Are Farangs Who Marriages Failed Lucky?

[lazeeboy]

Are farangs who marriages failed in the West luckier than those who marriages were successful? You go out in Bangkok and you see a 55 year old guy dressed in beach attire riding the skytrain with his twenty-two year old wife, and then you see another set of farang 55 year old husband and wife and she looks like she weighs 80 kg. So doesnt this mean that the farang who drank too much and wrecked his marriage back home and escaped to Thailand is luckier than the farang who didnt drink too much and is still married?

at the time of my marrage ending i thought that was the end of the world,then i discovered thailand ,what a god send

[Jeff1]

And how can you archive any real intimacy if you can't speak each other's language?

We speak the language of love. It's universal, ya know.

[bangkoksingapore]

Are farangs who marriages failed in the West luckier than those who marriages were successful? You go out in Bangkok and you see a 55 year old guy dressed in beach attire riding the skytrain with his twenty-two year old wife, and then you see another set of farang 55 year old husband and wife and she looks like she weighs 80 kg. So doesnt this mean that the farang who drank too much and wrecked his marriage back home and escaped to Thailand is luckier than the farang who didnt drink too much and is still married?

at the time of my marrage ending i thought that was the end of the world,then i discovered thailand ,what a god send

i see guys like you all the time. you can tell the tourists because they walk into the bar and its like they discovered heaven. they have that under-sexed look of self deprication draped over their faces. i never got tired of it. god bless ALL the 55 year olds who try to bring a leo beer onto the skytrain wrapped in a napkin and wear beach attire on the MRT. you are the enlightened ones!

[meemiathai]

The OP clearly regards sexual attraction as the dominant factor in choosing a spouse.

If that attitude is prevalent then I am not surprised at all that the divorce rate is 50% (?) and rising in the West.

The only chance you have of a long term succesful marriage is if you love the person you are with and not what they look like.If you are lucky enough to find someone like that then what they look like will not matter at all.

Some good friends of mine were married 17 years ago and both of them were regarded as hot.Sadly she developed cancer 4 years ago and as a result of the medication she has to have she went from size 8 to size 20 in 6 months.

Her husband is as in love with her now as the day they married and clearly could not careless about her figure,he is just grateful that they have had one more day together.

I am sure that if they were on the BTS some of the shallow respondents on here who saw them would feel sorry for him being saddled with an 80kg wife.Personally I feel sorry for the people who have that attitude since they clearly have no conception of what genuinely being in love (as opposed to in lust) actually means.

I do realise that some of the age mismatched couples you see are based on the financial element alone but to assume that all are is absurd and insulting.

EXACTLY!

[ColPyat]

i see guys like you all the time. you can tell the tourists because they walk into the bar and its like they discovered heaven.

... a heaven that feeds of social injustice, poverty, and deception. I am not saying that there are not people finding to each other, etc, but please, don't make out of those bars places where the happy and nice girls of Thailand go to have some wholesome enjoyment.

[Lancelot]

So many generalisations of what's 'right' for everyone else.

Who is anyone to judge or feel embarassed or full of pity for anyone else's relationship. In the word of my dear old dad, perhaps people should mind their own f****g businesses what other people are doing, and worry more about themselves.

If a 50 year old guy wants to date a 22 year old, so what? If a 50 year old, wants to date a 65 year old thai woman, so what?

It's nothing to do with you, me or the garden post.

As for marriages failing? They fail for a million reasons so generalisations don't help. My first marriage failed because we were both lazy. I will try to avoid the same mistakes second time around.

Agreed. Live your life to please yourself

[tsocr]

To each his own. Having traveled to many countries to live and work, it is not uncommon for the man to be 10-20 years older then the women. This is because the man is still the bread winner and it takes time to establish his income and offer security.

I do not judge anyone that is not hurting anyone else. It takes two to tango and for what ever reasons there may be that the old 55 is with the 22 year old or reverse who cares. My Thai gf is 38 and I am 54. We have been dating and living together now close to 2 years. We most likely will marry in the near future. Both of us were married before and have children. All mine are grown and her daughter is 12. Her husband passed (car wreck) away after 8 years and I was married for 30 years and than got a divorce. Divorced now for 4 years. The last 10 years of our marriage were terrible on both of us. We just didn’t want to give up hope. The old saying I love you, but I am not in love with you.

