mumbojumbo Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 Ask yourself: Am I Gay? 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet. 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too. 6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious. 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer. 8 . If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitley on the verge on being a fudgepacker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeaceBlondie Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 9. But if you like to put the roto rooter up your wife's chute, you're a fudgepacker, too. 10. If you like to lick your wife where the sun doesn't usually shine, you've got an oral fixation and that's only one step away from .......you know... 11. If you insist on being overly macho, that's a sure sign you're not. Is this supposed to be funny merely because it's in the jokes section? I know a really dirty joke: a pig fell into a puddle. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nidge Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 I know a really dirty joke: a pig fell into a puddle. :D Was it ok? I hope it didn't get hurt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naam Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 But if you like to put the roto rooter up your wife's chute, you're a fudgepacker, too :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markr Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying totune a meat whistle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazeeboy Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 9. But if you like to put the roto rooter up your wife's chute, you're a fudgepacker, too.10. If you like to lick your wife where the sun doesn't usually shine, you've got an oral fixation and that's only one step away from .......you know... 11. If you insist on being overly macho, that's a sure sign you're not. Is this supposed to be funny merely because it's in the jokes section? I know a really dirty joke: a pig fell into a puddle. good post ,anyway its not me thats gay its my boyfreind........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suegha Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 Most excellent! Wasn't there a 'How Gay are you?' test posted in the jokes section a while back? I scored 30%. I think it was the leather trousers that did it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzdocxx Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 I think the OP forgot to add, "not that there is anything wrong with it". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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