I'm In A Difficult Situation

[Djetou]

This is the situation,

I have been in Thailand for the best part of 2 years, apart from the odd spell back home in England. At the beginning of January i met an 18 year old girl, im 25..she had not longed arrived in Pattaya and spoke very little english. After couple weeks of speaking to her she agreed to go out to the cinema and from there on we met up and got to know each other better. Anyway i then stayed with her for the next 4 months until end of April when i had a call from back home that my grandmother had suddenly died and the family wanted me back home asap as the funeral was the following week, next day i booked up flight back to England and after a lot of last minute rushing around i was flying off just 2 days after receiving the news, but not long before i was leaving the girlfriend told me she might be pregnant! omg i had no time to do anything but told her soon as im gone she has to go pharmacy and get herself tested.

I arrive back in England and im tied up in alot of family grieving for a while with the funeral and everything. When i next get to speak to the girlfriend i ask her about the baby situation and she tells me she is not pregnant which is a relief, afterwards i end up staying 2 months in England before i head back to Thailand at the end of June.

When i return and meet up with the girlfriend im not 100% convinced she isnt pregnant and buy and test from the pharmacy and make her take it..she lied and she is pregnant! i take her to the hospital the next day and im told she is 3 months and its too late to do anything (not the case if she acted 2 months before).

Im so annoyed and i know she just thought by having baby she can now sit on her ass at my house and i will take care of her forever, when ive said i might have to return and work in England she replies ''why cant you just live in Thailand'' like everything is just that simple.

Anyway my friends have said she has just screwed me over to try and trap me (which i agree with), i have told her i want her to return and stay with her sister for while because i want time to think (she has now told me she is 17 and not 18!) now when i say about her leaving the house she says ''im young, i will tell police!!'' what the hel_l, now what do i do? i feel so trapped and i truely believed she was 18, can i go to jail? she never worked as prostitute and i never paid her any money to stay with me (only food and some clothes).

What i really need to know is what can happen if she reports me to the police? also if we seperate and i take care of the baby how much would it cost me per month (only take care of baby and not her) i know amount can vary depends on how much i want hand the baby but i dont want her family pocketing extra and also i do not have much money hence not planning on this situation in the first place.

Please i need some advice...

[farang555]

welCUM to thailand!

sob sob sob!

man up and pay. its your kid take care of it.

YOU FEEL TRAPPED, WHAT DOES THE GIRL FEEL. you guys disgust me.

[samran]

"not long arrived in pattaya". Isn't that what they tell everyone.

ask for a paternity test. The only way to go. If the child is yours. Take responsibilty for him/her. If you can, take the child back to the UK - especially given this isn't a relationship made in heaven!

[steveromagnino]

This is the situation,

I have been in Thailand for the best part of 2 years, apart from the odd spell back home in England. At the beginning of January i met an 18 year old girl, im 25..she had not longed arrived in Pattaya and spoke very little english. After couple weeks of speaking to her she agreed to go out to the cinema and from there on we met up and got to know each other better. Anyway i then stayed with her for the next 4 months until end of April when i had a call from back home that my grandmother had suddenly died and the family wanted me back home asap as the funeral was the following week, next day i booked up flight back to England and after a lot of last minute rushing around i was flying off just 2 days after receiving the news, but not long before i was leaving the girlfriend told me she might be pregnant! omg i had no time to do anything but told her soon as im gone she has to go pharmacy and get herself tested.

I arrive back in England and im tied up in alot of family grieving for a while with the funeral and everything. When i next get to speak to the girlfriend i ask her about the baby situation and she tells me she is not pregnant which is a relief, afterwards i end up staying 2 months in England before i head back to Thailand at the end of June.

When i return and meet up with the girlfriend im not 100% convinced she isnt pregnant and buy and test from the pharmacy and make her take it..she lied and she is pregnant! i take her to the hospital the next day and im told she is 3 months and its too late to do anything (not the case if she acted 2 months before).

Im so annoyed and i know she just thought by having baby she can now sit on her ass at my house and i will take care of her forever, when ive said i might have to return and work in England she replies ''why cant you just live in Thailand'' like everything is just that simple.

Anyway my friends have said she has just screwed me over to try and trap me (which i agree with), i have told her i want her to return and stay with her sister for while because i want time to think (she has now told me she is 17 and not 18!) now when i say about her leaving the house she says ''im young, i will tell police!!'' what the hel_l, now what do i do? i feel so trapped and i truely believed she was 18, can i go to jail? she never worked as prostitute and i never paid her any money to stay with me (only food and some clothes).

