I'm In A Difficult Situation

[telaksslave]

This is the situation,

I have been in Thailand for the best part of 2 years, apart from the odd spell back home in England. At the beginning of January i met an 18 year old girl, im 25..she had not longed arrived in Pattaya and spoke very little english. After couple weeks of speaking to her she agreed to go out to the cinema and from there on we met up and got to know each other better. Anyway i then stayed with her for the next 4 months until end of April when i had a call from back home that my grandmother had suddenly died and the family wanted me back home asap as the funeral was the following week, next day i booked up flight back to England and after a lot of last minute rushing around i was flying off just 2 days after receiving the news, but not long before i was leaving the girlfriend told me she might be pregnant! omg i had no time to do anything but told her soon as im gone she has to go pharmacy and get herself tested.

I arrive back in England and im tied up in alot of family grieving for a while with the funeral and everything. When i next get to speak to the girlfriend i ask her about the baby situation and she tells me she is not pregnant which is a relief, afterwards i end up staying 2 months in England before i head back to Thailand at the end of June.

When i return and meet up with the girlfriend im not 100% convinced she isnt pregnant and buy and test from the pharmacy and make her take it..she lied and she is pregnant! i take her to the hospital the next day and im told she is 3 months and its too late to do anything (not the case if she acted 2 months before).

Im so annoyed and i know she just thought by having baby she can now sit on her ass at my house and i will take care of her forever, when ive said i might have to return and work in England she replies ''why cant you just live in Thailand'' like everything is just that simple.

Anyway my friends have said she has just screwed me over to try and trap me (which i agree with), i have told her i want her to return and stay with her sister for while because i want time to think (she has now told me she is 17 and not 18!) now when i say about her leaving the house she says ''im young, i will tell police!!'' what the hel_l, now what do i do? i feel so trapped and i truely believed she was 18, can i go to jail? she never worked as prostitute and i never paid her any money to stay with me (only food and some clothes).

What i really need to know is what can happen if she reports me to the police? also if we seperate and i take care of the baby how much would it cost me per month (only take care of baby and not her) i know amount can vary depends on how much i want hand the baby but i dont want her family pocketing extra and also i do not have much money hence not planning on this situation in the first place.

Please i need some advice...

she lied to you initially to get you back there, DO A RUNNER , the family will skin you for every baht, while she will sits on her lazy toot for the rest of her life till ur bleed for every baht

[AFKAFSinLOS]

Never understood trolls or flamers. They just show themselves to be bigger ****s than the people they try to wind up... Same mould as people who write computer viruses... .

Troll responses do not bother me as i simply pay little attention to them, internet warriors impress no one but themselves and odds are they wouldn't make the same comments to my face.

Well she was 3 months pregnant which was end of June so i guess now she cant be far off 4 months, thing is last thing i want to be doing is dragging her off to a illegal back street clinic to have an abortion this late on..if she had acted months ago then all would be sorted now. This is before i looked apon the relationship totally different, the lie she told me about not being pregnant has changed my whole feeling towards her and keeps coming up in arguments.

Now i find myself going out and getting drunk with my mates and leaving her in the house alone, i have a couple of 'giks' on the side which helps me deal with the blues of the pregnant girlfriend back homes.

My life is going down hill and i can't help but blame her.

You won't be the first guy in the world in this situation and you won't be the last...

Playing the role of victim and blaming others rarely turns around any situation, and rarely changes much. It's actions that count. A temporary bit of self pity and relief, but not much after that. Accept you had a role to play in this and be proactive about the solution...

There are plenty of posts above to deal with the situation in several different ways, but you need to be proactive about it. Waiting around and feeling sorry for yourself is a luxury you've not much more time for. A DNA test may take 2-3 weeks. 16 weeks is still within many western countries limits (often around 24 weeks).

Whatever you do, stay away from illegal back street clinics... there are plenty of decent hospitals in the world including Thailand that perform abortions. Singapore has some very good quality hospitals... etc Following thread may be of interest...if that's the way you decide to go

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Abortion-Thailand-t143682.html

I've seen people in Thailand make a variety of choices when an unexpected surprise like this comes up, including seeing some relationships work out. I've no respect for anyone who runs away, and I don't think they respect themselves either in the years to come. Getting a DNA test is an option, as is an abortion. Then again so is making a go of the relationships in some form. This shouldn't be underestimated either. There are a lot of people on here who like to stereotype other peoples failures, but any of these options can make it if you put your mind to it... Helps if the young lady is in agreement as well though

[tipsy]

Never understood trolls or flamers. They just show themselves to be bigger ****s than the people they try to wind up... Same mould as people who write computer viruses... .

