Question For The Unfaithful Guys Out There

[garro]

In previous relationships I was frequently unfaithful. I would always be full of remorse afterwards, and I now put these exploits down to low self-esteem - although I would have argued the opposite at the time.

I am not sure about the rightness or the wrongness of the whole thing. If nobody is being hurt, where is the harm? I know how easy it is to be unfaithful so I wouldn't condemn anybody for it. It happens a lot more than people like to admit. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, it was a thing between me and my mates to try and sleep with each others girlfriends - a shitty thing to do I know, but you would be amazed at how successful we were at it.

I don't get any real enjoyment out of being unfaithful so I don't do it anymore. I also have a wife and child to think about these days.

[howtoescape]

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, it was a thing between me and my mates to try and sleep with each others girlfriends - a shitty thing to do I know, but you would be amazed at how successful we were at it.

Many of my friends and i have done the same with our mates girlfriends, i am sure this practice is very common, as for no other reason you are more likely to cheat with girls that you are in regular (drunken) contact with.

[OlRedEyes]

I would add that if the OP ever does decide to play away NEVER I repeat NEVER tell the wife!!!

the problem is, we always find out somehow. really! do not discount women's instinct!

Cheating is a time bomb. Stupid to go sit on one. Also, <deleted> happens to trust in the relationship. The relationship immediately becomes devalued, so why stay in it?

If you want to cheat - be single and then shag as many people as you want. It's not that hard of a concept, chose many partners or just one.

exactly- don't understand why this concept is so hard to grasp!!!

There is another solution. Open communication, and an understanding of sex vs love/relationship. Joint sexual adventure can be a great stimulus in a strong relationship.... a disaster in a weak one. Sadly, most relationships are weak.

[garro]

howtoescape, are you English? I moved to England when I was eighteen and, while I was no angel prior to this, things certainly kicked up a few notches there. Everyone seemed to be at it. At the time none of my friends, male or female, were completely faithful.

[deejah]

how do you galavanting guys deal with the gossip???

i know all cultures gossip but Thailand seems to takes the cake

can be a major fly in the ointment

[sbk]

However, the rise of the feminie movement in the western world has seen an attempt to <deleted> with nature and has tried to dictate to us "disgusting, perverted men" as to how we should go against 3 million years of evolution and stop screwing around.

really? 3 million years? Hmmm.... So, its all down to those australopithecines?

Interesting because you know there are monogamous primates? Gibbons, for example, are not only mongamous but mate for life. Darn those feminist gibbons.

And in primates where there is one male for multiple females, the male had better watch himself:

Many primate species live in groups consisting of a single adult male along with several females and their offspring. Adult males not living with females form separate bands (all-male) or live alone as bachelors. The one-male groups are almost invariably characterized by repeated efforts by outside males to takeover the position of the resident male. In many instances, dependent infants are killed as a result of a change in the status of a resident male. Competition is high in the one-male society.

Anyway, who cares about the whole misused notion of evolution? We are all capable of making up our own minds, and using our brains instead of our hormones.

Just be aware that while I certainly don't care if you cheat on your wife, your wife most likely will

[dee123]

...I absolutely refuse to discuss the matter....

[dee123]

....look..,...if I really looked like Warren Beatty when he was younger ,Id feel it would be my "duty" to give the lady's "what they want",,.....what say u girls?

Edited April 12, 2008 by dee123

[dee123]

......c'mon lady's who's first....?

[GuestHouse]

Occasionally here on TV we have someone post a euligy on the virtues and blessings of their Thai wife, and while I'm the first to caution guys against introducing their wife/ girlfriend / relationship here on TV, I'd also be the first to admit I am often touched by the apparent sincerity of these guys and what they say.

Other threads will eulogise Thai women in general.

It seems odd therefore that having married or settled with a Thai woman (presumably with the wide choice available, the Thai woman of one's dreams), one would then go on to cheat on her.

It would seem afterall that it is not the wife at fault here - I think Garro had a good point in what he said about cheating and low self esteem.

But, and I think this is an important point, I also think that the fun and games of the bar scene have a bigger impact on guys who make their way into Thai society via the bar, than those guys would perhaps admit.

