I think being judged is worse.

Being disliked is fair enough really. Nobody is obliged to like anybody else. Sometimes personalities just clash. Some people annoy you within about four seconds of dropping in a daft post about something as mundane as haircuts, nighttime beach parties, or food labelling regulations and there is not even a logical explanation for it.

That feels normal.

But being judged feels different because it usually comes with this strange undertone of moral superiority, as if somebody has completely figured you out from one opinion, one comment, or one awkward interaction at a Xmas party piss up in Patts three years back.

You especially see it online.

A bloke writes one negative sounding comment about disliking close personal relationships with other farangs in Thailand and suddenly strangers are diagnosing him as “an absolutely miserable git” while sitting there eating mama noodles with spicy dried squid in their pants at 2am hammering away at the keyboard.

Someone says they enjoy living alone near Soi Buakhao because of the convenient access to food and immediately people start acting like they are one step away from becoming a beer-bar panty sniffer.

Or another geezer might talk about going to Pattaya, not only for the ladyboys, but to capture “statistical data” about mops, book stores, and toothpaste and nobody wants to believe the plonker.

Meanwhile half the people doing the judging are complete basket cases themselves behind closed doors.

At least dislike is honest.

Judgment often feels like people trying to elevate themselves by subtly looking down on somebody else.

Obviously there are exceptions. If somebody is an insanely corrupt politician, a scam artist, or one of those mugs who stands up the second the plane lands, then yes, judge away.

Likewise, if somebody has nine different forum accounts and tens of thousands of totally useless posts over the course of five years, while somehow still believing they are the sensible one in the room, I think society has earned the right to have a quiet word.

But on a normal personal level, it is strange how quickly people convince themselves they have completely sussed out another chap from almost no real information at all.

Usually while still not having a clue about themselves...

Sadly forums have gotten worse and mostly just weak attacks from KWs. They used to be more useful for info.

10 minutes ago, 123Stodg said:

Likewise, if somebody has nine different forum accounts and tens of thousands of totally useless posts over the course of five years, while somehow still believing they are the sensible one in the room, I think society has earned the right to have a quiet word.

Oh yeah, nothing wrong with accumulating a few posts over a couple of decades.

1 hour ago, 123Stodg said:

Likewise, if somebody has nine different forum accounts and tens of thousands of totally useless posts over the course of five years,

No way, do you think there is anyone truly deranged enough to actually do something like that? 😜

4 hours ago, 123Stodg said:

But being judged ... from one opinion, one comment, or one awkward interaction at a Xmas party piss up in Patts three years back.

Come on, spill the beans, what did you do or say at the Xmas party ? We could all use a chuckle

So what if you are judged, disliked or disrespected? Anyone who reacts to this is IMHO a weak-minded person. I personally don't give a flying f *ck what anyone thinks of me or if anyone disrespects me. Get on with your life and stop fretting like a kindergarten kid over what others think of you.

Jeez.........

25 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

Come on, spill the beans, what did you do or say at the Xmas party ? We could all use a chuckle

Some need a little encouragement.............how about you go first.........!

3 minutes ago, Off Piste said:

Some need a little encouragement.............how about you go first.........!

I've never done anything embarrassing, though I have been accused of not being completely honest at times. Not that I would lie, but I may not include all the facts.

I also try not to think too hard, IF people are laughing with me, or, at me 🙄

As long as they're laughing ...

Edited May 20May 20 by KhunLA

How about both? We judge you then we dislike you. Seems to logically follow to me.

6 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

though I have been accused of not being completely honest at times. Not that I would lie, but I may not include all the facts.

Nothing wrong with a little disingenuosity !..............incorrect grammar, but sounds more forgiiving............

19 minutes ago, simon43 said:

So what if you are judged, disliked or disrespected? Anyone who reacts to this is IMHO a weak-minded person. I personally don't give a flying f *ck what anyone thinks of me or if anyone disrespects me. Get on with your life and stop fretting like a kindergarten kid over what others think of you.

Jeez.........

But sad emojis are important to some lol

25 minutes ago, simon43 said:

So what if you are judged, disliked or disrespected? Anyone who reacts to this is IMHO a weak-minded person. I personally don't give a flying f *ck what anyone thinks of me or if anyone disrespects me. Get on with your life and stop fretting like a kindergarten kid over what others think of you.

Jeez.........

I read this quote supposed to be from some famous Zen master:

"What does it mean to be enlightened?

When I am hungry I eat.

When I am weary I sleep.

When I am insulted I forget."

Keep it simple.

Don't give a f#ck ,if people want to hate me ,so be it, but why would they ,

the only one who can judge me is an actual Judge , sticks and stones and

all that ...

regards worgeordie

Often dislike is more a case of annoyance in the online setting .. posters with too much whingeing, being pedantic, too many posts, a poster seemingly thinking they are something clever amazing cool or hiso , the usual stuff ..

