Thai Wife/gf's Criticisms Of Farangland?

[siamsam]

For the brave few who have or do reside in the west with wife/gf. With such profound cultural differences and values between east and west, what are her gripes, what are her likes, in farangland??

[IamMaiC]

Well According to a friend of mine she's married to a farang she has no problems living in the US But she does not like the winters they live in minneasota that's about it. When my wife finally gets here to the states i'll let you know better how a thai feels about living abroad

My mom is thai and she likes it very much but she had a hard life in thailand so the US is like heaven to her.

[NedKelly]

A girl I know through work went to live in Australia with her husband. She came back after 6 months........still married but came backto work and will go back again to Aust. But I asked her what it was like for her.....she said outright......I dont like it......it is too quiet ...nothing to do !

I asked where she was and it was melbourne which has loads of stuff to do and is a great place. I asked what did she do in Bangkok that was different....the answer....Nothing !!! So..................................

You can take the girl out of Thailand but cant take the...........

[Bangkok_Helicopter]

I used to take lessons in Thai language in my home city......the girls that tutored me where all uni students, Thai and early 20"s.......

I used to ask everyone of them this same question ( yes, one became a gf for awhile)......

they all said that in the first six months they hated it....but after that they didnt want to leave......the winters have alot to do with this.....

To quiet was the first thing they would say.....

[Bangkok_Helicopter]

one more thing....the one i had as a g/f, used to go to this video shop and rent out 10 or so thai video's at a time.....she used to keep up with all the Thai soap's while she stayed in Australia.....

They love their Thai tv....

[350torana]

My wife studied at high school in Australia before i met her, funnily enough in the same city I come from(Hobart) . Her main complaints were

The weather(winters here are mild by North American or Euro standards)

Not enough to do(plenty to do if u like the outdoors)

Lack of good food (THAI FOOD).

See how it goes when she comes back to my town to Decemeber.

Btw, waiting for the two-headed jokes

[TRIPxCORE]

In the US, my wife has a few complaints. First is, of course, the weather. If I were raised in Thailand, surely I wouldnt be too thrilled with the cold weather here either. Cant blame her for that one. Second would be food. Although she has adjusted all too well to farang food, when she wants real Thai food, you just cant compare the two so I have been told. Third would have to be medical doctors. Any time I have taken her to the doctor, she complains about our doctors paying due diligence to study and test for possible problems. She wants fast solutions. Not having too much experience with Thai medical services, do they quickly diagnose problems without looking into it too much? I am assuming they do when she files this complaint with me about waiting for tests and such.

[Richard W]

When my wife came to England, she was shocked by the gross immorality, especially the tendency to shack up together without any sort of marriage.

[Jaime]

This is a very long post: my apologies in advance. I first posted it on another site in response to a similar question about cultural differences in Thai-Farang relationships based in the west. There are probably some gross generalisations in here but it is based on my own experiences of living with a Thai wife in the UK and observations of the circle of Thai-Farang friends we have. Here goes anyway, hope it informs & entertains:

For the benefit of those who are conducting “long distance” relationships, seeing each other once every three months or so when (usually) the western man arrives in Thailand to see his wife/girlfriend, the first thing that both Thai and westerner need to appreciate is that things change when the holiday period is over! By that I mean that once the relationship has stabilised and man and woman are living together in the west, the relationship can no longer be supported simply by the euphoria of meeting briefly and passionately before having to part again. Do not underestimate how much this euphoria or “holiday feeling” contributes to the western man’s joyous experience of his relationship with a Thai lady. The exoticism and excitement of having a Thai girlfriend and of Thailand, its food and culture all allow the western man to ignore the little things that he finds annoying and forgive the charming naivety of his girlfriend. He is just having too much of a good time to care, spending money that he has put aside for the holiday, impressing his girlfriend (and sometimes her family and friends) and generally smiling and wai-ing a lot to show what a good chap he is and that he is Jai-dee mak-mak! The charming naivety and the communication problems suddenly have a much more wearing effect when you are subjected to the pressure of daily life in the west and you need your wife to get something DONE while you are at work! What I am trying to say, quite clumsily, is that just as for a successful relationship between two Thais or two westerners, there needs to be a genuine level of understanding between the parties about what life together will mean for both of you and this means more than just the excitement of a holiday romance. There are a number of Thai ladies in my area who have separated from their western husbands, either because their expectations were not met or because once the excitement had worn off, their husbands had left for (usually) another Thai lady!

