Building A House In The Village

[Larryst]

Here's my experience on relationship with a livein and building a house and having a future.

I knew a TG for over 7 years. I lived with her for over 4 years, been with her for 3 years on my trips to LOS. When I decided to move to Thailand in February 2004 things were great with her. After about 10 months or so I decided to sell my condo in Jomtein (big mistake). So we decided to move up north by her home in the Phetchabun area. We built a excellent nice bungalow. Had everything there. Granite flooring countertops, satellite, all new furnishings for the house. The area was building up so there was a few things for farangs to do. I was leary on building a house in a TG's name so I had it put in a corporation. Then about a 1 1/2 years later my livein mentioned she had some land. We could build a house on it, cheaper and save some money from the sale of the house, I had built. I figured things were great and had no problems. So I sold the house and her relatives built a house. They did a horseshit job on building it. But, I hired a thai guy to come in and replace and fix the fuc_kups on the builders they did. So things were great. Life was good so far. Then about a 1/1/2 later she started getting moody. In January 2008 she started giving me the silent treatment. After a bit, I asked what's the problem. The response is "Nothing". So after 2 months or more of the cold treatment and her comng to bed at 1, 2 or 3 in the morning and being a starfish. I started getting mad. I was giving her around 7,000 or 8,000 baht a month. Which is good for up there. Since the average thai joe makes about 4,000 a month. So I told her, I don't give any money to someone I don't talk to and money to someone who doesn't want to come to bed. I kept asking her all the time. What is the problem and we could work things out. Still she would say nothing or just ignore me and walk away. So around April 1st. I didn't give her money. Then things really went bad. So I decided to move out. I had to get my stuff out of there. So a friend that lived by me bought some of the larger items and helped me get a truck to get out of there. When he was going to get the stuff. There was a problem. Even with receipts in my name for the beds, satellite, water tank pump, TV, tables, refrigerator, washer and other things. They are not mine. Because it's in her house. I finally worked out a deal with her. So I could sell the things. So I would have some cash to get the <deleted> out of the village. In the process on the day my friend and his wife came to pickup the stuff she brought a long a policeman to fill out a list of the things I could take. My girl had to sign it. Otherwise, if she didn't sign it. I couldn't sell it and I could not take anything. While signing, her mom was there and her mom was giving problems. Telling my girl what to do. So on that day most of the larger things were sold & my things I wanted were packed up in a pickup to move to Pattaya.

Finally I got a little response from the girl as to what the problem is. Her mom was finishing her thai boyfriend and she needed a place to live. So it's easier to give me the boot and let her mom have the house. Since her mom has the house, my girl is now in BKK working with her sister. I told her why she didn't tell me this before. If she needed more cash I could give her more and we could have worked out things between us. There was no working out. Her mom wanted the house, more money and everything. I told her I could give more money to her so she could give it to her mom. Her 2 sisters could give some to her mom and her useless brother could send some money to her mom. But, no way. I am a farang so her sisters and brother don't have to. I think her mom has told her 2 daughters to also finish there thai husbands. So she could get more money.

Here is a good example or two on how f****n bullshit before the move. I was cleaning up the house because I knew I was leaving. So I seen a recycling guy in a truck to stop by. Take the plastic (a lot of Pepsi Max bottles), scrap steel that sat by the house for 8 months and some empty coffee cans from the states that was in a cupboard for over a year. Her mom seen them come by and she flipped out. My girl came and said why are you selling now. I just said I was cleaning things up so it wouldn't look like junk around there. Her mom was still mad. But I did get 300 baht from the recycle guy. I was also told my girl and her mom took my motorbike to a motorcycle shop to see what they could get. Good thing my bike was in my name. She couldn't sell it.

So after everything is done & over. Seven years with a girl you have been with. Who you think really loves you and trust. Will give you the walking papers in a flash of a eye. Or her mom tells her daughter to finish you immediately. I lose a house approximately 600,000 to 700,000 baht, a Nissan car that needs to be fixed, my mental health was f****d (didn't have much to begin with) and a few other things.

My advice to anyone. No one is safe with a thai girl with a relationship. They will try to get as much as you can. In building a house for board members up north or a girls village. Expect to lose as much as you can afford. Or as much as you can walk away.

I will also put a disclaimer on this. Not all girls will do this. There are some good girls out there. Good luck to everyone one with there relationship and building a house. You might be in the same situation. After the house is done. So are you.

[Gary A]

I'm sorry to hear that story. It's good that you had the courtesy to post it. Like you, the five years I have been with my wife have been great. That said, I'm still a cynic and always will be. The difference between you and I is that I bought a vehicle and a condo before we were married and still have both. I have bought mostly land for my wife and put quite a lot of money in her house, BUT, I can walk away tomorrow and not miss any meals. It still comes down to the same old story. Don't spend more than you can afford to walk away from. I don't expect our relationship to go bad but it happens to the best.

[o2megot]

Plz. beware of such lady, almost a low education even if a prettie one. She try to trick you up and gonna suck your money. Try to have well educated woman is my suggestion.

Good luck

[barky]

Yes, I think a lot needs to be said about the calibre of the girl. Generally the better educated they are and the more worldly they are and the better their position in work and social position will usually equate to a far more stable and equitable and successful relationship.

With past experiences still not forgotten and with stories like the one you have described I think it would be fair to say that when it comes to chosing between a family member (father/mother especially) and a good for nothing (save the money) westener, the westener will ALWAYS lose.

When will westeners ever learn. If you can't afford to lose it and walk away from it you shouldn't put the money into it here in Thailand. Here endth the lesson...again.

[mixed]

I don't agree with all this stuff about educating girls being good, it fits with the idea that 'education makes good honest ppl', which isn't my experience.