Troll responses do not bother me as i simply pay little attention to them, internet warriors impress no one but themselves and odds are they wouldn't make the same comments to my face.

Well she was 3 months pregnant which was end of June so i guess now she cant be far off 4 months, thing is last thing i want to be doing is dragging her off to a illegal back street clinic to have an abortion this late on..if she had acted months ago then all would be sorted now. This is before i looked apon the relationship totally different, the lie she told me about not being pregnant has changed my whole feeling towards her and keeps coming up in arguments.

Now i find myself going out and getting drunk with my mates and leaving her in the house alone, i have a couple of 'giks' on the side which helps me deal with the blues of the pregnant girlfriend back homes.

My life is going down hill and i can't help but blame her.

So your 25, you got an underaged girl pregnant, you hate her because of this, you dont want the kid or her, your leaving a 4 month pregnant girl alone while your out getting drunk, putting your friends and social life in front of your soon to be baby and the girl thats carrying it and f***ing other girls and you blame her for all of this.

If I could flame here I would and I'd love to tell you what I really think of you. As I cant I think i'll sum it up by just calling you a BOY. I pray for you that one day you grow up to be a man.

If money wasnt an issue this kid would be so so so much better of without you than with you

Edited July 15, 2008 by tipsy

[Carib]

The OP is either a troll or an ass.

Nuff said.

[tipsy]

The OP is either a troll or an ass.

Nuff said.

Or both?

[RakJungTorlae]

asstroll.

Edited July 15, 2008 by RakJungTorlae

[DaoDao]

This is the situation,

I have been in Thailand for the best part of 2 years, apart from the odd spell back home in England. At the beginning of January i met an 18 year old girl, im 25..she had not longed arrived in Pattaya and spoke very little english. After couple weeks of speaking to her she agreed to go out to the cinema and from there on we met up and got to know each other better. Anyway i then stayed with her for the next 4 months until end of April when i had a call from back home that my grandmother had suddenly died and the family wanted me back home asap as the funeral was the following week, next day i booked up flight back to England and after a lot of last minute rushing around i was flying off just 2 days after receiving the news, but not long before i was leaving the girlfriend told me she might be pregnant! omg i had no time to do anything but told her soon as im gone she has to go pharmacy and get herself tested.

I arrive back in England and im tied up in alot of family grieving for a while with the funeral and everything. When i next get to speak to the girlfriend i ask her about the baby situation and she tells me she is not pregnant which is a relief, afterwards i end up staying 2 months in England before i head back to Thailand at the end of June.

When i return and meet up with the girlfriend im not 100% convinced she isnt pregnant and buy and test from the pharmacy and make her take it..she lied and she is pregnant! i take her to the hospital the next day and im told she is 3 months and its too late to do anything (not the case if she acted 2 months before).

Im so annoyed and i know she just thought by having baby she can now sit on her ass at my house and i will take care of her forever, when ive said i might have to return and work in England she replies ''why cant you just live in Thailand'' like everything is just that simple.

Anyway my friends have said she has just screwed me over to try and trap me (which i agree with), i have told her i want her to return and stay with her sister for while because i want time to think (she has now told me she is 17 and not 18!) now when i say about her leaving the house she says ''im young, i will tell police!!'' what the hel_l, now what do i do? i feel so trapped and i truely believed she was 18, can i go to jail? she never worked as prostitute and i never paid her any money to stay with me (only food and some clothes).

What i really need to know is what can happen if she reports me to the police? also if we seperate and i take care of the baby how much would it cost me per month (only take care of baby and not her) i know amount can vary depends on how much i want hand the baby but i dont want her family pocketing extra and also i do not have much money hence not planning on this situation in the first place.

Please i need some advice...

Suggest an abortion, up to 20 weeks is normal in other countries, may be illegal in LOS but she or her friends will know a Dr who will do the operation for the right money.

Get all of her personal details, and those of her family and get the hel_l out of Thailand is she continues to try to blackmail you, dont warn her just go when she is out.

Leave contact details and when the child is born arrange through a THai lawyers firm to have the DNA test done on the child, supply your own DNA sample and you will at lest know if the child is yours.

Dont mean to be disresectful but if she caught your eye she will have caught other guys eye as well.