There are some things that any western man considering a relationship with, or marriage to, a Thai woman should consider. This applies especially to those who have no experience of Thailand and who are procuring a relationship or marriage through an agency service.

Firstly, the notion of the submissive Thai woman is a myth. Whilst often gentle, polite and good home-makers, Thai women can be strong willed and feisty, especially once they have settled in! Don’t forget, they have as much right to an opinion as you do. If you stifle this basic human need for self expression you will end up with a very unhappy lady. If you want a skivvy, then hire a maid!

As a result of their often unanticipated strength of character, Thai women can seem stubborn. This may be an unfair assessment by the westerner but what I think is certainly true (as testified by some of the Thai World view articles) is that Thai people are seemingly unwilling to “be told” or to accept criticism, no matter how constructive, gentle and instructive it is meant to be. Explanations of how to do things that your wife may never have done in Thailand are difficult to deliver without patronising your Thai lady and are usually taken badly, sometimes resulting in tears or sullen silence. It seems that the best method is to painfully watch without comment and allow your wife to learn by experience, making mistake after mistake. Naturally, this course of action doesn’t help if the thing you are trying to explain is that having the central heating on all day during mid winter is no good if all the doors to the house are open, or that you could save on the heating bills if your wife chose to wear a jumper instead of shorts and a T-shirt (whilst also complaining of the cold) during December. This attitude can be especially frustrating if, like me, you like things to be done “just so!” I would say that the most valuable quality that a western man must possess if he is considering marrying a Thai lady and taking her to Europe or America is PATIENCE! I wish I had more! A sense of humour helps too.

This inability to take criticism seems to be related to the Thai work ethic, which is very different from the western equivalent. Awkward situations at work often result in sudden “headaches”. I know Thai ladies in my area that have been mildly criticised at work, called their employer the next day with a “headache” and then never returned to work! Stress and responsibility are seemingly avoided by the Thai at every opportunity, which is on the face of it a quite sensible way to live. Unfortunately I have witnessed this trait cause resentment if the western husband feels that he has to bear all the pressures of the relationship while his wife avoids them. This is often exacerbated by over protection by the western husband who never exposes his Thai lady to any degree of responsibility (dealing with forms, finances etc.) because it is easier for him to do things himself rather than explain things to his wife. In the long run this is a bad deal for both. I know that my wife is frustrated by her lack of involvement in such things but because I had never mentioned it, she had not seen fit to mention it either.

I am myself the result of a holiday romance. My father is an immigrant to the UK and I remember my mother telling me before I got married to my wife that I shouldn’t underestimate how much extra work being married to an immigrant would be. This doesn’t end with the immigration procedures. Unless your Thai lady is well educated AND especially go-getting, it is likely that you will continue to have to deal with EVERYTHING as far as things like paying bills, bank accounts, filling in forms for job applications, national insurance, calling out a plumber, dealing with your kids’ school, etc. etc. Believe me, the effect of this is not to be underestimated, especially if you have a job with a lot of responsibility, working long hours under pressure. I think this stems from a general unwillingness to deal with authority in Thailand, where it seems that most people are intimidated by authority figures. Anyone who has been to a local government amphur or jungwut office with Thai relatives in rural Thailand will know what I mean! As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, a gradual process of giving responsibility for such things to your Thai wife is probably best for both of you.

I have heard it said that a Thai lady will not settle in the west unless she has Thai friends. This may be true but I know that many Thai women in my locality have NO western friends. In fact Thai wives of western men seem to fall in to two categories: those who do not mix with westerners other than their husband and his relatives and those who do. The first category are less settled, often relying entirely on the local Thai restaurant culture for their social life, which often equates to working all hours for exploitative wages that only an illegal immigrant would normally accept. Command of English does not develop, squabbling (and scheming) with the other Thais seems a common occurrence and these relationships appear most likely to develop problems through a widening of the culture gap.

