Thai "beach Boys" And The Like

[mssabai]

All good advice girlx, however I have to agree that most of the girls it would be aimed at will never actually read it. Print it out and hand it out on the boats I say! Also we do have to remember that it is not as if the girls are not geting anything out of their flings...they get the *ahem* "kudos" of dating a local lad, a free taxi service, a boy to shower sweet words on you, some steamy nights and someone to cry over on the plane home. Unfortunately sometimes it doesn't just stop here which is when it starts to get messy. Often though these girls have the signs right in front of them but are either to dumb, or too love struck to recognise them. You live and you learn.

Not sure about thaiblog link though ...talk about generalising

[Blueprincess]

Hello GirlX:

Glad you liked the article (re: "dating the loser") It comes from an excellent website called: www.drjoecarver.com where you will find more of the same.

I agree that when people go on holidays they are out to have a good time, and that is just fine. A holiday fling, sure!! Why not, provided it is kept within the boundaries of a wild fling!

The problems start when they get "reeled in", get swamped in a dangerous and abusive relationship, with which they are unable to deal.

Another poster asked if the "loser" is liable to change. The plain answer is "no". Never. (Have a look at the link I just posted). "Loser" is used in the context to describe an individual who has serious, ingrained issues, emotional deficiency, inability to love, and a tendency to abuse. So, why waste time with such an individual......not worth it. There are other fish in the sea.

Best to all

Blue Princess

[zzdocxx]

Whew!

[Patsycat]

I'm never, ever going on holiday again.

I am going to lock myself inside my apartment - only to emerge after dark, dressed from head to toe in extremely dark, shadowy clothes to buy my cigarettes. And order food and other necessities over the phone - the bill of which i shall pay over the internet.

I had a lovely fling with a rather fit Canadian in Samui for three weeks and it was great - no strings attached and we said bye and exchanged e-mail addresses, knowing we would never see each other again. Brought a spring back into my walk. Then a friend of mine was in a bar in Pattaya two years later and who would walk in but my Canadian who asked after me and how i was etc. Sent his best wishes.

Rather sweet, but did not lose sleep over him. And i have good memories. Which is what it is all about - who goes on holiday with the thought to have a shitty time? Not me. May as well stay at home and be miserable (within my locked apartment, of course).

But i think that it also depends on the age of the person - a twenty year old falls "in love" much quicker than say, a lady of a certain age who has been around the block and back - even though i can act like a twenty year old sometimes!!!!

Edited April 1, 2008 by Patsycat

[girlx]

well i for one don't like to sleep with someone i don't have some feelings for. i can't do casual relationships (i've tried!)...

[RusticCharm]

well i for one don't like to sleep with someone i don't have some feelings for. i can't do casual relationships (i've tried!)...

Don't apologise for not being a slapper.

[wanderer9020]

so wahts the OP is really trying to share? that just because your a farang girl , you cannot be SCREWED by a Thai poor beach boy? because , just because they have no money, they have no education, because they are just Thai or Asian or they are inferior race?This is a general topic, and you cannot really stipulate this brouhahas just to those Thai beach boys.This is everywhere , anywhere. It might be better to tell the girls to flirt in thier own country instead so that the prejudices on Asians as an inferior race in general will be at least neutralized.When those dumb girls were screwed by a fellow farang , a poor farang, a criminal farang, a drug addict farang, do u guys give this trivial opinions against them?Come on, GET real!! Maybe those local Thai beacch boys are much better in bed than farang men...so dont blame them....

[sbk]

Well since the title of this forum is Ladies in Thailand presumably advice is being offered pertinent to women IN Thailand rather than women in another country.

Not sure what your problem is here wanderer, but may I suggest that you tone your posting style down a bit? Aggressive posting is not acceptable in this forum, thanks.

[wanderer9020]

Well since the title of this forum is Ladies in Thailand presumably advice is being offered pertinent to women IN Thailand rather than women in another country.

Not sure what your problem is here wanderer, but may I suggest that you tone your posting style down a bit? Aggressive posting is not acceptable in this forum, thanks.

