English Women / Thai Men Relationships

[popmybubble]

I'm interested to hear about experiences that people have had with relationships between english/farang females and thai males.

What sort of reactions from thai people did you get, if any? What were the opinions of the thai family and friends?

I'm just curious if the same kind of stigma is attached as seems to be the case between farang males and thai females. Or is it more/less acceptable?

[farang555]

i dont even think this type is possible except in thai beachtowns. the economics just dont justify it.

for one, the english babe would have to go down in standard of living, dont think many want that.

theres a mod here who will tell us differently but shes peolly the exception.

i cant see a west girl happy with a man bringng home 400$ a month, and thats if he has good job.

[Boo]

there are 2 mods & quite a few posters here who will tell you different. Not all thai men are low income earners & not all western women expect a high income earner in a partner.

The ladies section has covered this topic a few times already, op suggest you do a search & see past threads as well.

[steveromagnino]

i dont even think this type is possible except in thai beachtowns. the economics just dont justify it.

for one, the english babe would have to go down in standard of living, dont think many want that.

theres a mod here who will tell us differently but shes peolly the exception.

i cant see a west girl happy with a man bringng home 400$ a month, and thats if he has good job.

what a load of rubbish, there are plenty of Thai men married/in relationships to english women; dwarfed of course by the massive numbers of uneducated Issan housewives/so called middle class Thai Chinese (who look usually exactly the same as the first group anyhow) married to western men, but a significant number nevertheless.

in general you tend to see the relationships between Thai men and western women as either the beach bum/tourist which is the equivalent of 80-90% of the western man/Thai woman relationships or you see a professional Thai man with a woman of similar standing.

$400 a month would perhaps be the first group, but the second group the Thai men are earning more like $400 a day or more. Most of that second group are the ones who studied in the UK/worked abroad and met their partners there.

For whatever reason if in the second group, you will encounter virtually no issue with any Thai people - in general less common and generally more acceptable particularly at the higher end of society; you will however have to deal with some western men for whom the nature of your relationship will be abhorent simply because their entire belief system is based on two principles

1. all Thai men being rubbish, so for a western woman to choose one there 'must be something wrong with you'. It is particularly important to believe this as that makes their own behaviour completely acceptable since they are saving their partner from the loser Thai men and are therefore a very very nice person

2. all western women are total crap, so that anyone would want you at all is also very very wrong

Since you are presumably smart enough to ignore these sorts of morons, other than them I doubt you'll have too many issues.

It depends a bit on the appearance of the guy; less so than for the women but still certain things count.

[Boo]

removed posts of a trollish nature.

[ray23]

Well we have a couple living our nieghborhhod, they are both nice people and good nieghbors. There live imng standard os teh same as mine. They seem to be happy and isn't that all that matters. Really happy to have them as friends.

[TheDon]

In sydney its actually catching on

[Hawkup2000]

steveromagnino

Honest question: Form a general thai guy view. Is it "better" to have a farang girlfriend than a local girl? Is it both thumbs up from other guys and envy or "why can´t he find a thaigirl"?

Edited July 18, 2008 by Hawkup2000

[mearkat75]

Myhubby is Thai,we didnt meet on the beach,and he aint poor

also my'standards' havent gone down,still pretty high thankyou

[Goinghomesoon]

My partner is not my economic equal but has many qualities that make him right for me.

(Steve23 good to hear there are other farang women up Udon way, sometimes I feel like the only one when I visit our farm up there.)

[kat]

i dont even think this type is possible except in thai beachtowns. the economics just dont justify it.

for one, the english babe would have to go down in standard of living, dont think many want that.

theres a mod here who will tell us differently but shes peolly the exception.

i cant see a west girl happy with a man bringng home 400$ a month, and thats if he has good job.

what a load of rubbish, there are plenty of Thai men married/in relationships to english women; dwarfed of course by the massive numbers of uneducated Issan housewives/so called middle class Thai Chinese (who look usually exactly the same as the first group anyhow) married to western men, but a significant number nevertheless.

in general you tend to see the relationships between Thai men and western women as either the beach bum/tourist which is the equivalent of 80-90% of the western man/Thai woman relationships or you see a professional Thai man with a woman of similar standing.

$400 a month would perhaps be the first group, but the second group the Thai men are earning more like $400 a day or more. Most of that second group are the ones who studied in the UK/worked abroad and met their partners there.

