My Boy Gay?

[jaideeguy]

I posted this on the children and family forum and hope that i don't bumped for double posting, but i thought it may be more appropriate on this forum. FYI, i am not anti gay, homophobic and i do have gay friends and relatives....i'm just a concerned parent and want to know how to handle my situation and my son's future.

I have an effeminate 10 yr old boy.

I’m a little concerned about the sexual development of my 10yr old adopted [at age4] boy. Mainly in his mannerisms, that seem to be a little girlish and his ‘swishing’ walk. I’ve been here long enough to observe that Thai men can be effeminate looking, but are straight and I know that thai culture is more gay tolerant than western cultures and for the record, I’m not homophobic. If he does choose the ‘other’ way, I’ll still love and support him, but know that his life will probably be a bit easier if he is not gay.

Admittedly, I am not the most attentive father because he is a moma’s boy and although he can speak English as a second language, thai is his first language and he speaks that with his mom [my thai wife] and is therefore more bonded.

There must be others that have these concerns and maybe they could share experiences. I’m a first time father, starting at 54 yrs old and now 60, so I’m still learning.

Should I be concerned ? and should [can?] I ‘redirect’ his sexuality at this point in his life? or should I just let him grow [or not] out of it? Have discussed this with my wife, who says that I should spend more time with him, but he chooses to stay under mom’s skirts. I thought about getting him involved in some martial arts like karate or judo.

[ProThaiExpat]

Please let him be!!! You cannot change his sexual orientation that can vary from time to time, especially before and during puberty. Yes, introduce him to all forms of self expression, including martial arts and any other sports you might be interested in, but let him decide if he has a true interest in the sport and whether he "takes" to it. Yes, there are many parents that are very strong with their children and almost compel them to engage in a given sport, often with outstanding achievement as the child want to please, but it is a dangerous path with very negative impact if the child doesn't truly like the activity.

Lead by example, hopefully you could engage in the sport with him. If not, any activity that you can do together, even if you consider it "girlish" ie. cooking, do it. It is the shared time with him in an activity that is so important to his natural development.

PeaceBlondie and other prominent members of Thaivisa who are gay, have had more children than I, so hopefully they will add their insight.

[Ijustwannateach]

The sport is actually a good idea- will give him strong self-esteem and physical fitness, which he will certainly need if he is going to be a gay man.

[PeaceBlondie]

In Thailand, hetero ten year old boys do not swish or swivel their hips, at least not in an obvious fashion. That's more typical of 'ladyboys in training' to become katoeys, or gay teenagers. If they end their sentences with 'khah' rather than 'khap' that's another obvious attempt to be identified as feminine. If all their playmates are girls or other fem boys; if they sit in class with the girls instead of the boys; use makeup; affect longer hair than the average boy; play dolls or other girls' games - these are all signs of coming out as gay in Thailand, even at prepubertal age. However, it's still hard to label for sure. Bisexuals usually outnumber gays, even in Thailand, and he may become ambivalent or bisexual, at least temporarily.

I suggest that you spend more time with your son. Not just ten minutes per week of quality time, because 100% of almost zero time is still almost zero. Get used to talking to him casually, with his mother and alone. Find what hobbies or games interest him, how he likes to spend his time. Don't be the stern disciplinarian and don't let your wife do no discipline; share the tasks of raising the boy.

I was never effeminate while raising my children (even after I came out of the closet to them), and my three sons never were gay, nor have any of my six children noticed any of my four grandsons acting gay (the grandsons range in age from 23 to 9). 95% of what males do as males has nothing to do with sex or sexual orientation.

Even in Thailand, among pure Thai boys, it's fairly rare to see ten year olds acting gay. However, I've heard of an expatriate ten year old who's gay, and my Thai boyfriend says he knew by that age, and mostly played with girls, 30 years ago.

It's healthy to be concerned about your child, but not overly concerned.

Even if you've already started a similar post in the family forum, I think we can let this topic run in both forums, at least for now, so you get more opinions. Thanks for asking.

[jaideeguy]

Thanks for all your replies so far, especially PB [and thanks for letting me double post as i thought it would be good to hear 'both sides'].

The overwhelming concensus is to spend more time with my son and i will. problem is that i'm not into sports and being 60, not as much energy/patience. My thoughts were to start taking him to hardware stores with me. His after school activities mostly consist of playing computer games....shoot um up kind and I'd like to wean him off them a little. his friends are mostly boys with no sexual orientation yet at 10 yrs?