The moral element enters from time to time .. normally it's a case of who cares .. rampant extreme political beliefs, tedious over the top insults to certain groups of people, embarrassing mongers etc . Normally the poster is venting - and for all we know they could be harmless nice guys in real life who treat those around them well. We've all written some silly posts too that made sense at the time.

I have seen a handful of posts though that cross a line into despicable territory - could be trolls or could be their real opinions representing how they act in real life - in those cases I think they have to be pointed out or what's the point in participating in this thing called Asean Now.

4 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

Often dislike is more a case of annoyance in the online setting .. posters with too much whingeing, being pedantic, too many posts, a poster seemingly thinking they are something clever amazing cool or hiso , the usual stuff ..

The moral element enters from time to time .. normally it's a case of who cares .. rampant extreme political beliefs, tedious over the top insults to certain groups of people, embarrassing mongers etc . Normally the poster is venting - and for all we know they could be harmless nice guys in real life who treat those around them well. We've all written some silly posts too that made sense at the time.

I have seen a handful of posts though that cross a line into despicable territory - could be trolls or could be their real opinions representing how they act in real life - in those cases I think they have to be pointed out or what's the point in participating in this thing called Asean Now.

At the forum, who cares? It is a free choice to end it whenever you want.

In real life, being judged or disliked can have consequences. Not everyone will like you, and not everyone will judge you fairly, but most sane people still try to fit in as well as possible and live the best life they can, based on their resources and capacity.

Keep as positive an attitude as possible. Be self-aware of who you are, what you have, and what you have to work with, to build a sustainable, good, and healthy life.

Being liked and being respected are two different things, but both matter.

Some people seem to have given up on that balance, and use the forum more for personal frustration than real discussion. So we, as a group, design the forum by how we use it.

Do we personalise every thread? Or do we keep it open for reflection and healthy debate?

2 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Do we personalise every thread? Or do we keep it open for reflection and healthy debate?

Well said. Topics that are great are on topic and not personal.

2 hours ago, KhunLA said:

Come on, spill the beans, what did you do or say at the Xmas party ? We could all use a chuckle

Great news, last year's Christmas party was such a hit the organisers have started preparing for the 2026 Christmas party.

Who's coming

7 hours ago, 123Stodg said:

What’s Worse, Being Judged or Being Disliked?

Neither. Accept yourself as you are.

49 minutes ago, Hummin said:

In real life, being judged or disliked can have consequences. Not everyone will like you, and not everyone will judge you fairly

As it should, it’s a consequence of individuality.

50 minutes ago, Hummin said:

most sane people still try to fit in as well as possible and live the best life they can, based on their resources and capacity.

Sane people are not concerned about fitting in because they are comfortable in their own skin. Trying to fit in is an element of being antisocial, having to retrofit ideas and having to agree/disagree in order to be accepted thereby changing your personally and leaving individualism behind. It would be nice if everyone would just stop retrofitting to appease others and pretending to be something that they are not and just accept themselves as they are and then they will find that others are simply accepting in real life and those who are not are easily navigated passed and avoided as antisocial misfits. It simply comes down to whether or not if folks are comfortable with themselves as they are. Unfortunately in this day and age most are not and grouping in with antisocial tribalism, such a waste of life.

6 hours ago, simon43 said:

So what if you are judged, disliked or disrespected? Anyone who reacts to this is IMHO a weak-minded person. I personally don't give a flying f *ck what anyone thinks of me or if anyone disrespects me. Get on with your life and stop fretting like a kindergarten kid over what others think of you.

Jeez.........

The sheer emotional intensity required to write “I don’t give a flying f *ck what anyone thinks of me” in a playful forum post about being judged definitely does not scream out in any way whatsoever that the “topic hit a nerve” for you somewhere along the way. 👍🏼

5 hours ago, novacova said:

Neither. Accept yourself as you are.

As it should, it’s a consequence of individuality.

Sane people are not concerned about fitting in because they are comfortable in their own skin. Trying to fit in is an element of being antisocial, having to retrofit ideas and having to agree/disagree in order to be accepted thereby changing your personally and leaving individualism behind. It would be nice if everyone would just stop retrofitting to appease others and pretending to be something that they are not and just accept themselves as they are and then they will find that others are simply accepting in real life and those who are not are easily navigated passed and avoided as antisocial misfits. It simply comes down to whether or not if folks are comfortable with themselves as they are. Unfortunately in this day and age most are not and grouping in with antisocial tribalism, such a waste of life.

That is an interesting thought, but fitting in does not mean being fake or pretending to be someone you are not.

Adjusting to your environment is one thing. Losing yourself to fit in is something else.

