My ex-girlfriend's sister once dated Evel Knievel.

PM me if you want my autograph. I charge for photographs, however.

I dictated the proletariat during the 30s, 40s and 50s. It was a tough job, but someone had to do it; particularly after Ilyich left things in such a kerfuffle.

I arranged for an icepick to be put Lev's skull while he was hiding in Mexico.

Von Ribbentrop pulled a fast one on me, but I made amends a few years later.

My best mate was Beria.

And my ex-wife's father slipped the poison into your food that killed you.

You must also be the guy who had my great grandfather (a land baron knighted by the czar) led out to the horse barn and shot; forcing my then 18 year old grandfather to flee for his life eventually becoming an immigrant farmer in Canada.

Hope the land of smiles has taken the edge off. It’s good you’ve taken up golf.

Oh come now. It's hardly fair to bring up minor youthful indiscretions committed when I was a lot more hot-headed. Did you never get up to any mischief when you were young?

Yes, golf has helped a little, although one or two caddies who gave me a crap read on the green sleep uneasily in their beds, awaiting the inevitable knock on the door in the middle of the night.

But that's another story altogther .. .

I dictated the proletariat during the 30s, 40s and 50s. It was a tough job, but someone had to do it; particularly after Ilyich left things in such a kerfuffle.

I arranged for an icepick to be put Lev's skull while he was hiding in Mexico.

Von Ribbentrop pulled a fast one on me, but I made amends a few years later.

My best mate was Beria.

And my ex-wife's father slipped the poison into your food that killed you.

An urban myth and never proven. Cerebral haemorage.

I dictated the proletariat during the 30s, 40s and 50s. It was a tough job, but someone had to do it; particularly after Ilyich left things in such a kerfuffle.

I arranged for an icepick to be put Lev's skull while he was hiding in Mexico.

Von Ribbentrop pulled a fast one on me, but I made amends a few years later.

My best mate was Beria.

And my ex-wife's father slipped the poison into your food that killed you.

An urban myth and never proven. Cerebral haemorage.

Sure.

Hey, i was there!

You must also be the guy who had my great grandfather (a land baron knighted by the czar) led out to the horse barn and shot; forcing my then 18 year old grandfather to flee for his life eventually becoming an immigrant farmer in Canada.

Hope the land of smiles has taken the edge off. It’s good you’ve taken up golf.

Oh come now. It's hardly fair to bring up minor youthful indiscretions committed when I was a lot more hot-headed. Did you never get up to any mischief when you were young?

Yes, golf has helped a little, although one or two caddies who gave me a crap read on the green sleep uneasily in their beds, awaiting the inevitable knock on the door in the middle of the night.

But that's another story altogther .. .

Hey my Great Grandfather was known for his advice on everything including golf...

Oh! I see

A lot of famous footballers around. Beckham, Paul Scholes, Gerrard etc.

They even wear T-Shirts with their names on them.

Mind you odd they look different in real life then on the telly,eh?!

My father played in the Football World Cup Final of 1966.................................he was in the band at half time

I'm famous for being able to drink every thiavisa member i've ever met under the table.

I also snogged Lisa Stansfield back in 1990.

now that's a challenge I cant let pass

Whoever she is Bronco, she's now 17 years older, the challenge mightn't be worth it.

My father played in the Football World Cup Final of 1966.................................he was in the band at half time

Nice one prudent_rabbit

oh...ive got one....

my cousin used to play for collingwood. (shall i duck now or just grab my coat and leave?)

During the mid 90s I met famous heavy metal band 'Saxon' in a bar in Hamburg. Turned out they were playing in the bar that night -

how the mighty fall.

I met quite a few famous people when I worked in a private hospital but I can't talk about that.

There is a person named, 'Schauerte' in ThaiVisa.. He BREWS 'Leo' and 'Singha' beer @ Khon Kean ..

A brewer - now HE'S important!!!

My great grandfather made the maps the prisoners of Holzminden used when they escaped (WW1). This escape was the basis for the movie 'the great escape'.

http://www.awm.gov.au/stolenyears/ww1/germany/story4.asp has some of his pics, the bottom pic is himself.

We still have the glass plate negatives & his cameras in the family.

During the mid 90s I met famous heavy metal band 'Saxon' in a bar in Hamburg. Turned out they were playing in the bar that night -

how the mighty fall.

I met quite a few famous people when I worked in a private hospital but I can't talk about that.

Rumour has it there making (attempting) a comeback!

my sister inlaws uncle was the guy who drew the cartoon series Captian Pugwash and it was his joke that the BBC didnt get for years calling one of the crew master bates , when they did realise the program was stopped ,

also i have played football at west ham with jeremy kyle couple of years ago when my Ex took her brat on his show

Hi Colino

Rumour has it that there was also seaman Staines and Roger the cabinboy!

