Will I Lose My Home?

[farang555]

please. gentlemen . no where did op say he got hisself a bargurl . why do you people always thinks it a whore?

farangs marry good upstanding thai girls too

and everyones contribution may help a new kid on the block who may want to rescue a girl from the village. some do learn from decisions made by op, i hope.

we all hope the don learns something!

Edited July 19, 2008 by farang555

[mommysboy]

please. gentlemen . no where did op say he got hisself a bargurl

and everyones contribution may help a new kid on the block who may want to rescue a girl from the village. some do learn from decisions made by op, i hope.

we all hope the don learns something!

have to admit got tangoed a few years back. I broke the circle by upping the sticks and disappearing to LOS. Refuse to talk to the bitch now. For some reason it killed the game. My cliche is 'and she wasn't even a bar girl'. The normal girls can be worse, they have crazy expectations and are easily led by the old strumpets in UK.

If a woman leaves her own child- well that indicates a real problem in her somewhere.

[geriatrickid]

If a woman leaves her own child- well that indicates a real problem in her somewhere.

Not if the kid is the spawn of Satan.

Before everyone trashes the woman or projects their own screw ups into the matter, as several rational people have suggested;

- seek legal counsel

-get marriage counseling

It takes 2 people to make a relationship work.

[zorro1]

First of all a bit of backgroud; my wife has been in england for 5 years, we married here and have one child born here, and she has an indefinate stay visa.

We are currently going through a rocky period, since we had the baby she has struggled to take care of him and always states how difficult it is. She has a daughter in thailand who is 12 years old, but stays with her ex. She says she is bored and would like to go back to thailand, so basically she can give the child to her parents to take care of and have an easy life with no responsibilities.

I have heard her mutter the word divorce when talking with her friends, if it came to a divorce would she be entitled to my estate, even though I have sponsored/supported her for the last 5 years? If she went home without a divorce could i cancel her visa?

Thanks in advance

She can give your son away and you are just concerned about your "estate" sorry for you.

Seeing as you were married in the UK and she holds an indefinate stay visa, you are sure to be hammered in any settlement.

A Thai lady is always keen to have a son within Thailand to take care of her in her old age so she would fight tooth and nail to have custody of him.

I have been through something similar with a UK wife so I know how it hurts.

If I was in your present position and reading bewteen the lines on your stated relationship. I would be looking to be making her a cash settlement if she was willing to sign a legal document waiving any claim on your property in any divorce settlement. This can be done leagally as I did this with my first wife after she did a butterfly routine.

Your son will always be your son wherever he is in the world and how you deal with that is down to your individual feelings for his well being in life.

it is easy for people to post stupid critcism but you will be joining the biggest club in the world, so don't despair and keep looking ahead positively.

You summed it up mate, well put and good advice to OP

[mommysboy]

If a woman leaves her own child- well that indicates a real problem in her somewhere.

Not if the kid is the spawn of Satan.

Before everyone trashes the woman or projects their own screw ups into the matter, as several rational people have suggested;

- seek legal counsel

-get marriage counseling

It takes 2 people to make a relationship work.

and no doubt your the sort that would condone the fox as it rips through the hen house.

terrible advice- the system is just set up so that this guy if he is real would be out of the home and hubby2 who is already on the scene will be in his slippers, while Doris Day blows the stash and tells the kid what a so and so her real Dad is.

Get real will you!!!!!

[Gumballl]

First of all a bit of backgroud; my wife has been in england for 5 years, we married here and have one child born here, and she has an indefinate stay visa.

We are currently going through a rocky period, since we had the baby she has struggled to take care of him and always states how difficult it is. She has a daughter in thailand who is 12 years old, but stays with her ex. She says she is bored and would like to go back to thailand, so basically she can give the child to her parents to take care of and have an easy life with no responsibilities.

I have heard her mutter the word divorce when talking with her friends, if it came to a divorce would she be entitled to my estate, even though I have sponsored/supported her for the last 5 years? If she went home without a divorce could i cancel her visa?

Thanks in advance

Maybe your wife is suffering from postpartum depression. Very common with women who give birth to a new-born child. Lots of stress.

Read more about it to see if it applies to your wife: http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/postpartum.htm

[mikethevigoman]

if she wants to go back and dump the child on the in laws it sounds like she wants to go back " to work " if i were you tell her to go back to thailand for a holiday, if you are really lucky it may be the last you see of her,. contrary to popular belief they arent all that smart, and may not come back for the divorce settlement, mine didnt and after 2 years i divorced her on her in her absense and gave her nothing,.

[siamamerican]

if she wants to go back and dump the child on the in laws it sounds like she wants to go back " to work " if i were you tell her to go back to thailand for a holiday, if you are really lucky it may be the last you see of her,. contrary to popular belief they arent all that smart, and may not come back for the divorce settlement, mine didnt and after 2 years i divorced her on her in her absense and gave her nothing,.

