Ticked Off At A Student

[Scott]

I have an adult student that I teach. During our last lesson he made a rather disparaging remark about Thai-Falang marriages. It actually had to do with a well-known athlete who married a falang lady. Since it is a private tutorial, one-on-one, (which I usually don't like to do), it was hard to ignore the remark.

Generally, this sort of thing doesn't bother me too much, but for some reason this remark has been bothering me quite a lot. I didn't say anything at the time, but my anger has increased. It might not bother me so much, but his grandparents are Chinese and live in China and he's married to a Thai lady!

I am torn as to whether to approach the subject, or drop it. Feedback and thoughts on the subject would be appreciated.

[madjbs]

Seems to me that it would be hard for anyone to say if we don't know what the comment was.

[Xangsamhua]

I have an adult student that I teach. During our last lesson he made a rather disparaging remark about Thai-Falang marriages. It actually had to do with a well-known athlete who married a falang lady. Since it is a private tutorial, one-on-one, (which I usually don't like to do), it was hard to ignore the remark.

Generally, this sort of thing doesn't bother me too much, but for some reason this remark has been bothering me quite a lot. I didn't say anything at the time, but my anger has increased. It might not bother me so much, but his grandparents are Chinese and live in China and he's married to a Thai lady!

I am torn as to whether to approach the subject, or drop it. Feedback and thoughts on the subject would be appreciated.

It was a private tutorial. If the view expressed was really ignorant, couldn't you explore it with him? It seems it was something that came out of left field and left you a bit stunned - one of those cases where someone says something so outlandish you're lost for words. I suppose he's entitled to a point of view, even if it's a really stupid one, but I'm sure you would have dealt with it if that were the case. It must have been both stupid and vicious. Perhaps the bloke's not worth teaching on a private basis. Hard to say without knowing what the remark was.

I had a Thai teacher colleague in an after-school English class for teachers once who made the most extraordinary and, on the face of it, offensive comment about Pope John Paul II (we were doing something about religious terms and I was being very careful not to misrepresent or offend). However she did it with a big smile on her face and she was a teacher I liked. We got on well. So I didn't pursue it. Just put it in the category of bizarre things that happen in LOS.

[B Fuddled]

I'd let it ride mate, unless you see a trend developing. I try to look on the bright side, at least he was honest and open about his feelings. If it was the famous couple I'm thinking about, I've heard some awful things said about that marriage by male and female farang colleagues.

[Thaiboxer]

I've heard it all (used to teach high school). I'd just let it go, especially if this private student wasn't attacking you personally. I teach adults now, and things like this would just go in one ear and out the other. I used to get really worked up about students' comments but I've learned to relax a lot. If it helps, discuss it with people you know who understand you and perhaps you can all laugh about it in the end.

[Ijustwannateach]

Personally speaking, I don't know a huge number of long-term relationships between Thais and English-speaking foreign nationals that have worked out all that well. I know *a few*, but not a huge number compared with all the couples who have broken up for one reason or another. In some cases, the problems seem to have stemmed from specifically foreign-Thai issues, but quite often I think the problems would be the same in the case of a Thai-Thai couple. I'll leave it at that rather than get us too sidetracked on the side issue.

Clearly with us in the minority, prejudiced comments about clearly non-Asian, non-Thai-speaking foreigners are going to come up. They will even come up in the context of professional relationships such as Scott's. I think there are 3 ways to go:

1. Leave it alone and pretend it never happened.

2. React negatively to the student's comment in an effort to prevent future such comments.

3. Use it as an opportunity to engage the student on the issue and challenge his prejudice.

#1 has the advantage of avoiding confrontation and conflict and basically leaving both you and the student unchanged, though in Scott's case perhaps rather frustrated.

#2 may work if the student isn't too sensitive (otherwise he may just decide to quit the class) and if it works it avoids the symptom of the problem in the future but leaves the prejudice unchanged.

#3 is the politically correct ideal, but it doesn't always work in a positive way and you may end up with the worst results of #2 (the student quits).

#1 is risk free but also reward free. That's usually the way these things go. Scott, if you can afford to lose this student maybe trying options 2 or 3 would be worth it for your mental health.

"S"

[samsara]

Personally speaking, I don't know a huge number of long-term relationships between Thais and English-speaking foreign nationals that have worked out all that well. I know *a few*, but not a huge number compared with all the couples who have broken up for one reason or another. In some cases, the problems seem to have stemmed from specifically foreign-Thai issues, but quite often I think the problems would be the same in the case of a Thai-Thai couple. I'll leave it at that rather than get us too sidetracked on the side issue.

Clearly with us in the minority, prejudiced comments about clearly non-Asian, non-Thai-speaking foreigners are going to come up. They will even come up in the context of professional relationships such as Scott's. I think there are 3 ways to go:

1. Leave it alone and pretend it never happened.

2. React negatively to the student's comment in an effort to prevent future such comments.

3. Use it as an opportunity to engage the student on the issue and challenge his prejudice.

#1 has the advantage of avoiding confrontation and conflict and basically leaving both you and the student unchanged, though in Scott's case perhaps rather frustrated.