Again, i would still love him no matter what his sexual orientation will be, but can i save him some problems later in life if i can set him straight?

Makes me wonder if gays could 'do it all over again'....would they choose gay? or is there a choice??

[thaiclan]

Thanks for all your replies so far, especially PB [and thanks for letting me double post as i thought it would be good to hear 'both sides'].

The overwhelming concensus is to spend more time with my son and i will. problem is that i'm not into sports and being 60, not as much energy/patience. My thoughts were to start taking him to hardware stores with me. His after school activities mostly consist of playing computer games....shoot um up kind and I'd like to wean him off them a little. his friends are mostly boys with no sexual orientation yet at 10 yrs?

Again, i would still love him no matter what his sexual orientation will be, but can i save him some problems later in life if i can set him straight?

Makes me wonder if gays could 'do it all over again'....would they choose gay? or is there a choice??

I don,t think theres anything you can do to "straigthen out" a gay person. Aside of course from making it so shameful and unacceptable that the poor kid chooses to hide rather than be honest with his feelings.

My sister is/was gay (she then had a sex change so not sure what that makes her in the gay/straight dept) and from an early age she was into "boy" stuff. My mother insisted her blonde hair was kept long and she wore dresses and I think that just confused the issue for her as she grew. Whats expected of you and what you truly are can entwine to the point where you think you WANT what is expected of you....

Avoid that happening by spending time with him and letting him know he is loveable, awesome and brilliant just the way he is. Why not ask him what he would like to do for some social bonding time? What about fishing, board games or some kind of craft?...

Well done for seeking advise and support though

[PeaceBlondie]

The phrase 'straighten out a gay boy' is a red flag to some of us. "Straight" does not mean "correct." If you're gay, then "gay" is correct. I don't know any gay person who tries to make straight children to be gay.

Sports is not a defining factor in sexuality. Many or most men in the world who are straight, don't care about sports. Some famous athletes are gay. I suspect that many of us are saying that men should spend much more high-quality time with their sons (and their daughters!), so that the child sees a man functioning as a man in the real world. My dad never played sports with me, but he showed me that men wear men's clothes, go to school and university, work hard and do good work; that men stand up for what they believe (so do women!), etc.

Beating up other men, or killing them on the battlefield, is also not a defining factor in sexuality. Women can do that, too!

[JohnC]

60 is only a number! I took up diving at 57 and did the advanced course at 60! I am now working towards Master Scuba Diving, I have three sons and wish I had spent more time with them, I never liked sport but I did like swimming but was always too busy to take them! Take your boy swimming and have some quality time with him then you may get some surprises when he asks "Papa" to take him somewhere. Forget about what his sexuality may or not be, westerners get hung up on this, we are what we are most gay men will tell you they were born gay its not something you sit down one day and decide "Oh I like that boy I better turn gay" or Oh that girl is gorgeous I think I will be hetro" Hi is 10!!! let him develop, reading your post I guess there has been no father figure in his life so naturally he gravitates to his Mum! Give him a chance with some quality time even if its something you find boring, the rewards will be immessurable and your life will be enriched.

We only have one chance at life! this is not a rehersal make the best of it and I admire you for asking such deep searching questions on this forum, its obvoius you care deeply for him and want the best and hope you and your son have a long and loving relationship.

[jaideeguy]

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend by using the term straight as an insult. it was not meant to be. good ideas, TC.....i'll try those.

[PeaceBlondie]

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend by using the term straight as an insult. it was not meant to be. good ideas, TC.....i'll try those.

jaideeguy, I don't recall exactly who used the term 'straighten out' so that's fine. It's kind of an accident of definitions, a semantic collision of terms. I wish you luck. They say no man on his death bed ever said, "I wish I had spent less time raising my children."

[BambinA]

To the OP, I would like to share my experience to you.

First of all, I am a member of TH-CH family and I am the first boy in our family and as you know chinese people expect more for the son.(my origin is Nakhon Sawan province)

3 y/o - I started realize that I was born a girl who trapped in a boy body

6-12 y/o I was a sassy boy who loved playing paper dolls with girls. I did not like to play any sport. That time my family and relatives had a clue about my behaviour. Obviously, they worried about me.