What about his child? If she didn't have his child, I think this might work. Make sure she is happy in Thailand and that would probably need to be insured with a monthly allowance. She wouldn't lose face on returning home and would get on doing whatever she did before you met.

Edited July 19, 2008 by siamamerican

[mikethevigoman]

if she wants to go back and dump the child on the in laws it sounds like she wants to go back " to work " if i were you tell her to go back to thailand for a holiday, if you are really lucky it may be the last you see of her,. contrary to popular belief they arent all that smart, and may not come back for the divorce settlement, mine didnt and after 2 years i divorced her on her in her absense and gave her nothing,.

What about his child? If she didn't have his child, I think this might work. Make sure she is happy in Thailand and that would probably need to be insured with a monthly allowance. She wouldn't lose face on returning home and would get on doing whatever she did before you met.

sorry i didnt make it clear, send her back to thailand alone ,..if there is a thai man in the backround ( and im not saying there is ) its common knowledge the thai men wont take thai/farang kids on,

[Newbee]

Is it possible to bring her daughter to UK as a help to look after the baby?

Is it too expensive to get at least a part time nanny (even an illegal immigrant or a part time student)?

[grantbkk]

Is it possible to bring her daughter to UK as a help to look after the baby?

Is it too expensive to get at least a part time nanny (even an illegal immigrant or a part time student)?

You may have intended to post this on another thread. If not can you tell me why a mother cannot watch her own child when all she has to do is watch television, eat, call the family back in Thailand and take care of the baby? Drag someone else to the UK to contend with? How does that help the OP in any way? Or am I missing the joke?

[mommysboy]

if she wants to go back and dump the child on the in laws it sounds like she wants to go back " to work " if i were you tell her to go back to thailand for a holiday, if you are really lucky it may be the last you see of her,. contrary to popular belief they arent all that smart, and may not come back for the divorce settlement, mine didnt and after 2 years i divorced her on her in her absense and gave her nothing,.

Good on you. Good game plan. Sound advice.

[Newbee]

Is it possible to bring her daughter to UK as a help to look after the baby?

Is it too expensive to get at least a part time nanny (even an illegal immigrant or a part time student)?

You may have intended to post this on another thread. If not can you tell me why a mother cannot watch her own child when all she has to do is watch television, eat, call the family back in Thailand and take care of the baby? Drag someone else to the UK to contend with? How does that help the OP in any way? Or am I missing the joke?

No, I have intended to post on this very thread. In my post, I suggests that OP deals with the routes of the problem, not with the consequences. IMHO the reasons for the problem are:

From the OP post:

We are currently going through a rocky period, since we had the baby she has struggled to take care of him and always states how difficult it is.

She says she is bored and would like to go back to thailand, so basically she can give the child to her parents to take care of

So, it IS difficult for the mother to take care of the baby. People differ, for me at least it would be no fun to babysit and stay at home for 24/7, again and again, even with a sweet small baby of my own. She needs a break, She DOES need a help. Get her a helper and, who knows, she may become a sweet loving wife again...

p.s. Did you ever had to take care of a baby for 24 hrs a day at least for 10 days without any help? You cannot leave a baby to get a shower, to go to the toilet, to cook, not speaking about going out to get a haircut, pedicure or simply shop for new clothes because you are too big for your prematernity jeans, and the maternity staff is no longer appropriate. And when the baby falls asleep the only thing you want is to sleep, too.

From my understanding she expects more help with the baby that she actually gets. Do I still sound illogical here?

[intumult]

please. gentlemen . no where did op say he got hisself a bargurl

and everyones contribution may help a new kid on the block who may want to rescue a girl from the village. some do learn from decisions made by op, i hope.

we all hope the don learns something!

have to admit got tangoed a few years back. I broke the circle by upping the sticks and disappearing to LOS. Refuse to talk to the bitch now. For some reason it killed the game. My cliche is 'and she wasn't even a bar girl'. The normal girls can be worse, they have crazy expectations and are easily led by the old strumpets in UK.

If a woman leaves her own child- well that indicates a real problem in her somewhere.

Ooooh I have to agree with that sentiment. Cannot help myself!! Too da_n right they can be worse.

Most honest, straight talking girl I have met to date is a dancer. Next step up from a bar lady.

I still feel for the OP though. And hard decisions are not easy to make. Best of luck whatever avenue you try.

[intumult]

Is it possible to bring her daughter to UK as a help to look after the baby?

Is it too expensive to get at least a part time nanny (even an illegal immigrant or a part time student)?

You may have intended to post this on another thread. If not can you tell me why a mother cannot watch her own child when all she has to do is watch television, eat, call the family back in Thailand and take care of the baby? Drag someone else to the UK to contend with? How does that help the OP in any way? Or am I missing the joke?

