Baby Is Gone

[ruhip]

My wife took our 2 week old baby and left. I have just found out she is at her parents. I am pretty sure my wife is suffering from Post Partum Depression. She refuses to seek help or to come home or even pick up my phone. She has been feeding lies to her parents. I went to the police becuase I am concerned about the welfare of my daughter. We are married, and my name is on the birth certificate. What can I do? The police said they can do nothing but one police man took me to the side and said, 'We can not take the baby from her, but when your wife comes back, we can't take the baby from you'. I don't want to use our baby as a pawn in some sick Thai game. I also don't want to live in fear that everyday I go to work I may come home and our baby and my wife is gone. She refuses to get help with her depression saying that it is all my fault, I don't take care of her, I have a girlfriend, you know the typical Thai woman. How can I get custody of my child? What do you think the chances are? Does anyone know of a good Thai lawyer? I love Thailand but I have to chose the welfare of my child over my personal preferences. Once I get an American passport for her, can I just take her? I don't want to take her from her mother but I think no mother is better than my wife at this time.

Please give me advice.

[Travel2003]

My wife took our 2 week old baby and left. I have just found out she is at her parents. I am pretty sure my wife is suffering from Post Partum Depression. She refuses to seek help or to come home or even pick up my phone. She has been feeding lies to her parents. I went to the police becuase I am concerned about the welfare of my daughter. We are married, and my name is on the birth certificate. What can I do? The police said they can do nothing but one police man took me to the side and said, 'We can not take the baby from her, but when your wife comes back, we can't take the baby from you'. I don't want to use our baby as a pawn in some sick Thai game. I also don't want to live in fear that everyday I go to work I may come home and our baby and my wife is gone. She refuses to get help with her depression saying that it is all my fault, I don't take care of her, I have a girlfriend, you know the typical Thai woman. How can I get custody of my child? What do you think the chances are? Does anyone know of a good Thai lawyer? I love Thailand but I have to chose the welfare of my child over my personal preferences. Once I get an American passport for her, can I just take her? I don't want to take her from her mother but I think no mother is better than my wife at this time.

Please give me advice.

My advice is to go to the lawyer you used when you got married, or...............maybe tell a more realistic story.

[quiksilva]

^^ a bit harsh, these things happen unsettlingly often. Definitely find out your legal position but also try to work things out with your wife. I wish your family all the best and hope things work out for you all.

[ruhip]

My wife took our 2 week old baby and left. I have just found out she is at her parents. I am pretty sure my wife is suffering from Post Partum Depression. She refuses to seek help or to come home or even pick up my phone. She has been feeding lies to her parents. I went to the police becuase I am concerned about the welfare of my daughter. We are married, and my name is on the birth certificate. What can I do? The police said they can do nothing but one police man took me to the side and said, 'We can not take the baby from her, but when your wife comes back, we can't take the baby from you'. I don't want to use our baby as a pawn in some sick Thai game. I also don't want to live in fear that everyday I go to work I may come home and our baby and my wife is gone. She refuses to get help with her depression saying that it is all my fault, I don't take care of her, I have a girlfriend, you know the typical Thai woman. How can I get custody of my child? What do you think the chances are? Does anyone know of a good Thai lawyer? I love Thailand but I have to chose the welfare of my child over my personal preferences. Once I get an American passport for her, can I just take her? I don't want to take her from her mother but I think no mother is better than my wife at this time.

Please give me advice.

My advice is to go to the lawyer you used when you got married, or...............maybe tell a more realistic story.

Your reply is typical of the responses I have been getting from the police. Meaning that I must have done something in order for my wife to take the baby. I don't feel I need to justify my story as it is as realistic as it gets. I have documentation from the hospital that she should go see a psychologist. Can someone please give me advice on the assumption that I AM telling a realistic story? (cuz I am)

[hellohello]

Go to the US embassy in Bangkok website and find the links for lawyers in Thailand who practice Family Law. Sounds serious to just get advice from a fourm of strangers.

Be interested to hear her side of the story tho....

Good Luck!

Edited November 8, 2007 by hellohello

[Neeranam]

Find a good lawyer. Where are you?

[gburns57au]

OMG....They are all coming out of the cupboard now arent they....

Thailand must be overrun with depressed, maniacal, violent women....