For whatever reason if in the second group, you will encounter virtually no issue with any Thai people - in general less common and generally more acceptable particularly at the higher end of society; you will however have to deal with some western men for whom the nature of your relationship will be abhorent simply because their entire belief system is based on two principles

1. all Thai men being rubbish, so for a western woman to choose one there 'must be something wrong with you'. It is particularly important to believe this as that makes their own behaviour completely acceptable since they are saving their partner from the loser Thai men and are therefore a very very nice person

2. all western women are total crap, so that anyone would want you at all is also very very wrong

Since you are presumably smart enough to ignore these sorts of morons, other than them I doubt you'll have too many issues.

It depends a bit on the appearance of the guy; less so than for the women but still certain things count.

Completely nailed it! As for the psychology of these guys, it extends even further into general racism. When I lived in Thailand I had an ex-flame visit me from the states, who was bi-racial and dark. He is a tall, handsome, educated and well-spoken man and the looks we got from these dishrag losers was priceless. They basically don't want anyone or anything challenging their self-appointed throne in Thailand.

[JOHN2]

i dont even think this type is possible except in thai beachtowns. the economics just dont justify it.

for one, the english babe would have to go down in standard of living, dont think many want that.

theres a mod here who will tell us differently but shes peolly the exception.

i cant see a west girl happy with a man bringng home 400$ a month, and thats if he has good job.

what a load of rubbish, there are plenty of Thai men married/in relationships to english women; dwarfed of course by the massive numbers of uneducated Issan housewives/so called middle class Thai Chinese (who look usually exactly the same as the first group anyhow) married to western men, but a significant number nevertheless.

in general you tend to see the relationships between Thai men and western women as either the beach bum/tourist which is the equivalent of 80-90% of the western man/Thai woman relationships or you see a professional Thai man with a woman of similar standing.

$400 a month would perhaps be the first group, but the second group the Thai men are earning more like $400 a day or more. Most of that second group are the ones who studied in the UK/worked abroad and met their partners there.

For whatever reason if in the second group, you will encounter virtually no issue with any Thai people - in general less common and generally more acceptable particularly at the higher end of society; you will however have to deal with some western men for whom the nature of your relationship will be abhorent simply because their entire belief system is based on two principles

1. all Thai men being rubbish, so for a western woman to choose one there 'must be something wrong with you'. It is particularly important to believe this as that makes their own behaviour completely acceptable since they are saving their partner from the loser Thai men and are therefore a very very nice person

2. all western women are total crap, so that anyone would want you at all is also very very wrong

Since you are presumably smart enough to ignore these sorts of morons, other than them I doubt you'll have too many issues.

It depends a bit on the appearance of the guy; less so than for the women but still certain things count.

Completely nailed it! As for the psychology of these guys, it extends even further into general racism. When I lived in Thailand I had an ex-flame visit me from the states, who was bi-racial and dark. He is a tall, handsome, educated and well-spoken man and the looks we got from these dishrag losers was priceless. They basically don't want anyone or anything challenging their self-appointed throne in Thailand.

'dishrag losers' I say!

[Super Hans]

Myhubby is Thai,we didnt meet on the beach,and he aint poor

also my'standards' havent gone down,still pretty high thankyou

Not in spelling your own username, they aren't.

[Nampeung]

Well said Steveromagnino

[teacup]

Quite good and accurate summary Steve

And from my observation, over 90% of these farang women do have a job or career of their own, and quite similar in age of their partner.

[sbk]

Actually, I also tend to agree with steverom...(sorry too long to type ) analysis. I do live in the beach bum area and have to say that while the majority of relationships you see between western women and Thai men are of the beach bum variety those that work are (usually) between people of equal standing. My husband was not nor is a beach bum but comes from a family of good-standing (both economically and socially) and those of my friends whose relationships survived were the same. It seems to me that most women are not necessarily interested in a long-term relationship with someone they find to be intellectually inferior but the economics don't necessarily matter that much.

I could care less if my husband were rich or poor but I couldn't tolerate a relationship with someone who couldn't carry on an intelligent and informed conversation with me.

Again, got to agree with Boo, this topic belongs in the ladies forum where I am moving it to now.

[g00dgirl]

What sort of reactions from thai people did you get, if any?

I was standing on an escalator with my Thai BF at MBK in Bangkok once, when a Thai guy similar age or a bit younger than my TBF who was standing right behind us made a comment in Thai to my TBF. I speak some Thai, but didn't catch it. Then my TBF replied to the guy in Thai along the lines of watch it "she can speak Thai". My TBF was quite amused and visibly happy about the comment. I asked him what he said and it was something like a compliment as in wow where did you find her.