Moving on to more practical matters, at home the Thai attitude to food preparation can be quite different to the western approach. For example, when I told my stepson not to slice the raw chicken on the same board and with the same knife that he was using to chop the salad, he laughed at me in disbelief, thinking that I was winding him up! Thais do not, it seems, get food poisoning from such methods of food preparation!

Safety awareness is another favourite of mine that Thais do not really worry too much about. I would be a rich man if I had a pound for each time I asked “what did your friend die of?” and received the answer “acc-i-dent!” I read in the Bangkok Post recently that “accidents” are the THIRD biggest cause of death in Thailand! I am not surprised since at my house obstacles are routinely left on the stairs and lodged pieces of toast are retrieved from the electric toaster with metal knives! No matter how often I explain the dangers I still find both my wife and step-children putting themselves at risk in these ways. Ironically, I have noticed that if the dangers are explained by a fellow Thai, the response is much more attentive, usually a slow nod accompanied by a long “Ohhhhhhh!”

Whatever the perceived cultural differences, the relationship is a massive challenge for both western men and Thai women. There are so many things that will put pressure on both parties and it will be different for everyone. I think you have to treat the relationship as an adventure, even after the initial excitement has worn off and it is important to understand that you will never stop learning and never stop being frustrated by each others’ differences. The western man also needs to accept that his wife has taken a huge decision in order to leave her family, friends, and country behind and when there are difficulties and frustrations it is worth asking himself if he could have done the same thing.

[chonabot]

Long , but good , as my wife tends to say....

[siam]

Moving on to more practical matters, at home the Thai attitude to food preparation can be quite different to the western approach. For example, when I told my stepson not to slice the raw chicken on the same board and with the same knife that he was using to chop the salad, he laughed at me in disbelief, thinking that I was winding him up! Thais do not, it seems, get food poisoning from such methods of food preparation!

My partner will be on here later,Giving her 2 Stangs worth,

But when we first lived together,I saw her taking the ice cream from the freezer and putting it in the microwave on cook to make it softer,Yeo you guessed it back to the freezer the ice cream went,

I stood there with complete astonishment,But that's the Thai way,All she said "Thais never get food poisoning"

Sia Jai Tee rak

[Boon Mee]

She loves Wal Mart & Home Depot but does not care too much for Minnesota winters. I tell her you've got all four seasons! Not impressed...

[taxexile]

my wife lived with me in the uk for 15 years before we returned to live in thailand.

her likes were.

the weather.(apart from the darkest days of winter.)

the tv.

the newspapers.

consumer rights.

equal treatment as a foriegner.

the opportunities for further education and training.

the sense of humour

the irreverence shown to authority figures by the media.

her dislikes were.

the expense.

the formality.

the ease with which the unemployed could be supported by benefits.

the lack of respect shown by the young towards their elders.

the rights of the criminal compared to the rights of the victim.

the impossibility of parking a car.

the crime levels.

the difficulty in forming close friendships with farang women.

the hassle involved in getting a decent meal when out

[stroll]

I took a girlfriend to Germany for 6 weeks years ago, she liked it that everything was so clean and tidy. Very much liked how people kept their gardens and curious about which plants and fruits one could eat. She couldn't get used to the fact that it was 'cold' outside, even though the sun was shining.

She was impressed at the disciplined driving habits and amazed that pedestrians stop at red traffic lights, which boosted her confidence in telling me off for all my mistakes. She also liked it that many rules and regulations seemed clearcut and the police don't take bribes.

She learned that it wasn't a good idea to be friendly to everybody in the street, she was prapositioned in response to her smile and insulted as a 'black xxxx' on another occasion. The socialising of negotiating prices when shopping was missed, and she was suffering from 'rice and chilli withdrawal', but enjoyed most food on offer.

Overall I found that I had to explain, organise and translate so much that I 'll think twice about inviting someone again. Amazing how many everyday routines are so different, from the way you cross the road to automatic washing machines and the way different doors on public transport are opened...

[mbkudu]

her dislikes were.

the expense.

the formality.

the ease with which the unemployed could be supported by benefits.

the lack of respect shown by the young towards their elders.

the rights of the criminal compared to the rights of the victim.

the impossibility of parking a car.

the crime levels.

the difficulty in forming close friendships with farang women.

the hassle involved in getting a decent meal when out

Wouldn't be surprised if most westerners have the same complaints about their home countries.

