Need Serious Advice On Matter Of The Heart

[garro]

Why don't you just stop pretending that you have a choice and just marry her?

If you are any sort of decent bloke she will wear you down eventually anyway, why not just get it out of the way?

Just think of all the fun you can have tellling people on Thai Visa about the ups and downs of your marriage.

[backflip]

"...I was her first Farang."

Yeah, and I'm the king of France. You mentioned that you've never done this before and, with your childish reaction, I assume you mean to have sexual relations with a living female human. Talk to your minister and your mom. Wash your mouth out with soap. Watch more TV.

Edited July 27, 2007 by backflip

[Donnyboy]

Send her this note

Dear ______: My life is forever changed because I met you. You are so very special to me, and I will always remember the time we spent together. I know that your feelings for me are real. I know that if we lived in the same country we could have a chance at something very special. But I don’t live in Thailand, and I am on a different path than you. I know it is too late to keep you from being hurt, but I want to be honest with you. We cannot turn this into a lifetime together; you need to keep yourself free because the right man is out there. A man you can spend time with: a man who can help you build the kind of life you deserve. I know it hurts right now, I am crying while I write this, but this is the best for both of us. I will not write to you again, but I will remember you always.

Sincerely____________

thats a great note canuckamuck, will have to copy and paste and photocopy for all the lonely hearts i break next time im thru patpong

[argonaut942]

But there is one thing that keeps bothering me after reading your OP. As being a Thai, who was brought up in LOS, I couldn't help but wonder why she agreed to sleep with you (a foreigner) whom she just met less than a week ago. And how she went on the trips and spent many nights with you. What about her family ? They don't care when she gone away for days ? Doesn't she care about her reputation ?

Any good Thai girl is taugh at the young age to safe guard her virginity for her wedding night. It's been centuries old custom as any man from elite family or decent family would expect to get a virgin bride.

Thanks for your input. I clearly understand what you are saying. I'm aware of these things and I won't argue over them. As for your question how she could stay with me over night without her family worrying, there is quite an easy explanation for that.

[canuckamuck]

Send her this note

Dear ______: My life is forever changed because I met you. You are so very special to me, and I will always remember the time we spent together. I know that your feelings for me are real. I know that if we lived in the same country we could have a chance at something very special. But I don’t live in Thailand, and I am on a different path than you. I know it is too late to keep you from being hurt, but I want to be honest with you. We cannot turn this into a lifetime together; you need to keep yourself free because the right man is out there. A man you can spend time with: a man who can help you build the kind of life you deserve. I know it hurts right now, I am crying while I write this, but this is the best for both of us. I will not write to you again, but I will remember you always.

Sincerely____________

thats a great note canuckamuck, will have to copy and paste and photocopy for all the lonely hearts i break next time im thru patpong

Just doing a service for my fellow man. Make sure you remove the underline part when you fill in the blank

[Ping]

I wonder if she's a TV lurker - she might send the note to you first

[t.s]

Advice re matters from the heart straight from the heart:

quit pissing about on forums trying to find someone who can justify your actions. grow a spine and shag her or don't, just make up your mind and quit waffling.

[qwertz]

Why so reticent today, t.s.

Speak your mind for a change.

[t.s]

Why so reticent today, t.s.

Speak your mind for a change.

im just feeling a little needy.

[pop_corn]

um..

just go away.

[t.s]

um..

just go away.

me?

[Andrew Hicks]

It sounds like you are genuinely not interested in dating her...

I could imagine dating her if I lived in Thailand. As I'm not and only visit Thailand occasionally (through business and then often just for short spells), dating as such is not an option.

But you have to make sure that you communicate that to her.

I have.

So there ya go. You don't want to date because you're not in the same country, understandibly. If you've already told her this then all the cards should be on the table, no?

Having your cards on the table is not enough. If you see her again but then once again make clear you are moving on, it could blow up in your face.

As an earlier post suggested, passions can run very high and you will cause her considerable distress and loss of face and she may let you know about it in no uncertain terms. Elsewhere I have written on the subject of why Thai women are so explosive and you should be aware of this factor.

You can fly in and fly away when you want to and perhaps you should consider the impact on her by continuing to be in touch with her.

Good luck and enjoy Thailand,

Andrew

[argonaut942]

Elsewhere I have written on the subject of why Thai women are so explosive and you should be aware of this factor.

I think I am. Good article too. I read it.

