Setting Your Thai Inlaws Up To Self Sustain

[blizzard]

sir , i dont thinl improving in laws life is what op cares about.

he wants wife to stop pouring money into her family.

sorry for being confrontational but what good advice has op received other than live with it. farming 8 eai land is not good advice...lol.

[TonyLeung]

op wants the in-laws to take care of themselves so he doesn't have to. his wife seems to have different plans. lolz

[blizzard]

sir only you and i can see that clearly in the way the post was written that op is only concerned about op.

this is more fun than watching hours and hours of porn, so i hear.

and im the one accused of being cold hearted.

Edited December 2, 2007 by blizzard

[dreamtime]

Investing money for people who are not used to handle it is likely to become a big drama.

You got that right.

[TonyLeung]

at least the in-laws have six adopted children. just think, six more farang son in laws on the way. songran will be like a UN assembly.

thats the deal with adopted kids among poor people, correct? its like an insurance policy?

[HappyDave35]

gettinjg rid of debts is number one in becumming financially self sufficient. but not if atm(farang) pays it off. family will just get into debt again and then farang have to pay it off again.

i do agree that money that is being sent is probably being wasted. they get it every month.

why should family change theY GET MONTHLY STIPEND. i bet they happy as poor villagers could be.

ITS THE FARANG THAT DOESNT WANT TO KEEP SENDING MONEY OVER.

it would help us to accesss situation if op told us how much munney wife sends over every month.

I'm sure you write a lot of sense blizzard, but frankly the stupid way you have of spelling and expressing yourself makes me too bored to bother reading what you post. 'Edukation' indeed. Good grief.

Actually Bendix ! its quite difficult to write like Blizzard does and he at least has got a sense of humour which sadly you appear not to be blessed.

[macleod101]

thank you for all the advice, sorry i havn't replied earlier. some very good advice here to follow.

Ppl who say you can't start up a company for 150Kbaht are definatly wrong. I'm from the UK and started my first business on £750, my second business for £2k. The first business earnt me £500 a month, the second made over £15k profit in its first year.. I know Thailand is a very different climate, but if you can do something better than your rivals, then your onto a winner In my useless opinion..

I really don't want to give them any more for now than 150Kbaht, as i feel risk to reward ratio is safest at this amount.

The land they own was previously used to rear chickens and Quail's, this was closed down during the bird flu crisis, and now the land is unused. I wouldn't say its particurly arable.. they sold a pick-up a few months before I married their daughter (due to high hopital bills) and now they totally rely on us to bring them their money. my father-in-law has said he dfinatly wants a bsuiness again, and that he hates taking his daughters money.

i've only read to page 3, its quite hard to reply to you all, but many thanks!!

[blizzard]

elvis has re entered

so how much yr wife sendeing her family. we all want to know. then maybe you can get really good advice.

[macleod101]

8000 baht a month, thats all they need per month to self sustain. or if my father in law gave up his job, they would need 12000 baht

[macleod101]

im really not trying to wash my hands of them!! why do you think they get sent cash?

if my wife an i stay together for 50 years, we would have given them over £75K.. think what they could do with this money if thy were to invest it?

this is a little start-up for them, if they are part-sucessful then we can give them a larger project...

changing thai traditions? what are some ppl like?!

[TonyLeung]

if you get them a business making 8k a month they will still want your other 8k. its the greed principle. that is the whole point of their daughter having a farang bf.

look at it like this:

sit around all day and get 8k baht or work all day and get 8k baht?

communism didnt work dooooooood

[macleod101]

my in-laws work fuc_king hard for what they've got, the greed you talk of is human not Thai family's..

[TonyLeung]

i have no idea what you just said.

i wish i could be there when you tell them to see the expression on their face.

Edited December 2, 2007 by TonyLeung

[macleod101]

whilst i agree with you in principle, they're not looking to get rich, they're looking for money for the children too feed and hopefully continue education. and money for food for themselves. theirs not a lot to spend money on where they live, except whiskey... they would also like a new house. but whilst im happy for my wife to support them. I want them to support themselves as much as possible... and i know they want too as well. its not like im handing them150k to spend how they want. im investing in them

[Thee_Rak]

This is a very intresting topic... what are the groups thoughts on what the average amount is that sent every month by boy-friends/fiancee's to their thai girl-friends/fiancee's to support the gf & family?

I don't just mean the OP but everyone that you know about.

[blizzard]

holy jesus.

the Amount you send over every month is peanuts to us western folk. jesus ,for a family of 8 i m thinking u sending over 400$ a month. keep yr trap closed and be happy wife doesnt send more. it aint worth the trubble to get them to make more. when pops retire just add 100$ or so a month.

keep sending montly contributions and you will be rewarded with hug and kisses and the admiration of the village people.

and i do see the point if you do get them to make more money they will still expect montthly remittances from their daughter. its the thai way and they are thai.

REad arkadys post very spot on i think in what you fell into.