Do not return th LOS until the DNA results confirm you are not the father or if proven to be the father until a legal agreement is in place regarding financail support for the child.

Be a man and pay if you are the father,you donthave anything in common with her so dont even bother thinking you do,

its a shit situation, but its your shit o deal with it NOW rather than let her persuade you to leave the matter any longer.

A nice young lad like you would be very welcome on the menu of the BKK Hilton so I suggest you avoid that possiblity by

getting her to agree to a termination, You might like to get her to do another test as those kits are not infallable, use a condom even if she says she is pregnant, the test could have been wrong but you keep doing the business without a condom and she wont by wrong for very long.

Sort it out now, a few tears now is better than a lifetime of regret.

Roy gsd

Sorry mate, just clearing the facts about abortion.

Abortion is legal up to 16 weeks max.!

After that they only do it for medical reasons.

Abortion is not illegal in Thailand, they do the procedure in Bangkok hospital.

[AmeriThai]

You won't be the first guy in the world in this situation and you won't be the last...

Playing the role of victim and blaming others rarely turns around any situation, and rarely changes much. It's actions that count. A temporary bit of self pity and relief, but not much after that. Accept you had a role to play in this and be proactive about the solution...

There are plenty of posts above to deal with the situation in several different ways, but you need to be proactive about it. Waiting around and feeling sorry for yourself is a luxury you've not much more time for. A DNA test may take 2-3 weeks. 16 weeks is still within many western countries limits (often around 24 weeks).

Whatever you do, stay away from illegal back street clinics... there are plenty of decent hospitals in the world including Thailand that perform abortions. Singapore has some very good quality hospitals... etc Following thread may be of interest...if that's the way you decide to go

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Abortion-Thailand-t143682.html

I've seen people in Thailand make a variety of choices when an unexpected surprise like this comes up, including seeing some relationships work out. I've no respect for anyone who runs away, and I don't think they respect themselves either in the years to come. Getting a DNA test is an option, as is an abortion. Then again so is making a go of the relationships in some form. This shouldn't be underestimated either. There are a lot of people on here who like to stereotype other peoples failures, but any of these options can make it if you put your mind to it... Helps if the young lady is in agreement as well though

Much of what you're saying is sensible. However, since the girl has already lied twice, once that she was 18, and second that she claimed she wasn't pregnant after all, there an issue of trust that would be very hard to accept. You'd never really be certain when she telling the truth and when she isn't. She sounds pretty immature, especially when threatenig to bring the BoB into the picture.

One way or another the OP needs to persuade her to go in for a paternity test. I suspect convincing her to do it may be rather difficult, but she might go along with it if it's presented tactfully. The problem is that the OP's language skills are described as passible, whatever that means. I would assume he's still at a very low skill level. In addition, there's also the need to understand something about Thai culture, Thai ways, and Thai thinking, which I think may be sorely lacking by the OP. The advantage. however, is be able to better understand how to deal with matters of importance.

Another question is whether the girl's parents are aware of the situation. If not, they will be sooner or later. Since they're eventually going to be in the picture, it's something that's going to have to be dealt with. Unfortunately, in a relationship, not only are you getting a partner, but you're also getting the entire family of that partner. The family is also going to have to be persuaded to accept him in the relationship. If they do, then the OP can be expected to pay money to them (if they're rural, probably not too much), and go through a marriage ceremony, though not necessarily a registered one. It's hard to guess what their reaction will be though. They might not be too keen about the whole thing, at least at first, but may come around to it if they see the OP as a potential ATM.

I doubt the gf would be permitted to move to the OP's home country under the circumstances until she's at least 18, and I wouldn't be surprised if that would be unlikely unless they are legally married. If she remains in Thailand, although it may seem she and the family might lose face, it might also have a reverse effect in gaining some face, although no doubt there'll still be a lot of whispering behind her back. It would be best to live at a distance from the family. The OP and the gf will just have to live with those issues until things settle down.

Personally, I think the OP should step up to the plate to make things right. While the gf may be immature and at fault, so is the OP. They're both responsible for the results of their actions. Whether the issues of the relationship will ever be fully resolved depends on their mutual willingness to make things work out. There's going to be a child in the picture, whether they like it or not. The both need to actively focus on the best interests in providing that child with a good future. They need to start thinking about goals.