Not sure if it was true but amusing none the less!

TBWG

my sister inlaws uncle was the guy who drew the cartoon series Captian Pugwash and it was his joke that the BBC didnt get for years calling one of the crew master bates , when they did realise the program was stopped ,

also i have played football at west ham with jeremy kyle couple of years ago when my Ex took her brat on his show

Hi Colino

Rumour has it that there was also seaman Staines and Roger the cabinboy!

Not sure if it was true but amusing none the less!

And don't forget Marine Bouy

I appeared on the front page of the News of the World when I was 16

I'll raise you. I have also appeared on the front of a Sunday National Newspaper in the UK for activities I was conducting in Thailand at the time...

I'd rather not mention the activities that led to my appearance in the NoW

I'm friends with 4 Mod.

I consider my friends with many mods, but only know one of them. And he's the "Nicest Man On Earth" (Where's the Registered Trademark symbol)

edit: Correction, I met a second one a month ago, and he's eligible for tht title too.

*And no, I ain't suckin' up to no one, it's just plain true, ching!

I'm Not one to blow my own trumpet, but I once was a famous actor in a very famous bi weekly fly on the wall type real life soap.

It was Coronation Street, can any one remember?

Eeeh, those were the days, I got money for old rope, just had to sit at the bar in the Rovers Return looking like a sour faced grumpy old fart, suppin on a warm flat beer, not hard to do really, or grouch at people from my threadbare armchair in my poky little terraced slum, situated in a sleazy grotty filth ridden Northern town, similar in many ways to Oldham, only not quite as disgusting.

I spent many happy years getting heavily remunerated for this work, had grouppies following me everywhere, it was hel_l d

awing my pension at the post office of a Tuesday, people scrambling for autograp

s, some even wanted me for sex!

I played Albert for so many years I can hardly remember, my earliest recollections of being famous was many many years earlier, there weren't many people around then, just large reptile like creatures, that wandered through the swamps that later became Manchester and Liverpool.

Aye, what a time I had.

Shame I had to go and die though. But that was not the end!

Turned out not too bad in the end now that I finally made it to heaven, or is it hel_l, people tell me it's Chiang Mai, but never mind, better than bloody Corrie Street and that raving pufter Ken Barlow and his man slut Dierdre, moaning on all day about wanting more and more of the limelight. And what a spoiled little brat the lassy turned out eh! I told Ken, "Spare the Rod - Spoil the child" would he listen? Would ee eck as like!

Saw smug Alf Roberts and that flash harry Brian Tilsley last week, they were holding hands in Airport Plaza, looking in the window of the jewellry store on the second floor. Our Brian still has the scars from that horrible knife attack, never did get them that did im in - Hang em High I say, in fact hangins too good for em!

Alf's never changed though, still likes me to call him "Councillor Roberts"...some people eh!

Well off for a bacon butty, and a pint of Chang, by eck that stuff is strong eh, had a couple of jars with me pie and peas the other day, next thing I know, I'm lying in the road next to Tesco's with a large puddle of urine all around, luckily, I got away with it, as some Mancunian tourists were there when the police were called and they managed to explain to the cops that that is waht all Northern Pensioners behave like.

Anyone got any remedies to get stains out of me courderoys!

I Encountered Kate Adie (who was in high spirits with an army staff officer) on a muddy track in Macedonia prior to the Kosovo Campaign kicking off.

Thats about as dizzyingly famous as my travels have taken me !

My great- uncle was Peter Lorre ( Casablanca, M-eine stadt sucht einen Mörder)

never met him though, he died before i was born.

I know Chris Wright who does the 'Chris Delivery' English show on channel 5 on Friday nights, and I was once very briefly on Thai MTV

Who wants to touch me?

tutsi is a world famous degenerate, womaniser and power generation mechanical engineer...just ask any street degenerate from Saigon to Santiago de Chile...('tutsiwarrior?...yeah...he was lead commissioning for the owner on Nueva Renca...tried to blow up the army hospital where Pinochet was staying after heart surgery...')

oh...and Janis Joplin autographed the sleeve of my jacket...and held my arm as she wrote...she smelled real nice...

Must admit, i've worked on a few Hollywood movies made in Thailand.

Jean Claude Van Damme and Kylie Minogue (Streetfighter)

Not to tarnish your record, which is quite impressive, but that movie was so terrible that it almost ruined my childhood.

Agreed!

Kickboxer - his first movie - was great and then Van Damme did a second one - a somewhat true story about a big Martial Arts contest in Taiwan, then it was all downhill from there.

