Thai Ladies And Falangs,

[nidge]

We have been together for 3 1/2 years and although i was living in Thailand at the time i actually me my wife while in Bahrain. We lived in an apartment there for nearly 2 years and suddenly i knew what real happiness was. Although i had a decent job i owned nothing and had no savings. She took over my finances an within no time my bank balance was healthier than ever before. 18 months ago we moved back to Thailand to get married and for the first year we lived in her parents house (tradditional wooden one on stilts). We got married 7 days after we arrived. The sin sodt was huge and i was mentally preparing to wake up one morning finding that i was being kicked out and left with nothing. But i was so so wrong. I tried to give her mum money each month, (about 5000 baht), but she either refused or gave it back to the wife, (because we need it for our future). Earlier this year we bought a lovely house and mum gave back 20% of the sin sodt to help pay for it.

My wife frequently complained to me, (while i was away working), that she was bored in the village with nothing to do, but we had our first baby last month and now she does not have enough time on her hands.

Apart from having to go to work, life could not be better.

[JimmyCA]

Having had "Getting married what should i pay" forum closed, because another was running, and the Private Detective forum coming close with two Mods warnings.

Both sites full of advice and a bit of bickering ect, but what i would like to see {with Mods permission} is a forum with real experinces,

Your true story,

What was the result?

Are you still together?

Warning signs, what to look out for..

Was you stitched up and turned over?

Did her/his family stand by you or not?

Personal experience only please, no My Mate said, or My friend did , ,, ,, , Just you,

All genders and nationalities welcome to post,

I hope your postings will help others what to look out for and the consequenses.. Thankyou all.

PS, sorry i cant be the first one, im very happy here with my thai GF...

YOU CAN READ ABOUT THIS KIND OF THING AD NAUSIUM ON STICKMAN WITHOUT MOD PERMISSION

[jay-uk]

Great thread. Nice to read so many positive stories...

[ccarbaugh]

My Tirak and I have been discussing whether Thai pooying want

"Farang Husband" if not for the "mak mak baht." We both

seem to agree that the desireability of a "Farang Husband"

is virtually non-existent without the "mak mak baht" component.

As long as BOTH parties are aware of this, it shouldn't be a problem.

P.S. Yes, I'm staying with my Tirak in Isaan

[Lickey]

Hi all, i know this is an old thread but its time i should post my story here, I was married in the UK 3 times, 1st was a beautiful Italian girl, apparantly she was promised to an Italian aristocrat by her father, so that was the end of that, 2nd was a London cockney girl, we had 2 lovely kids but her constant nattering and bad housework drove me away [kids are 29 and 26 now, both doing well ] then i had a GF for 14 years, we bought a house together, then we drifted apart, i gave her the endowment and re-morgaged, I then bought a PC, my intrigue for foreing girls increased, i went to St Petersburg [Russia] to meet a girl, and when she came to UK we got married, BIG MISTAKE, her cooking was crap,,,,, and other things too!!, anyway, i found this brazillian girl in Germany, and went to her as much as my holiday allowance would let me, perhaps 10 weeks in 2 years, she told me she was married and her husband was an aid worker in Africa and never showed her love, at the end, she told me he had seen pics of us on PC and that was that, no more contact,, but my love of foreign girls persisted, i found my thai GF on the internet, she is 9 years younger than me, has her own 2 kids, 16 & 25, I firsrt came to Thai 3 years ago to meet her, I stayed 10 days, 3 months later she came to UK and stayed 5.5 months, coming to work in truck every day ect, she never said a bad word and when we got home, she was cooking and cleaning, I sold up in UK and built a big place here, now we have a very busy beauty salon and a 40rai fruit/salad farm, she has 5 brothers and 1 sister, mum & dad passed away a few years ago, nobody has asked me for money, in fact [except when we went to uk in october] i havent used my visa/debit card for 7 months, and perhaps we will get married next year, hope that dosent change things!!! Cheers, Lickey..

[yorkman]

Hmm I must seem rather "Square". I was sent to BKK by my company at the time. I started talking to a girl who was a friend of a work colleague who indicated that she definately did not want a Farang husband, having seen (her words.....) all the tattoed smelly bald or shaved idiots that fly to BKK.