Could the OP face any legal problems? I would think that's possible, but may depend on the reaction of the parents who will likely demand a payoff. If that isn't agreeable for whatever reason, jail time is a distinct possibility. Someone mentioned the "BKK Hilton", butr Provincial jails are no picnic either. I know of one Thai guy who became involved with an underage girl. When her parents found out about it, they demanded a substantial payment. Evidently marriage was out of the question. He didn't have what they wanted, so he ended up in a provincial jail for a few months. It might be best to start buttering up the parents now to help gain their approval, which they may do anyway since it means having a "rich farang" in the family.

[AmeriThai]

Well she was 3 months pregnant which was end of June so i guess now she cant be far off 4 months, thing is last thing i want to be doing is dragging her off to a illegal back street clinic to have an abortion this late on..if she had acted months ago then all would be sorted now. This is before i looked apon the relationship totally different, the lie she told me about not being pregnant has changed my whole feeling towards her and keeps coming up in arguments.

Now i find myself going out and getting drunk with my mates and leaving her in the house alone, i have a couple of 'giks' on the side which helps me deal with the blues of the pregnant girlfriend back homes.

My life is going down hill and i can't help but blame her.

Snap out of it man and get a grip! You need a clear mind to make some important decisions. Going out and leaving a pregnant gf alone is irresponsible and isn't going to help resolve things. That's just abandoning her and abandoning your own responsibility. Like it or not, you need to start getting more actively involved with her and start doing things with her. It's time for both of you to grow up.

[qwertz]

OP, just pay her off and continue your growing up process.

[teacup]

OP, just pay her off and continue your growing up process.

The thought of …18 yrs of child support and….. a chance of sitting on her butts and do nothing,

sure sounds better than a one lump sum payment?

[nidhogg]

OP, just pay her off and continue your growing up process.

The thought of …18 yrs of child support and….. a chance of sitting on her butts and do nothing,

sure sounds better than a one lump sum payment?

LOL. Try asking a Thai - what would you rather have - 5 million baht today, now in your hand, or 500,000 baht per year for the next 20 years. What do you think 90% would say?

[farang555]

DNA TEST IS NOT NECESSARY. OP NEVER STATES SHE A GARGURL! LOL, CANT USE EMOTICONS!

HOLY BATMAN , JUST READ A LITTLE MORE . SOMEONE SHOULD GIVE THIS GUY A SHOVE OFF A BALCONY!

Edited July 16, 2008 by farang555

[AFKAFSinLOS]

Much of what you're saying is sensible. However, since the girl has already lied twice, once that she was 18, and second that she claimed she wasn't pregnant after all, there an issue of trust that would be very hard to accept. You'd never really be certain when she telling the truth and when she isn't. She sounds pretty immature, especially when threatenig to bring the BoB into the picture.

One way or another the OP needs to persuade her to go in for a paternity test. I suspect convincing her to do it may be rather difficult, but she might go along with it if it's presented tactfully. The problem is that the OP's language skills are described as passible, whatever that means. I would assume he's still at a very low skill level. In addition, there's also the need to understand something about Thai culture, Thai ways, and Thai thinking, which I think may be sorely lacking by the OP. The advantage. however, is be able to better understand how to deal with matters of importance.

Another question is whether the girl's parents are aware of the situation. If not, they will be sooner or later. Since they're eventually going to be in the picture, it's something that's going to have to be dealt with. Unfortunately, in a relationship, not only are you getting a partner, but you're also getting the entire family of that partner. The family is also going to have to be persuaded to accept him in the relationship. If they do, then the OP can be expected to pay money to them (if they're rural, probably not too much), and go through a marriage ceremony, though not necessarily a registered one. It's hard to guess what their reaction will be though. They might not be too keen about the whole thing, at least at first, but may come around to it if they see the OP as a potential ATM.

I doubt the gf would be permitted to move to the OP's home country under the circumstances until she's at least 18, and I wouldn't be surprised if that would be unlikely unless they are legally married. If she remains in Thailand, although it may seem she and the family might lose face, it might also have a reverse effect in gaining some face, although no doubt there'll still be a lot of whispering behind her back. It would be best to live at a distance from the family. The OP and the gf will just have to live with those issues until things settle down.

Personally, I think the OP should step up to the plate to make things right. While the gf may be immature and at fault, so is the OP. They're both responsible for the results of their actions. Whether the issues of the relationship will ever be fully resolved depends on their mutual willingness to make things work out. There's going to be a child in the picture, whether they like it or not. The both need to actively focus on the best interests in providing that child with a good future. They need to start thinking about goals.

