I feel quite stressed living the dream in Thailand with wife and child

[Matzzon]

20 hours ago, bbabythai said:

Any thoughts on all this. Thanks for listening.

Yes, some thoughts spring to mind but it´s probably not what you want to hear.

First it´s your complaints about your wife not being perfect. Nobody is perfect, but you chose to live with her and marry her. After that you make a child with her, knowing very well that you are not so good with children. You are also posting that you are easily irritated as well as you feel best alone.

Hmm, I think you have you answers there. You made all the wrongs you could possibly do for yourself. Now I suggest you live with it, because your wife was working hard for the company to work, right.
 

Nothing much to complain about. You put yourself in the situation, and nobody forced you.

[Danny Australia]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, very brave of you, as I would not dare share my private feelings and thoughts with anyone.

 

Reading your post made sense and I realised that I am not insane. Thank you

[CraigInBangkok]

Isn't that what cannabis is for ? I am being serious. For me its time for myself and any stress floats away no matter who is around

[Jack Hna]

18 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

If feel the urge to ask help from some people in a forum, you are better of to talk to people who are actually educated to help people with these issues. Do you think you know better?

Education versus life experience. And you choose education. Explains a lot. 

 

In the real world education is the lowest form of qualification. It simply provides a seat at the table. How you conduct yourself whilst at the table is drawn from experience.

[Stevemercer]

13 minutes ago, Matzzon said:

Yes, some thoughts spring to mind but it´s probably not what you want to hear.

First it´s your complaints about your wife not being perfect. Nobody is perfect, but you chose to live with her and marry her. After that you make a child with her, knowing very well that you are not so good with children. You are also posting that you are easily irritated as well as you feel best alone.

Hmm, I think you have you answers there. You made all the wrongs you could possibly do for yourself. Now I suggest you live with it, because your wife was working hard for the company to work, right.
 

Nothing much to complain about. You put yourself in the situation, and nobody forced you.

 

I'm not so sure about this. A farang marries a younger lady who is keen to have children. The farang has been there and done that, but might want to do the decent thing because the wife wants to start a family. She has needs too.

 

Of course, things are much more complicated than that. But most Thai ladies are comfortable in being the care-giver and don't necessarily expect the older father to contribute on a day-to-day basis. In most cases, you are the financial provider.

 

So you need to find ways of finding peace and quiet. It won't get easier as the child gets older. Most Thai ladies love the noise, drama and company of Thai family and friends. We old men, not so much.

 

I am sure the mother-in-law is a great help to your wife, but she should not live in your home endlessly. Your home is your castle. If you do not feel comfortable and relaxed in your home, then it is a big problem.

 

I hope you can sort out your living arrangements so that your home is somewhere yu want to be and can relax. Not all the time, noise and drama is inevitable, but for most of the time.

 

I don't know what I would do if I no longer felt comfortable in my own home. Maybe abandon it all and go somewhere else.

 

 

Edited October 7, 2020 by Stevemercer

[Jack Hna]

Sounds like you need to be thankful for what you have. Go to Pattaya and trawl a few farang bars for 2-3 days listen instead of share and you will realise you have no basis for self pity and you are being a prat. Them go home and forget about this and be a man.

[Somtamnication]

I understand the OP. He needs a man-cave. A place to get away with rules to not knock on the door. Going away for a few days is ok, but it creates angst with the Thai spouse. There really is a clash of two cultures at my home but we survive.

 

This covid bs is creating havoc and magnifying the issues that would have been a normal way of life otherwise.

 

Talk to another man, enjoy some free time, create a schedule FOR YOURSELF. Good luck.

[rumak]

OMG....... first page lots of reasonable comments (except for the seek professional help bs )

 

ok.... on to second page

[BritManToo]

59 minutes ago, teacherclaire said:

I was there with my partner which was a mistake. I should have taken time for myself to see all from a different viewpoint, I do understand how easy it is to get into such a situation.

No point carting women around, the ones there are always friendlier than the ones already with you.

[Keyser Soze666]

It just sounds like normal life to me..ie absolutely boring and rubbish. I realised years back that 90% of life for the average person is just sh!t, and the vast majority of people are annoying and/or dull, that's just the way it is, life's a bitch then you die. Many will disagree of course, good for you, crack on.

