Going out with affluent Thai family, being the eldest… who pays?

[Don Mega]

Is her "brother" part of the entourage that will be attending ?

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, steven100 said:

usually when the bill comes all the Thai's will start talking to each other .... 

so it'll be you paying ...  that's how it happens.

 

 

 

Forgot to say,

If you go to dinner with a bunch of Thais the probability is they will speak Thai to each other and ignore you.

You should at least make sure you've banged her first, before enduring a boring and expensive evening.

[Don Mega]

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Forgot to say,

If you go to dinner with a bunch of Thais the probability is they will speak Thai to each other and ignore you.

You should at least make sure you've banged her first, before enduring a boring and expensive evening.

Given the scenario as outline by the OP I'd be wanting some action on the first date otherwise give it a swerve after all she's on a dating site trawling for a Farang.... she knows what its all about.

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, Don Mega said:

Given the scenario as outline by the OP I'd be wanting some action on the first date otherwise give it a swerve after all she's on a dating site trawling for a Farang.... she knows what its all about.

Yes, I can't believe how gullible all these old guys (never been to Thailand) are when shopping on Thai Friendly.

Guess the OP bought the t-shirt 'Believe Women' and wears it every day.

 

The rules out here are very different to the west, you don't need to pay out for months in the hopes of later rewards. If it seems she won't put out right at the start, restrict any dates to walks on the beach, or a coffee or two in a coffee shop.

 

Here, it's always fun first, pay later.

[Don Mega]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Yes, I can't believe how gullible all these old guys (never been to Thailand) are when shopping on Thai Friendly.

 

 

 

Even the ones that say in their profile "Only looking for friend to enjoy a coffee or movie with" will message back with "you want ST or LT" when ya ask em how much !!

[marin]

13 hours ago, baansgr said:

If you were Thai, the bin would be shared...fair same policy applies you being a Foreigner...pay you and your dates way, let the others pay theirs...nowt wrong with that

Been here 30+ years and have never seen this happen. If you asked them out you should pay as has been pointed out.

 

12 hours ago, kingofthemountain said:

raditionaly it's the person who invites you who pays for the dinner

so who has decided to do the dinner?

 

If nobody has decided alone, and it was a mutual decision

the tradition is the one who is the most comfortable financially who pays

it's for him\her an occasion to earn some ''face'' and show to the others how 

comfortable he\she is.

 

 

[Bill97]

OP

 

Do not go to those dinners.

 

If you do not understand the social situation avoid it, find one you do.

 

why go to a dinner during which you will be wondering or worrying about whether or not you will be stuck with the bill

[thaibeachlovers]

14 hours ago, henrik2000 said:

There will be at least one dinner with about 6 family members and me. It will not be fine dining, but decent casual on the riverside or so. I know they all like seafood. Who will pay that? I can afford to pay, if that's what should happen. Except for the grandfather generation, i just might be the oldest around the table (a lil older than my date and her siblings and their partners, i guess).

If you can't ask her that, the relationship is doomed anyway.

 

14 hours ago, henrik2000 said:

She had little exposure to foreigners (she was honestly surprised i don't like durian…).

Definitely doomed.

Unless you read Thai, the mere fact she can write English well enough ( or is it German? ) indicates that she has mak mak experience of westerners, but let you believe she hasn't.

 

BTW, do you speak conversational Thai? If not it's going to be a strange dinner.

[Isaanbiker]

Are you sure that your new found love isn't a Nigerian male?

 

  Just wait and see. If there's one of her family who's wealthier than you are, he/she will ask for the bill.

 

   

[Isaanbiker]

16 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

If you can't ask her that, the relationship is doomed anyway.

 

Definitely doomed.

Unless you read Thai, the mere fact she can write English well enough ( or is it German? ) indicates that she has mak mak experience of westerners, but let you believe she hasn't.

 

BTW, do you speak conversational Thai? If not it's going to be a strange dinner.

