Babies :

[The Gentleman Scamp]

I once read on here that having a baby together tends to secure a relationship between a farang man and a Thai lady.

Well, as we know that certainly isn't the case with farang couples or Thai couples and now I think about it, I can't recall any horror stories about Thai ladies leaving their farang husbands for another man since having a baby together - though I'm not assuming that this has never happened.

If it has then that would explain some of the farang suicides here.

Before I continue, this question has nothing to do with my recent situation and a baby is the last thing I want at this stage in my life and something I will not be considering for at least another four or five years.

Obviously one should never rush into having a kid and my question is based on the premise that a couple have been together at least six months and have decided to have a baby together.

So would having a kid secure that couples future together more than it does in farang or Thai relationships which are not the same. In Thai relationships I would assume that 9 times out of 10 it's the man who leaves the woman and possibly the other way round in farang relationships.

[Ajarn]

I was just thinking about that yesterday, when I was remimded, once again, how often a Thai women takes the tack that once the commitment is made, making the baby as a 'hold' comes next. And not just with farangs, either. This happened to be a discussion between two Thai women who assumed the farang sitting next to them was as clueless as he looked

In established relationships, where a couple, in desperation, has a kid to somehow bind them together again, I have yet to ever see the couple NOT break up within a couple of years of the baby being born.

[drummer]

Not just with Thai ladies, either. Its a strategy that has probably been around for a loong, long time, as has faking pregnancy. I rather suspect this has more to do with kids that men, though. Biology is a funny thing. My Thai girfriend (6 months along) is already thinking about more kids... Probably already has the suckers named

[rod_kalashnikov]

 

[Boon Mee]

So would having a kid secure that couples future together more than it does in farang or Thai relationships which are not the same.

Nope...

[Gazza]

I've got 3 kids. A 9 year old son, 12 year old daughter and a 21 year old step-daughter that I love as though she was my own.

If I only had my step-daughter to bring up I think my marriage would've lasted just as long as it has.

If I didn't have any kids whatsoever? I can't honestly say as the past would've been different.

In 15 years of marriage we've never had a major row whereby I've even contemplated leaving my wife let alone got to a stage whereby I had to think of my children's future. I would say though that our children have helped cement our relationship so much that we don't even let any disputes get out of hand. We try not to argue over anything in front of the children if possible

In Thai relationships I would agree that it appears to be about 9 out of 10 times that the Thai guy has left his wife. Though I'm not so sure of who's actually to blame for the guy breaking up with his wife in the first place. The woman will always say that it's the guy's fault. I've known a couple of guys from my wife's village that had left their wives because their sex life was almost non-existant due to their wive's frigidity. One other guy hadn't even seen his wife naked in maybe 6-7 years of marriage. Luckily for his wife, it wasn't a too big an issue for him as he loved his wife and son dearly.

I saw my own brother-in-law breaking up with his wife because she 'diddled' with another guy. I'm sure that she's now telling everyone back in her natal village that he was the one who was to blame. She doesn't even visit her 3 kids that she brought into this world.

Farangs/Thais with kids breaking up? Haven't heard of any break ups first hand but vaguely remember reading of one or two over the years.

[350torana]

I think farang-farang, Thai-farang realtionships are the same when it comes to babies. Having children is no safety net to protect a marriage. Think of all the stress early on. A baby who wakes up screaming every two hours,a mother and father who do not get much sleep, not to mention the strain on finances. These can all put huge pressure on a relationship.On the positive side, having a kid together makes a family and the bond is strong .

[Nam Kao]

We had two kids and it definitely cemented our relationship in both directions.

Its a nice life.

[Pink Mist]

If the bond wasn't strong enough to begin with, the adhesive is temporary.

[dirtyrider]

This is a good question for me as i have just found out i am to be a father with my Thai G-F. I have been with her for 1 year now and although at first i was scared i`m getting used to it now.

Not that it was meant to be but could this help her getting a visa to the u.k?

[Flummoxed]

As a little side question, am I right in thinking abortion is illegal in LOS?

Whatever the case, I know they happen anyhow. How much does it cost in Thailand (No, my girl isn't pregnant;-)

[otherstuff1957]

Illegal? I've heard that it is. Does it happen anyway? Yes, I know an 18 year old girl who's had 3! Her aunt finally gave her some condoms & ordered her to use them!

