How Have You Changed?

[2long]

I look back and think, "Oh My God, did I really do/think that?'

Now I'm not talking about not drinking drinks with ice, or not brushing one's teeth in tap water, or not trusting a local to watch your pot of noodles.

To those of us/you who have been here a while and look back to silly things that used to be so important, but with time and Thai culture have changed totally.

Just one example I can think of.... I used to get really upset if some other motorcyclist parked too close to mine and ended up knocking my mirrors and me having to re-adjust them. Whereas now I just move it back and get on with the jouruey.

Or another... people not saying 'thank you' to opne another.

Or one last one... Thais using lifts and escalators no better than a chimpanzee would. (re. getting in/out on/off with any regard for others)

Come on, bring it on. No moaning, just how you've adapted.

[Travel2003]

I look back and think, "Oh My God, did I really do/think that?'

Now I'm not talking about not drinking drinks with ice, or not brushing one's teeth in tap water, or not trusting a local to watch your pot of noodles.

To those of us/you who have been here a while and look back to silly things that used to be so important, but with time and Thai culture have changed totally.

Just one example I can think of.... I used to get really upset if some other motorcyclist parked too close to mine and ended up knocking my mirrors and me having to re-adjust them. Whereas now I just move it back and get on with the jouruey.

Or another... people not saying 'thank you' to opne another.

Or one last one... Thais using lifts and escalators no better than a chimpanzee would. (re. getting in/out on/off with any regard for others)

Come on, bring it on. No moaning, just how you've adapted.

I have learned to be a little bit more patient. Took a long time, but I have to admit that things are not always going as fast as I want to.

Especially waiting for the green light, when the Police Officer reads the news paper, or talk on his mobile phone, and then forget to switch the traffic lights again.

Nowadays I just look out the windows and observe whats going on around me. Instead of staring intensely at the traffic light.

[JetsetBkk]

I have learned to be a little bit more patient...

I think we all need to learn that!

One thing I've got used to is a lot of Thais not saying "goodbye". Even if we've been out for the day and I've driven them home.. they just climb out of the pick-up and walk away.

Maybe it's my deodorant.

[ade100]

For me it’s been a long and painful learning process and one which has made me challenge many of my long cherished beliefs. But these days I have just come to accept that sometimes Champaign is not always served chilled, occasionally afternoon tea is lukewarm and cucumber sandwiches are sometimes made from Japanese cucumbers.

Of course I have always sacked my butler and head chef when this has occurred but all in all I think it’s made me a better, more rounded, more tolerant person.

[2long]

Thanks for the homour ade100, but I was hoping that this thread could remain serious for at least the first page.

[kankaroo]

People slamming doors in your face (i.e 7-11), people looking at you like you are from another planet when you hold a door open for them.

One old lady even scowled at me when I did it. I pondered over stopping doing all that, but the British gentleman in me prevailed !

[distortedlink]

Have lived here permanently for 5 years.

I haven't changed in character at all and that's what has caused me problems.

Nothing to do with aggression or coping with the different infra structure of Thailand, but for not having people around me that share the same interests and same sense of humour.

I am an East Londoner with a very cockney sense of humour.

Back in England my circle of friends, family and I shared similar interests and we laughed at the same things. Living in Thailand for a while now, I had to change my ways so as to be able to integrate with everyone else.

This has been the most difficult because deep inside me, there is my old self screaming to get out.

So although I have changed a lot, this wasn't something that was brought on by evolution from influences in Thailand, but rather forced on me, a sort of do or die syndrome.

This does get frustrating sometimes, but I suppose moving to Thailand means giving up something's and gaining in others, that balances the books in the end.

Edited May 8, 2008 by distortedlink

[Bagwan]

I have become very family orientated. I love my Thai family and help them whenever I can within reason - and not being their private ATM. I like being part of a closely connected group. I haven't seen my UK family for 40 years, and if it's another 40 years before we meet up again, or indeed have any contact, it will be too soon. If that shocks, consider how logical it is to like somebody just because you have the same parents. It isn't.