My TBF said to me once that the usual false assumptions that Thai people make when they see us together are that he must speak really good English (doesn't speak any) and that his status is quite a bit better than it actually is.

[g00dgirl]

farang555, how can you say the foreign girl has to go down in standard of living because she has a Thai Boyfriend, do you assume that foreign girls in Thailand all have no money and depend on their partners?

I don't ask my TBF to work at all, he would like to work sometimes to have some own money, he used to work before we were together, but I rather have him spend his time with me.

I don't mind it that my TBF is not economically equal, other things are more important.

[mearkat75]

Myhubby is Thai,we didnt meet on the beach,and he aint poor

also my'standards' havent gone down,still pretty high thankyou

Not in spelling your own username, they aren't.

What are you on about????

[Amyji]

you will however have to deal with some western men for whom the nature of your relationship will be abhorent simply because their entire belief system is based on two principles

1. all Thai men being rubbish, so for a western woman to choose one there 'must be something wrong with you'. It is particularly important to believe this as that makes their own behaviour completely acceptable since they are saving their partner from the loser Thai men and are therefore a very very nice person

2. all western women are total crap, so that anyone would want you at all is also very very wrong

Since you are presumably smart enough to ignore these sorts of morons, other than them I doubt you'll have too many issues.

Fortunately I've never had to 'deal with some western men' while living in Bangkok with my Thai husband. I got occasional weird looks, but mostly I got completely ignored. I could care less what these western men think of my relationship with the man who is my soulmate - the most important person in my life. I imagine when we come back for a visit this November we'll have more looks from other Thais, but I think the attention will be toward our cutie-patootie three-year-old son.

I hold the same opinion now that I'm back in the United States as well. Maybe it's not an issue for me because I don't focus on what others think. The only thing my husband and I notice are Asian men coupled with Caucasian women and we think, yeah, another one for our team!

Bottom line is that what you focus your attention on expands. Don't worry about it if you aren't doing anything that bothers your conscience. (Just as steveromagnino summed up in the last sentence of his post.)

[teej]

I'm interested to hear about experiences that people have had with relationships between english/farang females and thai males.

What sort of reactions from thai people did you get, if any? What were the opinions of the thai family and friends?

I'm just curious if the same kind of stigma is attached as seems to be the case between farang males and thai females. Or is it more/less acceptable?

The issue is that of Ignorance (as it should be defined, in the non-derogatory sense). Ignorance is perhaps born of many things, but at its most base level, it is simply a lack of education. And a lack of education tends to correlate with socio-economic status. Of course there are examples outside of such a generalization, but those exceptions are not my point of contention, so I will not address them.

As an aside, level of education can be an equalizing factor across socio-economic lines. Essentially, though, I will assume that they go hand in hand.

Take for instance, a population in which the members are highly-educated. As I mentioned that education can be an equalizer across socio-economic lines, you can imagine this population as one you would would find at a prestigious University, for example. At the surface, ties among members of the same socio-economic status are the quickest to form. It's simply a matter of recognizing similarities and gravitating toward them.

Individuals will then find commonalities in thought and interests among their peers, as the equality in the educational status (attendance at said Prestigious University) gains importance over their difference in socio-economic status. At this point, goals and ambitions, ways of thought and ideologies -- essentially what characteristics of one's personality that makes them 'them' -- become the driving force in forming relationships (The 'ideal characteristics' if you will, in relationships).

Of course there are cases where the personal relationships exist only between people within a similar socio-economic status (e.g. "High Society"). These numbers are small, and for the most important segment, it is the level of education that binds people. And thus it is the effect of education (goals and ambitions, etc. named above) that binds partners.

I could go on for 100 pages developing these ideas, but I think we'd be getting beyond the scope of ThaiVisa, home of of the one-line 'slag-off.'

Basically, among The Educated, issues of race (a cultural construct which lacks real definition, btw), ethnicity, etc. fall by the wayside and are replaced by the more important issues that define individuals.

Cut to Thailand, where it's safe to say the 'relative' level of education is of lower-standard than that in the West. Not coincidentally, therefore, the level of ignorance would be 'higher, on average' than in West. I hate to have to choose my words in making this point, but there will always be someone there to point out otherwise, 'Hey teej, my Issan wife has an IQ of 140, who are you to judge blah blah blah.'