SBK>>>

waht agressive posting your talking about? is this forum just accept positive opinions in favor of waht are moderators opinion as well?Or is this forum is just for FARANGS???I need to know

[seonai]

I agree with Wanderer, it's not the Thai Beach Guys to blame it's the daft Farang women who throw themselves at these men ... utter nonsense. In any country where the guys are cute looking and female tourists are plenty this happens. Desperate women who have nothing else in their lives throw themselves at 'Beach Boys' and imagine romance... what absolute folly...

[sbk]

Wanderer, using all capital letters when posting is considered shouting, and there is no need for that here. Accusing posters of racism is also not really acceptable unless you have some very specific post to point to, but if you are accusing them of racism because they are only posting about Thai men, then you need to consider what forum you are in, Ladies In Thailand. We discuss Thai men because we are living in Thailand.

You are certainly welcome to post and your opinion will be heard but I suggest you try to post in a more polite manner next time, thanks.

[isabelle17]

I dont know how I feel about this topic, to be quite honest....I am kind of torn.

Probably because I am in a serious relationship with a former thai beach boy-3 years and still going strong!

I think...you have to be more careful around them. But...honestly...you have to be careful in any relationship. Things can go wrong with anyone, anywhere, and anytime.

And well, I guess those women will (hopefully) learn from their mistakes. If I did give advice to them, I would tell them to be careful and be aware. And if you feel something is wrong, trust your gut instinct. But I wouldn't tell them to NOT have relationships with these Thai beach boys...because I am in a relationship with a former beach boy...and its worked out! I will say that the majority of them do not work out...but hey, occasionly it can.

Also....I actually have seen a lot of farang woman have very casual (sexual) relationships with thai beach boys. And I am sure that some other Thai men would love to have that kind of a casual relationship with some farang women...but they just live in a area where not many tourists go. So on the flip side....there are some farang woman who go to Thailand on holiday for 2 weeks or whatever, have a fling with a beach boy, and then they go home. I've seen this happen...quite often...(but not with all of them.)

In the end, people are going to be with who they want to be with. I think this is generalizing a bit too much...because there are thai guys (and guys everywhere) who can be cheaters, abusers, alcoholics, etc. This is not to say I don't agree with all the great advice given on this (because I do believe its good to be informed.) I'm just kind of looking at it from a different point of view I guess.

I could go on and on about this...but I wont! When I ramble, I tend to lose track of the message I am really trying to get across!

[girlx]

I agree with Wanderer, it's not the Thai Beach Guys to blame it's the daft Farang women who throw themselves at these men ... utter nonsense. In any country where the guys are cute looking and female tourists are plenty this happens. Desperate women who have nothing else in their lives throw themselves at 'Beach Boys' and imagine romance... what absolute folly...

While that is definitely true in some areas it is not the case where I live. The girls are targets. They range in age from 17-23 or so, and they are not desperate, they are gorgeous and could have whoever they wanted. But they are not aware of the kinds of guys they are dealing with in most cases, until they have already been wooed and dropped... too late. Some girls definitely do come over and throw themselves at the Thai guys, but they are not the ones I am talking about with this post.

Isabelle I agree, men can be cheaters and abusers etc. in any social circle. I do think the percentage is a lot higher among beach boys. It is a culture and a way of life. Like many people have said, it happens in most tourist areas. When there is a high percentage of attractive girls around, there is no reason to get serious with one girl. I think in western tourist areas it is a lot more obvious and straightforward though. You either want a fling with a guy or you don't, they don't usually let you believe you are falling into a serious relationship. 3 years is a long time to be with someone, but I know of lots of girls who spent longer than that with their guys, only to find that "you can take the boy out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the boy". I find that quite sad- why not just be honest about their intentions and keep things casual? Not let young girls waste years hoping!

[meadish_sweetball]

Have fun, stay safe, be careful and use a condom.

Papa Meadish

[seonai]

Great advice Meadish. Perhaps one of the ladies might consider writing a book on this subject... I bet it would sell well. An aquaintance of mine in Pattaya wrote one on the 'girl' scene to warn other guys, it's called 'Money Number One' and it sells very well. There is definitely a place in the market for a book warning about 'beach/bar boys'. Perhaps it could be a compilation of personal experiences??? GirlX??? What do you think?

[girlx]

would be hard to do without being killed maybe!

[tijnebijn]

Maybe you ladies should join hands and write memoirs

together . Just don't mention any names , the name

of the thread would be a nice name for the book .

I know I sound silly , but after second thoughts it might be really

interesting with some editing and professional help .