Edited December 2, 2007 by blizzard

[macleod101]

in buddhist teachings, it stipulates that you should serve your parents.

I have plenty of thai freinds who don't send a penny to their parents, and if your sending $400 a month thats ridicolous, the majority of thais don't earn anything near, and if you married a high flyer who previously sent $400 to their parents, then why isn't she still hi flying?!

When i was in the early days of this relationship I used to send my wife and whole family 15,000 baht. jesus $400 a month is what a middle class thai family have, and usually they can find their own money... not their daughters...

If you've married a giril who's been brainwashed to marry a rich ferang or thai then thats your hard luck. that is the way with bar lady's usually..

[macleod101]

the Amount you send over every month is peanuts to us western folk. jesus ,for a family of 8 i m thinking u sending over 400$ a month. keep yr trap closed and be happy wife doesnt send more. it aint worth the trubble to get them to make more. when pops retire just add 100$ or so a month.

im really not trying to insult you, but girls who send more money than is nessacary are usually the kind that don't marry for love. In my onion anyway

[blizzard]

you can insult me all you want.

but the more you post the less sense you make

might your situation be a bit diff. than yr thai friends in that u married a poor village gurl. and u r a farang. u hve different rules to follow.

i guess u havent reached the posts that say you should be so priviledged and honored to help a poor village family out.

Edited December 2, 2007 by blizzard

[macleod101]

my thai inlaws are nothing like you've described, my wife worked in a thai restaurant in the UK, which is sort of how I met her. we were together for about 6 months then she went back to Siam. spent 2 months over their then came back here on a non immi B visa.

she only sends them money because they need it, not because its upto the family. Her family have very little control over her and have always left any big decisions upto her.

[siamamerican]

my thai inlaws are nothing like you've described, my wife worked in a thai restaurant in the UK, which is sort of how I met her. we were together for about 6 months then she went back to Siam. spent 2 months over their then came back here on a non immi B visa.

she only sends them money because they need it, not because its upto the family. Her family have very little control over her and have always left any big decisions upto her.

You're not going to win this argument! Blizzard is determined to take the opposing view regardless of his beliefs ( assuming he has any ). His rants are semi-entertaining but lack even a semblance of rationality. If you're determined to start a business, do it. With a good amount of luck, the business will succeed. If not, you gain some insight into the in-laws ability to run a business. Your situation isn't unique to Thailand. If you gave money to a poor non-educated Italian family, what are the chances the business would succeed?

[endure]

It would be nice if we could stop the personal insults and return to the original subject of the thread.

[Arkady]

my thai inlaws are nothing like you've described, my wife worked in a thai restaurant in the UK, which is sort of how I met her. we were together for about 6 months then she went back to Siam. spent 2 months over their then came back here on a non immi B visa.

she only sends them money because they need it, not because its upto the family. Her family have very little control over her and have always left any big decisions upto her.

You're not going to win this argument! Blizzard is determined to take the opposing view regardless of his beliefs ( assuming he has any ). His rants are semi-entertaining but lack even a semblance of rationality. If you're determined to start a business, do it. With a good amount of luck, the business will succeed. If not, you gain some insight into the in-laws ability to run a business. Your situation isn't unique to Thailand. If you gave money to a poor non-educated Italian family, what are the chances the business would succeed?

Why bring the Italians into it? It is unlikely that he has any more detailed knowledge of village life and culture in Italy than in Thailand and Italy is also now a European welfare state. It would be a lot more relevant for the OP and other wearers of rose tinted spectacles to compare with a poor, uneducated family in their own home town but that sadly destroys the exotic illusion. What would a family in the roughest graffitied council tower block nearest to your home do with the loot?

If you really want to provide sustainable help and some of the adopted children are still of school age, try to do something about their education. The key word in all of this is uneducated. The Thai elite ensure that the rural poor remain uneducated because they don't want them to stop selling their votes and start voting for politicians that might try to improve their lot and eventually topple the corrupt parasites off the top the pile. The dirtbag politicians love to get their hands on the Education Ministry and it has been systematically looted for 60 years. There are not enough university places in the government provincial universities and most of them go to kids from better urban schools. The brighter rural kids get sh*tty scores because of poor teaching in their schools. They lack money for private universities and colleges and their education comes to full stop, assuming this didn't happen earlier when the parents pulled them out of secondary school. My gf has an afterthought brother much younger than her and I pay for him to attend a private college. He doesn't seem to be a great student but at least scrapes through. He is now on a track that will hopefully lead to a bachelors degree. It might not work out and he might drop out and turn into a ungrateful lout demanding money all the time but, in that case, it will be easier to refuse knowing that I provided him the best chance I could.

[xyborg]

It is possible ,depending on the persons involved, to get on in life, only you can know what they are like maybe they are lazy bums? My "poor Issan" wife left her village at 14 came to Bangkok worked in the day to pay for her "edukation" and studied at night and after many years got her degree in marketing. She then slowly worked her way up to better positions nothing incredible in her salary she got 13000 a month. Both her parents are dead I have never given money to any family member they have never asked me but they have asked her before we met.