[Bagwan]

Nothing to do with aggression or coping with the different infra structure of Thailand, but for not having people around me that share the same interests and same sense of humour.

Snap

I am an East Londoner with a very cockney sense of humour.

You're not Bangladeshi are you? (Cockney humour)

[jukapot]

Thank you travel2003 for that positive statement concerning patience. There are so many wonderful things for me to learn from the Thai people that its sad to use this thread as another opportunity to gripe about the Thais. If you haven’t been influenced in a positive way by the Thais, perhaps you are hanging out with the wrong crowd.

Excluding Bangkok and other tourist spots, The Thai enjoy life and are humble and hospitable people. I have been most impressed by the custom of saying “thank you” to the monks when making offerings to them. I try to practice this back in the states when giving money or donations to the needy, or even holding the door for someone who rudely ignores me. I say “thank you” for they have provided me the opportunity to gain merit, just as the Thai Buddhists do.

I have so much more to learn but am grateful for what the Thai have shown me.

[garro]

I have changed a lot since arriving in Thailand six years ago, and I would say in almost all areas this has been for the better. I am now far more settled, happy, and definitely more sober.

I sometimes thing back to how I was when I first arrive and cringe. I remember staying in a hotel in Koh Samui, when I first arrived, and wanting to change hotel because there was one large insect in my room. How times have changed. I now feel lonely unless there is at least a couple of hundred insects visible in the room.

[Seizhin]

I cant really recall much change other than in work.

Thai's 'leader' system is pretty much not to my liking, the 'baramee' and whatever stuff.

The leader decide everything alone and is able to throw the blame at others if the decision was proved wrong.

Pretty much no 'teamwork' and 'democracy' but is more to 'communism'.

Oh, I'm here for 6 years, and finally able to read and write in Thai, and have come to hate the politician's soap opera drama.

Edited May 9, 2008 by Seizhin

[Bluelotus]

I no long think my significant other knows everything about life in Thailand .

[Naam]

living 3½ half years in Thailand. no change at all. should there be any change? i don't think so

[jfchandler]

Ya.... right about that... That will do it.. every time!!!!

Maybe it's my deodorant.

[geriatrickid]

Glad to see I'm not the only one that is irked by the habit of Thais not saying goodbye Sometimes I rate a sniff, but usually a friend can say bye and take off as if he'll see me in an hour when the bugger isn't coming off his tour of duty up North for at least 6 months. As for the inability for Thais to hold a door open for others, I compensate by making sure I do it and smile. Maybe it will sink in.

I now have no problem in walking over the crawling beggers of Silom. When I came across my first street kid with HIV induced malnutrition, I was horrified and wanted to do something. Now, I just pretend I don't see it. If I see the farangs with their barely legal special friends, I avert my eyes, although my friends say I still make rude remarks under my breath and give evil looks. However, I am far more considerate of women especially if they have kids than I ever was. One thing I didn't appreciate before was how hard it is to be a woman in Thailand. When the old grouches complain about the kids making noise in the outside restaurants, I just smile at the kids and encourage them to make more noise. Maybe it's my primitive belief that children's laughter will disperse the negative vibes coming from the angry bitter folks or it's my evil side hoping to further aggravate the grumps so that they burst a blood vessel.

[Thaddeus]

Most people go through three stages when you live in Thailand for any extended period.

Stage One - Wonderment at everything, the difference in culture leaves you in awe and even the crazy stuff that would normally <deleted> up your day just makes you smile.

Stage Two - Everything starts to get on your nerves, and you feel like punching the next person that says 'up to you'

Stage Three - You just go with the flow as you have gradually realised that you are not going to be able to change anything.

Short-termers and tourists never get past Stage one, lucky long-termers do get to stage three, but I do know quite a few ex-pats here that are perpetually stuck on the second one.

[wolfmanjack]

Been living here part time since 1995 and lived here permanent since 1999 and I no longer get angry when people are late for an appointment. I also learned that when someone says tomorrow that tomorrow will never come since it is always today.

