Other Horse Called

[AltumAngel]

1. Other horse called

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a frying pan.

"What the hel_l was that for?" he asked.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied.

"But you don't understand," he pleaded. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."

Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What was that for?" he begged.

"Your horse called!"

2. Man & woman have special needs

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

The husband says, "What?!!!"

The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. He then tells his wife, "they all look great, we'll buy all three of them."

Then he goes over and gets matching shoes worth $300 each. And then goes to the jewelry department and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited, and trying to take advantage of her husband's generous mood, she goes for the tennis bracelet.

The husband says, "You don't even play tennis, but if you really like it then let's get it."

The wife is practically jumping up and down with excitement. She says, "Okay, I'm ready to go, let's take all of this stuff to the register."

The husband says, "No-no-no, honey, we're not going to buy all this stuff."

The wife's face goes blank.

"No, honey, I just want you to hold this stuff for a while."

Her face gets really red and she's about to explode when the husband says, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man!"

3. Ransom for a sleezy night over time

David, CEO of a MNC, having gone to his secretary's apartment for some "hot" sleezy over-time, was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning.

"My God!" he shouted, "My tigress wife is going to kill me!"

Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran out to the nearest pay phone and called his wife excitedly.

"Honey, thank God !" he began, "Don't pay the ransom. I escaped!"