13-15 y/o I had sassy boy friends. That time my family was more concerned about me. (That time my breasts were developed themselves). I was blamed by my family about my sissy behaviour. My parents broght me to see a psychologist. The psychologist told them that he was not able to change anything because I was "born to be". I was confused and sad that I ruined my family's hope. My family tried in any ways that could change me to be a boy

16-18 y/o I realized that I should concentrate more about my education and I think it was the only thing that i can make my family proud of me (I was in a King room of school since I was grade 7(13 yo))

18 y/o I passed the entrance examination and studied in CMU (Fac. of Science - and chose Industrial Chemistry major)..

THIS TIME , my life was changed forever. I had a bf..we planned to move to Bkk and I did an exam again, i got a seat of Vet school in Chula. I grow my hair and it was long

19-25 y/o I started dressing as a woman. Luckily, my physical feature looked like woman so i had no problem from social attack.

since I was in a vet school , my family realized that I was able to be a quality person and they thought i could living my life in the hard path. They accepted me the way I am (not only my family accept me but also all my relatives do too)

28 y/o I went to the Hosp for sex change operation. All of medical staffs were suprised by seeing all of my family supported me and stayed with me in the hosp (It was rare case that Tgirl has family as supporter)

NOW I am 34 y/o I am a full time vet and going to take a master degree abraod soon..NO DOUBT ..My family proud of me loads

I understand well about my concerned family in the first 18 years..It was because they love me and hope well to me, although that time i thought they hate me coz they tried to change my life to be a boy.

I am a lucky person who is raised by a warm family. Luckily, I chose the right way to make my family accept me by education. Many T-girls are against their family by do something nasty instead

Finally, If I had a chance to choose my life, I would have chosen to be either straight man or woman. However, I am not regret to be what I am now.

If i had a sassy kid , i would have worried about his/her future (as you and other parents)

IMHO, you try not to change what your boy is , just keep more a good care of him and be his friend so you can guide him in the right way (many sassy boys against thier family and turn to be a prostitue ,drung or un-educated person and get a low quality of life)

PS.. about my sassy friends since I have known them since I was 13 y/o.. NOW >>

Lifestyle

5% of them get sex change surgery (post op)

15% of them = pre-op ,dress as a woman

75% of them = return to be a gay man

5% of them =straight (???) and marry with women.

Acceptableof family

98 % yes

Education

0% PhD

30% Master

50% Bachelor

20% diploma

Job

-Variety : Dentist ,Vet ,Official, Guide, designer, make up artist ,cabaret

[Jingthing]

He is what he is already is, and there is nothing you can do about it.

I have met many effeminate married hetero men, so don't jump to conclusions, even if you see him experimenting.

One of my most painful memories of my life is when as a 10 year old my father, who was correctly afraid I was gay, slapped me and scolded me for holding my best buddy's hand in the car on a birthday trip. There was actually nothing gay about my love for my best buddy at the time. Even then, on some level I already knew I was gay and my friend was straight (which he is). Don't try to redirect. Love your son for whatever he is. Don't start buying him butch toys or pushing into butch interests. He will know what you are doing and resent you for it.

I don't mean to be dismissive of your fears. These feelings are human. If I had kids, I would not be so pleased if I had a son who was becoming a ladyboy (as opposed to gay). That would make me feel a little uncomfortable as it would not have been the image I had in mind for a child's future.

Edited January 16, 2008 by Jingthing

[orchis]

Let him be. I knew I was gay at 7. And my mother saw it before that age.

Anyway at 60 it's a bit late to go and play football.

[Goldenbead]

I have been thinking recently of starting just such a thread but was unsure of how to word it. My 9 year old son has some very effeminate mannerisms and regularly puts on this funny voice punctuated with limp wristed hand guestures.

From about the age of three, I have wondered what path he would take. My husband and I have discussed it many times and the result of those conversations is that he is what he is. There is nothing we can do to change it. We will love him and support him no matter what. He is still very young.

He has friends that are both girls and boys. He is quite athletic, very bright and a great dancer! He spends lots of time cartwheeling and handstanding around the house. He talks about his "girlfriends" quite regularly.

I was watching a movie on TV the other day called, The Object of my Affection. It is about a woman who is in love with her male, gay best friend. The kids (all) came into the room and started to watch. They soon sussed that this guy had a boyfriend, heard the word "gay" and asked me about it. I told them honestly and with no frills that gay men and women like/love members of the same sex. His reaction to this was "Oh yuck!!" Who knows?