Don't think I have ever seen anything like that , plenty about the other

sexes ofcourse .

Not that anybody would listen though !

[seonai]

HHmmmm getting killed is not a good plan!!! Well like Tinjbin (?) suggested, we could do a complilation of our experiences and those of people we have met/know. I can help with editing and possibly a publisher and would be willing to contribute. It's GirlX's idea though so let's see what she feels about it

[isabelle17]

Well, I say if you are going to make a book on thai beach boys, why just limit it to them? Include all Thai men, because I am sure there are foreign women out there who are in relationships with Thai men who are not beach boys and they would probably need similar advice.

Anyway, where I was....when I met my boyfriend, it was generally the opposite. The farang girls would throw themselves at the beach boys. Of course, the beach boys didn't mind this. The beach boys flirted, but most didnt mercilessly pursue these young women (from what I saw and experienced). But I am sure in some cases, as girlx said, it was the Thai beach boys who pursued the farang women the most.

I dont see much point in trying to warn them though? I know that anyone gave me that advice when I was dating my boyfriend when he was a beach boy, I would have listened, and followed some of the advice, but that does not mean I would break up with him. I guess I am confused. Is the message that is trying to get across that farang women should not be in relationships with beach boys and the "like" or is it that you are just trying to give them advice on how to be careful? I honestly believe that you can warn them all you want...but like I said, people are going to be who they want to be with, usually regardless of what other people think of their partner.

And girlx, just out of curiousity...if those girls had been with those guys for so long, how come it took them years to figure out that the guy was no good? I am just surprised, I guess, that they wouldn't have figured it out sooner than that.

[girlx]

Is the message that is trying to get across that farang women should not be in relationships with beach boys and the "like" or is it that you are just trying to give them advice on how to be careful?

Just trying to make them aware so there is a more even playing field. Up to them whether they take the advice or not. I know I would have appreciated a heads up when I first got here. Doesn't mean I necessarily followed the advice either though!

And girlx, just out of curiousity...if those girls had been with those guys for so long, how come it took them years to figure out that the guy was no good? I am just surprised, I guess, that they wouldn't have figured it out sooner than that.

Ahaa! Exactly my point... because they hide it well. Thais are sweet talkers and they hide every emotion behind a smile. That's what I meant when I said that it is easier to tell what you are in for in the west as people are just more straightforward about who they are. Thais can blindside you. My friend has been married to her Thai husband for 4 years now and he is still going around behind her back. She thought he was 100% faithful until another girl just spilled the beans the other day. Just one example.

Well like Tinjbin (?) suggested, we could do a complilation of our experiences and those of people we have met/know. I can help with editing and possibly a publisher and would be willing to contribute. It's GirlX's idea though so let's see what she feels about it

As for a book, I have been thinking about doing one for a long time now, would love to discuss more. It could be a big project, gives me something to do when I (think I) will move back to the city next month! It would be fun to interview different types of farang female/thai male relationships and extrapolate common experiences.

Edited April 3, 2008 by girlx

[isabelle17]

Is the message that is trying to get across that farang women should not be in relationships with beach boys and the "like" or is it that you are just trying to give them advice on how to be careful?

Just trying to make them aware so there is a more even playing field. Up to them whether they take the advice or not. I know I would have appreciated a heads up when I first got here. Doesn't mean I necessarily followed the advice either though!

And girlx, just out of curiousity...if those girls had been with those guys for so long, how come it took them years to figure out that the guy was no good? I am just surprised, I guess, that they wouldn't have figured it out sooner than that.

Ahaa! Exactly my point... because they hide it well. Thais are sweet talkers and they hide every emotion behind a smile. That's what I meant when I said that it is easier to tell what you are in for in the west as people are just more straightforward about who they are. Thais can blindside you. My friend has been married to her Thai husband for 4 years now and he is still going around behind her back. She thought he was 100% faithful until another girl just spilled the beans the other day. Just one example.

Well like Tinjbin (?) suggested, we could do a complilation of our experiences and those of people we have met/know. I can help with editing and possibly a publisher and would be willing to contribute. It's GirlX's idea though so let's see what she feels about it

As for a book, I have been thinking about doing one for a long time now, would love to discuss more. It could be a big project, gives me something to do when I (think I) will move back to the city next month! It would be fun to interview different types of farang female/thai male relationships and extrapolate common experiences.

