Ask yourself: Am I Gay?

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.

It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent

the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah

diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo.

A cat is like a dog,but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never

scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and

whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog...

'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about

how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit

to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such

nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ

ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, Anything

else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking

lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his

bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will

never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte

to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different

types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing

out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his

brain

to remember all of that crap.

If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay.

And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are

faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to

tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a

slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that

hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8 . If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because

you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitley on the

verge on being a fudgepacker.

9. But if you like to put the roto rooter up your wife's chute, you're a fudgepacker, too.

10. If you like to lick your wife where the sun doesn't usually shine, you've got an oral fixation and that's only one step away from .......you know...

11. If you insist on being overly macho, that's a sure sign you're not.

Is this supposed to be funny merely because it's in the jokes section? I know a really dirty joke: a pig fell into a puddle. :D

I know a really dirty joke: a pig fell into a puddle. :D

Was it ok? I hope it didn't get hurt!

But if you like to put the roto rooter up your wife's chute, you're a fudgepacker, too

:D

If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to

tune a meat whistle

9. But if you like to put the roto rooter up your wife's chute, you're a fudgepacker, too.

10. If you like to lick your wife where the sun doesn't usually shine, you've got an oral fixation and that's only one step away from .......you know...

11. If you insist on being overly macho, that's a sure sign you're not.

Is this supposed to be funny merely because it's in the jokes section? I know a really dirty joke: a pig fell into a puddle.

good post ,anyway its not me thats gay its my boyfreind........

Most excellent! Wasn't there a 'How Gay are you?' test posted in the jokes section a while back? I scored 30%. I think it was the leather trousers that did it!

I think the OP forgot to add, "not that there is anything wrong with it".