No, I have intended to post on this very thread. In my post, I suggests that OP deals with the routes of the problem, not with the consequences. IMHO the reasons for the problem are:

From the OP post:

We are currently going through a rocky period, since we had the baby she has struggled to take care of him and always states how difficult it is.

She says she is bored and would like to go back to thailand, so basically she can give the child to her parents to take care of

So, it IS difficult for the mother to take care of the baby. People differ, for me at least it would be no fun to babysit and stay at home for 24/7, again and again, even with a sweet small baby of my own. She needs a break, She DOES need a help. Get her a helper and, who knows, she may become a sweet loving wife again...

p.s. Did you ever had to take care of a baby for 24 hrs a day at least for 10 days without any help? You cannot leave a baby to get a shower, to go to the toilet, to cook, not speaking about going out to get a haircut, pedicure or simply shop for new clothes because you are too big for your prematernity jeans, and the maternity staff is no longer appropriate. And when the baby falls asleep the only thing you want is to sleep, too.

From my understanding she expects more help with the baby that she actually gets. Do I still sound illogical here?

A tad illogical.

Babies do sleep at regular intervals allowing you to do other things than sit and watch them 24/7.

It is nice to get help in looking after a baby but that is what partners are for - sharing of responsibility. Changing nappies, feeding and generally looking after a baby is demanding work but when the tasks are shared it can be a woinderful thing.

Yet I do not see the OP saying he does not help out.

Possibly the mother does have PND or is of the belief that her parents should be taking a greater part in the caring of the baby, family being a big thing here in Thailand. That does not mean she wants to totally abdicate her responsibility to the baby.

Also in the UK you have midwives and others to help with any problems where the parents and the baby are concerned.

[farang555]

what we need here is info on age of both parties.

if its mature man and 20 something yr old babe, then forget about therappy and just pay her off.

if both same age maybe therrappy will work.

if old woman and young farang, is there such a thing

[zorro1]

what we need here is info on age of both parties.

if its mature man and 20 something yr old babe, then forget about therappy and just pay her off.

if both same age maybe therrappy will work.

if old woman and young farang, is there such a thing

[meom]

if old woman and young farang, is there such a thing

How old is old & how young is young? Mrs. Meom is 5 yrs older than me and I guess there's some more couples where the woman is older but looks younger

[kamphaengphet1]

Thank you for taking the time to reply, there was some useful posts in there.

We are both 35 and no she was not a bar girl, our boy is nearly 2.

Things appear to have picked up slightly, so fingers crossed it will all work out.

Thanks again, bye!

[LivinLOS]

Hmmm your primary concern is NOT what will happen to YOUR child? She's talking about giving your child away to other people in another country..... why did you choose such a horrible wife? Why do so many of you guys do that? Nothing ever changes.... Im thinking no amount of information or warning will ever be enough for the dauntless masses of falang men.

ha ha ha..

So now its the guys fault that his wife is considering doing something you disagree with..

Superb !!

[zorro1]

Thank you for taking the time to reply, there was some useful posts in there.

We are both 35 and no she was not a bar girl, our boy is nearly 2.

Things appear to have picked up slightly, so fingers crossed it will all work out.

Thanks again, bye!

Mods can we have a rule in place where the there is proof that the relationship is totally broken down and beyond repair before asking for help on salvaging a house. perhaps a photo of the OP sleeping in a cheap motel or the wife looking startled in bed with another man My advice given when not drinking is usually of the highest calibre, expensive and time consuming

[pgs]

i wouldnt want to touch a village girl with the proverbial 10 foot pole.

It's more the 6" pole that causes the problems.

[zorro1]

i wouldnt want to touch a village girl with the proverbial 10 foot pole.

It's more the 6" pole that causes the problems.

6 inches

<----------------------------------------->

[pgs]

i wouldnt want to touch a village girl with the proverbial 10 foot pole.

It's more the 6" pole that causes the problems.

6 inches

<----------------------------------------->

Only 6cm (2.3") - I am sorry for you. Still, if you keep telling people it's 6" one day you'll find someone that doesn't know the difference.