What i really need to know is what can happen if she reports me to the police? also if we seperate and i take care of the baby how much would it cost me per month (only take care of baby and not her) i know amount can vary depends on how much i want hand the baby but i dont want her family pocketing extra and also i do not have much money hence not planning on this situation in the first place.

Please i need some advice...

I think it would help all posters if you explain what movie you saw together.

You should take responsibility for not bagging it and keeping it in your trousers.

Yes, she is underage and that would not be looked upon favourably; probably not jail time but it is possible.

Custody payments are one thing, being a responsible parent probably requires that you are also playing an active role as the mother sounds like a f&*king uneducated manipulative moron.

Which probably means that you should extend your stay here from beyond the original 2 years; out of interest what have you been doing all this time?

More importantly how good is your Thai - that also would make a difference to what movie you saw.

[cali4995]

One of the first things you need to do is get a good look at her identity card. Make a copy

of it even. You should be able to tell exactly how old she is, very rarely do Thais seem

to relay their age accurately and reading dates in Thai is not that difficult. Maybe we should

do this before considering the fugitive alternative. I don't want to see you get bullied by

her Thai friends but agree with farang555, you may have had some part in the conception.

[AmeriThai]

"not long arrived in pattaya". Isn't that what they tell everyone.

ask for a paternity test. The only way to go. If the child is yours. Take responsibilty for him/her. If you can, take the child back to the UK - especially given this isn't a relationship made in heaven!

I sort of gathered the baby isn't born yet. Can they do a prenatal paternity test? Apart from that, I agree a paternity test would be a good idea to know one way or the other. Sounds like she's not giving any other alternative to entrapment.

[meom]

Regarding her age I notice that many Thais start the count with 1 when they are born instead of 0 like westerners do. Maybe that's why she initially told you she's 18.

[AFKAFSinLOS]

Possible Options do include:

- Amnioncentesis + DNA paternity test = find out if it's yours

- Abortion is available in Thailand even at 3 months

Like in any other country where you get an unexpected gift like this, the two of you need to do some serious talking and agree the way forward... the difference is you've got a few little extra cultural twists...

[farang555]

i bet the y dont understand each other when they do talk.

to those not real educated bout bkk. watch out if girl doesnt want payment upfront! many exceptions of course

Edited July 15, 2008 by farang555

[chivo]

check id card.

paternity test. make sure its yours and use a reputable hospital. not one where she could pay off the doctor. dont laugh.

option if you dont want to stay here: send cash from uk- you will have no control of the money, and usually neither will she, at that age and if from a poor family, her parents will already have thier hands in her wallet. what would most likely happen is if you leave, then she would send the kid to be raised by her parents, and have to send your money to them for this 'help' she would then be unanchored and work in pattaya possibly, the reason for her not having a kid around is then she is still desirable to someone else.

option: try to get custody of the child and bring to UK if you think you could give a better life to the child

option: is there any possibility to form real relationship with this girl and work it out, whether you stay in thailand or she goes to UK?

[Vato]

DNA test

[12DrinkMore]

You can still get an abortion, if you can persuade the girl to have one.

It's illegal so you need to find a doctor prepared to do it. Just keep asking around. And don't delay, the price and risk goes up with the number of weeks.

[Djetou]

Which probably means that you should extend your stay here from beyond the original 2 years; out of interest what have you been doing all this time?

Business

More importantly how good is your Thai

My Thai is passable, not fluent by any means

[quiksilva]

If the baby turns out to be yours, love it and look after it.

As for the mother, she's going to be scared that she'll be left alone to fend for the baby herself. If she thinks that you will leave her to it, she could well do that beware because she's definitely under the age of consent (18) and she could well call the cops to spite you, just doubting her maybe reason enough, handle that situation very carefully.

Show her that you care, man up and take responsibility for your actions, you are likely to be a father after all.

Look this doesn't have to be the end of the world, most parents are delighted when their baby comes along even when they haven't planned for them, and many people wish they could have kids but will never be able to.

Whilst you may not have planned for things to work out like this, life has a funny way of upsetting our plans, so make the most out of the cards you have been dealt.

Edited July 15, 2008 by quiksilva

[Doza]

QUESTION:

If you were in England would you have:

1) Dated a girl who hardly spoke English, and therefore assuming you can't (really, properly) communicate well with (unless your Thai is fluent)

2) Moved in with a girl not long after meeting her

3) Shagged a gilr without a condom not knowing if she was taking the pill

???