I disagree with the "Baht Mak Mak", all she wanted was a genuine person who loved her for herself. A teacher in an Issan school.

Money comes into most relationships, but she has (behind my back) gone out and worked hard when she thought we were in trouble moneywise (it was not the case but bless her)

2 Kids later and 12 years on we are still fine, as they say

Don't go to a bar...... the decent Thai girls are out there in there thousands...she has some lovely friends

John

Edited December 7, 2007 by yorkman

[mark henry]

I think the mind-set of Thai and farang are so far apart on the face of it the relationship would appear to be doomed from the outset. We've been together 4 years now and it's been a real roller coaster of emotions (both good and bad). I really do think Thai women are generally stuck at age 3 emotionally speaking! However, we are still together and we do have some great times together and i reakon we are reasonably happy and in love enough!

For some one just about to get together with a Thai my advice would be to empty your head entirely of any western notions of love/romance and watching the sunset together or you could be seriousley disapointed, i'm not saying you wont get that it's just she's likely to be thinking of that bag she saw today or a bowl of Somtam!!

[mark henry]

We've been married 4 years at the end of October. Generally I'd say it's been pretty good. Naturally, there are 'down days', difficulties with language & understanding. Sometimes the pitch of her voice can be a bit hard on the ears (dad also has that problem with her - as far as I know it's his only problem with her). Of course there are - happily not too often - the frustrating times.

I've not had to worry about her playing around. Her mum has done a great job with her & her (sorry, our) sisters. I've been 'family' from the start & treated that way from the first visit to the family home.

Only the younger generation have tried to have me as a cash-cow, but gave up when they sadly learned that loong farang wasn't playing that game.

Early in the relationship I did a surprise visit, arriving in the village about 4am. I only got into trouble for not having someone come to meet the bus & making my own way there. A foreigner with bags doing a 20km walk at that hour is a bit of a target, so it wasn't overly clever on my part.

Our wedding was held in the village (she wanted BKK) so as many as wanted could drop by. It was a great day and a lot of fun. Certainly a day I haven't forgotten.

I often have days at one of the local schools, helping the kids & teachers & get included in days out with the teachers. "no" is not an accepted answer, as they'll come to collect me. For one of last year's outings, our neighbours were heavily questioning TW as to why I was going out with 2 cars of women. She told them "it's OK, they're his girlfriends". She stayed home with mum. Would have been more entertaining if the rest of the group had come by.

There have been some heavy lessons both ways as to what is acceptable in either country with regards to how things are done or said. Cross-cultural marriages are more of a learning curve than a similar culture marriage, but that's 1/2 the fun.

It's almost a relief to hear that i'm not the only one who finds the high pitched tone of a Thai woman painful on the ears. I need to be at least 20 paces when the wife really gets into hjer flow!

[AYJAYDEE]

I think the mind-set of Thai and farang are so far apart on the face of it the relationship would appear to be doomed from the outset. We've been together 4 years now and it's been a real roller coaster of emotions (both good and bad). I really do think Thai women are generally stuck at age 3 emotionally speaking! However, we are still together and we do have some great times together and i reakon we are reasonably happy and in love enough!

For some one just about to get together with a Thai my advice would be to empty your head entirely of any western notions of love/romance and watching the sunset together or you could be seriousley disapointed, i'm not saying you wont get that it's just she's likely to be thinking of that bag she saw today or a bowl of Somtam!!

your unfortunate results shud not be used to generalize about all thai women. my experience has been the exact opposite of what you describe.

[AYJAYDEE]

Having had "Getting married what should i pay" forum closed, because another was running, and the Private Detective forum coming close with two Mods warnings.

Both sites full of advice and a bit of bickering ect, but what i would like to see {with Mods permission} is a forum with real experinces,

Your true story,

What was the result?

Are you still together?

Warning signs, what to look out for..

Was you stitched up and turned over?

Did her/his family stand by you or not?