I didnt know it was such a dangerous place....

[mr_hippo]

My wife took our 2 week old baby and left. I have just found out she is at her parents. I am pretty sure my wife is suffering from Post Partum Depression. She refuses to seek help or to come home or even pick up my phone. She has been feeding lies to her parents. I went to the police becuase I am concerned about the welfare of my daughter. We are married, and my name is on the birth certificate. What can I do? The police said they can do nothing but one police man took me to the side and said, 'We can not take the baby from her, but when your wife comes back, we can't take the baby from you'. I don't want to use our baby as a pawn in some sick Thai game. I also don't want to live in fear that everyday I go to work I may come home and our baby and my wife is gone. She refuses to get help with her depression saying that it is all my fault, I don't take care of her, I have a girlfriend, you know the typical Thai woman. How can I get custody of my child? What do you think the chances are? Does anyone know of a good Thai lawyer? I love Thailand but I have to chose the welfare of my child over my personal preferences. Once I get an American passport for her, can I just take her? I don't want to take her from her mother but I think no mother is better than my wife at this time.

Please give me advice.

I'm confused! You have a wife and a two week old baby and they are not with you? Then you "don't want to live in fear that everyday I go to work I may come home and our baby and my wife is gone.", so she is still with you? Let me see if I have got this right - you have a wife with a two week old baby who is with you/not with you and a girlfriend?

The important question is this - why am I wasting my time replying?

[pete_r]

My wife took our 2 week old baby and left. I have just found out she is at her parents. [...]

It is fairly common in Thailand for the young mother to stay at her parents' house after giving birth. To put a figure on that, I've seen it 4 times in the 2.5 years since I've moved here, with the mom staying the full 3 months of her maternal leave and the father continuing to work in another city. Thai fathers are ok with this, but of course Western fathers have a different view.

My question would be, have you discussed this with your wife before the birth? Is it possible that she wants to stay with her parents for a while but doesn't know how to tell you or explain to you?

[Briggsy]

She refuses to get help with her depression saying that it is all my fault, I don't take care of her, I have a girlfriend, you know the typical Thai woman. How can I get custody of my child?

She has left you.

What do you think the chances are? Does anyone know of a good Thai lawyer? I love Thailand but I have to chose the welfare of my child over my personal preferences. Once I get an American passport for her, can I just take her?

No, custody is decided by a court and you would very likely be prevented from removing your daughter from the country without the mother's written consent.

[Acquiesce]

My wife took our 2 week old baby and left. I have just found out she is at her parents. I am pretty sure my wife is suffering from Post Partum Depression. She refuses to seek help or to come home or even pick up my phone. She has been feeding lies to her parents. I went to the police becuase I am concerned about the welfare of my daughter. We are married, and my name is on the birth certificate. What can I do? The police said they can do nothing but one police man took me to the side and said, 'We can not take the baby from her, but when your wife comes back, we can't take the baby from you'. I don't want to use our baby as a pawn in some sick Thai game. I also don't want to live in fear that everyday I go to work I may come home and our baby and my wife is gone. She refuses to get help with her depression saying that it is all my fault, I don't take care of her, I have a girlfriend, you know the typical Thai woman. How can I get custody of my child? What do you think the chances are? Does anyone know of a good Thai lawyer? I love Thailand but I have to chose the welfare of my child over my personal preferences. Once I get an American passport for her, can I just take her? I don't want to take her from her mother but I think no mother is better than my wife at this time.

Please give me advice.

I'm confused! You have a wife and a two week old baby and they are not with you? Then you "don't want to live in fear that everyday I go to work I may come home and our baby and my wife is gone.", so she is still with you? Let me see if I have got this right - you have a wife with a two week old baby who is with you/not with you and a girlfriend?

The important question is this - why am I wasting my time replying?

What is so difficult to uderstand? His wife took the baby and left, if she comes back he does not want to live in fear that when he gets home from work she and baby will be gone again. His wife has accused him of having a girlfriend.

Not hard to understand.

[Cyberstar]

Yes. In extension of pete-r's post, one way OP can be interpreted is as the words of a newborn, immature, overly paranoid father/husband that fails to understand that his wife is seeking what probably is the best cure for her.