The first alarm sign would be to find somebody on a dating site, where written words can be chosen in a way they want to. 

[baansgr]

1 hour ago, marin said:

Been here 30+ years and have never seen this happen. If you asked them out you should pay as has been pointed out.

 

 

He didnt ask  them....his new Tirak did, so should she pay....I never have and never will pay for hangers on, whether they are rich, poor or anything else. My culture is to share the tab, and all the genuine Thais I know do the same. Tell me how would a waitress know the foreigner invited the Thais, yet will present the foreigner with the tab...its all a con and get ole whitey to pay...and yes, you can bet your bottom dollar they will all be eating seafood with dish after dish arriving at the table. Up to him, but if he pays he's a mug 

[BritManToo]

11 minutes ago, baansgr said:

Up to him, but if he pays he's a mug 

A bit harsh, he's probably just desperate for a bit of female company.

We were all like that when we lived in the west and had to buy a fat woman a house just to get sex once a month.

 

I couldn't understand why I was suddenly attractive to young and attractive Thai women when I first arrived here.

Welfare for single moms has a lot to answer for.

Edited January 12, 2020 by BritManToo

[henrik2000]

Hi all, thanks for your input!

[fairbank]

Old white men coming to thailand to find love , i think i've heard this before , i already know the outcome would be a disaster at the END, A FOOL AND HIS MONEY R SOON PARTED.???? , i love you too mut long time , lol

[fairbank]

can i join your party , i'm very hungry and i love riverside seafood.lol, some foreigners are morons., especially old white men, some young, i know some r gonna get angry but the wise ones know the truth.

[henrik2000]

Fairbanks, thanks.

[kingofthemountain]

21 minutes ago, fairbank said:

Old white men coming to thailand to find love , i think i've heard this before , i already know the outcome would be a disaster at the END, A FOOL AND HIS MONEY R SOON PARTED.???? , i love you too mut long time , lol

There is still some exceptions

in the bunch of gold diggers you can find a pearl or two

BUT here it's quite strange and very unusual for a ''good girl'' to

organize a dinner with her new farang ''fiancee'' even before to meet in the real life. 

 

The norm in Thailand is you go on a lot of dates (usualy the girl is with a friend -girl- of her at the first one or two) you can have sex together after the 3ned dates and after some months or years

if you are still together and going forward for a future wedding or you live already together, then 

you could be presented to the family.

 

So the ''logic'' (Thai and western logic) should be you go dinner together you and your 

new ''fiancee'' and you learn to know better each other, and see how it's go during some months.

Imagine if after 2 or 3 days for some reasons you don't want to see her or she doesn't 

want to see you anymore?

 

Can you imagine the big lost of face for her in front of all her family members

if you have had a dinner together and she presents you as her ''fiancee''?

imho no any Thai girl in is right mind would want to take a big risk like that

so stay only 2 options 1\ she is totally crazy (I have had 2 or 3 like that)

2\ the plan is to have a free good dinner, they are not even members of his family

just some friends sharing a good plan and enjoying a good time laughing at the stupid farang

(Never underestimate what some people are able to do to have something free)

3\ ? only you know the answer

 

If you are in Thailand just for some days or weeks and you don't want to live here

full time. forget a serious relationship. ''Rent'' a girl (A lot available) on a daily or weekly

basis, you can have the same satisfactions for less money and much less problems.

 

Enjoy your stay

 

 

[observer90210]

Pay for dinner if you wanna boumboum the daughter.

 

Take expensive floral arrangement for the in-laws if you wanna also boum-boum the mom.

 

Buy a house if you wanna boum-boum both mummy and daughter together. ????

[Ventenio]

You have to have some expectations to pay.  Let's say it's 3000 baht.  OK, is that OK?  If not OK, run away and don't look back.  You are marrying into a family and it's expensive, which is why you worked and researched and are willing to help the less fortunate.  What would I do?  I wouldn't be in this situation.  Because this situation has 100 more parts to it and it never ends well.  Take a hard look at your finances.  She might end up costing you about 300,000 a year, which is fine if you really cannot live without her.  Times that all the years you will be with her.....Yeah, of course it's a business decision for their family.  If you don't pay, you are bad business.  maybe a great person, but a bad decision.  