 

I only read the OP btw, I can't bear to read 5 pages of 'wisdom' and advice that the OP will of course completely ignore anyway, or just forget

[rumak]

17 hours ago, Upnotover said:

"Living the dream".  There's your mistake.  It's no different to anywhere else.  Reality.

Well,  i almost agreed with you.   hmmm    Yes, true that wherever you go.... there you are (as the

saying goes) .      But having been in many many places ,   i do find it different here .

Why ?  is different for everyone,  but many that have made this our home just like the lifestyle (and

for me the average thai person as well).

But if one does not get their sheet together than of course there will not be a "dream" no matter where one is.    All must learn to make adjustments as they weave thru life

[rumak]

Just now, Keyser Soze666 said:

I can't bear to read 5 pages of 'wisdom' and advice that the OP will of course completely ignore anyway, or just forget

that is why we are so lucky to have someone like you amongst us.   to remind us how boorish and

stupid we are.     what was your username before ?

[Keyser Soze666]

4 minutes ago, rumak said:

Yes, true that wherever you go.... there you are (as the

saying goes) 

I've only ever read that on here, so it must be a cringe TV only saying.

[Matzzon]

38 minutes ago, Stevemercer said:

 

I'm not so sure about this. A farang marries a younger lady who is keen to have children. The farang has been there and done that, but might want to do the decent thing because the wife wants to start a family. She has needs too.

 

Of course, things are much more complicated than that. But most Thai ladies are comfortable in being the care-giver and don't necessarily expect the older father to contribute on a day-to-day basis. In most cases, you are the financial provider.

 

So you need to find ways of finding peace and quiet. It won't get easier as the child gets older. Most Thai ladies love the noise, drama and company of Thai family and friends. We old men, not so much.

 

I am sure the mother-in-law is a great help to your wife, but she should not live in your home endlessly. Your home is your castle. If you do not feel comfortable and relaxed in your home, then it is a big problem.

 

I hope you can sort out your living arrangements so that your home is somewhere yu want to be and can relax. Not all the time, noise and drama is inevitable, but for most of the time.

 

I don't know what I would do if I no longer felt comfortable in my own home. Maybe abandon it all and go somewhere else.

 

 

To me you just sounds like another complainer that couldn´t hack it if a problem came up. I might be wrong, but this guy know exactly what he liked and what he wanted in life. Still he did the opposite. That´s plain stupid!

[Keyser Soze666]

2 minutes ago, rumak said:

that is why we are so lucky to have someone like you amongst us.   to remind us how boorish and

stupid we are.     what was your username before ?

You need reminding?

 

You are bored now aren't you? Thanks for proving my point.

[IAMHERE]

Maybe you can join the local wat and go there a bit to just relax and meditate. Going to the wat would be seen as a good thing. 

[ronaldo0]

Go for a cycle or get an Xbox ! ????

[1FinickyOne]

3 minutes ago, IAMHERE said:

Maybe you can join the local wat and go there a bit to just relax and meditate. Going to the wat would be seen as a good thing. 

good idea.. I used to go out to a couple of nearby forest temples... 

[JWRC]

19 hours ago, Seik said:

As men, our freedom is an integral part of us in a way that just does not apply to women, they are also far more social than us. Don't let your whole life revolve around your family.

Well it's quite obvious you know absolutely nothing about women.

[AlfHuy]

12 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Most guys in the UK used to get an allotment, or just a shed in the garden.

I go hiking and cycling, or wear ear buds in the house.

 

Get rid of MiL ASAP.

<deleted> out, now.

[elliss]

19 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

See a professional helper to deal with this feelings.

 

    I take it , you mean a Lady Bar / mia noi .

    My marriage , would not survive , as we have so very little , in common ..

     Professional help , is essential to a farlang / Thai , relationship ..

    

 

[elliss]

14 minutes ago, JWRC said:

Well it's quite obvious you know absolutely nothing about women.

 

   Do you mean ,   Western or Thai women ..

     Their plans , are much the same .

 

[Antonymous]

I have learned over a long haul and many relationships that successful partnerships are all about giving each other space, physically and metaphorically.

 

In a condo, really hard to do, unless it is very large and you have many rooms.

 

When I chose/designed the last two houses for my wife and I (no children) one top priority was that there would be separate his and her dens/offices/studios or whatever you want to call that private space where you can each go to be alone with your thoughts. Not a desk in the corner of your ‘open plan’ living space, but an enclosed room with a door that can be shut without consequences if desired. This is where you can each keep ‘your stuff’ and your computer and devices and do whatever you want in. I can’t stress strongly enough what a huge benefit just this one thing can be.