Could the OP face any legal problems? I would think that's possible, but may depend on the reaction of the parents who will likely demand a payoff. If that isn't agreeable for whatever reason, jail time is a distinct possibility. Someone mentioned the "BKK Hilton", butr Provincial jails are no picnic either. I know of one Thai guy who became involved with an underage girl. When her parents found out about it, they demanded a substantial payment. Evidently marriage was out of the question. He didn't have what they wanted, so he ended up in a provincial jail for a few months. It might be best to start buttering up the parents now to help gain their approval, which they may do anyway since it means having a "rich farang" in the family.

A lot of what you said is reasonable.

I'd just add to bear in mind that one of the criticisms of Thais about foreigners is that we worship the truth too much... Culturally telling the truth and lying is attached different weightings in Thai society compared to westen society...

Hence OP and many foreigners can see it as black and white that she lied and judge other people's actions based on their own principles. If people really insist on appraising other people, better to look at the other persons intent based on the other persons principles, then understand why the principles are different, then decide if that's something tou want to handle.

Because of some fundamental differences in belief, establishing trust between Thais and foreigners is often more difficult than in other cultural pairs. As a general observation I'd say Thais are much less trusting of people outside their own cycles than foreigners are. I'm sure OP has done a fair few things that make trust in him questionable...

Trust between Thais and foreigners often takes time...

Edited July 16, 2008 by AFKAFSinLOS

[nohave]

Like many here, you've been screwed big time by this girl. She lied to you about her age (she's 17 and you risk jail), she lied to you about her pregnancy test and she is now threatenng you? Well, what I can say after having lived over 22 years in this country is: dump her. fuc_k her off. She is no good. You had clearly told her that you did not want the baby. The lazy bitch deliberately got pregnant. Why? to get herself a sugar daddy for life. Man, get rid of the bitch. The child is her problem not yours!

My advice is to go back to England and send her an allowance once in a while for the sake of the child. 12,000 Baht per year the first 3 years is enough and after the first 3 years you should send her around 2,000 Baht a month. If she's not happy with what you're offereing then tell her to go f*uck herself. She's got hands she can work. And what normally happens anyway is that they will leave the child with the parents so don't worry too much about the child he'll be looked after. But you should definitely not stay with her. As I said before: dump her!

Good luck!

This is the situation,

I have been in Thailand for the best part of 2 years, apart from the odd spell back home in England. At the beginning of January i met an 18 year old girl, im 25..she had not longed arrived in Pattaya and spoke very little english. After couple weeks of speaking to her she agreed to go out to the cinema and from there on we met up and got to know each other better. Anyway i then stayed with her for the next 4 months until end of April when i had a call from back home that my grandmother had suddenly died and the family wanted me back home asap as the funeral was the following week, next day i booked up flight back to England and after a lot of last minute rushing around i was flying off just 2 days after receiving the news, but not long before i was leaving the girlfriend told me she might be pregnant! omg i had no time to do anything but told her soon as im gone she has to go pharmacy and get herself tested.

I arrive back in England and im tied up in alot of family grieving for a while with the funeral and everything. When i next get to speak to the girlfriend i ask her about the baby situation and she tells me she is not pregnant which is a relief, afterwards i end up staying 2 months in England before i head back to Thailand at the end of June.

When i return and meet up with the girlfriend im not 100% convinced she isnt pregnant and buy and test from the pharmacy and make her take it..she lied and she is pregnant! i take her to the hospital the next day and im told she is 3 months and its too late to do anything (not the case if she acted 2 months before).

Im so annoyed and i know she just thought by having baby she can now sit on her ass at my house and i will take care of her forever, when ive said i might have to return and work in England she replies ''why cant you just live in Thailand'' like everything is just that simple.

Anyway my friends have said she has just screwed me over to try and trap me (which i agree with), i have told her i want her to return and stay with her sister for while because i want time to think (she has now told me she is 17 and not 18!) now when i say about her leaving the house she says ''im young, i will tell police!!'' what the hel_l, now what do i do? i feel so trapped and i truely believed she was 18, can i go to jail? she never worked as prostitute and i never paid her any money to stay with me (only food and some clothes).

What i really need to know is what can happen if she reports me to the police? also if we seperate and i take care of the baby how much would it cost me per month (only take care of baby and not her) i know amount can vary depends on how much i want hand the baby but i dont want her family pocketing extra and also i do not have much money hence not planning on this situation in the first place.