Personal experience only please, no My Mate said, or My friend did , ,, ,, , Just you,

All genders and nationalities welcome to post,

I hope your postings will help others what to look out for and the consequenses.. Thankyou all.

PS, sorry i cant be the first one, im very happy here with my thai GF...

like you, i have found the experience extremely satisfying. 15 years of marriage and hopefully many many more to come

[rockyysdt]

Having had "Getting married what should i pay" forum closed, because another was running, and the Private Detective forum coming close with two Mods warnings.

Both sites full of advice and a bit of bickering ect, but what i would like to see {with Mods permission} is a forum with real experinces,

Your true story,

What was the result?

Are you still together?

Warning signs, what to look out for..

Was you stitched up and turned over?

Did her/his family stand by you or not?

Personal experience only please, no My Mate said, or My friend did , ,, ,, , Just you,

All genders and nationalities welcome to post,

I hope your postings will help others what to look out for and the consequenses.. Thankyou all.

PS, sorry i cant be the first one, im very happy here with my thai GF...

Hi Lickey.

Good subject and posts have been very enlightening.

What I'd like to learn is whether there are large age differences involved, and is this a problem on a number of levels?

Also if the thai girl enters a relationship with a farang who is is old enough to be her father, has she chosen financial assurance over physical attraction and long term viability?

Just wondering!

Edited December 8, 2007 by rockyysdt

[Lickey]

Rocky, you read my post about my life, and yes, on the internet site i could have met many girls 25/30 years younger than me, all very pretty, so i sat down with a cold beer and thought about this, along these lines, So i go to Thailand, fall in love with a young girl who does everything for my pleasure, i build a house for us, give money to Mum and Dad for new tractor for farm, buy them land ect, new motorbike, whatever she or they need,,,great!! till the money or my energy for sex runs out,, So i found a 42 year old, her parents died a few years ago, she has a thriving beauty salon and fruit farm buisness, [ok, i paid for new salon and improved the farm irrigation] and in about 9 years time, we will sell all and retire to the coast somewhere,

What im saying is dont be sucked in by a young thai girl, look for a educated/teacher/ ect,they have their own money and many of these lovely ladies dont trust Thai men, and are looking for a good honest falang,

Hope this helps you mate, Cheers, Lickey..

[rockyysdt]

,,great!! till the money or my energy for sex runs out,,

So i found a 42 year old, her parents died a few years ago, she has a thriving beauty salon and fruit farm buisness, [ok, i paid for new salon and improved the farm irrigation] and in about 9 years time, we will sell all and retire to the coast somewhere,

What im saying is dont be sucked in by a young thai girl, look for a educated/teacher/ ect,they have their own money and many of these lovely ladies dont trust Thai men, and are looking for a good honest falang,

Hope this helps you mate, Cheers, Lickey..

Glad it's working out for you.

Just some comments and questions.

Why don't Thai women trust Thai men?

If a young Thai girl goes for a very much older falang man, isn't she doing this for her families economic gain rather than for love? This would make the whole relationship founded on an act rather than attraction.

Do Thai women go for and enjoy sex?

It isn't an easy path, as choosing a woman towards the end of her rearing life can also lead to issues.

Once menopause arrives sexual inclination will drop off.

Edited December 8, 2007 by rockyysdt

[ray23]

Rocky first they are women then they are from Thailand yes some enjoy sex some don't.

I will say that the perfect realtionship seldom if ever exists. No matter where you are.

For the most part the family has to approave of a Thai man marrying thier daughters as well as farrangs. They pay dowerey's as well and in some cases depending on the financial level of families l involved more then we do.

Not all Thai men are jerks, not all farrang are perfect.

The system here is for a man marrying into a Thai family doesn't matter what country he is from. That is the system. These things began as a neccesity. The man was expected to move ionto the ladies family home. That meant another mouth to feed. So you needed to bring something to the table yourself.

The Chinese culture is different the man is to care for his own family and his wife is to help them. Why there is a shortage of females in China. These things are based on a Socil Security system for the old. Things have changed but the cultures didn't. I for one would never move into my family or he family home. A area where we are very diffferent.

