Thai Gf Study From Home?

[drummer]

If drummer does not want to marry her, obv he is either already married (where he comes from) or he doesnt love her................

Actually, neither nor. She's a great girl and I do love her. its just i know that it takes more than love to make a relationship last. I don't want to marry her simply because we haven't spent enough time together. The kid was an accident. (Long story) I am just waiting to see how we get along i little while down the road. I don't want to get married unless I am (reasonably) confident that it will be something that would last, and something that I would do with a child or not. And on that front, it looks pretty good. The only two major problems are

(1) she's not totally fluent in english(although she speaks english well) and I don't speak Thai very well. This will change. I am learning a few new words each day, and she is studying, too.

(2) she's not educated. This is precisely why I brought up this thread.

re: leaving LoS, I've heard that fiance is actually more expiditious, although I suspect it prolly doesn't matter too much. The kid ought to put a lot of it on the fast track...

I was considering an informal ceremony, incidentally. My thinking would be that it would be something to make her feel better. I am virtually married right now (my new favorite thing to do is to tell the BG touts "phom mee mia leo"... had one let go of my arm and *run* away yesterday ) I still wouldn't want to do anything legally binding until later, but I wouldn't mind having an informal ceremony. Any thoughts on that?

[Ajarn]

Ajarn, stop with the childish comments. Cant you stop when someone else is trying to stop??

Get it now?

Oh, I see. You wanted the last word- and last shot. Sure, no problem

But, work on those anti-male issues you seem to have, na'? Life can be pretty good here if one can chill and keep and open mind and heart. Your expressed anger and stuff must be very uncomfortable for you, and I'll stop responding to your bait, which I do accept my responsibility for...

[Ajarn]

re: leaving LoS, I've heard that fiance is actually more expiditious, although I suspect it prolly doesn't matter too much. The kid ought to put a lot of it on the fast track...

Drummer, from everything I've heard, and my from own experience, the fiance' visa is MUCH faster, normally. The process to get a visa as married takes upwards of six months, or so I've heard... A search here will give you the whole scoop, I think.

[drummer]

Ajarn, stop with the childish comments. Cant you stop when someone else is trying to stop??

Read my last  sentence, this is NOT helping drummer and if you are helping him, good for you.

Get it now?

Just to ring in on this debate.... I would actualy rather have those thoughts out in the open so I can address tham. even if they are speculative, its doubtless nothing other people aren't thinking, too. I'm looking for good advice, and that can only be achieved when people have an accurate picture of the situation.

SK was making some assumptions, but that is nothing that isn't done by everything on the planet that has a brain. C'est la vie. All you can do is to try to recognize your own assumtions, and to try to clear up other people assumptions about you - although that one is much more difficult.

Anyway, back to the subject - I went out and found some good english grammar textbooks - (I forget the name, but I found series one that was quite good - the tenses had great explanations and very clear illustrations) as well as an M4-M6 biology textbook in Thai and a History of Thailand in english for both of us. I found these at a bookstore in a mall on Silom Rd. Anyone have any specific book recomendations? I don't think I'll be buying anything right away untill she shows some progress on the Biology textbook, but it will be good to keep in mind- Thanks

Here's something that will narrow some eyes... tell the next Thai friend you see that the original ethnic Tai people actually came from southern China, and that the Hmong and Khmer were in Thailand first ... Technically true, but Thai culture doesn't just come from the ethnic Tai people, but is an amalgamation (of course)

[SK1972]

Ajarn......I have no issues with men since I am happily married. Where does my post say I hate men or have issues with them?? Please do not make assumptions (as you so like to refer them as) I do tend to look out for women though, dont see anything wrong with that Habit

Drummer, good on you. I do appreciate a man who lets women voice their views too. I was making assumptions, just like everyone else here was, it is HUMAN nature. Assumptions do not mean we say it is true, but what we think. Thats why it is called assumption and not the truth.

I was just trying to look after the welfare of the girl as there have been many cases of abandoned pregnant gfs. I did not indicate you were but I think you know that already. Kudos for thinking of her to go through a ceremony. Yes, I think it would make her feel better and her family would approve more.

Although you do not feel ready to make it legal, but the ceremony would be one way of telling the world "you love her and want to be with her not just because she is pregnant". I do agree marriage is a huge thing. Sadly most people take it very lightly now. Getting married and divorce is so common now. Good luck to you!

[Ajarn]

Ajarn......I have no issues with men since I am happily married. Where does my post say I hate men or have issues with them?? Please do not make assumptions (as you so like to refer them as) I do tend to look out for women though, dont see anything wrong with that  Habit

Fair enough. First, it was not an assumption, simply an observation, and I labled it as such. Of course, I don't know the real you, and my intention was not to cast aspersions on you, but as a supportive gesture because I sensed some angry issues going on that seemed to get in the way of....open-mindedness, perhaps? Please, I'm not trying to war. I can see clearly that you are being reasonable here and now, and I want to encourage, not discourage that...Okay?

If you believe my particular sense about you is wrong, then cool. It's not caste in stone in my mind, so need to convince me otherwise. But, I'm sure you'll agree with the sentiment I expressed to you regarding keeping an open heart and an open mind here. Life is different here in so many ways, much of it quite confusing to us as foreigners. In our own minds, we must try to make sense of stuff in order to not drive ourselves completely nuts, but sometimes our own assumptions and judgements about our experiences in this foreign culture are wrong or misguided. Not because we're stupid people, but because of our own background, language problems and other issues, we must guess a lot...I don't know anyone who always guesses right. Do you?

I know I sure don't, even with almost 2 decades living and working here among Thais and being relatively fluent in the language. That's really why I'm here. To learn and to compare experiences with others, either to validate my own 'guess', or to show me me guess was off in some way, maybe. Part of that process is sharing my experiences, hopefully for others to go through the same validation process and, if their guess/experience doesn't fit with mine for some reason, then confront me with your take so we can both maybe benefit.

Okay, I'm ###### impatient. I know that. And, if I sense a closed-minded or unfairly judgemental statement, I feel frustrated because I'm not always sure how best to deal with that issue- and I often do feel obligated to say something. Maybe it's the teacher in me Often I do suggest (strongly, at times) that there is more to the story than they might feel...Maybe that's wrong, but my intention is to get them to broaden their thinking a bit. Though, as I've said, my patience is small when I don't get the cooperation I want. Not saying it's always right to do, but I'm hard-headed just like many others here. I do have strong feelings, as well as strong values....As you likely do, too.

You're not the first person who's suggested to me that I sound like a know-it-all. Maybe I do 'sound' that way at times, but I try not to, even when I do feel that I know it all...

So, lets back up and regroup, na'? I am sincere in hearing your message, and I hope you'll listen to mine- especially when it's the best advice.. Kidding!

[SK1972]

Ajarn, no worries.............I dont take everything to heart and sometimes in the forum we tend to have "selective reading" and only pick on those that we want to.

No hard feelings. It is hard to communicate properly in a forum rather than face-to-face. As for confrontations.......dont worry about that, I say it like I see it and am not afraid to speak my mind.

I have read your advice/comments in this forum and I think it does help drummer, so keep it up.

Cheers!