Please i need some advice...

[farang555]

trust in op may be questionable due to his getting drunk a lot and his constant need for womanizing! and one wonders why the image of farang is a bad one! maybe 8 exceptions....lol.

[issanpaul]

Y r all u guys taking the bait

for sure TROLL

[Djetou]

Well i dragged her down the hospital to have a chat with the doctor, had all the scans etc and have been told the baby is too fully grown for an abortion at this stage (its illegal in Thailand etc etc and the baby could survive when taken out or something) and that i should just start to prepair for the baby. Doctor even suggested i buy some vitamin tablets for her to make her feel stronger (not being funny but she could have avoided this situation so why should i feel sorry for her and buy her vitamins).

Anyway she is back at the house now and just sat watching tv, ive already told her im out again tonight with my friends and she needs to get used to it. Been talking to her and the best she will get off me is 1000 baht a week for support if we seperate ( 4,000 month isnt bad considering alot of Thai's only earn 6k) she will need to get herself a job and pay for her part of the deal, if she contacts the police im focked but so is she as she will never get nothing. Scans and doctors talk came to like 2,500 baht total rip off, i will pay for the medical fees when she gives birth and also baby clothes etc, from then on its 4,000 baht month (pretty generous i think).

[Lost in LOS]

welCUM to thailand!

sob sob sob!

man up and pay. its your kid take care of it.

YOU FEEL TRAPPED, WHAT DOES THE GIRL FEEL. you guys disgust me.

What a jerk you are farang 555....why the flaming? the guy messed up, he is young and is asking for advice. most posters here seem to be giving it without the flaming. you must be some kind of saint never to have made a mistake in your life. how about we change your post to:

"man up and pay. its your kid take care of it.

YOU FEEL TRAPPED, WHAT DOES THE GIRL FEEL".

lets him know your feelings without the unnecessary keyboard boxing

have a nice day, jimmy

[farang555]

if you dont use harsh words people dont get it.

does op post 78 make you feel all warm and fuzzy towards him. he is the biggest a hole ever to grace this fine forun.

[siamamerican]

Well i dragged her down the hospital to have a chat with the doctor, had all the scans etc and have been told the baby is too fully grown for an abortion at this stage (its illegal in Thailand etc etc and the baby could survive when taken out or something) and that i should just start to prepair for the baby. Doctor even suggested i buy some vitamin tablets for her to make her feel stronger (not being funny but she could have avoided this situation so why should i feel sorry for her and buy her vitamins).

Anyway she is back at the house now and just sat watching tv, ive already told her im out again tonight with my friends and she needs to get used to it. Been talking to her and the best she will get off me is 1000 baht a week for support if we seperate ( 4,000 month isnt bad considering alot of Thai's only earn 6k) she will need to get herself a job and pay for her part of the deal, if she contacts the police im focked but so is she as she will never get nothing. Scans and doctors talk came to like 2,500 baht total rip off, i will pay for the medical fees when she gives birth and also baby clothes etc, from then on its 4,000 baht month (pretty generous i think).

You've told her what to expect and without knowing all the details or the girl, I'm in no position to judge your actions. Why the heck are you still living together. The relationship is over. Move out and get on with your life.

Pay for the vitamins and medical cost and try to build amicable relationship with the mother of your child. What you're doing now isn't healthy for all involved.

[Spyglass]

If he moves out, there is no guaranteed that she will take care herself well during pregnancy with the money she will be getting from the OP.

[AmeriThai]

One way or another the OP needs to persuade her to go in for a paternity test. I suspect convincing her to do it may be rather difficult, but she might go along with it if it's presented tactfully. The problem is that the OP's language skills are described as passible, whatever that means. I would assume he's still at a very low skill level. In addition, there's also the need to understand something about Thai culture, Thai ways, and Thai thinking, which I think may be sorely lacking by the OP. The advantage. however, is be able to better understand how to deal with matters of importance.

A lot of what you said is reasonable.

I'd just add to bear in mind that one of the criticisms of Thais about foreigners is that we worship the truth too much... Culturally telling the truth and lying is attached different weightings in Thai society compared to westen society...

Hence OP and many foreigners can see it as black and white that she lied and judge other people's actions based on their own principles. If people really insist on appraising other people, better to look at the other persons intent based on the other persons principles, then understand why the principles are different, then decide if that's something tou want to handle.