A lot has to do with the man in the relationship, my humble advice is:

- Never give the girls money they don't earn, sure you can pay the rent and bills, but don't let them have cash.

- If they want financial independence, they can get a job. If they want money for doing housework etc. hire a maid.

- No shopping excursions on weekends.

- Never let family move in, no matter what

- If the family want to borrow money, lend them a little. Later on ask for a favor that is inconvenient for them, when they don't help you never need to do anything for them again.

- Don't pay sinsot

- Never ever buy land in their hometown, besides the OP's situation, they'll be under pressure to impress and 'help' locals.

I was going to say never put land in their name, except I've already done this. I've got a usufruct on the land and have been with the girl 8 years. The 2m for the land came from the sale of the property at home, but my Mrs. thinks we've borrowed.

Together we run our own business and are sending money to the UK for my pension fund. The Mrs thinks it's loan repayment.

The reason I bought the place is we have a business together and it I thought she deserved an asset.

Thai girls will often favor their partners over family, but first they need to see themselves how bad the family can be. If they earn the money themselves they won't be so quick to send it back home.

[Rimmer]

Sad story

My old Mum used to say 'Blood is thicker than water' and doesn't this go to prove it?

[bartender100]

Sorry about your story, you can see why some guys hire the bulldozer

[deon]

Thanks for posting that , i to am sorry to hear about you troubles .Bartender yu are not wrong when you say about some blokes and bulldozer , i can also see why they would want one .

[thaigene2]

I don't agree with all this stuff about educating girls being good, it fits with the idea that 'education makes good honest ppl', which isn't my experience.

Yes I don't agree either. It depends on the family - and how smart/stupid we come across to them.

I was going to say never put land in their name, except I've already done this. I've got a usufruct on the land and have been with the girl 8 years. The 2m for the land came from the sale of the property at home, but my Mrs. thinks we've borrowed.

Together we run our own business and are sending money to the UK for my pension fund. The Mrs thinks it's loan repayment.

Good idea - will need to remember that one.

[Larryst]

Sorry about your story, you can see why some guys hire the bulldozer

I was going to hire a couple thai guys to demolish the house. She said if I broke one thing on the house. She would call the police. So I don't have a choice. Get out when you can.

[jumnien]

In cases like this it's better to admit your "picker" was broken when you picked her, move on and take a brief holiday from "picking". Good Luck!

[mixed]

It's not necessarily that the girl was bad to begin with, taken advantage of a situation is something most ppl do. Thais are opportunistic, it's no necessarily bad thing, but you should be careful what opportunities you give them.

My Mrs families are shockers, nice ppl willing to do anything for you as long as it requires no effort. Initially when had bros/sisters work for us, the salary was small but they would become partners. When they realized hard work was required they abandoned us, literally sneaking of in the middle of the night.

This and other things have led my wife to have little time for her direct family, although some of the uncles are OK and we still give them work (and pay them well). Her grandmother is also very good, over the years we've bought a few things for her, gas stove, water pump. The other bros and sisters have never helped anyone in anyway.

After being together 7 yrs I finally visited my wifes village, I was treated well but haven't been back since. The probably hate me, I don't know. But I'd rather be hated and respected than considered a soft touch.

[GuestHouse]

The OP has my admiration for having kept his cool.

Bugger cleaning out the cupboards.

I think I myself would have resorted to mischief and played the 'Joo Joo' Card .... a headless chicken in the bedroom, a few characters from the Greek alphabet and the odd Egyptian hieroglyphic scrawled on the walls in the chicken's blood would, I think, have been a nice welcome present to the g/f's mother.

You could have even made use of those silent months from your wife, by telling her you thought there was a 'presence' in the house, at the very least it might have got her to bed a bit quicker.

These measures supplemented with a few Kgs of fish of Pork stashed in the loft as you left would have gone a long way to ensure you g/f's mother was happy in her new home.

[Larryst]

Thanks guys for your responses. I wasn't sure I put this in the right section. General topics or Real Estate. I will copy my original post on the General Topics section. I think a lot of members would not go into the real estate section, because there not into buying, building or a gift to there TG. That way a lot more members can review it and see what might happen to them.

[thaigene2]

It's not necessarily that the girl was bad to begin with, taken advantage of a situation is something most ppl do. Thais are opportunistic, it's no necessarily bad thing, but you should be careful what opportunities you give them.

My Mrs families are shockers, nice ppl willing to do anything for you as long as it requires no effort. Initially when had bros/sisters work for us, the salary was small but they would become partners. When they realized hard work was required they abandoned us, literally sneaking of in the middle of the night.

This and other things have led my wife to have little time for her direct family, although some of the uncles are OK and we still give them work (and pay them well). Her grandmother is also very good, over the years we've bought a few things for her, gas stove, water pump. The other bros and sisters have never helped anyone in anyway.

After being together 7 yrs I finally visited my wifes village, I was treated well but haven't been back since. The probably hate me, I don't know. But I'd rather be hated and respected than considered a soft touch.

Yes I recognise much of what you say..

I try to avoid them, but there always seems to be a sister, nephew, niece, etc showing up - even though we live far away from most of them. As for the opportunistic part - I recognise that too. My wife's family - including my wife - own property and buildings (inc my wife's house) just a few minutes' drive from a big Provincial city. I paid for the materials to build a wall with brick and steel decoration along the front roadway access to the property - it would cross several of the houses - inc the brothers/sisters places. My wife insisted that I would also have to "pay" her brothers to build the frigging wall. Her logic was that this would take them away from earning money those days. But you can see the opportunistic thinking. So not only did I pay for the materials to make a wall/gates, but I also paid them to build the wall around their own homes. TIT

Edited May 4, 2008 by thaigene2

[Jockstar]

Duplicate post can be found HERE! Please continue discussion in the other thread. Thanks.