13 hours ago, 123Stodg said:

What’s Worse, Being Judged or Being Disliked?

Both go together most of the time. If you judge someone for whatever reason, you're not going to like them, are you? And conversely, if you dislike them, you're naturally going to judge them at varying levels, based on this subjective negative impression.

10 hours ago, Rockyroad said:

But sad emojis are important to some lol

You seem to attract a fair few.

No sure if it is judgmental or dislike. Possibly both.

10 hours ago, cdemundo said:

I read this quote supposed to be from some famous Zen master:

"What does it mean to be enlightened?

When I am hungry I eat.

When I am weary I sleep.

When I am insulted I forget."

Keep it simple.

What if said Zen master feels horny? What does he do then?

1 minute ago, emptypockets said:

What if said Zen master feels horny? What does he do then?

Good one empty pockets.

A real knee slapper.

19 minutes ago, emptypockets said:

You seem to attract a fair few.

No sure if it is judgmental or dislike. Possibly both.

Impossible, she is one of the most treasured troglodytes the forum has ever had the pleasure of hosting. Every post she makes is a profound gem dusted with wisdom, insight, intrigue and enlightenment. Never mind that she has a negative reputation equal to 100X my total post count, those are just some disgruntled lefties who have no reason to dislike or disrespect her. She has never been nasty to anyone and she even won 29 days as top poster on the site, an accomplishment the likes of which nobody has ever seen before! At least she did that when she was posting before as Harrison Ford, or maybe it was when she was the artist formerly known as Susan Leonardo, or maybe it was when she was acting as Sparky Traoré. Oh, never mind. I cannot keep track of all her incredible monikers.

5 hours ago, rattlesnake said:

If you judge someone for whatever reason, you're not going to like them, are you?

NO! I often take note when I observe someone definitely showing that they have put more thought into their actions than the general population. For instance I was following another motorcycle as we both turned into the local Macro. The rider ahead of me did a quick shoulder check before making the turn. I ride every day and I don't think I ever have seen another rider do that. As it turned out it was a 30-something Scandinavian woman driving. When I complemented her common sense practice (in English) she laughed and thanked me with a slight accent that I could not clearly identify. As for liking her.... she was off to a good start.

9 minutes ago, gamb00ler said:

5 hours ago, rattlesnake said:

If you judge someone for whatever reason, you're not going to like them, are you?

NO! I often take note when I observe someone definitely showing that they have put more thought into their actions than the general population.

I think most people nowadays naturally associate the word 'judge' with negative connotations................ this example, completely the opposite, refreshing.....................

33 minutes ago, Off Piste said:

44 minutes ago, gamb00ler said:

5 hours ago, rattlesnake said:

If you judge someone for whatever reason, you're not going to like them, are you?

NO! I often take note when I observe someone definitely showing that they have put more thought into their actions than the general population.

I think most people nowadays naturally associate the word 'judge' with negative connotations................ this example, completely the opposite, refreshing.....................

Exactly, hence idioms such as "being judgemental", etc.

47 minutes ago, gamb00ler said:

NO! I often take note when I observe someone definitely showing that they have put more thought into their actions than the general population. For instance I was following another motorcycle as we both turned into the local Macro. The rider ahead of me did a quick shoulder check before making the turn. I ride every day and I don't think I ever have seen another rider do that. As it turned out it was a 30-something Scandinavian woman driving. When I complemented her common sense practice (in English) she laughed and thanked me with a slight accent that I could not clearly identify.

But you do appreciate that in the context of this thread (and in the broader accepted sense nowadays), "to judge someone" implies to make negative assumptions. So while you are technically right, it is important to dissociate the literal meaning of a word and what it actually signifies in a given context.

P.S. I never make a turn or change lanes without checking first… but then again I have actual motorcyle training (licence obtained in France 20 years ago).

51 minutes ago, gamb00ler said:

As it turned out it was a 30-something Scandinavian woman
[…]
As for liking her.... she was off to a good start.

You mean she was good looking? 😉

I went to Sweden often in my younger years. Nice women… though they can't compete with the Thais IMO.

10 hours ago, Off Piste said:

I think most people nowadays naturally associate the word 'judge' with negative connotations................ this example, completely the opposite, refreshing.....................

I agree because in most neutral contexts 'judge' does not have a negative connotation. Judges are everywhere in our culture and are assumed have neutrality as their goal. Webster says:

The word "judge" carries a divided set of connotations, spanning from highly analytical and positive to deeply condemning and negative. While it fundamentally means to evaluate, discern, or form an opinion, its secondary meaning often leans into moral criticism, superiority, and punishment.

I guess.. I should have realized that the AN context by itself sadly assumes negativity.

Edited May 21May 21 by gamb00ler