Passing Of A Friend...

[sillybilly]

It is with great sadness that I have learned that a friend of mine from Northern Thailand has passed away by thier own choice. Can anybody please tell me what happens next?? eg. Funeral arrangments and what else happens from there? I believe that the body is to be cremated but not sure...

Please no jokes... Thanks

[sbk]

Does your friend have any family that would take care of arrangements? Was your friend Buddhist? Or would his family object to a ceremony/cremation at the wat? Or is it up to you to arrange things?

And my condolences. Loss of someone you care about is tough.

[sutnyod]

Oh gosh, you must have your hands full.... My condolences.

Normally, funeral rites in such cases (tai hoong) are held in the pagoda only; the body would not be permitted to be laid in state at home (fear of ghost wandering about). So that means that all your major wheelings and dealings will happen with the nearest cremation pagoda. They will try to speed up cremation, so you will be surprised how quickly everything is over and when you will think of it in retrospective you might think it never happened...

A few days after the cremation there is the bone picking ceremony and the relatives will have to make a decision on what happens to the remains. Keep them at the pagoda or take them home? After 100 days there is another ceremony, but I don't know whether this would apply here, too.

For the ceremony you are usually told what it is you have to do. Just don't forget to ask how many monks there will be during the ceremony and prepare a nice baggy for each of them (they have also some prepared ones in major supermarkets). For the bone picking ceremony you'd need some perfume. If you happen to have a nice picture of your friend, have it enlarged and bring to the funeral.

[sillybilly]

Thanks for the words of wisdom. It was a friend I met while on holidays and I have been told the news by his family. However I am not sure if he was Buddist or not. I`m sitting here at home in Aust trying to think of any way that I might be able to help the family. Upon returning to Thailand is there a way to pay my respects??

[sutnyod]

You could ask the family (after they have come out of their shock) what they will do with the remains. If they intend to bring them home, you could contribute towards a nice stupa. If they decide to kep them in the pagoda, you could, during your next trip here, make a financial contribution for that specific pagoda. You can also find out whether there will be a 100-day ceremony and try to be here for that.

In my experience, although financial contributions are of course welcome, especially in such cases, PRESENCE is very much valued. Some people here believe that people that gather during an important ceremony create ties that bind them together for lives to come... So by showing up, you give a signal that you would not mind meeting these people again in another live.