Just enjoy life and try and live it to the fullest.

tsocr

[ratchabuild]

surely its not the nationality of ones partner which should matter. it should be how much you love her/him and how much fun you have together.

the fact that one may be sexy to you in the beginning should grow stronger once you really know the person, no matter how their body shape may change as you move along in life together.

i, for one, think a mans brain is far more sexy than his six pack.

Absolutely right if they have any brains, sadly for every "lad" of any age there's now a "ladette". Whats sexy is whats between someones ears but most men don't regard that and too many girls like a "dangerous" man with few brains or worthwhile emotions. They are usually dangerous because they shouldn't be approached under any circumstances. Lots of Falangs in thailand are just sad.......they don't have the wit or intelligence to be bad. But never forget they were pulling machines in their time and everyone knows young Thai girls prefer old, fat past-it men. Its the meeting of minds between a young and old couple without language and culture, history, education or experience to bind them. (Did I really write that? Must be some mistake) At least when the man gets really old, usually within a couple of years, the sex she endures gives way to the joys of a second childhood. Then its just like having a baby, except they get more infantile.

[ratchabuild]

But when apart from a huge age gap there is also only minimal communication possible - don't tell me that this is a relationship based on mutual respect and deep understanding of each other's personality.

Hahahahahahaah . . . no, really. . . . hahahahahahahaha. You mean like marriages in the west?

If we want to talk honestly and put aside the PC element here for a moment, let's face up to a fundamental truth. Marriages - as we in the west have been accustomed to accept them - have failed. The model stinks, LARGELY because of the changes in western society over the past 50-60 years. In today's western society, both parties work and it is (ostensibly) at least, a marriage of equals. Equal economically, equal in decision-making, equal in sharing household chores.

Except, here's the rub. They don't work anymore. They are failing in their millions, screwing people up in the process. People are voting with their feet and they are rejecting the model at huge personal, financial and social cost.

So who's to say the model being pioneered here isn't likely to be more successful? Because, let's face it, the marriage the PC people here are looking down upon (difference in ages, cultural gaps, economic mismatch where one party relies on the other etc) look pretty similar from those that were undertaken by our grandparents in Darlington England and Des Moine <deleted> Iowa to me.

So you are a social pioneer now. I thought you were just someone who likes to screw younger women and justifies that with specious claptrap. Thanks for clearing up the confusion. If it's minds and personality why are they always wrapped in an attractive packege? Dont disabled or older people have attractive personalities or minds? Why not come out of the closet and declare its all about looks and that you, like the rest of us are shallow and narcissistic enough to pay for sex and call it love. Even if its wrapped in a relationship the money talks.

Edited August 20, 2007 by ratchabuild

[Dustoff]

So you are a social pioneer now. I thought you were just someone who likes to screw younger women and justifies that with specious claptrap. Thanks for clearing up the confusion. If it's minds and personality why are they always wrapped in an attractive packege? Dont disabled or older people have attractive personalities or minds? Why not come out of the closet and declare its all about looks and that you, like the rest of us are shallow and narcissistic enough to pay for sex and call it love. Even if its wrapped in a relationship the money talks.

I always find it refreshing when someone is willing to admit to an extremely limited view of life and other people while at the same time I am not surprised that those very same people seem to think that everyone else is of the same mindset.

If you think that your view is right for everyone, you are, fortunately, quite wrong.

There are such things as meetings of hearts and souls and perhaps as you mature and hopefully develop a more compassionate attitude about your fellow human beings (after all, narcissism is about self-preoccupation and lack of empathy), you will discover this for yourself.

I wish you luck...

Oh, and I am one of those 'disabled or older people' and like to think that I have an attractive mind and personality; but then that is only my view and that of my loving wife and many friends..

[ColPyat]

There are such things as meetings of hearts and souls and perhaps as you mature and hopefully develop a more compassionate attitude about your fellow human beings (after all, narcissism is about self-preoccupation and lack of empathy), you will discover this for yourself.

My heart starts bleeding.

Now, with all respect, and i will not judge your relationship here, as i know neither you nor your wife. But - i hope you do understand that the chances are rather slim of a true "meeting of hearts and minds" when a couple is separated by a combination of culture, age, language, and socio-economical gap all together, and that in many cases this "meeting of hearts and minds" is a delusion.

Now, i am not perfect, and in my relationship the cultural and socio-economical gap has caused more than a few serious difficulties over the nearly one an a half decades we spent together (not because of moneys demanded, more the different outlook in life), but at least age and language are no barriers.

So, excuse my skepticism when people with far more odds against them even than us try to convince that all is hanky panky and there are no problems whatsoever, because a "meeting of hearts and minds".

