loss of use of one arm, broken neck and back, coma for 2 weeks and on a Brian injury ward for 4 months, I lost so much. My health, my physique, memories, independence. The toughest loss was my identity. I was always the big, fit, out going guy. 
 

I scraped the bottom of the barrel for a while, shut myself off from the world. Painkillers, in and out of hospital and multiple surgeries. I lost the job that I loved dearly and ended up losing my fiancée, nearly lost my home and my sanity. But I pulled through. 
 

Now I can’t find it in me to be sad about anything whatsoever. Even songs that used to be tear jerkers or triggered sad memories have little to know effect on me. I have suffered more than the average person and I made a promise to myself I will suffer no more. 
Life is a gift along with everything in it. I don’t have time for sadness or pain anymore ????????

[geronimo]

3 minutes ago, MadMuhammad said:

Until one suffers true sadness and plumbs the depth of life changing loss I feel many, not all obvious you, chase sadness as a justification for mediocrity or not dealing with life’s many issues. 
6 years ago I was on top of the world. At 34 I was the fittest I had ever been. I had a high paying job in construction, had just built a million $ home, owned nearly everything (car, bikes etc) and travelled the world. I had a catastrophic traffic accident and just like that life pulled the rug out form under me. 
The next 4 years of rehab were tough. 5 surgeries to repair my broken body, the loss of use of one arm, broken neck and back, coma for 2 weeks and on a Brian injury ward for 4 months, I lost so much. My health, my physique, memories, independence. The toughest loss was my identity. I was always the big, fit, out going guy. 
 

I scraped the bottom of the barrel for a while, shut myself off from the world. Painkillers, in and out of hospital and multiple surgeries. I lost the job that I loved dearly and ended up losing my fiancée, nearly lost my home and my sanity. But I pulled through. 
 

Now I can’t find it in me to be sad about anything whatsoever. Even songs that used to be tear jerkers or triggered sad memories have little to know effect on me. I have suffered more than the average person and I made a promise to myself I will suffer no more. 
Life is a gift along with everything in it. I don’t have time for sadness or pain anymore ????????

Kudos to you Sir!!!

[Nyezhov]

17 hours ago, mauGR1 said:

I find hard, if not impossible to exactly define feelings, so i won't even try.

My happiness has always been permeated by melancholy; maybe strange, but that's it.

One of the few things i'm absolutely positive, it's that everything is transitory.

There are times that I am so consumed by sadness and regret that I cease functioning. I feel it coming, I recognize it, and I work to make it go away. Then I move on, because every day Im breathing AND walking are fabulous days!

[geronimo]

1 minute ago, Nyezhov said:

There are times that I am so consumed by sadness and regret that I cease functioning. I feel it coming, I recognize it, and I work to make it go away. Then I move on, because every day Im breathing AND walking are fabulous days!

emotion is the cause of all suffering ....

[Nyezhov]

2 minutes ago, geronimo said:

emotion is the cause of all suffering ....

Well lets not forget about haemmoroids, but generally true.

[Nyezhov]

59 minutes ago, geronimo said:

I am always in a state of happiness, as I have complete control of the conscious mind

Ah, but what do you think causes that pleasant dream and morning wood? Ya got that little emtional devil hanging back there in the recesses in the central controller ????

[Enoon]

Likewise when they listen to "happy" music?

 

20 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Goes some way to explaining though I can't agree with it all.

I must be really empathetic though, massively so as I get really melancholy listening to songs like Lace covered window, and Wish you were here!

Interesting that non empathetic people apparently don't feel sad listening to sad music. 

 

Eiffel 65 - Blue (Da Ba Dee)????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

 

Samaritans of Thailand English Hotline | Samaritans Thailand

 

 

Edited November 20, 2019 by Enoon

[1FinickyOne]

Yo. TBL - gray skies are gonna clear up - put on a happy face... 

[1FinickyOne]

1 hour ago, geronimo said:

emotion is the cause of all suffering ....

it is also the cause of pleasure... stress is the cause of all illness, I have heard it said.

[1FinickyOne]

1 hour ago, Nyezhov said:

I am so consumed by sadness and regret that I cease functioning.

I think they have a pill for that? 

[geronimo]

1 hour ago, Nyezhov said:

Ah, but what do you think causes that pleasant dream and morning wood? Ya got that little emtional devil hanging back there in the recesses in the central controller ????

I decide what I think about, and most people are slaves to a wandering mind!

[MadMuhammad]

39 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

I think they have a pill for that? 

Yep. It’s called ecstasy ????

[geronimo]

Just now, MadMuhammad said:

Yep. It’s called ecstasy ????

Ecstasy: A feeling you feel when you feel you're going to feel a feeling you feel you've never felt before!