How many came to Thailand viewing women as a 'comodity' to be bought and used like selecting goods down the supermarket? - How many have adopted that view after a spell in Thailand?

Women available 24/7 to use as you wish.

Reading between the lines of many posts, not just in this thread, it is clear that this is exactly the thinking of many foreigners who have moved to Thailand.

They've come over to Thailand, they've had access to more women than they've had in a life time and they get it into their head that women are a comodity - there to please and there to use.

It all comes down to - you can have too much of a good thing.

-----

As a personal observation of my own relationships with Thai women and in comparrison with relationships I have had with women back west. It is my observation that Thai women have a far more romantic view of love and definately a far more demanding outlook on fidelity. Their western sisters would of course be hurt by infidelity, but have a better balance of power in the relationship and hence are more likely to tell a boyfriend/husband who wants to play around to 'Copulate Off'.

Thai women, with far less cards on their side of the table are far more worried about this issue and deeply hurt when it occurs.

It is this imbalance of power that I think is the most significant issue here and the way that guys respond to it.

We most of us understand the cards are stacked in favour of a relatively wealthy man in Thailand, not all of us respond in the same way.

Some press their advantage, others accept the advantage a privilage (perhaps unwanted).

And with privilage comes responsibily.

Some guys are up to that, some are not.

Edited April 12, 2008 by GuestHouse

[Naam]

...I absolutely refuse to discuss the matter....

i would like to discuss that matter but at age 64 there's nothing much to discuss

[Sakeopete]

good question. any cheaters got the answer?

When I lived in Canada I did cheat on girlfriends I was young and foolish but I think the appeal was the chase not the catch. Unlike most women men can't just walk into a bar pick a woman, ask for sex and get it. Its the thrill of the chase that is intoxicating, besides it always seems that when women know guys are taken they flirt with them more. Maybe its a game women like to play. Thailand isn't much of a challenge hence no thrill of the chase man's competitive nature, I have been completely faithfully to my wife. Then again I never was really in love with any of my former partners so that may have something to do with it also.

[dee123]

Occasionally here on TV we have someone post a euligy on the virtues and blessings of their Thai wife, and while I'm the first to caution guys against introducing their wife/ girlfriend / relationship here on TV, I'd also be the first to admit I am often touched by the apparent sincerity of these guys and what they say.

Other threads will eulogise Thai women in general.

It seems odd therefore that having married or settled with a Thai woman (presumably with the wide choice available, the Thai woman of one's dreams), one would then go on to cheat on her.

It would seem afterall that it is not the wife at fault here - I think Garro had a good point in what he said about cheating and low self esteem.

But, and I think this is an important point, I also think that the fun and games of the bar scene have a bigger impact on guys who make their way into Thai society via the bar, than those guys would perhaps admit.

How many came to Thailand viewing women as a 'comodity' to be bought and used like selecting goods down the supermarket? - How many have adopted that view after a spell in Thailand?

Women available 24/7 to use as you wish.

Reading between the lines of many posts, not just in this thread, it is clear that this is exactly the thinking of many foreigners who have moved to Thailand.

They've come over to Thailand, they've had access to more women than they've had in a life time and they get it into their head that women are a comodity - there to please and there to use.

It all comes down to - you can have too much of a good thing.

-----

As a personal observation of my own relationships with Thai women and in comparrison with relationships I have had with women back west. It is my observation that Thai women have a far more romantic view of love and definately a far more demanding outlook on fidelity. Their western sisters would of course be hurt by infidelity, but have a better balance of power in the relationship and hence are more likely to tell a boyfriend/husband who wants to play around to 'Copulate Off'.

Thai women, with far less cards on their side of the table are far more worried about this issue and deeply hurt when it occurs.

It is this imbalance of power that I think is the most significant issue here and the way that guys respond to it.

We most of us understand the cards are stacked in favour of a relatively wealthy man in Thailand, not all of us respond in the same way.

Some press their advantage, others accept the advantage a privilage (perhaps unwanted).

And with privilage comes responsibily.

Some guys are up to that, some are not.

....yeah but what if you were Warren Beatty,...?

[GuestHouse]

I can't be Warren Beaty - when I'm already Bogie....

[LivinLOS]

I like monogomy...

