On 9/7/2024 at 10:35 PM, MeaMaximaCulpa said:

That sounds a bit depressive and wrong to boot. One has to be careful, but never to trust seems like a sad situation. I am still 100% good after 20 years, and so are many others. But if one insist on picking up a life partner in a bar, then buyer beware.

I didn't find my first partner in a bar, but she did me royally. Bar or no bar, some are rotten to the core.

On 9/8/2024 at 12:02 AM, Jeff Reinstad said:

 

That's kind of sad. Somehow feel sorry for you. 😦

I feel sorry for his wife.

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I didn't find my first partner in a bar, but she did me royally. Bar or no bar, some are rotten to the core.

Of course, and it is not always easy to know until afterwards. Sometimes we are just lucky, and sometimes not.

I knew from Day One our relationship was transactional. We joke about the ATM sometimes.

 

It's evolved into something else over the years. We care for each other.

 

One of the reasons it is a success - I kept two-thirds of my assets in Australia. Still do.

 

 

20 hours ago, MeaMaximaCulpa said:

Of course, and it is not always easy to know until afterwards. Sometimes we are just lucky, and sometimes not.

I was unlucky twice. I took that as a sign and have not tried again.

I did have a lucky call once though.I was quite smitten with another man's wife, and when they got divorced I might have been in like Flynn, but I was working overseas and she found another guy. I continued to be friends ( platonically ) for many years, but eventually realised that she had never been a marriage prospect. Getting married would have been the end of our friendship. I don't see her anymore as she found number 3 and moved away. Seems women never have a problem finding another man to jump into bed with.

21 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I was unlucky twice. I took that as a sign and have not tried again.

I did have a lucky call once though.I was quite smitten with another man's wife, and when they got divorced I might have been in like Flynn, but I was working overseas and she found another guy. I continued to be friends ( platonically ) for many years, but eventually realised that she had never been a marriage prospect. Getting married would have been the end of our friendship. I don't see her anymore as she found number 3 and moved away. Seems women never have a problem finding another man to jump into bed with.

 

Some women...

No offence my friend, but look at the standards here: Coveting another man's wife, consorting with prostitutes... You aimed low and you hit low. The ones who have high standards don't fit your descriptions. 

You weren't unlucky.

 

Always remember one very important fact. You are a man. You have as much control as you are able to establish. You set the agenda. Time is always your ally. Not hers. She is almost always going to be in a hurry to make things happen. And if she is willing to come and stay with a guy she has never met before, she has more than likely been working as a bar girl, in a special massage parlor, or as an escort or freelancer. Very few real "civilians" would move that fast, nor be that forward. Buyer beware. And be good to yourself. Be a man. Leave behind the Western ways of emasculation.

 

Whether it's a Philippina or Thailand woman, they tend to be quite jealous, and it requires a man to push back and to establish boundaries very early on, to make her aware of the fact that I don't do jealousy, and if you're going to do jealousy around me this is not going to work. Time is your ally, not hers. So she will push the timetable, and you need to push back. Take your time. If it is good, it will only get better, if there are issues, it takes time to see them and for them to play out. If you are unwilling to communicate about issues we have, then we have no chance. Zero, so do you understand that? Is it worth it to you, to deal with this? Because your avoidance and silence is intolerable. Do you get that?

 

So she needs to adapt or move on. Tell her, look, I don't really need you, I like being around you, if things work great, but if you make this difficult for me I'm going to move on. They need to see, hear and feel that kind of pushback early on. Never, ever say I love you within the first year or two. You are able to determine whether or not this is a woman who is worthy of your time, and whether or not this is a woman who is capable of being the kind of person that you want to be with. If not, move on. It's really that simple.

 

We have had joint bank accounts for at least 22 years. I do keep a sole account for Immigration purpose and she has an account which gets better interest than I can and also a couple of bonds.

 

We do discuss any big purchases but for anything else who cares …

 

Lawyer wrote our wills as if you are not careful you can have problems when one of you die. But joint accounts help.

12 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

So she needs to adapt or move on. Tell her, look, I don't really need you, I like being around you, if things work great, but if you make this difficult for me I'm going to move on. They need to see, hear and feel that kind of pushback early on. Never, ever say I love you within the first year or two. You are able to determine whether or not this is a woman who is worthy of your time, and whether or not this is a woman who is capable of being the kind of person that you want to be with. If not, move on. It's really that simple.

You sound like you are talking about an employee, rather than a partner in life. My two tries ended in failure, but not for lack of passion on my side.

 

Given I had a few long term friendships end in enmity, so I don't believe we ever know the reality of another person, no matter how long we know them.

 

If I could relive my life, I'd stick with employee relationships as when they turn sour we can, indeed, just move on. In NZ there would be a time limit anyway, as stay together too long and she can get 50% of it all, despite doing nothing to acquire it.

11 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

You sound like you are talking about an employee, rather than a partner in life. My two tries ended in failure, but not for lack of passion on my side.

 

Given I had a few long term friendships end in enmity, so I don't believe we ever know the reality of another person, no matter how long we know them.

 

If I could relive my life, I'd stick with employee relationships as when they turn sour we can, indeed, just move on. In NZ there would be a time limit anyway, as stay together too long and she can get 50% of it all, despite doing nothing to acquire it.

They're either your employee or your owner.

Or maybe in the west you're their indentured servant.

 

Your passion is irrelevant to them.