So money is a factor and always has been long before we came into the picture.

Lickey points out a very valid point with the young ladies, they have no life experience so to them money just appears. That can lead to serious problems.

My wife is 33 I'm 60, but she had been earning her own way in life since she was 14, so she had life experience when met. She handles the family budget simply better at it then I am. We have very little family influence, her mother and father died when she was very young.

There i very little difference in my marriage to her then the ones I had in my home country. Soemtimes we argue adn sometimes we are very loving. I don't cheat on her she doesn't cheat on me. We have trust in eachother. That trust is what holds us together, just like any real marriage.

In the end it depends on who the two people are. For us not speaking the language for the most part, we tend to meet the ladies who are bar related. These ladies have been played and play the game themselves. It is a more difficult situation, sometimes it goes well sometimes it doesn't.

No magic answers here or anywhere else.

[mac.wheeler]

My personal experience is a very positive one, at the age of 40 I had pretty much decided that life as a bachelor was looking like a very good option following 24 years of disaster involving several women and had settled into living life alone quite comfortably.

I then met my young lady (well not so young she is 33) and all that changed, I can honestly say I have never been more content and have seldom met a nicer person than my partner.

The primary question I see raised here is that of the financial worries of attatching yourself to a demanding Thai family. I have had no such problems with my girfriend, her family have not been a financial sink to eat away my cash, sure I've given them a little here and there but nothing very much, I just paid the interest on the loan they took out for medical care for her mother before she died until we could find a way to remove the problem all together, now the loan is repayed in full and they don't need anything from me anymore. I suppose I helped them out with about 40k baht over the last year, certainly far less than I would have spent on birthday and christmas presents for a family in the UK over the same time frame. The real turning point for me during this time was when her sister telephoned and asked to borrow 5k baht, knowing that her sister earned about 6k baht a month I figured here it comes, I'm going to get stung for 5k here. To my great surprise I was amazed when the same sister telephoned 2 weeks later and asked how she could send me the money back? I had already written off the 5k by then as I didn't expect it to be paid back so I just told her to send it to Papa instead, this earned me quite a few browny points as it meant the family didn't have to support him for a couple of months. Now I don't worry about it at all, her family all know I'm not a rich farang now and they don't expect me to act like one. I think their only real concern is that I can't afford to build us a house in the village, they would very much like us to live close by, especially now the baby has arrived. They have even offered to help out by giving us the land to build on as a gift and offereing to supply labour for free to build a house. If I ever take them up on this offer I will have received a very decent return on the 40k baht don't you think?

Another question I see raised is the trust thing, lots of people have nightmare stories to tell about the sweet girl they met who turned out to be a lieing, cheating little monster. Having had long term relatinships in the UK lasting 10 years or more with women who turned out to also be lieing, cheating little monsters I constantly find myself amazed that I actually do trust my young lady completely. Why do I trust her? Because she has never once given my the slightest reason to not trust her, and this is coming from somebody who has been conditioned into looking for the little tell-tale signs that say your partner is being less than true with you.

But now we come to the crunch..... and the root of many peoples problems.

It's blindness, self inflicted blindness.

Let's say you go to the supermarket to buy a can of beans, would you buy a can that said it contained carrots in the hopes it might have beans inside? No of course you wouldn't.

Let's change the scenario, you are looking to find a life partner, would you choose somebody 25 years younger than you whom you met by them shouting 'Hello Welcome' at you as you passed by a bar? Would you choose somebody that quite openly tells you they 'go with' people for money? Would you choose somebody who professes to having many boyfriends? Does it really say life partner on that can? Sure I am aware that relationships started this way do from time to time work out, but I would surely love to see the ratio of success versus failures of this type of relationship.

I have a friend here at the momment who has met a girl in a bar that he rather likes, he told me the other day that he is going to make a move and ask her to leave the bar and come and live with him, he then told me that she must agree to go and get a job if she does.

I just laughed at him and asked him why would she want to work 10 hours a day for less money than she is earning now by standing around in a bar all night, drinking for free and chatting to people just so that she can live with you? If she wanted to do that she could have gotten a job in a factory instead of becomeing a prostitute, she's already made her choice and you won't change it. Another case of self inflicted blindness.