[markydd]

my wife was in awe when she first arrived in england her english was not very good i found out along time after that she was treated very badly by british customs that angered me.she started college to learn english they where all pakistanis,bangladeshi so no friends made there took her to a couple of local thai temples thought it might help.nobody spoke to her she never went back. its seems to me that when thai women move to farang countries they get this snotty nose in the air attitude to other thais. they have to flash the thai gold, me if i met some countryman in another place i,d strike up some sort of conversation whats the problem.she,s been here five years now the only gold she wears is a wedding ring her english is ok she,s worked for acouple of those years she,s now a house wife and mother for the first time.she loves to watch corra and emmerdale and for some reason kiddies cartoons.she misses her folks and the really big one FOOD.

as soon as we check into the federal hotel its i,m just going down the road to get some food if you could see the expression of pure pleasure when she eats.anyway i,m bringing her home for good next year i,m sick of this country.

sawadee krap

[downtown]

My wife has lived in England for almost 3 years.

Good; Milder climate, better salary, more opportunities for training/education

Bad; Lack of family values (old people left to rot), over - reliance on the nanny state(scroungers relying on benefits), the food('nuff said).

[siamruby]

she was treated very badly by british customs that angered me.she started college to learn english they where all pakistanis,bangladeshi so no friends made there took her to a couple of local thai temples thought it might help.nobody spoke to her she never went back. its seems to me that when thai women move to farang countries they get this snotty nose in the air attitude to other thais. they have to flash the thai gold, me if i met some countryman in another place i,d strike up some sort of conversation whats the problem.she,s been here five years now the only gold she wears is a wedding ring

I feel sorry for your wife as that exactly the same as what happened to me. I came here to Uk first time as a student with a few friends. But we got detained at the immigration all day and night,being interrogated. We were all university graduates,got a load of money with us got all the paperworks for them...their reasons for detaining us? not good enough English to come and study here what subject did we come to study? ..English!!

And yes same reaction at the Thai temple I got, if you don't have enough gold to show you are not hi-so enough . Sadly I don't like gold nor like wearing jewellery and don't need to prove anything to anyone.

Well,get back to the topic, I don't like about ' farang land',the weather, the lack of respect and care to the elderly, the not so unfair justice system, the politically correct brigade, the food, the yobs, the feeling of no where to go when the weather is bad (apart from pubs,clubs,restaurants, cinema and shopping center!)

[daveh]

Moving on to more practical matters, at home the Thai attitude to food preparation can be quite different to the western approach. For example, when I told my stepson not to slice the raw chicken on the same board and with the same knife that he was using to chop the salad, he laughed at me in disbelief, thinking that I was winding him up! Thais do not, it seems, get food poisoning from such methods of food preparation!

I noticed the same thing. But you have to remember that while we understand chicken can be a problem, more than likely our parents did not. The Thais are the same way. I don't think that they are immune to food poisoning, only that they don't realize why they are sick.

I went to a sukiaki place with a Thai friend of mine, and I asked for an extra set of chop sticks. My friend asked what they were for and I explained that it is not good to use chop sticks to eat with after using them on raw meat. She'd never heard this. She continued to use a single pair of chopsticks herself.

A couple of days later, I asked how she felt and she said her stomach was upset. I told her it was probably the chop sticks, but she refused to believe it. I think Thai's in general have problems with cause and affect.

[snoophound]

My lady and her sister have been in Sydney 10 years

They love it...but......

They live on thai food and shop three times a week in thainatown.

They go to thai hairdresser

They rent 20 thai news and soapie vids a week

They go back to thailand three or four times a year and do most of their clothing shopping at mbk

They miss the family to a degree,but get sick of the never ending handout requests,in fact sometimes trying to sneak into BKK without telling the family.

Families always seem to think just becuase they marry falang they are rich and have lots of money to give them to spend on whisky etc.