#2 may work if the student isn't too sensitive (otherwise he may just decide to quit the class) and if it works it avoids the symptom of the problem in the future but leaves the prejudice unchanged.

#3 is the politically correct ideal, but it doesn't always work in a positive way and you may end up with the worst results of #2 (the student quits).

#1 is risk free but also reward free. That's usually the way these things go. Scott, if you can afford to lose this student maybe trying options 2 or 3 would be worth it for your mental health.

"S"

im guessing the remark concerned paradorn (tennis dude) and that russian miss universe...am i right? if so, hes more than likely right, despite the nature of his comment. they dont belong together and god knows why they ARE together!!

[PeaceBlondie]

I suspect that even some more well-educated Thais may appear, by Western standards and by our standards of political correctness, somewhere between stupid, ignorant, and prejudiced. We're not going to change it by much, even in private tutoring. We may not understand what is meant when they phrase it in English, and they may be politically correct in Thailand. I expect a certain level of prejudice here, and elsewhere. But then I'm from Texas.....

However, especially in private one-on-one tutoring, often we can lead our students into uses of the English language that improve the planet. Such as "Did you know that a hill tribe lady from Guatemala, and another lady from Burma, won the Nobel Peace Prize?"

[Scott]

Yes the remark was about Paradon and his Mrs. At the time, I let it go for two reasons. First, and foremost, I don't follow sports very much and had no idea if I was missing some information that may lead him to that conclusion besides the Thai-Falang thing. Secondly, I find it best to think about these things rather than having a knee-jerk reaction.

Everyone's input has been very helpful. I think I will pursue it with him, but not from the Thai-Farang part, but from the angle of why don't you think they should be together. He's a fairly knowledgeable guy about sports and it might be absolutely nothing to do with her race/nationality.

One of the reasons this threw me for a loop was because his ethnic background isn't Thai and he travels quite a lot--goes abroad about 3-4 times a year. He seems fairly broad-minded.

Thanks--you've helped this de-railed train get back on the tracks!

[ProThaiExpat]

You might discuss the viability of the "trophy wife" syndrome found round the world and also the advisability of the leading tennis star in Thailand with Chevrolet as a sponsor buying a Ferrari. Yes, he lost the Chevrolet sponsorship.

[kitkatking]

I think you should point out how many rich ugly thai men have a Thai trophy wife or girlfriend. It\'s a Thai thing to show off everything, the mobile, car gf wife house gold etc etc. Such a shallow bunch. 

I would ask him why Thais are so shallow.

Anyhow Why do you care so much? His comment is pretty accurate imho.

Edited November 15, 2007 by kitkatking

[samsara]

ive actually run debates in class about this very topic. many thais feel abandoned in a sense when yet another one of their rising stars chooses to marry a foreigner, which usually leads to them leaving thailand altogether. thais feel like those who rise to top dont feel thailand/thais are good enough. i can definitely understand the resentment.

and paradorn and whatever her name is MIGHT go 2 sets (years) but i doubt itll last that long. first off, since when can paradorn speak good english? ive heard him do interviews and he has trouble just expressing a simple idea. supposedly, theyre gonna settle down in pattaya in 3-4 years, where paradorn will run some tennis center.

oh, paradorn could be a poster boy for shallowness. i mean, come on, who falls for tata young??? its like falling for britney spears...yuck

Edited November 15, 2007 by samsara

[Scott]

Thanks for the input--seems some Westerners think it's a bad match based on things other than race. Our next lesson is a continuation, so I'll have an opportunity to clarify what he meant. It doesn't matter all that much to me, but it caught me off-guard. It was a side of the student I hadn't seen and didn't expect. At this point, I am inclined to think it was my reaction (misunderstanding) rather than his meaning. It just left me a little unsettled. I didn't see it coming.

Whether or not students like/dislike people based on race concerns me, but I don't usually let it bother me. A few Mathyom students have said very blatantly "I no like Farang." My reaction is to make them say it correctly 3 times. "I don't like Farangs." I sometimes make it a personal goal to change that feeling and have always succeeded. I mean, high schools can shoot their mouths off and it's difficult if they are just trying to get attention or mean it.

The personal feelings of students is less important to me, but over a period of time, you get to know them and have a fairly good idea of what they are like, their point of view on things etc. This one was unpredictable and at that instant, offensive to me personally. I try to be more professional.

Everyone's input has been most helpful in helping me to sort this out. With my head now "adjusted" and my blinders off, hopefully I can get a ways down the road before my next crisis!

[Rhys]

My Sage... .Coach... says.. in the long run.. Does it matter.? NO.......Living in LOS.. farangs receive this clueless and at times... bizzare behavior... Let it go.. or.. return the remark, with a left handed compliment if it makes you feel better..

Trying to explore the rationale for the remark.. FORGET IT.. over the head.. and purely cultural Chinese Thinking..

Don' think about because your student.. has.. Cheers MOVE ON...MATE..

Edited November 16, 2007 by Rhys