Okay, that clarifies a lot! Thanks! That a terrible circumstance your friend is in! And yes, I do agree that Thai people just smile and think that it can make everything better! Hah! Sometimes it can, but under certain cirumstances....it just doesn't work.

[bonobo]

Not to veer OT, but this is not something that happens only in THailand. I met a young man who, for lack of a better way to describe him, was a Waikiki beach boy. He went to school to learn Japanese, then spent his time trolling the beaches for Japanese tourists. He was usually successful. THey would feed him, bring him to their hotel, and even give him gifts. As they were there for usaully only a week, they would go home with memories of their vacation fling, and he would be on to the next. He told me he tried to make them happy and denied anything nefarious.

And while in Brazil I saw what I thought was the same sort of activity, but I don't know for sure.

For Thailand, I don't hang around Pattaya or other tourist-rich environments, so I haven't seen too many farang-Thai beach boy hook-ups, but I have seen a few Japanese-Thai hook-ups. But I did talk to a woman on the plane coming over once who told me she does like to partake. And I met a Turkish woman at a party who ahd extended her trip here because of the young Thai men she was meeting.

Thailand is full of foreign men who come over here to sow their oats with young Thai women. Depending on what statistics you believe, perhaps 10% of all foreign visitors fit that bill. The advice given to these men is to enjoy themselves, but not fall in love, not get serious, and not give away their life-savings. That is pretty good advice for women, too. If you are so inclined, have fun, but remember, that boy is not in love with you. He is looking for sex and a jump in lifestyle (going to nice restaurants, sleeping in nice room, getting a few gifts, etc). Just have a level-headed, realistic view on the situation.

[Boo]

tbh if there was a book on the market I wouldn't buy it or even borrow it, same with all the money No1 type books about farang men/thai women too, I have never read any of them cause to me it just reads like bitterness of people with no sense falling for a line/sick buffalo/ i love you story. Dunno maybe I am just harder than most women that went there & met thai men. I never beleived the lines or thought that when some <deleted> in a club came up & told me how "narak" or sawai" I was I really thought "oh yes, I am so those things!, I need to move in witht is man & have his baby!!!!" I just laughed mainly & a quick "yeah ok. bye bye" before getting out of there.

The thai men I did date were a laugh & I did have feelings for them but there was no love, some would try to sweet talk then mention casusally how they didn't have money for something!, my response, "ah well stop spending all your time round here then & get to work" , that usually weeded out the genuine users . When I did meet the man I married I was just as cautious with him as with the others but he proved himself in many ways & not once was I given a line, even to this day compliments do not flow, in fact I had a haircut recently & was told I looked like Kate moss but more fat & without the wonky eye, that is a compliment from him if you can beleive it but you know what, I prefer the honesty rather than some fake compliment just to keep me sweet, he got a slap & a kiss for that. so honestly, I have no interest in spending my money on horror stories of women who should know better cause imo they should know better, if they are big enough to get on a plane & travel accross the world alone then they should be savvy enough not to fall for the first muppet that comes along & massages their ego.

Yes there are some real players who are very good, carrying on the charade sometimes for years & when someone is caught out like that then no one could have known & it can & does happen everywhere in the world but lets face it in thailand these guys are of a specific typecast so if your bloke (any combinations of 2 or more) doesn't work, expects you to pay for everything, slaps you around, cheats blatently & is known to have been a good time boy then the odds are, you know, even subconciously, what he is & what he is like. If these girls chose not to listen to themselves (the most important voice imo) then they really don't deserve that much sympathy, well not from me anyway.

Harsh but my honest opinion.

[tijnebijn]

The book also could include different chapters of life in Thailand for woman ( be it holiday or long term ) .

Many people , like in a forum have their own opinions , but the funny thing of a forum

is that it also brings many discussions experiences from many different kind of individuals

and different philosophies and lifestyles and even preferences .

Don't think bashing the idea of writing a book would be fair .

Perhaps the topic in this thread is better suited as a chapter in a book ,

other chapters filled with so many other subjects , which the inspiration

could be found in the ladies forum .

I am a man , but this forum is one of the best and most honest on the Thai visa .

I am not posting so much here , but reading through it regularly , and only post here if

I have something useful to say .