[igotworms]

As I am a teacher at a bilingual school, I see the lives of many Farang/Thai relationships on a daily basis. I know of a few children whose farang father and Thai mother have separated. Kids do not solidify a relationship. They just add complications when the inevitable happens, and the kids are the ones who get stuck in the middle. Many of these kids with separated parents lose contact from one of the parents permanently. Some of these farang fathers are frightening to say the least, and I feel sorry for the children who have to go home each night to their drunken farang father and his current Thai gf of the moment. You can actually see how these kids are affected by these unstable situations, as it reflects in their behavior and studies. Though, there are a few farang fathers who seem like great people, but are rarely around due to work or travel. Often or not, these kids are being raised by the help.

Children do not save a marriage. In some cases, they are merely pawns, or items of negotiation. The children are the ones who get screwed in the long run.

[Sulaphat]

The joy of having and raising children can bring out the best in the relationship.

The stress of childcare and financial obligations children bring can bring out the worst.

Children probably won't change the underlying nature or quality of the relationship, but may amplify either the good or the bad or both!

I would not be surprised if one of the female's motives in having children is to try nail the SO's feet to the floor. If it is the main reason, then the relationship might not be so good and having children will probably speed its demise.

[SK1972]

Children probably won't change the underlying nature or quality of the relationship, but may amplify either the good or the bad or both!

I do agree with this. There are also cases where couples seem all right before the kids came and once they came....the couples break up or drift apart. On the other hand, some couples have become closer and strengthen their relationship with the arrival of kids.

As for the women who have gotten pregnant to try to hold their man or to use the kids as pawns.......shame on them. I do agree it will be the kid that suffers in the end. I know one case where a woman is "using" her daughter as a "pawn" to get money from her Yankee ex-husband, huge sums. She claims to send the girl to international school in BKK. Instead the daughter goes to a local cheap govt school and the "wonderful" mom uses the money to supplement her once luxurious lifestyle. Last I heard, she is now on the prowl of finding another farang man. I find that disgusting.

If couples have fallen out and are staying together just for the kids sake, it may be good or may backfire as the kids may be exposed to a lot of fighting and screaming, not a very stable environment for them.

I guess it all depends on what each individual wants and perceive kids as...........

[Tippaporn]

If the bond wasn't strong enough to begin with, the adhesive is temporary.

I agree, Bronco. I would never recommend using kids as a means to cement a relationship. Not to say that it can't work, or doesn't work. From these posts it's evident that it does work for some people. And it doesn't for others. And you can rest assured you'll find everything inbetween, too.

No one course of action guarantees success or failure, for sure. It all ultimately comes down to the individual (ain't everything like that?).

But, if your counting on the kids to provide the glue then you're already using them as poker chips, no doubt about it. Maybe the kids will have a good family life (as well as you and the missus), right? Does anyone think of it in those terms at all? Put the kids at the beginning of the equation? I'd gander to say the majority of people are considering the "me" first. Not the missus, and certainly not the kid(s). What about "me?"

Kids are not the sole ingredient for making a good relationship. Neither is the missus. But you are. That's the only part of the equation where you do have full control. That's might be a hard truth to digest and take to heart, but regardless, opinions don't change that fact.

It's a rare few that would be willing to take a hard look in the mirror when things go wrong, and give themselves the credit. Easier done when things go right to pat yourself on the back.

I've been in relationships that have failed and I can certainly see (and more importantly, accept) my part in it. Live and learn, the way of human experience. But I've been with my TG for a solid two years running and haven't had a single argument or even bad word between us.

The key . . . appreciation. Sounds simplistic but there isn't another single factor that's weighs more importantly. Don't believe me? I've got the experience to back it up, and you can't argue with it.

Not that I'm here to flaunt my overwhelming success. No, not at all. I'd like nothing more than for others to share my good fortune and I'd happily give advice to anyone based on what I know.

Listen up to people who have success, and don't bend your ears to your buddies' advice when he's bitchen about how his GF is the root cause of his miseries. Do you learn how to be healthy from the sick or from those who are dying?

If the love ain't in your heart to begin with don't depend on your kids to provide it for you.