You mean Blood Sport...

Another "good" Van Damme Movie: Hard Target (Dir. John Woo). Double Team (or Double Dragon?) was not exactly good but also not nearly as bad as it could have been

The rest, sadly, is horrific cr*p.

I'm Not one to blow my own trumpet, but I once was a famous actor in a very famous bi weekly fly on the wall type real life soap.

It was Coronation Street, can any one remember?

Eeeh, those were the days, I got money for old rope, just had to sit at the bar in the Rovers Return looking like a sour faced grumpy old fart, suppin on a warm flat beer, not hard to do really, or grouch at people from my threadbare armchair in my poky little terraced slum, situated in a sleazy grotty filth ridden Northern town, similar in many ways to Oldham, only not quite as disgusting.

I spent many happy years getting heavily remunerated for this work, had grouppies following me everywhere, it was hel_l d

awing my pension at the post office of a Tuesday, people scrambling for autograp

s, some even wanted me for sex!

I played Albert for so many years I can hardly remember, my earliest recollections of being famous was many many years earlier, there weren't many people around then, just large reptile like creatures, that wandered through the swamps that later became Manchester and Liverpool.

Aye, what a time I had.

Shame I had to go and die though. But that was not the end!

Turned out not too bad in the end now that I finally made it to heaven, or is it hel_l, people tell me it's Chiang Mai, but never mind, better than bloody Corrie Street and that raving pufter Ken Barlow and his man slut Dierdre, moaning on all day about wanting more and more of the limelight. And what a spoiled little brat the lassy turned out eh! I told Ken, "Spare the Rod - Spoil the child" would he listen? Would ee eck as like!

Saw smug Alf Roberts and that flash harry Brian Tilsley last week, they were holding hands in Airport Plaza, looking in the window of the jewellry store on the second floor. Our Brian still has the scars from that horrible knife attack, never did get them that did im in - Hang em High I say, in fact hangins too good for em!

Alf's never changed though, still likes me to call him "Councillor Roberts"...some people eh!

Well off for a bacon butty, and a pint of Chang, by eck that stuff is strong eh, had a couple of jars with me pie and peas the other day, next thing I know, I'm lying in the road next to Tesco's with a large puddle of urine all around, luckily, I got away with it, as some Mancunian tourists were there when the police were called and they managed to explain to the cops that that is waht all Northern Pensioners behave like.

Anyone got any remedies to get stains out of me courderoys!

Wasn't there a song about you? Albert's tammy, Stanley's shamy, Im in love with Albert Tatlock.

I'm Not one to blow my own trumpet, but I once was a famous actor in a very famous bi weekly fly on the wall type real life soap.

It was Coronation Street, can any one remember?

Eeeh, those were the days, I got money for old rope, just had to sit at the bar in the Rovers Return looking like a sour faced grumpy old fart, suppin on a warm flat beer,........................

nice tale, well told.

It is of course, a load of ol' cobblers:

Jack Howarth (birth: 19 February 1896 – death: 31 March 1984) was a British actor best known for his role as Albert Tatlock in Coronation Street between 1960 and 1984.

Born in Rochdale, Lancashire, he was the son of comedian Bert Howarth, and went to school with Gracie Fields.

As a child he sold theatre programmes at the Theatre Royal, Rochdale and in 1908 at the age of twelve he began playing juvenile roles on stage. Jack ran a small cinema after the breakout of World War I having being a member of the Lancashire Fusiliers during that war.

Jack toured the country in theatre performances where he met and married his wife Betty in Hull in July 1929. He made over a hundred television appearances in all after 1947, having run a theatre in Wales from 1935 onwards.

Jack made his Coronation Street debut in the first episode in December 1960 and appeared in over 1700 episodes until his final appearance on 25th January 1984. He hadn't been written out but was having a spell of time away and was due to return to the set in late April 1984. He never got the chance to do so. Jack Howarth died in Llandudno General Hospital on the evening of March 31 1984, of pneumonia and kidney failure, with his wife and son John at his bedside. He was cremated six days later at Colwyn Bay.

I have a famous name. Does that count??

Hi

My best man's sister's friend was mounted by the back end of a pantomime horse! Circa 1980's, Jack & the Beanstalk. Bognor Pier.

As for me I had a friend who had lunch at Brands Hatch with Jean Pierre Jarier during his F1 racing days and knowing I liked motor sport told me about it at every opportunity. So when I saw James Hunt spectating at a school football match I mentioned it to him and he said well you must have after match tea with me and also pass on my commiserations to your friend. Which I thought was rather amusing...but then I am easily amused.

TBWG