My 16 year old son came to me and asked me if the little one was gay. My answer was, I don't know. Only time will tell. My son, the 9 year old, has a twin sister who has quite a dominant personality. They have been together since conception and perhaps his behaviour is just a reflection of the close bond he shares with her. She is not really a girly girl. Also athletic, bright and strong.

All we can do is love him. I will never try to "change" him or bully him or tell him that he is bad or strange for being gay, if he is.

[Lilawadee]

Could there be two issues?

1. Him being overly shy and clinging to his mother

2. You worrying he's gay?

Even if he is gay, then the shyness thing still needs to be worked out regardless.

And the second one sounds like your problem more than his..

So I'd just focus on the first one with him, and realize the second one can only be addressed in yourself.

[toptuan]

Right off the bat, I will admit I have a minority opinion, as all of you will recognize. But please at least hear me out...

IMHO, the majority of gay men are gay due to family dynamics, not in the genes. I can't get over the overwhelming number of gay men with weak father figures and strong maternal role models in the home during the years of rearing. One of the things I see most often is a father who is emotionally/affectionately distant from a son who begins to show gay tendencies.

Thailand really amplifies this dynamic. In general (especially in Isaan), fathering seems to be a fairly weak calling in current Thai family life. So many fathers have "mia nawy's," play around, and are either actually or emotionally very absent from their son's lives. Prevalent alcohol abuse seems to add more fuel to this problem. I have visited the homes and families of several dozen gay or khatoey individuals in Thailand over 5 years, and so far, these observations of family dynamics remain consistent. With this sort of social trend, it is no wonder that I have observed more gays and Khatoey's in this society than any culture that I have ever been exposed to (over 30 cultures in 60 years).

If you care to consider this side of the argument, my advice is:

First: Show a strong affection towards your son, demonstrated physically within the normal father/son relationship bonds--lots of hugs, sitting on your lap as you watch TV, (if he doesn't feel too awkward to do this at 10 in the privacy of your home), arms around his shoulder as you walk along, etc. So often, a "gay-becoming" son yearns for this type of affection from a father figure but doesn't get it.

Secondly: Show a strong emotional attachment to him. Try to engage him in long talks about matters of the heart (not just surface subjects). Participate with him a wide-range of activities. I personally think forcing him into traditionally "manly" sports (martial arts, hunting, etc.) might backfire--driving a higher wall between the two of you if he doesn't take to it. I would indeed at least TRY the sports, but add to that musical events, trips to the zoo, spend an evening at video games with him, read a book together (his choice), etc. This will take a lot of time--but I believe that's what he needs from you.

If my minority opinion meshes with reality, then you will see him start to get his needs met better from the male side of the parent equation, and yearn less for a gay relationship which is a life-long quest to find that loving father image.

With the other posters, I believe your desire and outlook shouldn't be to "cure him," as much as to provide a strong fatherly affection and emotional warmth toward him, and then see where it goes from there--accepting him no matter HOW he turns out.

My 2 cents.

Edited January 16, 2008 by toptuan

[Jingthing]

My 2 cents.

And worth even less. These dominating mother absent father psycho theories have been totally debunked.

Nothing wrong with the idea of Daddy taking an interest, but if the child realizes the motivation is to straighten him out (bad motive) he will smell it a mile away.

BTW, most boys are mostly raised by their Mommies, and most turn out straight.

The other thing which disgusts me about this kind of 1950's retro think is that it implies that a Mother's love is a bad thing, and that there can be too much of it. A child can't get enough love, period.

Edited January 16, 2008 by Jingthing

[toptuan]

My 2 cents.

And worth even less. These dominating mother absent father psycho theories have been totally debunked.

Nothing wrong with the idea of Daddy taking an interest, but if the child realizes the motivation is to straighten him out (bad motive) he will smell it a mile away.

BTW, most boys are mostly raised by their Mommies, and most turn out straight.

The other thing which disgusts me about this kind of 1950's retro think is that it implies that a Mother's love is a bad thing, and that there can be too much of it. A child can't get enough love, period.

Wow, less than 2 cents. Kick a man when he's trying to be humble, and allowing for other viewpoints. A bit over the top in your reaction, JingBoy?

Your views are born of popular opinion, not sociological studies of family dynamics. Show me 1 gay in a family with equally dynamic father/mother role models, and I'll show you 10 gays in families with weaker father figures. Double that for Thailand.