The funny thing is the characters I notice with you ladies , with all respect , it does

make a good perspective and balance , me not choosing either side .

I think it could be a success .

[Boo]

Don't think bashing the idea of writing a book would be fair .

I will reply tot his as I am the only one to comment about not wanting a book but I wasn't bashing the idea of a book just my honest opinion that I wouldnt read it as I haven't read any of the ones written by farang men about thai women either.

The subject itself is interesting but if I stood at the airport in Bangkok & handed a do's & don't & boys to avoid pamflet out to every single farang women that walked throught he exit gate I still dount many if any would listen when they met some guy who fed them sweet words. If they fall for this stuff it's cause they want to beleive it so bad they chose to ignore that nagging little voice in side their head telling them "something" is not right. I just truely beleive you lead your own life how you want, if these girls <deleted> theirs up by beleiving the transparant bs of a beach boy then they want to beleive it imo. but like Issabele I have only witnessed the other way round on Samui, I know a lot of thai men & even when they are with a partner the tourist girls still fling themselves at them without shame or care. What's the old saying... be careful what you wish for.

[girlx]

so honestly, I have no interest in spending my money on horror stories of women who should know better cause imo they should know better, if they are big enough to get on a plane & travel accross the world alone then they should be savvy enough not to fall for the first muppet that comes along & massages their ego.

i agree but a book about relationships with thai men doesn't have to be all bad, of course, just as tijn said, there would be a long and entertaining (relatively horrific) section on beach boys.

[Boo]

ok, I misunderstood, I thought it was gonna just be a horror stories book. Talk about depressingly frustrating

A general relationship book might work but then it would really only be bought after someone had hooked up into what they considered a serious relationship & by that point it may be too late when they read the warning signs about their potential life mate & the pennies start to drop

[thaiclan]

As I think Lao Po said (and Wanderer was getting at), how does this pertain uniquely to Thai men? Every holiday destination across the world boasts their share of willing heartbreakers to those who want their heart broken. Male to female, female to male, male to male or female to female.

This post also reeks of an ideology about young farang women that simply doesnt exist as the majority anymore.

These aren't virginous naive young beautiful women, these are women who are out to find some action and who better than the accomodating beach boys who you dont have to have too much of a conversation with. By all means spread the word about safe sex, but all the sanctimonious stuff about how he ain;t gonna marry you or stand by your kids or will just run off once he gets a visa...ppppllllleeeeaaaasssssee!

Of course you hear lonely tragic stories. Survey any young female demographic and you will find that marriage and kids are not top of their list even in their own country.

We are in the age of sexual revolution of sorts, women are more open with their sexuality and dont want the baggage. They want to have sex with mutliple partners and just have a dam_n good time. Lets hope they are safe, but lets not try and stop them or belittle them by saying they want marriage and love.

[Blueprincess]

Well, Thai Clan. The forum is about Thailand (not about other countries).

I don't think the point of this thread is to advise people against having a good time. I agree entirely that people do go on holidays for "action", and that is fine. As I said in an earlier post: "none so blind as those who do not wish to see".

If someone goes on the holiday just to bang away for two weeks with everything on two legs, and go home satisfied, then so be it.

The warnings here were about something different: being reeled in, abused, threatened, getting money taken from you, lied to, manipulated, and I noticed from other posts, being in fear of being killed if you warned someone else about a particular "beach boy".

I don't think it is a bad idea to warn people about that aspect of the heavenly holiday!

I don't know if we are in the midst of a sexual revolution. Sexuality has always been around. It is excellent to be open about sexuality. Promiscuity, well if that's what a girl wants, so be it too, and all one can hope for is that she will take her precautions.

Nothing wrong with marriage and love either. What is belittling about someone wanting, or not wanting, marriage. Don't quite understand what you mean there.....

Blue Princess

[girlx]

This post also reeks of an ideology about young farang women that simply doesnt exist as the majority anymore.

hm. my post is based on experience with exactly that demographic. i don't know why a man would think he would know more about women than women do. i suppose it is up for debate, but most women don't think of sex in the same way as men do and they are usually hoping for more than the physical aspects.

so the idea of a book so far is a collection of stories and opinions of women who 1) live in thailand and 2) date thai men (and all the crazy cultural mishaps involved in both). what do you think girls?