[Thai at Heart]

Glad to see I'm not the only one that is irked by the habit of Thais not saying goodbye Sometimes I rate a sniff, but usually a friend can say bye and take off as if he'll see me in an hour when the bugger isn't coming off his tour of duty up North for at least 6 months. As for the inability for Thais to hold a door open for others, I compensate by making sure I do it and smile. Maybe it will sink in.

I now have no problem in walking over the crawling beggers of Silom. When I came across my first street kid with HIV induced malnutrition, I was horrified and wanted to do something. Now, I just pretend I don't see it. If I see the farangs with their barely legal special friends, I avert my eyes, although my friends say I still make rude remarks under my breath and give evil looks. However, I am far more considerate of women especially if they have kids than I ever was. One thing I didn't appreciate before was how hard it is to be a woman in Thailand. When the old grouches complain about the kids making noise in the outside restaurants, I just smile at the kids and encourage them to make more noise. Maybe it's my primitive belief that children's laughter will disperse the negative vibes coming from the angry bitter folks or it's my evil side hoping to further aggravate the grumps so that they burst a blood vessel.

I have enjoyed my 15 years here immensley. I think it has helped working here with some people who have been here a long time to explain some of the larger points to the culture, and then have found and still find it fascinating to understand the reasons behind why things may or may not be the way they are. Got a great wife and two brilliant kids.

I think I have become more patient, and aware of how I behave. Maybe in some way I feel more aware since as a foreigner it isn't easy to blend into the background, so probably have become more polite and respectful to those around me, and very aware of the people around me.

Can't say I want to fit completely into the structure of the culture, since I have an undoubted feeling that I would lose my character if I did. I have had people say this is good and bad. I understand my role in my family well, but I have made it clear to my inlaws that i see my role as a son in law, differently from how they may perceive the role as a Thai son in law. I will take care of people if I have to, but my obligations are first and foremost to my wife and kids. So far everyone understands it and it has worked well.

I want to break the cycle whereby kids have to take care of parents so that my kids are unencumbered by me and my wife.

[noise]

One thing I've got used to is a lot of Thais not saying "goodbye". Even if we've been out for the day and I've driven them home.. they just climb out of the pick-up and walk away.

Maybe it's my deodorant.

Interesting! Admittedly off subject, but I had to comment......

I can't think of a time when this has happened to me. And it doesn't matter what income level, everyone says goodbye when we part after an outing or going out to dinner (even if in different cars), etc. And when we have a party at the house, everyone makes it a point to say goodbye to us as hosts before leaving.

Edited May 9, 2008 by noise

[PeaceBlondie]

Upon arrival here five years ago, I never imagined I would be using the toilet with water and my left hand.

The gecko is my friend.

I can split lanes on my motorcycle with skill and ease, but it was illegal and unthinkable back home.

I no longer have to pretend that my special friend is my cousin's adopted son from Southeast Asia.

It is normal to ride my bike in sandals.

[cymruambyth1]

Oddly enough, I was watching something on TV last night and the following quote was uttered:

"...Lord, give me the strength to cope with the things that are out of my control."

That one phrase alone is something that I have been able to relate to so much and also adhere to better the longer I live here.

PS - Just over the 5-yr mark now and it gets better every month

Edit: This reads like I am some kind of religious nut. I am not, it was just the "strength to cope..." bit that was the bullseye for me.

Edited May 9, 2008 by cymruambyth1

[dave111223]

I no longer have to pretend that my special friend is my cousin's adopted son from Southeast Asia.

I assume your referring to an adult male? Cuz what you said sounds dodgy as hel_l.

[track61]

I'm the usual more patient, tolerant, and laid back. I worked overseas construction all my life so I was away for a large portion of my western family life. I enjoy my relationship with my Thai family immensely. And to be completely honest, I always worked hard and quickly and now I have gotten lazy. How well, maybe it's my turn.

[DragonQuest]

Lost weight.

[quiksilva]

Most people go through three stages when you live in Thailand for any extended period.