And, my viewpoints do not debunk a mother's love. I referred to EQUAL parental input. Thou dost extrapolate a bit too much to make your point.

Edited January 16, 2008 by toptuan

[Jingthing]

Now I think your view is worth even less than NOTHING.

Your view is grounded on the theory that homosexuality is a psychological sickness, an illness, something than can be prevented, something that is caused by abnormal upbringing, and even cured. That is vile and wrong and is not only unpopular now but debunked by psychiatric scientists.

Please take a trip back to the homophobia days of Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best. The world know better now. Too bad it has passed you by.

Edited January 16, 2008 by Jingthing

[toptuan]

homosexuality is a psychological sickness, an illness, something than can be prevented...

You said that. I didn't. Review the post.

I categorically deny your statements, above, and strongly resist your extrapolation of my observations to your erroneous conclusions.

I may share some of the same initial observations by "that group" which you describe, but my observations lead to very different conclusions, the opposite with which you are trying to pin me to the wall. Stop it, dude.

Edited January 16, 2008 by toptuan

[sbk]

Ok guys, lets be civil here, and get back to the topic at hand instead of arguing over who said what and what they meant by what they said.

[phayao]

I have been thinking recently of starting just such a thread but was unsure of how to word it.

All we can do is love him. I will never try to "change" him or bully him or tell him that he is bad or strange for being gay, if he is.

1- It's going to take you some time to accept him the way he is. You have to change your worrying into loving, and it seems you are in the right direction, as you have posted here for advice.

2-Talk to his teachers; it's not such a big deal to be a "trans" in Thailand as it is in the West. Make sure he is not bullied.

3- He will soon hook up with one or two like him; don't be affraid or think they are a bad influence on him. It's only natural he looks to be with friends that understand him better and that share some interests more than others. To have him isolated would be bad in many ways.

4- Demand from him to be a good student, within his capacity; to be a good son; to respect others and to demand respect for himself.

5- Try to find out what his interest are and show, little by little, the many good things the world has tooffer.

6- Never argue with your wife in front of him and least if it is something about him. Do it calmly when he's not around and agree on acting in the same direction.

7- He has not chosen to be like this, but you can easy things for him if you give him the strength and the pride to self steem.

8- He will eventually realise how lucky he was to be brought up by such a good caring parents and you'll also be very proud of him (or her).

[toptuan]

I have been thinking recently of starting just such a thread but was unsure of how to word it.

All we can do is love him. I will never try to "change" him or bully him or tell him that he is bad or strange for being gay, if he is.

1- It's going to take you some time to accept him the way he is. You have to change your worrying into loving, and it seems you are in the right direction, as you have posted here for advice.

2-Talk to his teachers; it's not such a big deal to be a "trans" in Thailand as it is in the West. Make sure he is not bullied.

3- He will soon hook up with one or two like him; don't be affraid or think they are a bad influence on him. It's only natural he looks to be with friends that understand him better and that share some interests more than others. To have him isolated would be bad in many ways.

4- Demand from him to be a good student, within his capacity; to be a good son; to respect others and to demand respect for himself.

5- Try to find out what his interest are and show, little by little, the many good things the world has tooffer.

6- Never argue with your wife in front of him and least if it is something about him. Do it calmly when he's not around and agree on acting in the same direction.

7- He has not chosen to be like this, but you can easy things for him if you give him the strength and the pride to self steem.

8- He will eventually realise how lucky he was to be brought up by such a good caring parents and you'll also be very proud of him (or her).

[Jingthing]

homosexuality is a psychological sickness, an illness, something than can be prevented...

You said that. I didn't. Review the post.

I categorically deny your statements, above, and strongly resist your extrapolation of my observations to your erroneous conclusions.

I may share some of the same initial observations by "that group" which you describe, but my observations lead to very different conclusions, the opposite with which you are trying to pin me to the wall. Stop it, dude.

Excuse me, but if your child appeared to be turning out hetero, would you be suggesting causes for that, and suggesting tactics to correct it? My case closed.

[Ijustwannateach]

Just wanted to comment on what excellent, caring parents we seem to have here among the posters in the gay subforum... well done the lot of you, however things turn out. I hope your results are as good as your intentions certainly are.

To be honest, I would add that at SOME point it would be wise to sound out your children. Their feelings are supposed to be something you're interested in, right? Don't wait and by your silence be assumed by your children to be disapproving.