[Puchaiyank]

9 hours ago, marqus12 said:

One of the scams on dating sites is..."feed me and my friends".

When my live-in GF asked if she could bring one of her girlfriends along to dinner...I said...of course...

 

Six people showed up for dinner...I wanted to throw her and the entourage to the curb...but I went and paid...a seafood buffet...not too expensive...she saved face and I learned a valuable lesson...☺

[Jip99]

8 minutes ago, Puchaiyank said:

When my live-in GF asked if she could bring one of her girlfriends along to dinner...I said...of course...

 

Six people showed up for dinner...I wanted to throw her and the entourage to the curb...but I went and paid...a seafood buffet...not too expensive...she saved face and I learned a valuable lesson...☺

 

That wouldn’t have happened with my live-in GF because I don’t give a toss about face. 
 

She would have learned a valuable lesson had she made that mistake.

[HuskerDo]

10 hours ago, BestB said:

Ok, I be the one. So you learned all the information from picking her up on dating site and through Skype ?

 

here is some wake up call information for you

 

1. rich Thai girls do not go on dating sites to meet foreigners 

2. rich Thai girls not only in no hurry to introduce foreigner from internet to their family but are also forbidden to do so

 

so to make it easier for you, you would be picking up the entire tab and rest assured they will not be eating or drinking small to save you any bucks or contribute to a massive bill to come .

 

enjoy your upcoming dinner 

Yes, and most likely it won't be her family at the table but rather her friends, boyfriend, husband, pimp, etc.

[HuskerDo]

15 minutes ago, Puchaiyank said:

When my live-in GF asked if she could bring one of her girlfriends along to dinner...I said...of course...

 

Six people showed up for dinner...I wanted to throw her and the entourage to the curb...but I went and paid...a seafood buffet...not too expensive...she saved face and I learned a valuable lesson...☺

"she saved face"...… but you came off looking like a fool. Once you saw the "entourage" you should have politely excused yourself to use the restroom and never returned.

[Puchaiyank]

3 hours ago, Jip99 said:

 

That wouldn’t have happened with my live-in GF because I don’t give a toss about face. 
 

She would have learned a valuable lesson had she made that mistake.

You are the Man!...Cock of the Walk!...And honorary "Who-Dat"!

[Puchaiyank]

3 hours ago, HuskerDo said:

"she saved face"...… but you came off looking like a fool. Once you saw the "entourage" you should have politely excused yourself to use the restroom and never returned.

Which looks better...paying the bill and as you say: "looking like a fool".  Or retiring to the bathroom and not coming out...makes one appear full-of-corn-shucks! and other things one can not mention on this forum.

[Scouse123]

On 1/11/2020 at 10:38 PM, baansgr said:

If you were Thai, the bin would be shared...fair same policy applies you being a Foreigner...pay you and your dates way, let the others pay theirs...nowt wrong with that

Spoken like a true man.......Yorkshire would be proud to have you.

[Scouse123]

Well guys,

 

The OP would like to thank all TVF members for their invaluable advice and input. Things are much clearer now to him...????????

[tlandtday]

Recommend a restaurant with a window in the bathroom.

[jesimps]

My experience is the bill will automatically be presented to you by the waiter and the family will make no effort to pick up the tab.

[samsensam]

1 minute ago, jesimps said:

My experience is the bill will automatically be presented to you by the waiter and the family will make no effort to pick up the tab.

 

my experience has always been the compete opposite. i guess it depends on where the thais you are with sit in the complex thai cultural hierarchy. i have been on countless meals with wealthy thais either as friends or with family of a gf. the restaurant staff know instinctively who is the 'highest' person at the table and in my experience they always present the bill to that person. it's how thai society works.