Edited August 20, 2007 by ColPyat

[ratchabuild]

There are such things as meetings of hearts and souls and perhaps as you mature and hopefully develop a more compassionate attitude about your fellow human beings (after all, narcissism is about self-preoccupation and lack of empathy), you will discover this for yourself.

My heart starts bleeding.

Now, with all respect, and i will not judge your relationship here, as i know neither you nor your wife. But - i hope you do understand that the chances are rather slim of a true "meeting of hearts and minds" when a couple is separated by a combination of culture, age, language, and socio-economical gap all together, and that in many cases this "meeting of hearts and minds" is a delusion.

Now, i am not perfect, and in my relationship the cultural and socio-economical gap has caused more than a few serious difficulties over the nearly one an a half decades we spent together (not because of moneys demanded, more the different outlook in life), but at least age and language are no barriers.

So, excuse my skepticism when people with far more odds against them even than us try to convince that all is hanky panky and there are no problems whatsoever, because a "meeting of hearts and minds".

Perfect riposte Colpyat.

[ratchabuild]

So you are a social pioneer now. I thought you were just someone who likes to screw younger women and justifies that with specious claptrap. Thanks for clearing up the confusion. If it's minds and personality why are they always wrapped in an attractive packege? Dont disabled or older people have attractive personalities or minds? Why not come out of the closet and declare its all about looks and that you, like the rest of us are shallow and narcissistic enough to pay for sex and call it love. Even if its wrapped in a relationship the money talks.

I always find it refreshing when someone is willing to admit to an extremely limited view of life and other people while at the same time I am not surprised that those very same people seem to think that everyone else is of the same mindset.

If you think that your view is right for everyone, you are, fortunately, quite wrong.

There are such things as meetings of hearts and souls and perhaps as you mature and hopefully develop a more compassionate attitude about your fellow human beings (after all, narcissism is about self-preoccupation and lack of empathy), you will discover this for yourself.

I wish you luck...

Oh, and I am one of those 'disabled or older people' and like to think that I have an attractive mind and personality; but then that is only my view and that of my loving wife and many friends..

Colpyat has given an answer to you and a very good one it is. I would make one more point. I dont know your circumstances but I do know you have fundamentally misunderstood my post. If disabilty and age have no absolute relation to attractiveness then why do 99.9% of falangs choose younger and very attractive partners? If others can see a disabled persons or an older persons attractive qualities why do we seek out young pole dancing bar girls?

[meom]

If others can see a disabled persons or an older persons attractive qualities why do we seek out young pole dancing bar girls?

Maybe because there's very few 50+ pole dancing girls around so what choice does an older guy have? Can't blame him when he hooks up with somebody half his age because there simply ain't no entertaintment providers available in his own age bracket. Modern feminism in that respect has a lot of catching up to do.

[buffcoat]

So you are a social pioneer now. I thought you were just someone who likes to screw younger women and justifies that with specious claptrap. Thanks for clearing up the confusion. If it's minds and personality why are they always wrapped in an attractive packege? Dont disabled or older people have attractive personalities or minds? Why not come out of the closet and declare its all about looks and that you, like the rest of us are shallow and narcissistic enough to pay for sex and call it love. Even if its wrapped in a relationship the money talks.

I always find it refreshing when someone is willing to admit to an extremely limited view of life and other people while at the same time I am not surprised that those very same people seem to think that everyone else is of the same mindset.

If you think that your view is right for everyone, you are, fortunately, quite wrong.

There are such things as meetings of hearts and souls and perhaps as you mature and hopefully develop a more compassionate attitude about your fellow human beings (after all, narcissism is about self-preoccupation and lack of empathy), you will discover this for yourself.

I wish you luck...

Oh, and I am one of those 'disabled or older people' and like to think that I have an attractive mind and personality; but then that is only my view and that of my loving wife and many friends..

Colpyat has given an answer to you and a very good one it is. I would make one more point. I dont know your circumstances but I do know you have fundamentally misunderstood my post. If disabilty and age have no absolute relation to attractiveness then why do 99.9% of falangs choose younger and very attractive partners? If others can see a disabled persons or an older persons attractive qualities why do we seek out young pole dancing bar girls?

Just because you do, it does not follow that everyone else does,unless you really believe that every younger Thai wife or gf must have been a BG?

[canadiangirl]

i think im lucky in 6 years and 2 long realatenships i love them thai ladies to death there just great cant wait to take latest 30 year old round sainsburys back home did i here dirty old man mention love it

Was this sentence in English?