I'd recommend that you talk, early and frequently, about human relationships- not necessarily sex (until it's age appropriate) but make it clear that there are more options than the one-male/one-female nuclear family model. Give your children this kind of liberal outlook not only for their sakes, but for the sakes of all of us who will encounter them. Believe me, even if they're straight their lives will be immensely enriched by the presence and friendship of gay men and women (along with all other kinds of minority groups).

That should be enough for your kids to feel implicit permission to discuss their feelings and inclinations as the need arises. For all that my own parents were hardly suited to raising a gay child, I am pretty sure that they regret not having been close enough to me for me to discuss it with them before I was safely independent and out on my own.

In your specific case, I would give your child choices by educating him. Let him know about different types of role models- there are quite important and famous gay people in all fields and occupations, and at all points in the butch-fem spectrum. Make him feel safe to make his choice, and he will reward you with his trust.

"S"

[toptuan]

homosexuality is a psychological sickness, an illness, something than can be prevented...

You said that. I didn't. Review the post.

I categorically deny your statements, above, and strongly resist your extrapolation of my observations to your erroneous conclusions.

I may share some of the same initial observations by "that group" which you describe, but my observations lead to very different conclusions, the opposite with which you are trying to pin me to the wall. Stop it, dude.

Excuse me, but if your child appeared to be turning out hetero, would you be suggesting causes for that, and suggesting tactics to correct it? My case closed.

The problem isn't with the child "becoming gay" or "becoming hetero."

The OP is a father expressing the problem of how to deal with a relational challenge, wanting to steer the child to his destiny in a supportive, loving way. I support his desire to accomplish that, and hence my advice. At the same time, he has expressed worry ("concerned parent") about effeminate tendencies in his boy's mannerisms. I think the posters have done a good job here helping to allay that fear, and support their advice as well.

Edited January 16, 2008 by toptuan

[ProThaiExpat]

While I agree with Jingthing that one of the many theories of homosexuality being the "absent father" syndrome doesn't hold water, Toptuan's advice is a good one for OP and that advice mirrors mine contained in a early post. If OP spends a lot of time with his son and natures him, he will be following Toptuan's advice, and many other posters for that matter and Jingthing and others may be right that the "absent father" syndrome is bunk, but in either case, OP's son will not be harmed by his fatheri's attentions, in fact helped a great deal. He will turn out the way he will turn out, and OP seems sensitive to the dangers of control and forced behaviour.

[jaideeguy]

Wow, thanks for all your support...especially BambinA. I now have a better understanding of why and how and who.

And at first, I was shocked to find that someone as suwai as you Bam WERE a boy in the past.....I've been fooled again! Your posts on the vets and animals forum have always been spot-on and I've always had respect for you, now I have even more respect for your inteligence, honesty and compassion and for opening my eyes and heart.

I will take the attitude that most offer and just let things be, not to try to change anyone and to accept and be loving and supportive.

thanks to everyone for your support in this sinsitive issue.

[jaideeguy]

Thanks for all your kind and well meaning support. I should have realized that this would be a controversial issue and pit the macho vs the gay attitudes. I will go with the moderate route and hope that it is just a passing phase and he will grow into a normal [whatever that is?] healthy, self confident human. What ever path he chooses to take, I’ll, of course still love him and accept his choices when he is mature enough to make them on his own.

I may have been an ‘over protective parent’ and interpreted his being a mama’s boy and feminine gestures as a ‘sign’ of going gay. In all fairness, he does play with toy cars, monsters, and has a bunch of boys in the neighborhood to ride bikes with, while his sister plays with dolls and acts like a sweet little girl.

And I think it is a Thai cultural thing for boys to appear feminine.

It was suggested that the worse thing i can do at this point is to force him into becoming a more macho boy, and i agree that if he is gay, then it would only force him into hiding...don't want that.

I also think that the jury is still out when it comes to homosexuality being genetic or parental, but do believe that we all have a mixture of both feminine and masculine hormones and can go either way. So there may be some choices.

My main concern is that I want him to be secure in his choice of sexuality and not confused about his sexuality.

With the mods permission, I will post this on the ‘other’ forum so that it will show my thanks for all the input from both sides which is why I double posted in the first place. I wanted to hear opinions from both perspectives, and I did.

[PeaceBlondie]

Thanks, jaideeguy, for giving us a shot at giving our opinions in the gay forum. Now, since we know the other conversation is in the Family and Children forum, let's close this topic. Thanks to all who participated.