[egg6447]

For a 'Thai Forum' and many members involved with Thai women I am still staggered at the lack of cultural understanding shown sometimes. It is absolutely normal for a Thai mother to allow her parents (Grandma) to take care of the child, while she goes out to earn money or even work to alleviate boredom. Normally when a Thai has a baby she has an incredible amount of support from her family. She is in England, and it is not an easy situation at the best of times. Why do you plan a divorce before you have exhausted all possibilities of staying with her?? I guess things aren't easy right now, as if she is depressed then it will effect the two of you in all aspects of your life (the intimate bit included). Before you judge your wife, and take a step that will have profound consequences on all your lives, try this little experiment. Take two days holiday from work on a Thurs, Fri, take the weekend off as well. Pack your wife off to see one of her friends in London maybe (she will know someone somewhere). You then take care of the child on your own for the four days. Do not call anyone on the phone, and do not visit, or have visitors (simulates the isolation of some Thai wives in the UK). Clean the house everyday and cook your meals (no takeaways). By Sunday when she comes home, not only will you be desperately relieved to see her, you will have an idea of just how demanding it is being a mother, in particular the boredom. It will be good for you and your child with the time together, and she will come back feeling refreshed. Nothing to lose and everything to gain. Good luck

what a good post. could, maybe is, written by a woman for a woman. still as a man i agree wholeheartedly. the ops post comes across as me me me . if he has a postal/internet wife of convenience. mate you got what you deserve . unfortunately i dont see you taking this advise as you do seem to have a Neanderthal approach to life and unlikely to change. sorry mate but you must try. forget your house. think of the babies home. and your wifes home come to that. other than that you get what you deserve most times.

[egg6447]

now your whole marriage was a sponsorship deal

Just wait some time and perhaps you will discover yours was a sponsorship deal too. You will have to wipe that 555 off your nickname then

Hi,

Not a chance of that,I see from his postings that he claims he is "here for the right reasons", what a &lt;deleted&gt;!

Roy gsd

roy you are one of the better posters on tv. read what he says slowly. he says how it is and is consistent hitting the nail on the head. his comments often allude to me also but because he,s correct i never take offense. thats reasonable. dont slag him off if you dont agree and dont slag him off if the cap fits. not his fault in either case. regards.

[egg6447]

Is it possible to bring her daughter to UK as a help to look after the baby?

Is it too expensive to get at least a part time nanny (even an illegal immigrant or a part time student)?

You may have intended to post this on another thread. If not can you tell me why a mother cannot watch her own child when all she has to do is watch television, eat, call the family back in Thailand and take care of the baby? Drag someone else to the UK to contend with? How does that help the OP in any way? Or am I missing the joke?

ermmm............. post natal depression ???????. not a joke unfortunately.

[farang555]

such kind word mr egg!

i just comment to what people write!

i have no axe to grind, ive never been to a village nor want to. it just amusing to see what you guys write and then later wonder what hit you on the noggin!

ps. animal moms dont leave their young uns to fend for themselves! its hard to believe thai moms do it just coz they want to. they must have something in mind!

[kamphaengphet1]

For a 'Thai Forum' and many members involved with Thai women I am still staggered at the lack of cultural understanding shown sometimes. It is absolutely normal for a Thai mother to allow her parents (Grandma) to take care of the child, while she goes out to earn money or even work to alleviate boredom. Normally when a Thai has a baby she has an incredible amount of support from her family. She is in England, and it is not an easy situation at the best of times. Why do you plan a divorce before you have exhausted all possibilities of staying with her?? I guess things aren't easy right now, as if she is depressed then it will effect the two of you in all aspects of your life (the intimate bit included). Before you judge your wife, and take a step that will have profound consequences on all your lives, try this little experiment. Take two days holiday from work on a Thurs, Fri, take the weekend off as well. Pack your wife off to see one of her friends in London maybe (she will know someone somewhere). You then take care of the child on your own for the four days. Do not call anyone on the phone, and do not visit, or have visitors (simulates the isolation of some Thai wives in the UK). Clean the house everyday and cook your meals (no takeaways). By Sunday when she comes home, not only will you be desperately relieved to see her, you will have an idea of just how demanding it is being a mother, in particular the boredom. It will be good for you and your child with the time together, and she will come back feeling refreshed. Nothing to lose and everything to gain. Good luck

what a good post. could, maybe is, written by a woman for a woman. still as a man i agree wholeheartedly. the ops post comes across as me me me . if he has a postal/internet wife of convenience. mate you got what you deserve . unfortunately i dont see you taking this advise as you do seem to have a Neanderthal approach to life and unlikely to change. sorry mate but you must try. forget your house. think of the babies home. and your wifes home come to that. other than that you get what you deserve most times.

I did take the advice about taking a holiday, sending her to friends etc. Also arranged child care one day a week, starting next week. Thats why I posted that things have picked up a little bit. Maybe next week even better. No she was not a postal/internet wife of convenience, but thanks for assuming that she was - I’m sure it fits with the neanderthal profile.

[egg6447]

I did take the advice about taking a holiday, sending her to friends etc. Also arranged child care one day a week, starting next week. Thats why I posted that things have picked up a little bit. Maybe next week even better. No she was not a postal/internet wife of convenience, but thanks for assuming that she was - I’m sure it fits with the neanderthal profile.

well you,ve made me happy with your reply. marriage is not easy. i.m delighted to be corrected. well done. check for post natal depression though..