Because of some fundamental differences in belief, establishing trust between Thais and foreigners is often more difficult than in other cultural pairs. As a general observation I'd say Thais are much less trusting of people outside their own cycles than foreigners are. I'm sure OP has done a fair few things that make trust in him questionable...

Trust between Thais and foreigners often takes time...

I agree, which is why I said he needs to learn to more about understanding Thais. If he's lacking in language skills (he said it's passible whatever that means), he's most likely lacking in other areas as well. Some people learn faster than others, but it's still a process that takes time.

I don't doubt he's no Prince Charming worthy of trust himself from what he's saying. It's sounding more like he really doesn't give a rip about the situation, except to whine in self-pity hoping others feel sorry for him. I dunno. It's beginning to sound like this kid hasn't learned a thing from this experience. It may be just a matter of time before another Thai girl ends up pregnant, all thanks to his inability to keep his one-eyed trouser trout under control. Maybe he should think about having the family jewels clipped to avoid the risk. Used to be offered free for about a week each year off Sukhumvit Road. I'd say he might want to choose a nice ladyboy next time to avoid the risk of a pregnancy, but I won't say that.

[onethailand]

Well i dragged her down the hospital to have a chat with the doctor, had all the scans etc and have been told the baby is too fully grown for an abortion at this stage (its illegal in Thailand etc etc and the baby could survive when taken out or something) and that i should just start to prepair for the baby. Doctor even suggested i buy some vitamin tablets for her to make her feel stronger (not being funny but she could have avoided this situation so why should i feel sorry for her and buy her vitamins).

Anyway she is back at the house now and just sat watching tv, ive already told her im out again tonight with my friends and she needs to get used to it. Been talking to her and the best she will get off me is 1000 baht a week for support if we seperate ( 4,000 month isnt bad considering alot of Thai's only earn 6k) she will need to get herself a job and pay for her part of the deal, if she contacts the police im focked but so is she as she will never get nothing. Scans and doctors talk came to like 2,500 baht total rip off, i will pay for the medical fees when she gives birth and also baby clothes etc, from then on its 4,000 baht month (pretty generous i think).

You better consider raising that amount a bit - baby formula isn't exactly cheap. It isn't the baby's fault - but you're going to penalize it anyhow. What if you had been the baby and your father did that to you?

[Djetou]

Like many here, you've been screwed big time by this girl. She lied to you about her age (she's 17 and you risk jail), she lied to you about her pregnancy test and she is now threatenng you? Well, what I can say after having lived over 22 years in this country is: dump her. fuc_k her off. She is no good. You had clearly told her that you did not want the baby. The lazy bitch deliberately got pregnant. Why? to get herself a sugar daddy for life. Man, get rid of the bitch. The child is her problem not yours!

My advice is to go back to England and send her an allowance once in a while for the sake of the child. 12,000 Baht per year the first 3 years is enough and after the first 3 years you should send her around 2,000 Baht a month. If she's not happy with what you're offereing then tell her to go f*uck herself. She's got hands she can work. And what normally happens anyway is that they will leave the child with the parents so don't worry too much about the child he'll be looked after. But you should definitely not stay with her. As I said before: dump her!

Good luck!

Yes ive been screwed alright and some people on hear try and make out im the bad one! previously during the 4 months i was nothing but nice to her, took her out and showed her i good time and this is how she repays me? by lying and keeping hold of the baby so now its too late for an abortion. Well this morning i left her asleep and went off to shag a 'gik' when i came back she was none the wiser.

She is to blame, its her body not mine. I left her alone and she couldnt even go to doctor for simple abortion, how the hel_l she expects to raise a child?

Now she wants some new clothes because the bump is visable, ive told im not getting her any and she can make do with the ones she got..a little pay back but im going to start to teach her a lesson for her actions.

[AmeriThai]

Well i dragged her down the hospital to have a chat with the doctor, had all the scans etc and have been told the baby is too fully grown for an abortion at this stage (its illegal in Thailand etc etc and the baby could survive when taken out or something) and that i should just start to prepair for the baby. Doctor even suggested i buy some vitamin tablets for her to make her feel stronger (not being funny but she could have avoided this situation so why should i feel sorry for her and buy her vitamins).

Anyway she is back at the house now and just sat watching tv, ive already told her im out again tonight with my friends and she needs to get used to it. Been talking to her and the best she will get off me is 1000 baht a week for support if we seperate ( 4,000 month isnt bad considering alot of Thai's only earn 6k) she will need to get herself a job and pay for her part of the deal, if she contacts the police im focked but so is she as she will never get nothing. Scans and doctors talk came to like 2,500 baht total rip off, i will pay for the medical fees when she gives birth and also baby clothes etc, from then on its 4,000 baht month (pretty generous i think).