 

Another priority for me is to have a big garden. Not only aesthetically pleasing, but also gives many more opportunities for finding ‘space’ and enjoying activities. As you appear to be in Bangkok, that might not be an option, but do it if you can.

 

I have no experience with children. Never wanted or had any. But I’m sure that they also need space whether a playroom or swing in the garden.

 

As for taking off on private holidays, which others have suggested, that’s fine as long as both partners have equal opportunity to do so and you are both OK with it. Without that, it could lead to disaster.

[bwpage3]

21 hours ago, dimitriv said:

I am almost 50 years old, and have a 9 month old daughter. I love her very much. But sometimes it is too much for me. She has more energy than me, and sometimes I feel that I am too old for this. I had my first child when I was 30 years old, and cannot remember that I felt like that.

 

I went back to my home country 2 weeks ago, after living with the family for half a year in a BKK condo. I work online, and doing so in a small condo with my girlfriend and baby daughter was terrible. So hard to work and concentrate. The lockdown and Covid also didn't help to make me feel better. 

 

Back in my home country I enjoy my house, the space, all the empty rooms and the absolute silence. I can work, concentrate. In 2 weeks here I did more work than in half a year in BKK. I enjoy every minute.

 

Maybe you need more time alone. Try to create some distance. If you feel better when being away maybe you should do so more often. And when you do so maybe you can also enjoy the moments together again. That is what I want to try...

 

 

Why did you have a kid in the first place?

 

You must have realized at 50 what a chore a new baby would be?

 

[bwpage3]

15 hours ago, Grumpy John said:

So you happily get married to a Thai girl, have a kid and now your unhappy.  "Living the dream"  there's the problem, you woke up!

 

So now if you screw up you will effect 3 lives instead of one!  It seems to me your being selfish and in your business over controlling.  Try fitting in, it's not that hard to do.

Agree.

 

Some men always in a rush to get married so she won't marry anyone else, have a kid to trap her and then decide it isn't for them.

 

Isn't that the Thai women's game?

[2 is 1]

Any of you guys not visit home country bye yourself! Now its difficult but in normal situation. If still have friend's and family there , time there can be relaxing. Anyway it break's normal rutin's here.

[bwpage3]

Maybe the OP should get his own job.

 

Then he won't have any free time to moan about anything.

 

You wanted the Thailand dream, man up and get a job.

 

You will have all the away time from your family you as asking for.

 

I suspect once you had to work for a living, you would relish the time with your family versus working.

 

You need to spend all day in a menial job like teaching Thai kids that are unruly and don't want to learn.

 

Maybe then you will realize what a joy a family really is.

 

Be a man, think about the kid's future and stop being selfish.

 

Your wife is working her ass off to support you moaning.

 

She needs to let off steam after work and live her own life in her own house

 

 

[Jack Hna]

OP you have us right here 247 365 what more do you need son???

 

We are all alone here and that's a choice for many and then you got that group that need other men to hold their hand. 

 

You want that?

 

Be a Man and don't ever mention this slight again.

 

 

[madmen]

50. 60 and even older pushing prams, what the hell were you thinking? Half of you will be dead before the kid finishes school. 

 

These are your golden years in a country where all your fantasies can come true. ????

Edited October 7, 2020 by madmen

[9653]

23 hours ago, swissie said:

OP is a bachelor at heart and now he has found out "that marriage is not really for me". He is not the only one that feels like that, but he is one of the few that is willing to "face the problem". Respect!
Remedy: Move in a 2 story house. "Upstairs" is your kingdom, downstairs the mayhem of your family may continue to take place. Occasional visits allowed and recommended.

If not, you may end up in divorce-court or the madhouse. Or worse.
Alternatively: You may play AC/DC's "Highway to hell" 24 hours a day at full blast. I am confident, that after 72 hours, not only the rats will have left, but also your family.
The family, wishing to return? You will be in a good bargaining position: "It's my way or I will re-engage AC/DC"!
Luck to you. Cheers.

Or you relocate back to that house  with all the  the unused rooms to get back to your former self.

FamIly or not, no sense in sacrificing yourself.

Your life would be drive me bonkers as  well