[ratchabuild]

i think im lucky in 6 years and 2 long realatenships i love them thai ladies to death there just great cant wait to take latest 30 year old round sainsburys back home did i here dirty old man mention love it

Was this sentence in English?

I believe it's called speaking in tongues or under the influence.

[ColPyat]

i think im lucky in 6 years and 2 long realatenships i love them thai ladies to death there just great cant wait to take latest 30 year old round sainsburys back home did i here dirty old man mention love it

Was this sentence in English?

I believe it's called speaking in tongues or under the influence.

The invasion of the Pentecostals...

[canadiangirl]

What about an old man's brain? I would like to hear it from more farang women. I get the impression that for a lot of farang women, when a man becomes old he belongs to the dust bin.

There's definitely some attractive older men, especially if they don't try to act like 20 year olds, but instead work the advantages they have over youth: experience, good manners, confidence, sophistication, wordliness, etc.

That said, why is it that when a guy is crying "women are so superficial! they won't date me because I'm older!" -- 9/10 he's after a girl half his age and would never consider a bird his own age ?

[canadiangirl]

god bless ALL the 55 year olds who try to bring a leo beer onto the skytrain wrapped in a napkin and wear beach attire on the MRT. you are the enlightened ones!

I'm sure that's what the Thais think, too.

[Cobalt60]

Hows this for an idea ?, next time you are out, maybe in MBK, and you see a big 50 year old farang wandering about minding his own business with his Thai girl, why dont you go over and tell him you feel embarrassed and explain all the other self rightous, moralising vitriol that you seem so able to type on a faceless internet site.

You may be lucky and get into a really usefull debate....on the other hand

[JetsetBkk]

So, excuse my skepticism when people with far more odds against them even than us try to convince that all is hanky panky and there are no problems whatsoever

I think you meant "hunky-dory", rather than "hanky panky" . (Although you've probably got "hanky panky" on your mind )

[canadiangirl]

Hows this for an idea ?, next time you are out, maybe in MBK, and you see a big 50 year old farang wandering about minding his own business with his Thai girl, why dont you go over and tell him you feel embarrassed and explain all the other self rightous, moralising vitriol that you seem so able to type on a faceless internet site.

You may be lucky and get into a really usefull debate....on the other hand

No way man, those dudes have beerguts bigger than me! He'll probably eat me.

[ColPyat]

So, excuse my skepticism when people with far more odds against them even than us try to convince that all is hanky panky and there are no problems whatsoever

I think you meant "hunky-dory", rather than "hanky panky" . (Although you've probably got "hanky panky" on your mind )

Ups.

Not anymore though - the wife is back from voting.

[ColPyat]

Hows this for an idea ?, next time you are out, maybe in MBK, and you see a big 50 year old farang wandering about minding his own business with his Thai girl, why dont you go over and tell him you feel embarrassed and explain all the other self rightous, moralising vitriol that you seem so able to type on a faceless internet site.

You may be lucky and get into a really usefull debate....on the other hand

Now that would be really embarrassing.

Sorry, thank you, but no. I just do the usual and keep my distance.

[Cobalt60]

Oh go on, it may be me

[Grover]

So, excuse my skepticism when people with far more odds against them even than us try to convince that all is hanky panky and there are no problems whatsoever

I think you meant "hunky-dory", rather than "hanky panky" . (Although you've probably got "hanky panky" on your mind )

Ups.

Not anymore though - the wife is back from voting.

did she say no ?

[ColPyat]

Oh go on, it may be me

Oh yes, thank you, and me trying to hold my wife back from killing a mouthy git?!

Nops. Been there - done that.

[ColPyat]

So, excuse my skepticism when people with far more odds against them even than us try to convince that all is hanky panky and there are no problems whatsoever

I think you meant "hunky-dory", rather than "hanky panky" . (Although you've probably got "hanky panky" on your mind )

Ups.

Not anymore though - the wife is back from voting.

did she say no ?

Good one!

[t.s]

I am not sure what people mean when they say a 'failed' marriage.

A marriage may have only lasted a year but during that time be a complete success.

Other marriages can last a lifetime but be a complete failure.

Should the success of marriage be defined by its duration?

ithink you need to define the criteria you are using for failure and success.

as i understand the whole for better or for worse long term alliance thing, duration does come into it.

a gig is a gig, marriage is a commitment that entails significant effort.

Edited August 20, 2007 by t.s