Teak's not bad either...

[OxfordWill]

I have a doctor approved medical reason for cheating, even take treatment for it Girlfriend is very understanding. Suggest you visit hospital and hop around as if suffering from Adult ADD.

[geriatrickid]

Cheaters have a lack of integrity and their behaviour translates into a lack of trustworthiness. They're so full of themselves but wait until they get caught. Bunch of whining crybabies looking for excuses rather than admitting to what they have done. They can't even look their kids in the eyes and say, hey I screwed over your mom, hahahah.

Obviously, some people get stuck in a crap relationship or make a mistake and I sympathize. My comments aren't directed at them. However, for your typical flingster, it's all about being a self centered greedy turd. Chronic cheaters usually die alone abandoned by family and friends.

[OxfordWill]

Usually, people on web boards make up their facts.

[RasiMike]

Occasionally here on TV we have someone post a euligy on the virtues and blessings of their Thai wife, and while I'm the first to caution guys against introducing their wife/ girlfriend / relationship here on TV, I'd also be the first to admit I am often touched by the apparent sincerity of these guys and what they say.

Other threads will eulogise Thai women in general.

It seems odd therefore that having married or settled with a Thai woman (presumably with the wide choice available, the Thai woman of one's dreams), one would then go on to cheat on her.

It would seem afterall that it is not the wife at fault here - I think Garro had a good point in what he said about cheating and low self esteem.

But, and I think this is an important point, I also think that the fun and games of the bar scene have a bigger impact on guys who make their way into Thai society via the bar, than those guys would perhaps admit.

How many came to Thailand viewing women as a 'comodity' to be bought and used like selecting goods down the supermarket? - How many have adopted that view after a spell in Thailand?

Women available 24/7 to use as you wish.

Reading between the lines of many posts, not just in this thread, it is clear that this is exactly the thinking of many foreigners who have moved to Thailand.

They've come over to Thailand, they've had access to more women than they've had in a life time and they get it into their head that women are a comodity - there to please and there to use.

It all comes down to - you can have too much of a good thing.

-----

As a personal observation of my own relationships with Thai women and in comparrison with relationships I have had with women back west. It is my observation that Thai women have a far more romantic view of love and definately a far more demanding outlook on fidelity. Their western sisters would of course be hurt by infidelity, but have a better balance of power in the relationship and hence are more likely to tell a boyfriend/husband who wants to play around to 'Copulate Off'.

Thai women, with far less cards on their side of the table are far more worried about this issue and deeply hurt when it occurs.

It is this imbalance of power that I think is the most significant issue here and the way that guys respond to it.

We most of us understand the cards are stacked in favour of a relatively wealthy man in Thailand, not all of us respond in the same way.

Some press their advantage, others accept the advantage a privilage (perhaps unwanted).

And with privilage comes responsibily.

Some guys are up to that, some are not.

[YoungFarang13]

say you been with a girl for a few years and everything is perfect except everytime you go out you cannot take your eyes off the other girls. you do not want to learn their names. you do not want to take them to lunch. you do not want to become emotionally attached to them. you just want to ravish them.

now the standard line is to say that you should not be in a long term relationship, that these two life styles or instincts cannot co-exist... while i obviously understand that its unethical to cheat when you have agreed not to, I will never for a second accept this notion that once you 'fall in love' it means that no longer want to sleep with other women or that if you want to sleep with other women you 'arent ready' for a long term relationship. ]

lets not forget that in many places, like Thailand, its the norm for men to sleep with multiple women. Monogomy in the West is just a culture thing, just like having 4 wifes in muslim lands is cultural.

i guess i should go break my gfs heart now.

"you don't love me anymore?"

i still love you.

"then why do you want to sleep with other women?"

because my body tells me too.

i never thought i would be here either. i spent all my life watching movies where the guy cheating looks like a huge scumbag. i guess i am that scumbag now.

Edited April 12, 2008 by YoungFarang13

[torrenova]

Had a Thai girl say to me after we had been together a few months:

If you want to go with someone, don't go with one of my friends, don't go with someone I work with and don't go in our bed.

My reply, totally honest was:

If you give me everything I need then I have no reason to look elsewhere.