Edited December 9, 2007 by mac.wheeler

[yorkman]

Why don't Thai women trust Thai men?

As nobody has really tried to answer this, Ray excepted...

To be honest, in my experience this is something that is much exaggerated too.

In any group which is primarily farang, this forum or elsewhere, the view is going to be a bit slewed, because lots have come into contact with, or indeed gone on to have relationships with Thai who have come out of broken Thai/Thai relationships.

There are boozers, wife beaters, womanisers or whatever everywhere. Thailand is no different. Likewise there are lots of happily married Thai men , with kids they love, who work hard for their family. My wife has two married sisters, both their (Thai) husbands are great people. Of her female friends, I have not seen a single husband who I would class as a "rotten apple", in fact most are quite obviously the opposite.

I have seen one Thai marriage going down the pan quick, but to be completely fair the blame for that could probably be shared fairly equally, as in most relationship failures I guess. No doubt she does not trust Thai men much now

[rockyysdt]

I will say that the perfect realtionship seldom if ever exists. No matter where you are.

No magic answers here or anywhere else.

Thanks for sharing private life thoughts and feelings with me.

Your story is one of the many successes in life. When two love each other, there aren't many things in life much better.

Not being disrespectful, but needing to learn. Why do Thai women go for falang much older then them?

Is it partially due to supply and demand?

Edited December 9, 2007 by rockyysdt

[ray23]

think you jst answered yuor own question. If for th most part they want to saty in Thailand then a source of income is needed. That mihgt be a young guy who is adventerous and willing to take a huge risk in creating a business here. Or it will coem from someone esatblihed already and has a lifetime income.

The other options are immigration to a country they dont know adn the diffculties abd pt fall tah copme wih it. Some want that othres don't. I have never found a immigrant bride that found the reality to be the same as the dream. Not that easy at all. My ex was fromt he P.I. so I have some personal experience in that area.

The other option to abseentee husband, it works sometimes, but really difficult.

So I guess the supply of farrang that will live her certianly is limited to some extent.

But, keep in mind even if these relationships start out more like a business decesion, the don't remain that way for years. It gets down to emotions sooner or later. We all haev seen the marriages that never change and are always about money for the most part they don't last. Being a Veteran I have seen the opposite where there was geniune grief on the passing of a husband.

What I have learned over the years with three prior mariages and raising two families is that people change with time. for the lucky ones they grow closer together, for some they grow apart. They may still actually love eachother, but simply can not endure what their lives have evolved to and seperate. Sometimes I think we ask to much of our adopted country.

In the end people are just people.

[aussiecollin]

think you jst answered yuor own question. If for th most part they want to saty in Thailand then a source of income is needed. That mihgt be a young guy who is adventerous and willing to take a huge risk in creating a business here. Or it will coem from someone esatblihed already and has a lifetime income.

The other options are immigration to a country they dont know adn the diffculties abd pt fall tah copme wih it. Some want that othres don't. I have never found a immigrant bride that found the reality to be the same as the dream. Not that easy at all. My ex was fromt he P.I. so I have some personal experience in that area.

The other option to abseentee husband, it works sometimes, but really difficult.

So I guess the supply of farrang that will live her certianly is limited to some extent.

But, keep in mind even if these relationships start out more like a business decesion, the don't remain that way for years. It gets down to emotions sooner or later. We all haev seen the marriages that never change and are always about money for the most part they don't last. Being a Veteran I have seen the opposite where there was geniune grief on the passing of a husband.

What I have learned over the years with three prior mariages and raising two families is that people change with time. for the lucky ones they grow closer together, for some they grow apart. They may still actually love eachother, but simply can not endure what their lives have evolved to and seperate. Sometimes I think we ask to much of our adopted country.

In the end people are just people.

Why be a slave to a young man when they can be a princess to the old man?