[h90]

no condom in pattaya?

be happy that you get a baby and not AIDS

[Djetou]

QUESTION:

If you were in England would you have:

1) Dated a girl who hardly spoke English, and therefore assuming you can't (really, properly) communicate well with (unless your Thai is fluent)

My Thai improved raplidly after meeting her, forced me to learn and i would have rathered that than be lazy and have a fluent english speaking girlfriend

2) Moved in with a girl not long after meeting her

Cannot compare like for like, situations in Thailand arent the same as in England

3) Shagged a gilr without a condom not knowing if she was taking the pill

If you say you have never done it then you are most likely lying. After few drinks one night we all make mistakes, you would have to be a saint if you go through your whole life without once having unprotected sex without 100% checking if she was taking the pill or not..we all know asking doesnt always mean you will get the correct answer.

[tourleadersi]

Seems like you've got yourself in a right mess mate. Answers to your problems wont be found here, they will need to come from within. You will get some good advice though, so read between the flames and you might be able to get an idea of how to move forward.

There are any number of choices available, from running to total commitment. If you were man enough to get into this situation, then you should be man enough to figure out how to move on from here. Wouldnt rely too much on the girlfriend, unless you want to know what Korean pop groups are currently in vogue. Should imagine its something like 'Oh, I'm pregnant. Thats nice. I fancy some somtam' Not digging at her or you here mate, but really she is just a kid. Doubt she would dob you in to the police either, she was smart enough to get pregnant so she must be smart enough to realise that you will be the source of support for her child.

I was lucky enough to never end up in this kind of situation. To be honest I would have no idea what I would do if I were in your shoes. Bear in mind that she has lied to you about her age, a lie that seems to put you on the wrong side of the law (I thought the age of consent here was 20...) Not really the basis of a great relationship, especially as she has threatened to use her lie to get you in to trouble. Do you think she will stop using that as a weapon? When the child has arrived and you fall in love with him/her as a parent does, will that be a new weapon to yield? All I do know is that I couldnt start out on a relationship based on these worries. There are ways to support your child, but worrying about who will get access to the money and how it will be divided up, bloody hel_l mate, you're gonna get an ulcer at 26!

Good luck with it, and try not to despair too much. There is always a way to work these things out. No matter how bad things seem, you will work it out. Stop fretting, knuckle down and figure out how you are going to move on. Then take this to her and tell her how it is going to be. Whilst this approach is not universal, it does seem in this instance to be the only way as she clearly hasnt shown herself to be a reasonable person.

[Djetou]

Seems like you've got yourself in a right mess mate. Answers to your problems wont be found here, they will need to come from within. You will get some good advice though, so read between the flames and you might be able to get an idea of how to move forward.

There are any number of choices available, from running to total commitment. If you were man enough to get into this situation, then you should be man enough to figure out how to move on from here. Wouldnt rely too much on the girlfriend, unless you want to know what Korean pop groups are currently in vogue. Should imagine its something like 'Oh, I'm pregnant. Thats nice. I fancy some somtam' Not digging at her or you here mate, but really she is just a kid. Doubt she would dob you in to the police either, she was smart enough to get pregnant so she must be smart enough to realise that you will be the source of support for her child.

I was lucky enough to never end up in this kind of situation. To be honest I would have no idea what I would do if I were in your shoes. Bear in mind that she has lied to you about her age, a lie that seems to put you on the wrong side of the law (I thought the age of consent here was 20...) Not really the basis of a great relationship, especially as she has threatened to use her lie to get you in to trouble. Do you think she will stop using that as a weapon? When the child has arrived and you fall in love with him/her as a parent does, will that be a new weapon to yield? All I do know is that I couldnt start out on a relationship based on these worries. There are ways to support your child, but worrying about who will get access to the money and how it will be divided up, bloody hel_l mate, you're gonna get an ulcer at 26!

Good luck with it, and try not to despair too much. There is always a way to work these things out. No matter how bad things seem, you will work it out. Stop fretting, knuckle down and figure out how you are going to move on. Then take this to her and tell her how it is going to be. Whilst this approach is not universal, it does seem in this instance to be the only way as she clearly hasnt shown herself to be a reasonable person.

Thankyou some very good advice you have given, running is not an option i have ever considered..it is my child then i will be a father.

Cheers once again for your response.

[Sabum]

Just to ease my insane curiousity but why did you drop a bomb in this girl? I mean EVEN when I was 15 I was terrified of any seed getting in any of the girls I was with so what exactly was your plan at the wise old age of 25 and should know all about contraception and how babies are made?