[Tinkelbell]

Send her this note

Dear ______: My life is forever changed because I met you. You are so very special to me, and I will always remember the time we spent together. I know that your feelings for me are real. I know that if we lived in the same country we could have a chance at something very special. But I don't live in Thailand, and I am on a different path than you. I know it is too late to keep you from being hurt, but I want to be honest with you. We cannot turn this into a lifetime together; you need to keep yourself free because the right man is out there. A man you can spend time with: a man who can help you build the kind of life you deserve. I know it hurts right now, I am crying while I write this, but this is the best for both of us. I will not write to you again, but I will remember you always.

Sincerely____________

Wow! canukamuk, that's one of best 'Dear John' letters in a long time.

With your ability to compose such a romantic letter like this, I bet you must be gotten away many times in your life.

Well done .

[canadiangirl]

Perhaps TV should open a new 'Dear Abby' forum?

How about a 'dear Abby' column run by a crusty old codger from Pattaya with horrible, inappropriate, guaranteed-to-go wrong advice?

I'd read it!

We could call it "Dear Flabby".

[canadiangirl]

Send her this note

Dear ______: My life is forever changed because I met you. You are so very special to me, and I will always remember the time we spent together. I know that your feelings for me are real. I know that if we lived in the same country we could have a chance at something very special. But I don't live in Thailand, and I am on a different path than you. I know it is too late to keep you from being hurt, but I want to be honest with you. We cannot turn this into a lifetime together; you need to keep yourself free because the right man is out there. A man you can spend time with: a man who can help you build the kind of life you deserve. I know it hurts right now, I am crying while I write this, but this is the best for both of us. I will not write to you again, but I will remember you always.

Sincerely____________

Hahaha! This is pure genius.

[OxfordWill]

Actually that letter might not be a bad idea..

You need to learn more about Thai thinking. You're interpreting what she is doing from your own cultural viewpoint (obviously! This isnt a criticism) but actually that is leading you to the wrong conclusions.

In actual fact she isn't going to be suicidal, she isn't likely to be upset for too long and she isn't likely to ruin her life thanks to you breaking up with her now. So long as everything you said so far is true.

Break up with her now and don't communicate/meet her again and everything will be fine. The worst thing you could do is half-half see her but not bed her, reply to emails but not meet, meet but not go out.. etc. Everything or nothing or you'll end up making it worse for yourself.

[JetsetBkk]

Thanks for your input. I clearly understand what you are saying. I'm aware of these things and I won't argue over them. As for your question how she could stay with me over night without her family worrying, there is quite an easy explanation for that.

OK, I'll bite - what is the easy explanation for that?

[qwertz]

^

Easy answer - rent-a-family.

Helps one keep up appearances.

[canadiangirl]

^

Easy answer - rent-a-family.

Helps one keep up appearances.

I think they have those in Japan!

[qwertz]

The Japanese also have musical toilets that automatically spray and wash your butt.

However, this isn't helping us elicit information from our OP, who I must say is a little stingy with information.

Should we perhaps ask questions like - how was it for you?

Edited July 27, 2007 by qwertz

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Perhaps TV should open a new 'Dear Abby' forum?

That is what this thread is already.

[OxfordWill]

Noticed you asked this question on stickman. What "Mrs stick" said about how the girl is saying one thing but thinking the other is absolutely true. She wont be too torn if you give it up now but further contact, whatever she says, will equal her having higher and higher hopes. Good luck

[lannarebirth]

It appears to me the OP is looking to take another guilt free bite at the apple while on vacation and is looking for a consensus view in this forum, that he isn't a <deleted> for doing so. He won't get it from me.

[pete_r]

If you go, is she going to believe you when you say: Darling I've come all the way from farangland to see you and tell you that I DON'T WANT to be your boyfriend!!! That's right, I've spent about 40000 Bahts for a plane ticket, just because I wanted to tell you face-to-face that you really MUSTN'T HOPE any relationship with me! ???

I don't think so... So my input is the same as the ladies and several other members here: If you're a decent man and you care about the feelings of others, do the decent thing and don't go see her.

Also, to break up with her, do it the Thai way: Don't try to justify or explain yourself, just fade away. Don't see her, don't reply to e-mail, don't send any break-up letter. From the information you gave, it seems the least painful way to go about it.

imho

Edit for PS: In Thailand, it is the deceiving Thai lady who takes the good, honest farang for a ride. Don't do it the other way round!

Edited August 2, 2007 by pete_r

[cooL_guY_corY]

"jaded scumbags"