[Gary A]

Why they don't want a Thai man? My wife didn't really say much bad about Thai men although I did ask her why she didn't marry a Thai man. She didn't respond so I dropped it. After we moved up country we hired her brother in law to build a garage/workshop. He is very talented but only works when he wants. One day he came with his crew and the electricity was off so they went and bought a bottle of lao kao. The electric came back on but they kept drinking. After everyone had spent all their money on lao koa, they all went home. The next day her sister came over with a black eye and asked my wife for some money to buy food for her kids. My wife was quite upset and asked if I remembered when I asked her about marrying a Thai man. I told her I did remember and she pointed at her sister and said "THAT'S WHY"! They go drink and have a good time while their kids are hungry. None showed up the next day either. My wife said they were all sick from drinking.

[yorkman]

Why be a slave to a young man when they can be a princess to the old man?

Well thats a reasonable high level summary of it, yes I think, although the "slave" bit is a bit harsh. Behind closed doors, as I am sure a couple on this current thread can attest too, they are not, in my experience, the "little woman" types. A broad brush perhaps, there are as many personality types as anywhere else.

To add to Ray's reasoning, there is also the fact that many farang actively seek young girls; they want the pretty young thing on their arm and in their bed, so that becomes a deciding factor in the age differentials. It's not always the case, I am 12 years older than my wife, which would not I think be a cause of discussion in any country. There are quite a lot around with less differential than that.

There is also the matter of security as well, and security is not just money. The older falangs in Thailand have probably had their rough relationship times in the past, and most have learnt enough about relationships by then that they are mature enough to find a way to work past problems that crop up, and thus do their bit to provide a secure and lasting relationship.

Having said all that, and its a bit irrelevent, I know a local who in his later 50's has just married a 16 yo girl off the farm (literally), and he has been in Thailand a few years. Given that I have heard, from him, a few of the stories about the family he has just married into, I wince. I could elaborate but as that might make them identifiable I won't.

My wife, who is normally unperturbed by, well almost anything, was utterly amazed! She asked me, as if I could possibly explain, why??

[LoveDaBlues]

Been with the TW for roughly 2 years now. Most of the problems in the beginning stemmed from the language difference. The last 6 months or so we don't really argue just disagree sometimes on minor stuff; I would have to say this is quite normal.

We're not officially married, will probably take care of that in the near future. Baby on the way. Things falling into place here, I'm happy.....no desire to return to the states.

Planning on building a house next January.

lol.....this old thread came back to life.

Anyway the wife and I got legally married on July 5. Baby was born on December 5 by C-section. Wife and baby doing fine; in fact the baby doesn't cry unless she needs to be fed or changed.......so far so good.

Funny story: the doctor who did the C-section took out the wife's appendix while he had her cut open. However, he didn't bother to tell us until AFTER the operation was over! This was a healthy appendix, don't think a doc in the USA would even consider this!

[ray23]

(Off Topic a bit, well a lot what with these C section everyone that I know who had a baby recently it was done in that manner. Won't buy off on the size of the child I have two children with my ex from the P.I. born in the states natural child birth.)

I always get a real kick out of these types of threads my Father was 25 years older then my Mother. The rasied seven sons, he was 65 years old when I was born. Truth is I had more time wiht him then any of my brothers sice there was 14 years between me and my next brother. He was retired he had time to give to me that he didn't have while working.

Oh by the way that was in America. Was is he a rich man, no he was a migrant fruit worker most of his life. They survived the depression and two wars. Yep they had fights, but never turned thier backs on each other.

There was a time in America where this really was not all that unusual.

Anothre in the states that would fall into this, I knew a guy retired from Police work, completed a second career wit the Orange County District Attorney's Office as an investigator. I met him while workign for a private company on a secialized bank detail. While at the DA's office he met a little sweety some 35 years younger then he. They are still a couple today and today he is in his 70's. He is Cathoic and will not devoirce isn't overloaded with money was still workign when I came here. Maintain his on place and a place for his wife. So why is she wiht him. Guess because she wants to be. I've met her she is a real cutie. So I would say that things are not always what we think they are.

I would also remind folks that maybe we are not hansome in our own cultures, our skin color changes some of that. Why my wife stays with me I have no idea, we are not rich, she may have thought so at first but believe me after four years she knows the difference.