Perhaps 6 months later I reminded her about what she had said and her admission struck me that whilst she meant what she said, she also meant it as a test. Even a couple of years after we separated it came up in conversation one evening when we bumped into one another and we talked around the subject for quite a while because whilst I am monogamous by nature, I suppose I was also both satisfying her need for fidelity and also telling her how to keep me from straying.

[Heng]

Endless variety keeps you competitive. It probably reminds you subconsciously somehow that you are an alpha male. Move a few thousand kgs. of flowers/plants/whatever, eat whatever you want, drink whatever you want, and top it off with a no strings attached shag or two. Rinse and repeat.

Naturally you should NOT be actually fathering as many children as possible, should not have multiple wives, and should be keeping it "safe" health wise. The last part is the only real risk, so should be taken in moderation like alcohol.

Edited April 12, 2008 by Heng

[dee123]

....I definately think if your bringing up kids its best to try to keep the family unit together...that rather than marriage would probably lead people to change behaviour....it IS generational and sometimes when your younger your libido gets the better of you....of course I don't refer to myself ,......because I absolutely refuse to discuss the matter

Edited April 12, 2008 by dee123

[torrenova]

I honestly don't understand why someone whould be with someone if they wanted other people save for kids and temporarily for a joint property or financial reasons.

Is it because deep down they don't want to be alone but don't think they can find the "right" one ?

Sure I've fallen into things on the rebound over the years but I've gotten out just as quick when it was obvious that it wasn't working.

[YoungFarang13]

"I honestly don't understand why someone whould be with someone if they wanted other people"

i want both the partner, companion, love, someone to keep the bed warm next to me, someone to share life with stuff

AND

i want the three girls covered in singha beer romp

these things can't coexist? why does it have to be one or the other. and of course, if you have made a promise its unethical to break it.. but why do you guys keep insisting a man can only be interested in A or B and not both?

[OxfordWill]

You're not a scumbag youngfarang.. out of the guys posting here that they wouldnt do it, only a small percentage of them are being honest, and they can consider themselves lucky not to have as high a hormone level as you currently do. The truth is overrated by us westerners.. you can be a good guy and be a great boyfriend to your partner and still cheat. The worst thing is to riddle yourself with useless guilt about it all. The thing you have probably realised is, if your girlfriend loves you, you will ruin the relationship if you try to remain faithful as this will lead to you being frustrated with her as the reason you can't get what you want! Be a realist about you mind, your body and your situation and tell your partner what she needs to hear. If you don't love her, move on, otherwise do as you do. Ignore all the moral principle brigade.

As Heng says, do things safely and avoid making any babies.. dont lead anyone on.. you'll be fine. Be a nice guy and help old ladies cross the street. You're not a scumbag.

[dee123]

...i think every person is different and every relationship is different and its up to you how u live your life.....but beware of frying pans,....iremember my poor old father when I was a kid ,came home with lipstick on his collar,....WOW world war three!!

Edited April 12, 2008 by dee123

[Dakhar]

Endless variety keeps you competitive. It probably reminds you subconsciously somehow that you are an alpha male. Move a few thousand kgs. of flowers/plants/whatever, eat whatever you want, drink whatever you want, and top it off with a no strings attached shag or two. Rinse and repeat.

Naturally you should NOT be actually fathering as many children as possible, should not have multiple wives, and should be keeping it "safe" health wise. The last part is the only real risk, so should be taken in moderation like alcohol.

Heng,

You always amaze me....

and I refuse to discuss this topic.

[YoungFarang13]

my gf is american, fwiw. and i agree, its hard to compare this thing to the west because its so easy to get a massage in thailand whereas in the west, you have to put in a lot more effort to fool around.

[Dakhar]

my gf is american, fwiw. and i agree, its hard to compare this thing to the west because its so easy to get a massage in thailand whereas in the west, you have to put in a lot more effort to fool around.

Hate to sound ignorant, but I stay from the massage joint that I see, not because of the "extra service" but because I have jungle rot on one of my feet.... I could not imagine anyone touching the thing. So when the girls pur on the street.... "Welcome Massage" etc etc.... I just smile and chuckle & think about what a surprise my foot has to offer!!!!!!!!

I know, and odd story, but true.