Why not tell them you will give them the money as a one off payment and no more to come and leave it at that. AND STICK TO IT. I dont care for some Thai ways and don't accept it if your wife moans you have found the wrong wife!!

[Arkady]

no insulting please...........lol. i wish i could insult in a nice way like some posters can. but just not my style. hint.. rose colored spectacles, yadda yadda yadda..........

whats wrong with my thinking op will continue to cause himself a lot of stress if he dont want to do things that villagers find lovely. ie receiving monthly stipends from daughter, preferably enuff to raise standard of living, not just enuff to feed them.

in america to run a successful buznit takes time, money, skills, brains, etc. is thailand any different?

seems when family needs money advice is automatically open a buznit.............lol.

as girlx said given the circumstances and resources op is willing to improve families lot, it is a hopeless case. his wife needs to get off waitressing and get a better job, this can happen.

I am afraid this is reality. There is no point in trying to impute some sort of protestant work ethic or business nous on the in laws. They are uneducated Thai villagers who are unlikely to be any different from the millions of others or be able live up to a Westerners' hopes and ideals. Having seen the results of several upcountry business ventures I prefer to pay them not to do any business at all to avoid the greater expense of financing businesses that can quickly turn into a black hole. Just my experience. You might be lucky. Microfinance (i.e. lending small amounts to very small businesses like noodle stalls) can work wonders but is a very specialised, management intensive and high operating cost business. It doesn't sound like these in laws are teeming with good business ideas and just need a little finance and encourangement realise them. They are in a financial abyss and probably have many unsuccessful business attempts behind them that you don't know about. Perhaps they started off with more than their 8 rai but had it repoed by the Bank for Agriculture and Agricultural Co-operatives and loan sharks. The 8 rai may also be in hock. Even if they are good candidates for financing, microfinance needs close monitoring and strong support groups to be successful. Rule no. 1 is only lend to the women and never let the men get their hands on it.

You really need to speak the language well, travel to Nakhon Nowhere many times and get to know many different Thai villagers and their offspring over a period of years to understand their culture. Otherwise you will always be starting from your hoped for conclusion and trying to distort the facts to fit it. The result is stress for yourself, disappointment and hardship for the villagers and heartache for the unfilial daughter who has no choice but to try her best to play along with your ideals and tell you what you want to hear. Remember that a rural Thai woman's social conditioning is most definitely NOT to chose husband over family, if the chips come down, no matter how Westernised she may appear. Quite the reverse.

[blizzard]

so to all you experts out there. will xyborg be welcummed with open arms and lub when they go visiting the village? he does sound like a" good " man.

happily married and taking good care of daughter. you sure yr wife is thai?

[Arkady]

It is possible ,depending on the persons involved, to get on in life, only you can know what they are like maybe they are lazy bums? My "poor Issan" wife left her village at 14 came to Bangkok worked in the day to pay for her "edukation" and studied at night and after many years got her degree in marketing. She then slowly worked her way up to better positions nothing incredible in her salary she got 13000 a month. Both her parents are dead I have never given money to any family member they have never asked me but they have asked her before we met.

Why not tell them you will give them the money as a one off payment and no more to come and leave it at that. AND STICK TO IT. I dont care for some Thai ways and don't accept it if your wife moans you have found the wrong wife!!

I think you are lucky that your wife's parents are dead, or you would be in the same situation. You have to take the rough with the smooth, if you marry a rural Thai woman. They also don't care for a lot of farang ways, like abandoning parents who have raised you.

[blizzard]

i still have a ?, all this talk about self sufficiency. what were they be4 farang showed up. i still think generous farang is generous coz he know he better be if he want to get along in village affairs. then said farang to rationalize his forced generosity he says he trying to help family becum self sufficient. when all he doing is just buying their respect and lub. its the way of the village people.

if one could get a cowboy, police officer, indian, priest , of the village and get them to sing a cupple of catchy tunes one could make a whole lotta baht. their name could be the village peeple...............lol.

[asiaworld]

And i thought of another ? ! is there any1 @ all , who just moved to the village & actually embraced the lifestyle themselves, without sponsoring thai nationals.. I get the impression, most of you guys are retired & surely not from Rotschild clan .. So anyone ?!? Just live & sleep in the village , take some cash for family use .. Family asks for more>>

Maai meee .. Mee jak nai (where got, if sponsor in question doesn't work himself , or approaches the age of his wife's parents) Why he should not be receiver instead .. So anyone at all here , who's FED by the village , instead of feeding the village ?

[TonyLeung]

i don't know how you guys with the in-laws do it. i get that she is half your age so that helps, but still. i do have a lot of respect for your patience. i think it would drive me mad.

Edited December 3, 2007 by TonyLeung