Got your point Boo, I just felt excited that 3 Thai women had posted and wanted to make it more obvious!!! Never mind, in here is fine too

Hi,

I tend to have long long friendships (some go back 30 years) and am not actively looking for friends. So when anybody comes my way and we completely hit it off, we are going to STAY friends, no matter what.

However, when I was a bit younger I was very insecure (my main concern was to be liked) and have experienced two kinds of friendships, one of them mentioned here.

The first kind was I tried to hook up with cool people and could not keep up (finances, yes, but also interest, completely different interests). The second kind was where I was in the upper seat so to speak. These 'friendships' all ended when my 'protegees' asked me to lend them some money and never ever repaid. Before those 'friends' tried to borrow, they were incredibly nice. It also flattered me that it was me whom they asked for help (it started with general 'help', not money). Afterwards they did not know me. Well that was a lesson and I learned from it.

The problem I face now is that I cannot relate to the normal people in my home country. Anybody the same experience? I saw some of the Thai women face it once they move abroad. What about others?

Interesting question, Sutnyod. I'm curious about that one, too. There are a few observing this thread now. Anyone want to comment?

I tend to have long long friendships (some go back 30 years) and am not actively looking for friends. So when anybody comes my way and we completely hit it off, we are going to STAY friends, no matter what.

However, when I was a bit younger I was very insecure (my main concern was to be liked) and have experienced two kinds of friendships, one of them mentioned here.

The first kind was I tried to hook up with cool people and could not keep up (finances, yes, but also interest, completely different interests). The second kind was where I was in the upper seat so to speak.

Exactly my experience too.

The thing that Kat mentioned, however, I think should be put down to social climbing and appearance, rather than being Thai, though I guess the UN has its own culture.

As a speaker at conferences, I find many people always come up to me, compliment me on my presentation (which by the way I know to be crap), and ask me all sorts of questions over lunch, during the remainder of the conference/show etc... then when you try to communicate with them afterwards, they don't know you - they think you want their money. And if they offer an opinion and you don't agree, they suddenly lose interest.

I find that people like this are only interested in their own agenda. They hope to glean information from you for free - and they hope to get some sort of endorsement from an "expert" in the industry. But other than that, you are not any different than a stranger walking by on the street.

After a while, you just kind of get used to it. I no longer worry about it - in fact, it's kind of nice to be able to go to a show or conference and not be stopped every 5 feet, or being followed every time you go for a smoke or want to go for a pee. Then I can hang out with the few real friends I have in the industry.

ohh yes its true, i got some friends like that (well i dont want to call them friend!!)

back to my university life, these friends always good to me jokes around with me but as sooas as in the middle of assignment project month i had to tturn my cell off and made myself invisible, because they loved (yes i want to use this word "love") to ask me for my project, their excused " can i see ur project as a guidline please, i cant think of anything and im not finish yet" blah blah same old s..... i was bored to refused them than i just ignored if they talked to me i answered them thats it, no followup question or answer.

and for now , i got one thats always borrow me money i never give her, she know my hubby (unmarried partner)got money thats why she ask it from me and i always say im sorry i dont have that much money and im not gonna ask money from my hubby and give it to u. it is not good to do that...

i dont feel good when ppl borrow money or live in dept. i always say to myself "if i dont have than just dont use it"

by the way, i dont care much that i will lose friends if i do the right things or just only disappointed them in some occastion lol ,because i never up to them i just be myself.. if they want to be my friends still than ok if they want to leave me im fine too.

Why do you think it's so much harder for like-minded Western and Thai women to find each other in Thailand?

I wondered about that too. In the West I felt that it was possible to meet people from different races. In Thailand Thais tend to stick with Thais, Indians with Indians, and white with white. Apparently, some Thai women do not feel comfortable being seen with Western men due to the fear of stigma, but I don’t know why there is not much interaction with Western women and Thai women.

It is probably true that some Thais feel that Westerners are superior to them; Thais who have not been exposed much to the West tend to believe that Westerners are all rich, well educated, and capable. If a Thai woman socializes too much with white colleagues, for instance, some people, perhaps the narrow-minded ones, will think that she considers herself superior to other Thais. That’s the vibes that I get. If you want to survive office politics, being regarded as stuck up is among the last things you want.

In a society that values conformity, sometimes you have to try to blend in and meet people’s expectation, if you want to get anywhere in your career at least. If you are Thai, you are expected to act like a Thai. If you are a woman, you are expected to act like a woman. When I first moved back here, some Thais told me that in the privacy of your own home, you can do what you please, but in public you’d better conform. Sometimes I have to remind myself not to roll my eyes when people ask me, ‘Why are you doing/wearing that?’ ‘Why not?’ ‘Nobody else does/wears it.’ If you feel comfortable in Western culture, where an individual should have a choice to be an individual, you might soon become resentful of having to pretend to be someone else. And I am sure that for those of us who do not fit the stereotype of Thai office girls, whose humor can be incredibly lame and with whom intellectually stimulating conversations are basically forbidden, if at all possible, trying to fit in won’t be easy. I don’t bother making an effort anymore. Sometimes you get lucky and find like-minded people who appreciate you for whom you are, and, the way I see it, you won’t find them when you are busy pretending to be someone you are not.

be my friend Rainx, i am thai and i think im open mind enough hahahaha.

people i need friends!!

Little Muppet has good values, so does this thread

Thanks for your comments, rainx. It sheds light on why it is indeed so difficult. I think there is a growing category of people like you, who are more like Westerners in their thinking, but Thai as well. It was my hope to find a good Thai female friend like you, but it was very difficult. In my girl group, we were English, American, Filipina, and French. There was one mixed Thai-American woman from the states, who relocated like you, but she returned to the states to go to school.