[AYJAYDEE]

Why they don't want a Thai man? My wife didn't really say much bad about Thai men although I did ask her why she didn't marry a Thai man. She didn't respond so I dropped it. After we moved up country we hired her brother in law to build a garage/workshop. He is very talented but only works when he wants. One day he came with his crew and the electricity was off so they went and bought a bottle of lao kao. The electric came back on but they kept drinking. After everyone had spent all their money on lao koa, they all went home. The next day her sister came over with a black eye and asked my wife for some money to buy food for her kids. My wife was quite upset and asked if I remembered when I asked her about marrying a Thai man. I told her I did remember and she pointed at her sister and said "THAT'S WHY"! They go drink and have a good time while their kids are hungry. None showed up the next day either. My wife said they were all sick from drinking.

all thai men do not behave like that.

[AYJAYDEE]

My wife (issan) and I have been together for around 4 years and married for 3. We have 2 sons - 2yrs and 3wk old. Never have we had a serious problem. Sure there's some getting used to each others different cultural ideas and learning languages etc, but we have both agreed to live life 'with one foot in each culture' for the sake of ours and our childrens happiness.

We've lived in Australia for half the time, but are here in Issan for now. I built a home for us here and am now building a little corner store for her to sell what she wants. We are happy, no money probs...though she is content with or without. In all respects we live a happy and relatively simple life, no matter which country we live in.

Her family here is happy, if there's an emergency we help out, but nobody wants anything from us really. We help parents cut rice etc - they help us with building, we swap papaya and veges for ducks and rice.

Nobody in my extended family is demanding, greedy, dishonest etc. Any sister/cousin/brother-in-law that wants cash has always worked for it. I paid up when we got married ('when in rome'....) and that was the end of it. Sometimes just before the rice is full grown there've been requests for a cash advance from parents and grandparents. A little bit of honest dialogue up front and all loans have been repaid in full.... 2 years running.

My inlaws and I appreciate and accept that we have different ideas on some things. I've learned the answer to "thai people don't do it like that", is ...."yes I know that dad but just look how the farang does it". I can't think of a time when I've been more content with peoples attitudes.

Honestly, I have read many bad relationship stories on this and similar forums but I can't help thinking the people who have had problems with Thai partners would, and maybe do, have the same problems at home with non-thais. For those that come here (issan) thinking they are going to be able to find a lady or man who thinks and lives western values.... they are gonna have a difficult time of it, one way or another.

mike

Mike!

an excellent post. I particularly liked the last paragraph.

[Gary A]

I really was looking for a wife. I wasted ten years here in Thailand with young beautiful mostly bar girls. I lived with six of them during that time. Let me tell you about the most mercenary one of the bunch. She was a 26 year old maid for a good friend of mine and his Thai wife. She had NEVER been in a bar in her life. That relationship lasted nine months. The first MAJOR bad sign was when I bought a pickup truck. She wanted to know when we were going to do the paperwork. She was REALLY upset when I told her the paperwork was finished and it was in my name. The end finally came when I bought my condo. I left her in the apartment with four months prepaid rent and moved into the condo myself. She was determined that I was going to take nothing from the apartment except my clothes. It was actually a pretty ugly scene with her demanding 200,000 baht from me. She finally went away with her new Honda 125 motorbike and 20,000 baht. I was impressed with the security at my condo. They refused to let her through the gate.

I'm convinced that two of the bar girls would have been good choices but they both had children. I'm too selfish to raise anyone else's children and I'm not especially fond of kids.

[ray23]

"For those that come here (issan) thinking they are going to be able to find a lady or man who thinks and lives western values.... they are gonna have a difficult time of it, one way or another"

Excellent thought, really makes you wonder why a person would come to live here, if they wanted a total western life. Certainly available without moving halfway around the world.

I never forget there were reasons that I came here. Those reasons still exist. My home is really ablended household I still ahve he wetern things that I enjoy and I have the wonder that Thailand offers as well.

For the life of me I really can't see that marriage here is all that different, there are joys, disapointments, great times, bad times.