Add the stigmas associated with the long history of prostitution (justified or not) in this country and you have Ignorance fueling Ignorance. Add further the disparity in socio-economic status between potential partners of different ethnicity and what you have is Ignorance-squared. All of this creates and environment of assumptions-based-Ignorance/Ignorance-based-assumption, which rears its ugly head in the form of negative commentary about cross-cultural relationships.

I feel like I'm beginning to rant, so I'll stop. The take-away message: If you are in a genuine relationship (one born of Love, not of exterior factors such as money, loneliness, perceptions of security, etc. - this is where I would go off re: Old Farang Man/Young Thai Girl Issue, but I won't) then <deleted> what other (read:ignorant) people think. Don't let other people's ignorance bother you (ignorance is not something in short supply in Thailand).

I get asked all of the time why do I (phenotypically 'Asian', having a half-asian bloodline notwithstanding) date a 'farang' (my gf's looks would be phenotypically 'Nordic') and not Thai girls. I usually just answer with a "rao keuy gan roo reuang" which roughly translates to "we understand each other," which is what the Thais usually accept. A lesson on ignorance/education/socio-economics would simply not be effective. So it boils down to "we understand each other," which I guess is the jist of it all... ain't Love grand?

teej

edit: tried to edit for clarity, but then realized that my brain isn't really capable of making short points, because there is always another level of analysis... it is this same "Educational Snobbery" that makes me want to pound my head against a wall all too often here in Thailand, and at times especially on ThaiVisa.

Edited July 21, 2008 by teej

[FrangipaniGal]

really?? i am Malaysian chinese marry a thai guy. But we are ok. i mean he is not like rich rich rich but we are ok , and he definitely bring home more than $400/mth. he is a piano teacher in Mahidol college but he used to work in 5 star hotels in china, japan ,malaysia as a singer and pianist.

But i do find one thing i am not sure if its just him, are thai men sensitive??

Also for those of u who mary thai and stay in Bangkok... do you guys have frens here?? for me I dun have frens here myabe only one or 2 but ot anyone I can hang out with like go coffee , chit chat, exchange recipes and all. I stay home most of the time unless i go out shopping in Seri Center, tesco or Emporium but i do it alone. Sometimes i find it frustrating....Do you?

[girlx]

very diplomatic post teej ... i agree that a number of misunderstandings in thailand arise out of the differences in education.

though i personally have never gotten any strange reactions from thais when i was with a thai guy, other than their thinking i might be "easy" or that the boyfriend was "too ugly" to have a farang.

Edited July 29, 2008 by girlx

[FrangipaniGal]

is you thai bf/husband sensitive??

[eek]

But i do find one thing i am not sure if its just him, are thai men sensitive??

Hi FrangipaniGal, can you elaborate on what you mean by sensitive? Just I think a lot of things can be read into that. I think i know what you mean, but would be nice if you can clarify.

[FrangipaniGal]

But i do find one thing i am not sure if its just him, are thai men sensitive??

y

Hi FrangipaniGal, can you elaborate on what you mean by sensitive? Just I think a lot of things can be read into that. I think i know what you mean, but would be nice if you can clarify.

well my husband gets like agitated and frustrated easily.... example if I am quiet he will think i am unhappy... or sometimes I say something to him and he jump to conclusions

[Boo]

Monkeyhouse as advised on the other thread, report the post you thin is wrong & a mod will pick it up but we cannot be monitoring everything posted as soon as it is posted. But fyi, once reported please don't then start making comments about the offending posts or posts complaining about mods as it just makes the clean up even harder.

Thanks

[FrangipaniGal]

well you cant generalise this... the way u say this is like Thai man can earn enough money ... this is unfair to them.. Thai ppl can be very wealthy too.We know quite a few who are very wealthy ppl in thailand...I mean my husband's cousin brother inlaw can afford to buy 2 houses, 2 cars and living a good life...

I am not farang but I can be considered as a foreigner in Thailand... our life is ok ... we got a nice house near the airport ..dun generalised thai men and women...

[Boo]

well said frangipanigal. some people will always generalise or think low of thai people & others will always try to make problem for foreign women on this website & in thailand too.

[MonkeyHouse]

Monkeyhouse as advised on the other thread, report the post you thin is wrong & a mod will pick it up but we cannot be monitoring everything posted as soon as it is posted. But fyi, once reported please don't then start making comments about the offending posts or posts complaining about mods as it just makes the clean up even harder.

Thanks

Why thankyou boo, I am on a mission to stamp out discrimination against thai women on thai visa.

However it was funny how my post was deleted straight away but the other left until i reported it. Anyway who am i to argue with the boss.