Losing Libido

[Rickys]

OK guys, this is a slightly delicate subject for me and has taken quite a bit of courage to post. I just hope you can give me some practical advice.

On my latest trip to LOS something happened to me that has never happened before. I was really looking for forward to spending time with my Thai friend but over the course of 8 days only managed bed activity once!

Let’s just say no matter what I thought of, or did things just refused to budge!

My Thai friend said it was fine and we made a sort of joke about it, saying we were both getting older and stressed. But equally he said it is an important part of a relationship. To save his face I took the blame on my shoulders

I was in an ever decreasing circle then, getting stressed, which made matters worse.

He then got it into his head he had lost some of this sexual appeal.

I have just put it down to bad timings and jet lag, but would like any advice on how to stop it happening again. I feel quite ashamed and embarrassed and as a guy in his 30’s slightly worried.

It’s been a week since I got back and I am slightly worried as I haven’t heard anything from him. I would like to think after 2 years he isn’t going to drop me because of this blip. There were certainly no indications of that at the airport.

More than happy if people want to PM me.

[PeaceBlondie]

It's hard to say how hard it is.

Jet lag should only last a day or two. The fact that you finally managed once in 8 days rules out total inability.

Maybe your partner has, in fact, lost his ability to excite you. Maybe you were on medication that interfered. Maybe viagra would have helped you get over the edge. Maybe you're emotionally repressed. Maybe I don't have a clue. Good luck.

[ProThaiExpat]

While one is inclined to opine that if the relationship is based on sex, then eventually it is bound to falter. However, your experience is far from uncommon and many men experience periods in their lives when they are not sexually active for many different reasons.

If the condition only applies to this guy and not others, then my first expressed thought might apply, otherwise just wait and the situation will change with time.

[farang prince]

Rickys:

I think you hit on part of it when you mentioned getting stressed, which made matters worse. I think almost every man has gone through this before. At the age of 60, I give thanks to God, Buddha, Confuscious, Allah or whoever it is for helping me get it up as often as I do. I haven't taken Viagra yet because I haven't had to...yet.

Through the years, one of the things that I have discovered is that sex is best when it is unplanned. Cuddling together in the middle of the night, sometimes waking up and making love right then and there. Or first thing in the morning, even with morning breath. Or sometimes when we shower together...or even just doing ordinary housework. It can sometimes be difficult when the time of sex is "pre-planned..." i.e., when you first arrive at the hotel room after a long trip to Thailand, or the first night you will be sleeping together. It is amazing how your penis has a mind of its own...often like a recalcitrant child. When you want it to be at it's best, it takes great delight in disappointing you.

I know many people think that lovemaking should be done and not debated. But it also helps if your lover knows how to please and excite you. As I have stated here in this Forum in the past, despite their reputation to the contrary, many Thais are not great natural lovers. If they have not been in the "pay to play" business, chances are they will need some education and understanding about what it is that pleases you. And that goes both ways...so communication before passion is strongly suggested. Besides, in discussing various sexual activities, that can act as an aphrodisiac in its own way.

The important thing to remember is that everyone has their own libido and some are larger than others. Don't get neurotic over one disappointing trip to Bkk. If you let this wear on you mentally, you might actually begin to have real problems.

Good luck to you. May you always keep your soldier at full salute.

[sfokevin]

It might be due to the short duration of your visit... You land in a daze that takes a day or two to wear off... Then you have to run around everywhere - visit friends, family and such - all the time stuffing yourself with wonderful Thai food (after a big meal we are not inclined to be too horny - more like a beached whale) Party here.. sight see there, shop there... In the 8 days there was there any relaxation?... or was it a whirlwind vacation? I think sex starts a few hours before and builds to the messy finish... I would bet you did not have time for the juices to build up... next time plan a day or two away from everything for just the two of you... a lazy secluded place...

[zzdocxx]

Yeah maybe something is bugging you. I mean subconsciously or something.

Good luck.

[Jingthing]

Sounds psychological, not physical to me. Could be related to your feelings about that partner. An easy test if it is physical or not at your age would be having morning erections or not. You could also test your testosterone levels.

[Scott]

I would venture to guess it was stress and anxiety. When one visits, there is a lot to say, to do, to think about. There is a lot of expectations, excitement and other feelings. These in general, can detract from the desire for sex. And then there is the problem of performance anxiety.

I've not exactly had this happen like this, but similar. Returning to a loved one and finding myself for a period of time unable to perform--of course I actually wasn't interested in sex at that time--too much on my mind, but felt like I SHOULD be interested in sex.

Next time get some viagra or whatever it takes. Part of this is making sure your partner is happy.

[officialhealthtips]

Hi,

What kind of pills can we get in Thailand for higher libido ?

Need to go to hospital ?!

Thanks.

[PeaceBlondie]

If you are talking about Kamagra, Viagra, Cyalis, etc, you can search for the words on the search function of ThaiVisa. But everything I've read about those 'enhancers' is that they don't give your mental libido (in your brain) any help; they just change the circulation where your brain wants to be excited.

[farang prince]

Hi,

What kind of pills can we get in Thailand for higher libido ?

Need to go to hospital ?!

Thanks.

The best "pill" (other than seeing my lover naked) is Babylon. If you can't get excited at Babylon, then you are officially dead.

[peekint]

The jet lag, eight days, stress, all the things you mentioned could contribute.

This is the kind of thing that's hard to self-diagnose because just the self-exploration causes stress which can make things worse.

Can I suggest you explore some things, though?

1. eliminate a PHYSICAL problem. If you're not masturbating, can't get off in your usual ways when you're not with this BF, etc., the plumbing really seems to be plugged, so to speak? In that case, a doctor check is in order, especially at your age. Get that out of the way first, and fast (there are some serious physical problems like hypertension, testicular cancer, prostate problems, etc. that could cause this and wouldn't necessary cause 100% dysfunction)

2. if you can still masturbate, etc., get pleasure as normal away from this BF, then time to look at the relationship issues that might be affecting your "performance". This is a tough one, sometimes it's hard to admit you've lost interest, especially if you really love the other person. If you love your partner, you need to spend more time together and work on it together. Put this aside for another, longer trip.

3. if you are not "functional", and there is no physical reason, seek out a counselor. He'll help you explore what kinds of things might be getting in the way of your usual enjoyment, and will/should have ways of helping you explore different techniques for opening yourself back up to your former pleasures. (I use to do this kind of work, I know it works)

Best of luck.

[TopChinese]

The best "pill" (other than seeing my lover naked) is Babylon. If you can't get excited at Babylon, then you are officially dead.

What is there to get excited about in Babylon? The same tired Thai boys being passed from farang to farang? Gym queens who get off looking gorgeous and unattainable? The jaded cynical ancient farangs taking their bitter revenge on their next innocent virgin? The society matrons who remain fully dressed by the pool to catch up on the latest gossip?

Thanks but I'll rather have tea instead.

[farang prince]

The best "pill" (other than seeing my lover naked) is Babylon. If you can't get excited at Babylon, then you are officially dead.

What is there to get excited about in Babylon? The same tired Thai boys being passed from farang to farang? Gym queens who get off looking gorgeous and unattainable? The jaded cynical ancient farangs taking their bitter revenge on their next innocent virgin? The society matrons who remain fully dressed by the pool to catch up on the latest gossip?

Thanks but I'll rather have tea instead.

Then go ahead. Who's stopping you?