[guava]

Age of consent is 15 according to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_conse...n_Asia#Thailand

Fair chance a farang could be held to a higher standard - easy for her to say money changed hands, or cry rape, etc if she's as immature and unstable as she likely is.

[tomuk76]

As for the mother, she's going to be scared that she'll be left alone to fend for the baby herself.

Probably not. she will probably send the baby of to her family and continue or start to work in a bar to provide for it!

[samuibeachcomber]

DNA test

I dont think a DNA TEST is possible until after baby is born?

[nidhogg]

Age of consent is 15 according to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_conse...n_Asia#Thailand

yeah - and you full well know thats only half the story.

the applicable part of the article:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_conse...n_Asia#Thailand

The age of consent in Thailand is 15 (with the below caveat) as specified by article 279 of the Thai Criminal Code. The current legislation applies to all regardless of gender and/or sexual orientation, although it is a common misconception that it applies only to women.^{[citation needed]}

However parts of the Prevention and Suppression of Prostitution Act which disallow any sexual contact with prostitutes under the age of 18, are widely interpreted by some local authorities to cover sexual acts classed as "obscenity for personal gratification". Also from the Penal Code Amendment Act of 1997 Section 283bis, having sex with child under 18 is a compoundable offense even with the consent of that person. The parent or the child may file charge against the other side if he or she later regrets his or her own action. This ostensibly makes the Thai unfettered age of consent 18.

[Shotime]

This is what I meant by the "age" thing, and the "pregnant" thing. I know a 35 year old male who's back in Australia and all he can think about is his maybe pregnant GF (?) here. He calls me to see if I can find things out for him. Serious. I can't believe there's not a book available that explains all the games they'll try. They probably wouldn't read it anyway. I'll admit to making mistakes, but not that big. As far as advice, you wouldn't listen anyway. Welcome to the rodeo. and good luck.

[LivinLOS]

You can still get an abortion, if you can persuade the girl to have one.

It's illegal so you need to find a doctor prepared to do it. Just keep asking around. And don't delay, the price and risk goes up with the number of weeks.

Cabbages and condoms.. Clean reliable and 'safe'...

Will probably be very resistant if late, nearly refused someone I knew based that they had a relationship and therefore should not terminate. Seems to have some kind of moral code criteria that its there for emergency only not 'choice'.

[chuang]

[quote name=

Im so annoyed and i know she just thought by having baby she can now sit on her ass at my house and i will take care of her forever,

If you are the father, then you should be responsible, when you screwed her have you ever thought of the consequences.

If all you want is sex and one-night-stand, the bars in Pataya have plenty to offer for a pittance..

[tourleadersi]

Dont think we are helping much by lecturing the guy on contraception. Seems like he is smart enough to know the consequences of unprotected sex. Who here hasnt had a wet suit rip? Or have a GF forget to take the Jack and Jill at the right time?

Pretty sure the horse has bolted on this one, no sense on lecturing 'gate etiquette.'

Mate there is a wealth of experience here on the forum. Most of us have heard of, seen or encountered similar situations. You are not alone, circumstances are not unique. The only things that are new to the formula are yourself and the girlfriend. Those are the two factors that we do not know, and they also happen to be the only 2 factors that are relevant to the situation...

[LiveSteam]

Get the abortion, NOW. Tell her it will devastate both of you lives and you want to be with her awhile before having a family. Throw a little money at her family to soften things up a bit.

Whatever you bull S__t now doesn’t matter she started the line of BS in the first place. I am personally against all abortion except for rape and the mother’s health but if I was you get your best face on and manipulate.

Hey next time sailor wear a combat helmet.

LiveSteam

[tourleadersi]

Get the abortion, NOW. Tell her it will devastate both of you lives and you want to be with her awhile before having a family. Throw a little money at her family to soften things up a bit.

Whatever you bull S__t now doesn’t matter she started the line of BS in the first place. I am personally against all abortion except for rape and the mother’s health but if I was you get your best face on and manipulate.

Hey next time sailor wear a combat helmet.

LiveSteam

For someone who is against abortion in all but a few instances you seem to find the situation pretty light hearted. 'Throw a little money at the parents' and 'manipulate' seem a little callous if you are indeed so against termination of unwanted pregnancies. This guy has asked for advice because he appears desperate. For someone of your opinion on the topic, how would you feel if he acted on your advice word for word?