Does the husband let her have the peace and quiet she needs to get at terms with her new life situation as a mother? ... No, he only think of himself - he definitely doesn't sound like a good caring, supportive husband to me... Really, assumed the situation is described as is --- it's extremely immature to even start thinking about custody, taking the child away from the mother and such just because of what is mentioned ...

Edited November 8, 2007 by Cyberstar

[LinkPopularity]

seems you have some kind of a depression as well ... maybe try to work things out with her, before going to police and lawyer ...

[Scott]

It might not be a bad idea to contact a lawyer and 'get your ducks in order', so to speak, however, if your wife is suffering from Post Partum Depression, you might want to try and speak with her parents/doctor/other family or friends; who might be in a position to encourage her to get the help she needs.

If the marriage/relationship was reasonably stable prior to the birth, then once she is over this 'bump' in the road things will likely return to normal.

It's apparent that you are deeply concerned about your daughter, as you should be and she is lucky to have a caring father like yourself. Sometimes the best way to care for your child is to treat the mother as best you can. In this case, even if the wife won't listen to you, try to use whatever rounabout method to get her the medical attention she needs.

It's probably good that she is with her parents for now, who can keep a close eye on her and the baby. The mother is unlikely to be able to handle much additional stress. In this case Time isn't your enemy and just may be your ally.

Best of luck to you, your Mrs. and the baby. I hope it all works out for you.

[ruhip]

I appreciate the responses especially the ones that made sense. To clear up a couple of things, I don't have a gf. She is depressed which is why I am so worried. I probably have already made the mistake of going to the police, I believe this even upset her more. At least I have the documentation which is what I will continue to accumulate. I pray it doesn't happen again. Right now she is paranoid that I will do the same thing (take the baby) I would never do such a thing unless her depression goes untreated and this happens again and again. I was hoping that someone had experience such as my own and give me their advice (what to do and more importantly what not to do). Thanks

[bina]

thai are not big on psychological stuff; better to try to talk to mother/sister/auntie/grandma or any other older person that will mediate. thai men do not confront, they will go thru a third person so u should try the same thing. if she is also uneducated (i am assuming, but even if not) most thai women do not really know what post partum depression is. the feelings she mentioned are obviously post partum and the best place is at her parents home (where many thai women run to after fights with husband etc; a fairy common scenario from what i know from thai men that tell me thats what their wives do)...

u are kind of in a rush unless u ahve previous problems with her; or u dont speak thai very well and cant communicate and anyway most thai dont vocalize their real feelings, they tend to act, not speak.

better to show up at mom's house with presents for baby and mom and talk, and dont try to take the baby in your hands or anything else that she could misread as 'taking her baby'... try to visit and go back and forth w/o pressure. or suggest that she come back home with mom or sister or cousin to help with her and baby for a few months (a common scenario if u would read other posts)...

once her hormones calm down a bit and she gets her confidence back, things may swing in your direction. what u need is a mediator, not police.

unless u are withholding info here about her past actions or your relationship/

is she a first time mother? how was she previously? hwo are your and her language skills? what were her expectations after giving birth? is this your first child? did u think she would react like a western woman from your country? etc...

my woman's perspective

bina

israel

[mellow1]

Leave her alone for awhile, maybe she will work it out.

[Travel2003]

^^ a bit harsh, these things happen unsettlingly often. Definitely find out your legal position but also try to work things out with your wife. I wish your family all the best and hope things work out for you all.

Seems strange to me that someone that is experiencing this kind of situation, decides to go online to discuss (or ask for advice) from a bunch of strangers.

Surely there must be some social circle for him to get advice (and support) from.

The question about wether he can just snatch the kid as soon a passport has been obtained seems quite unreal.

Most countries would look upon this as kidnapping, nomatter if the kid was his, as long as he didnt have full custody.

This he should know, before he goes online suggesting it.

But then again, I might have missunderstood parts of his post (as many seem to do).

And regarding a lawyer. I believe a lawyer was used when he got married, so he should have contact with one already then.

[ThaiPauly]

I initially felt for you until I got to the bit about you having a girlfreind.

she probably has not got PND, She's simply sussed you out for the kind of man you are.

Som Num Na

[GuestHouse]

Get yourself over to your inlaw's house and go see what the real problem is rather than fretting over imagined problems.