[wolf5370]

my wife was in awe when she first arrived in england her english was not very good i found out along time after that she was treated very badly by british customs that angered me.she started college to learn english they where all pakistanis,bangladeshi so no friends made there took her to a couple of local thai temples thought it might help.nobody spoke to her she never went back. its seems to me that when thai women move to farang countries they get this snotty nose in the air attitude to other thais. they have to flash the thai gold, me if i met some countryman in another place i,d strike up some sort of conversation whats the problem.she,s been here five years now the only gold she wears is a wedding ring her english is ok she,s worked for acouple of those years she,s now a house wife and mother for the first time.she loves to watch corra and emmerdale and for some reason kiddies cartoons.she misses her folks and the really big one FOOD.

as soon as we check into the federal hotel its i,m just going down the road to get some food if you could see the expression of pure pleasure when she eats.anyway i,m bringing her home for good next year i,m sick of this country.

sawadee krap

markydd and siamruby,

out of interest where did you go live in the UK?

My wife and I lived in the UK for 6 years. She had the usual xray at customs and was delayed for 2 hours, but that was all. He English was very basic though as a teacher she had some. She was not impressed by them though - rude.

Free college to help her English, she did this for 3 years and got several ESOL, pitman and city & guilds certificates (qualifications).

She met a few Thais in the school amazingly, but most turned out to be not very nice people. A couple were nice, and she is still friends with them. They also has friends that were Thai etc and a whole community of friends has built up. My wife is middle class (upper middle), but does not wave this in peoples faces, so she manages to make friends across boundaries easily enough.

The government funded temples are very impersonal I find. The monks hide away and the temple is housed separately from the monk's accomodation. Mostly tourists etc so no community (Wimbledon is the prime example I feel). The small temples (like Plaistow Wat Buddha Vihara - moving from Dacre Road at the moment to new building) are usually just a large house with a room dedicated as the Buddha room and 6 monks or so. This is a real little community. Thais sit and watch Thai TV on Sat, while their kids get free Thai lessons (and husbands!) and jabber all day with eachother and the monks. It realy is very friendly. All the monks know me by name, and I them. They phone my wife up for chats and to tell her when they are off to LOS so they bring things back for her (and others too of course). Thais take them food and help with costs and maintainence etc.

I think you need to meet Thai's that are already there (and probably not resaurant owners who have no time to socialise etc) - the commity spreads then.

[wolf5370]

Dislikes:

- Mannor and behaviour of kids - especially the way they talk to adults (argue etc) and vandelism which is rife in the UK.

- Old farts that think 20 miles an hour is the right speed for the middle lane of a motorway and that its OK to be in the left hand land with left hand indoicator on and turn right across the traffic (we drive on the correct side of the road, the left).

- Incompetant people - especially those employed by the Thai Embassy!

- They way the Thai embassy charge for everything (even charge you to borrow a pen!). Twenty quid to sign a form so that she can own land (sign away my rights to it) that they require so she can have her constitional right to own land!

- Red tape for the sake of red tape; especially when it is completely pointless.

- Speed cameras.

- My driving!

- How quick we get through the monthly income.

- Lack of sun makes her hair and skin dull (not that she would ever sun bathe).

Likes:

- Bluewater (Europes biggest shopping mall)

- Having a British passport so she doesn't have to p!ss about while the Fin Embassy balls up her visa application (again) when she goes to visit her sister in Finland. And so that we can go to Paris and Calais for day trips etc. Best of all she can walk through customs without having to fill a bloody stupid landing declaration form in every time she comes even though she had residency (before dual citizenship).

- Her friends in the UK.

- Having the ability to do what she wants without all her very low teacher wages going straight to her family pot.

- The British private school our little falang-nois attend.

- Being away from her family and thus avoiding all the hastles that comes from that - especially extended family.

[dutch]

Nice topic to read. All those different reactions

After 5 years Indonesia and 5 years Germany and 17 years Holland, my wife would choose (at the moment) for Germany.

We lived in a small village (15000 habitants) near Bielefeld.

She is absolutely fond of the winters in Europe.

She is a strong,disciplined woman.Speaks and read fluent All the languages of the countries that we lived in. I think that is essential.

We always managed to get Thai food on the table.In Holland the thai fresh vegetables and other stuff are flown in three times a week.Our food searches sometimes exceed 250 km.

We are now moving (I am retiring) to Thailand in December this year.

Hope that after a while she will like it better than Germany.

Wherever we are, we take the good and the bad things and try to make the best of it.