A for myself when my Mother needed help I and all my brothres gratefully gave it to her. Is that all that different in if it's your wifes mother or in may case my wifes aunt. If I can help I do. My mothe never abused that and noiethe does my wifes Aunt. she took the time to take care of my wife when she was a child as her parents are deceased when the rest of the family ignored my wife and her brother a children. I will do for tha Aunt just as I did for my mother. Now is that really all that different.

You know people are people some good some bad, when the family asks for help that ignored the wife and her brother when they were children and needed the help, they don't get it from me. I don't make that decesion my wife does. She took care of herself years before I came along working as a housekeeper and on farms.

So if you end up hooked up with an abusive famliy you can only be abused if you let it happen.

That same goes for relationships anywhere.

If your wife wont support you without good reason you probably have married the wrong person for you. But you had to see what you were getting into in the first place. There are always signs ignore them at your own risk. Personally when the signs got to be more then I believed I could handle I walked away.

Personally I think true relationhips are more real here then anywhere else I have been. It takes time to really build love and trust.

[AYJAYDEE]

"For those that come here (issan) thinking they are going to be able to find a lady or man who thinks and lives western values.... they are gonna have a difficult time of it, one way or another"

Excellent thought, really makes you wonder why a person would come to live here, if they wanted a total western life. Certainly available without moving halfway around the world.

I never forget there were reasons that I came here. Those reasons still exist. My home is really ablended household I still ahve he wetern things that I enjoy and I have the wonder that Thailand offers as well.

For the life of me I really can't see that marriage here is all that different, there are joys, disapointments, great times, bad times.

A for myself when my Mother needed help I and all my brothres gratefully gave it to her. Is that all that different in if it's your wifes mother or in may case my wifes aunt. If I can help I do. My mothe never abused that and noiethe does my wifes Aunt. she took the time to take care of my wife when she was a child as her parents are deceased when the rest of the family ignored my wife and her brother a children. I will do for tha Aunt just as I did for my mother. Now is that really all that different.

You know people are people some good some bad, when the family asks for help that ignored the wife and her brother when they were children and needed the help, they don't get it from me. I don't make that decesion my wife does. She took care of herself years before I came along working as a housekeeper and on farms.

So if you end up hooked up with an abusive famliy you can only be abused if you let it happen.

That same goes for relationships anywhere.

If your wife wont support you without good reason you probably have married the wrong person for you. But you had to see what you were getting into in the first place. There are always signs ignore them at your own risk. Personally when the signs got to be more then I believed I could handle I walked away.

Personally I think true relationhips are more real here then anywhere else I have been. It takes time to really build love and trust.

a really good post. pity more dont see what youve learned

[rockyysdt]

"For those that come here (issan) thinking they are going to be able to find a lady or man who thinks and lives western values.... they are gonna have a difficult time of it, one way or another"

Excellent thought, really makes you wonder why a person would come to live here, if they wanted a total western life. Certainly available without moving halfway around the world.

I never forget there were reasons that I came here. Those reasons still exist.

What were they?

[rockyysdt]

While at the DA's office he met a little sweety some 35 years younger then he. They are still a couple today and today he is in his 70's. He is Cathoic and will not devoirce isn't overloaded with money was still workign when I came here. Maintain his on place and a place for his wife. So why is she wiht him. Guess because she wants to be. I've met her she is a real cutie. So I would say that things are not always what we think they are.

I would also remind folks that maybe we are not hansome in our own cultures, our skin color changes some of that. Why my wife stays with me I have no idea, we are not rich, she may have thought so at first but believe me after four years she knows the difference.

Is light skin colour attractive amongst Thai's, even in a falang who is not handsome?

My only thought about age difference is that your friends wife is in the prime of her life and living with a man who, in his late seventies, is physiologically ready to hand in the keys. It looks like she'll be sacrificing many things living with him. Perhaps psychologically she feels comfortable living with a father figure partner!?

I have a female friend who I love very much, but I don't want to take advantage of her youth as I feel this would be selfish on my part. I'll support her and extend all my love, but I don't want to steel her life.

What are your thoughts about my postion?