If you believe your wife is suffering from post natal depression then go speak to a doctor about this and get some advice on what the likely treatmetns are / how long this normally lasts.

Also take some time to read up on advice given to mothers on Post Natal depression (plenty of sources on the internet).

I'd start with patience and understanding before you go for the lawyers.

-----

There's a lot of reactive and trash responses here that you should ignore.

[WaiWai]

In his initial post, the OP stated that his wife had accused him of having a girlfriend, as she is feeling paranoid.

In his later post, he stated, "To clear up a couple of things, I don't have a gf. "

The idea that he does was contributed by *other* posters.

Edited November 8, 2007 by WaiWai

[GuestHouse]

In his initial post, the OP stated that his wife had accused him of having a girlfriend, as she is feeling paranoid.

In his later post, he stated, "To clear up a couple of things, I don't have a gf. "

The idea that he does was contributed by *other* posters.

Judging others by their own standards.... perhaps?

[mellow1]

Maybe she just needs some time alone, give her some space.

[Acquiesce]

In his initial post, the OP stated that his wife had accused him of having a girlfriend, as she is feeling paranoid.

In his later post, he stated, "To clear up a couple of things, I don't have a gf. "

The idea that he does was contributed by *other* posters.

Judging others by their own standards.... perhaps?

It was mr hippo in his failure to comprehend the OP.

[dominique355]

Let me tell you a story: A guy once had lent his friend $ 1000 but his friend refused to pay him back. He went to see a lawyer and they went to Court. The judge said, the Court can only deal with cases $ 2000 and above. So he changed lawyer. The new lawyer said, give your friend another $ 1000 and we can go to court. So he did. At court the judge said, if you gave him another $ 1000, you obviously don't want the money back: case dismissed. So he went to the best lawyer in town. This one said: Go to your friend, punch him in the nose and if he does not pay you back, threaten him to punch him more. So he did and got is money back.

You case seems to be similar. Instead of waisting your time with lawyers and Police and Embassy, go to your wife, take the baby and run.

PS: I might add that I am a lawyer.

[TheEmperorOfTheNorth]

Ok, time to backtrack on your decision to be a man or not.

Going to the police / lawyer / Thaivisa... PLEASE!!!

Are you a man or not? At least she went to her parents, which is a good environment where she and the baby will get support. That's a blessing.

Now, get on that bus and go visit them, talk to the parents, give them your side, though ultimately this is about supporting your wife and the baby. How do you even know what she's been telling her parents!! Be supportive!!! Bring some gifts for the parents and the Mrs, bring some baby clothes and baby stuff.

You do speak Thai right? If not, bring someone who does.

But even without saying a word, if you show up with a good part of a typical Tesco's baby inventory, what message does that send about your responsibility and attutude towards supporting the baby? If she's been telling them you don't care then showing up in bumfuc_k-nowehere with a stack of baby stuff WILL say something about yourself.

Honestly, it's not hat hard.

What is it with 'Farlangs' in Thailand..

Edited November 8, 2007 by TheEmperorOfTheNorth

[Travel2003]

, take the baby and run.

PS: I might add that I am a lawyer.

A joke, right?

Both the "take and run", and you being a lawyer and all?

[blizzard]

u guys r so entertaining!

he go to papa and mama and tell them their daughter is cuckoo.........lol............hmmmm..............okie dokie.

bribe with baby stuff. like new kid shoes gonna solve his bad marriage. i can see bribing with munney.

Edited November 8, 2007 by blizzard

[MrSquigle]

So does he have a girlfriend or not ??

[TheEmperorOfTheNorth]

u guys r so entertaining!

he go to papa and mama and tell them their daughter is cuckoo.........lol............hmmmm..............okie dokie.

bribe with baby stuff. like new kid shoes gonna solve his bad marriage. i can see bribing with munney.

Back to the big Changs, fool. Maybe you think this is a funny topic? He urgently needs the right advice, and get his arse in gear.

No bribing goes on, just supporting mum and the baby. You can forget about medical-psychological help, this is Thailand, and upcountry Thailand at that. You'll have to be your own psychologist. And be your own Goddamned man and take charge.

Edited November 8, 2007 by TheEmperorOfTheNorth