[siamruby]

Hi Wolf, I have been living in London for the last 18 yrs!!! not the same place of course. now the time has come for me to go back home. I am from BKK and same as your wife come from a middle class Thai. That is one thing I like about this country you rarely need to dress or act your 'class' or age.

I have met a few Thai people so far but didn't click with anyone. The first group I mixed with was a group of BG. I absolutely had no problem with them but just the way they showed off their status (hubbies's ) then a few more hi-so group i mixed with ,yet again everyone liked showing off or as you said waving it in your face and I am a jean and t-shirt,oxfam shops hunter girl! oh and no gold still (don't like gold!).

Yes, immigration people are very rude,God know how do they treat illegal immigrants! . In fact I didn't get detained overnight but all my friends did. But think it was more than 12 hrs they detained me and when I asked any question they just told me to shut up a few time. The only reason I thought they let me go early was because I told them my occupation in LOS was a trainee barrister. The fear of being sued . Sadly,I was just so glad to be released and didn't bother to make any complaint.

Give my regard to the wife.she sounds like a nice girl

[the scouser]

The first group I mixed with was a group of BG. I absolutely had no problem with them but just the way they showed off their status (hubbies's )

Yes, each town or city in the UK has a coven of Thai ex-BGs who only socialise with each other in order to compare their husbands' incomes, brand of car and value of property. Poor old hubby then gets it in the neck when it transpires that so-and-so's husband has just bought a new BMW - "I want a new BMW too!" The coven also operates as an informal Citizens Advice Bureau and the love of your life will come home spouting all kinds of rubbish as gospel.

Scouse.

[siamruby]

The first group I mixed with was a group of BG. I absolutely had no problem with them but just the way they showed off their status (hubbies's )

Yes, each town or city in the UK has a coven of Thai ex-BGs who only socialise with each other in order to compare their husbands' incomes, brand of car and value of property. Poor old hubby then gets it in the neck when it transpires that so-and-so's husband has just bought a new BMW - "I want a new BMW too!" The coven also operates as an informal Citizens Advice Bureau and the love of your life will come home spouting all kinds of rubbish as gospel.

Scouse.

Watch out! scouser you will turn this thread into bgs thread and we will get banned .

Dear Mod and Admin we are only discussing about life in Uk through a Thai's eyes

Yes, very well if people brag about their status but the constant discussion of why the so and so girl still want to live with her hubby because he has no/earn less money or simply because he is not rich enough. And then it was my turn when my ex-hub was made redundant, they said I should dump him. No thanks, but yet I dumped him anyway 10 yrs later on but it was his cruelty to me not the money.

[bmanly]

Jaime you are spot on. My wife and I have been married for 15 years. She loves Australia for these reasons:

It's nice and cool

My family is far away so no problem

Medicare is free

When I'm old Government takes care

Nobody bothers me

I work I get good salary

Our beautiful nice clean apartment and suburb

Negatives:

Racism still happens here and she hates it

Criminals getting off with murder and for lessor charges no action is taken

Young people have no respect for elders or authority

Aussies tend to be lazy particularily when an Asian is prepared to work harder

Young dole bludgers surfing all day whilst she works

John Howard waging a war in Iraq whilst our hospital queues get longer and longer

Tax breaks for the rich whilst the poor get zip

Thai consulate officials in Sydney are unwilling to help with almost anything

All in all she loves Australia and apart from the negatives would rather live here than Thailand.

[mike100]

This was a couple of years ago, so maybe it’s changed.

My wife was surprised at the amount of Pakistanis in East London who didn’t speak much English (to the same standard as her,) and looked down on her as a Thai lady.

Got to admit, I felt the same, which was party the reason for moving back to Thailand.

Didn’t feel at home anymore.

No problem from the few English people left in my town, who treated her with respect.

A much better class of Asians here IMO.

Sorry to sound racist, but I speak how it was.

[markydd]

mike100

my wife worked with pakistanis for 2 years( she,s thai) she hates them.the only time i,ve ever heard her swear in english.can i be racist and married to an asian?

[alleypanda]

Hi wolf5370, why everytimes you have to mention 'class' your wife came from upper middle class? What it's like to be an 'upper middle class'?