Not being funny but YOU could've avoided this situation too. It takes two people. I don't think she held a gun to your head forcing you to do her. Did you ask the doctor about doing a DNA test to conclusively determine paternity?

[siamamerican]

If he moves out, there is no guaranteed that she will take care herself well during pregnancy with the money she will be getting from the OP.

In is his last post he states he didn't want to pay for vitamins and was leaving her at home while he partied with friends. A little space between them sure wouldn't hurt and he has made it obvious that her mental stability isn't a concern.

Both the OP and the GF probably need to grow up a little. Nothing to ironic about that - him being 25 and her 17. Little chance this is going to end well, but a foregone conclusion if they don't make some changes.

[H2oDunc]

Well i dragged her down the hospital to have a chat with the doctor, had all the scans etc and have been told the baby is too fully grown for an abortion at this stage (its illegal in Thailand etc etc and the baby could survive when taken out or something) and that i should just start to prepair for the baby. Doctor even suggested i buy some vitamin tablets for her to make her feel stronger (not being funny but she could have avoided this situation so why should i feel sorry for her and buy her vitamins).

Anyway she is back at the house now and just sat watching tv, ive already told her im out again tonight with my friends and she needs to get used to it. Been talking to her and the best she will get off me is 1000 baht a week for support if we seperate ( 4,000 month isnt bad considering alot of Thai's only earn 6k) she will need to get herself a job and pay for her part of the deal, if she contacts the police im focked but so is she as she will never get nothing. Scans and doctors talk came to like 2,500 baht total rip off, i will pay for the medical fees when she gives birth and also baby clothes etc, from then on its 4,000 baht month (pretty generous i think).

People here are telling you to run !!!! I think its the poor girl who needs to get the hel_l out of your life. Jeeez what a tight wad and its all her fault. Only a sad loser like yourself could blame her for all the trouble YOU have got your self into. You are the type of person that gives farang a bad name in this country. A real big man no doubt !!! As for not telling the same to your face I would relish the chance as you are obviously not a MAN andnot man enough to take responsibility for your actions ??????? !!!

[Djetou]

Not being funny but YOU could've avoided this situation too. It takes two people. I don't think she held a gun to your head forcing you to do her. Did you ask the doctor about doing a DNA test to conclusively determine paternity?

Yes i know how the baby process works but once an accident happens then it can be taken care of with not too much trouble if acted apon (im 25 ive got no children and autherized no abortion so i cant be that uncareful).

I didnt speak to doctor about that, to be honest i just wanted to get the hel_l out of there..he was trying rip me off by thinking i was going to put her through all health checks like hiv etc and wack me with a massive bill.

2,500 baht for a few pictures of the baby scan which i didnt even ask for and the discussion was rip off enough, funny how they always right the bill in Thai. I aksed the girlfriend to complain about the price because they wouldn't listen to me, she couldnt even do that and just shy'd away and left.

Edited July 16, 2008 by Djetou

[TheDon]

Well i dragged her down the hospital to have a chat with the doctor, had all the scans etc and have been told the baby is too fully grown for an abortion at this stage (its illegal in Thailand etc etc and the baby could survive when taken out or something) and that i should just start to prepair for the baby. Doctor even suggested i buy some vitamin tablets for her to make her feel stronger (not being funny but she could have avoided this situation so why should i feel sorry for her and buy her vitamins).

Anyway she is back at the house now and just sat watching tv, ive already told her im out again tonight with my friends and she needs to get used to it. Been talking to her and the best she will get off me is 1000 baht a week for support if we seperate ( 4,000 month isnt bad considering alot of Thai's only earn 6k) she will need to get herself a job and pay for her part of the deal, if she contacts the police im focked but so is she as she will never get nothing. Scans and doctors talk came to like 2,500 baht total rip off, i will pay for the medical fees when she gives birth and also baby clothes etc, from then on its 4,000 baht month (pretty generous i think).

After reading that you deserve a snap kick to the neck.

I hope you do run because she would be better without you, you seem to think the world revolves around you, its funny how you think all decisions regarding the baby should be only based on you. If she wants to keep it then what?

Your a poor excuse for a human, its a shame your parents didnt abort you