Stage One - Wonderment at everything, the difference in culture leaves you in awe and even the crazy stuff that would normally <deleted> up your day just makes you smile.

Stage Two - Everything starts to get on your nerves, and you feel like punching the next person that says 'up to you'

Stage Three - You just go with the flow as you have gradually realised that you are not going to be able to change anything.

Short-termers and tourists never get past Stage one, lucky long-termers do get to stage three, but I do know quite a few ex-pats here that are perpetually stuck on the second one.

Funny that I also know a lot of long termers who have never got past stage 2. What was that prayer?

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

[PeaceBlondie]

I no longer have to pretend that my special friend is my cousin's adopted son from Southeast Asia.

I assume your referring to an adult male? Cuz what you said sounds dodgy as hel_l.

Yes, of course. My first SE boyfriend was 25 but looked much younger, and I needed an excuse to be shopping in the boy's dept, where my coworker also worked in the evenings. Besides, my cousin is now 64 and his adopted son is about 36.

[wolfmanjack]

One thing I've got used to is a lot of Thais not saying "goodbye". Even if we've been out for the day and I've driven them home.. they just climb out of the pick-up and walk away.

Maybe it's my deodorant.

Interesting! Admittedly off subject, but I had to comment......

I can't think of a time when this has happened to me. And it doesn't matter what income level, everyone says goodbye when we part after an outing or going out to dinner (even if in different cars), etc. And when we have a party at the house, everyone makes it a point to say goodbye to us as hosts before leaving.

Most thai people say Choke Dee to me when we are parting or we go through the sawatdee routine. The only no goodbye routine that i can think of is when i am talking on the phone to my wife. She almost always just hangs up when she is finished talking. If i want to talk also i have to call her back.

[t.s]

I look back and think, "Oh My God, did I really do/think that?'

Now I'm not talking about not drinking drinks with ice, or not brushing one's teeth in tap water, or not trusting a local to watch your pot of noodles.

i still do all these things after 11 years

To those of us/you who have been here a while and look back to silly things that used to be so important, but with time and Thai culture have changed totally.

Just one example I can think of.... I used to get really upset if some other motorcyclist parked too close to mine and ended up knocking my mirrors and me having to re-adjust them. Whereas now I just move it back and get on with the jouruey.

Or another... people not saying 'thank you' to opne another.

Or one last one... Thais using lifts and escalators no better than a chimpanzee would. (re. getting in/out on/off with any regard for others)

it seems your regard for your host culture has also incresed

Come on, bring it on. No moaning, just how you've adapted.

very little has changed except i dont do my own laundry, clean my own house or anything vagely domestic. I also rarely cook.

[SoCal]

Most people go through three stages when you live in Thailand for any extended period.

Stage One - Wonderment at everything, the difference in culture leaves you in awe and even the crazy stuff that would normally <deleted> up your day just makes you smile.

Stage Two - Everything starts to get on your nerves, and you feel like punching the next person that says 'up to you'

Stage Three - You just go with the flow as you have gradually realised that you are not going to be able to change anything.

Short-termers and tourists never get past Stage one, lucky long-termers do get to stage three, but I do know quite a few ex-pats here that are perpetually stuck on the second one.

Funny that I also know a lot of long termers who have never got past stage 2. What was that prayer?

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

After 2 1/2 yrs in Vietnam, I am trying to make the change from stage two to three. Not as irritated as I used to be, but not fully adjusted.

Back home I was a bit of perfectionist, bit of a know it all, and wanting things the way I wanted them. Now I am becomming more "accepting of things I cannot change", and better at compromising.

Not entirely sure that is a good thing, but suppose I am becomming more patient and understanding.

Last week I had a client in from Hong Kong, and I was amazed how irritated they were by things not going 100% as they expected, while they seemed peeved at my acceptance that things were not going perfect and my assurance that everything was going to be allright. End of the day everything was allright, and they thanked me, but a year ago I would have probably been as condescending and uncompromising as they were.

Still not used to motorbikes driving the wrong way down the sidewalk, and honking at me to get out of the way, but taking it day by day.

Serenity now.