How Does Your Thai Think?

[daveh]

My fiancée does something that gets to me at times. She seems to believe hearsay from Thais is more credible than anything I tell her. For example, right now we are going through the fiancée visa process. I tell her not to worry about the visa interview as long as she is honest with the embassy official, there shouldn't be a problem.

But "her friend" told her that only 30% pass the interview. It does not seem to matter if I tell her that those numbers from her friend are most likely in regard to a tourist visa which is quite different than a fiancée visa.

It seems that no matter how much I reassure her, it only takes one of "her friends" to cause doubt in what I'm telling her. It's almost as if she was brought up to distrust farangs and believe that anything we tell them is a lie.

Do any of you have similar experiences with Thais?

[simple1]

Yes, you are correct the majority of Thai's will not believe you, but will give credence to their friends who usually don't know what they are talking about. Also, given that the Thai education system is so appalling, normally Thai's will only accept "truth" by direct experience. e.g. ask your Thai partner the names and location of the countries bordering Thailand.

[Pink Mist]

I disagree with the no trust theory, in the beginning of our relationship, my wife (then girlfriend) didn't take everything I said as gospel. It took a certain amount of time to get to know each other and trust in my opinions before this happened.

Now she will tell me what a Thai friend has said about issues to do with visas, immigration and specifics to do with living in Oz, then asks me if it is right or not.

It takes time IMHO

[Boon Mee]

My fiancée does something that gets to me at times. She seems to believe hearsay from Thais is more credible than anything I tell her. For example, right now we are going through the fiancée visa process. I tell her not to worry about the visa interview as long as she is honest with the embassy official, there shouldn't be a problem.

But "her friend" told her that only 30% pass the interview. It does not seem to matter if I tell her that those numbers from her friend are most likely in regard to a tourist visa which is quite different than a fiancée visa.

It seems that no matter how much I reassure her, it only takes one of "her friends" to cause doubt in what I'm telling her. It's almost as if she was brought up to distrust farangs and believe that anything we tell them is a lie.

Do any of you have similar experiences with Thais?

It's because you're the Farang and a man. She's got Thai girlfriends that ""know"

Give it time for her to build trust with your word

[dugdig]

I've had similar expeiences with my wife and as others have said it gets better with time. Sometimes when her friends tells her something which seems farfetched/ridiculous I tell her in a round about, non direct, friendly way that I really would like to know where they learned about this because I want to learn more about it. Like the 30%success rate for visas. Who told them this? If you can take some of your time and actually find out the real success rate from a very reliable source like the embassy then you will hopefully develop credibility. But beware that going about this the wrong way and with the wrong attitude can make big problems in your relationship and obviously if you do turn out ot be right be very careful to not belittle her friends and even try to have a ready excuse to save her friends face...something like 'maybe that was the sucess rate before and its changed now.

Also I have a question: Is your wife quoting the poor success rate and then insisting that you hire an expensive lawyer or expert to help you through the process? My wife sometimes quotes her 'friends' when she is trying to convince me to do things her way.

[xbusman]

I think I have some bad news here. For many years I sold a very technologically advanced product to highly successful westerners with limited technology grasp. Despite carefully laying out the product for the customer, it usually boiled down to what their buddy thought at the club.

Doctors will particularly complain about this bizarre human attribute. After 12 or 15 years of rigorous training and careful diagnosis, people go home and hug crystals cause their buddy told them it works. Its a common and bizarre human trait that can be infuriating to those spending the time to earn the knowledge.

IMHO I found the best antidote was to convince "a friend" of the information and in turn they could not wait to inform "my target" of their superior knowledge. When it came from the friend, it was gospel. I think Doctors should pick up on this quirk of human psychology and only offer diagnosis to friends of the afflicted.

[Doctor John]

How Does Your Thai Think?

Makes it seem like you are talking about a pet.

Maybe the distrust comes from the fact that many Farang in Thailand do have a tendency to tell lies.

I also have learnt not to trust or believe anybody that I do not know well, I have been cheated and lied to by so many fellow Farangs I have lost count.

14 Years living in Pattaya, I have heard a lot of stories.

Special Forces, SAS, Navy Seals, Astronauts, Millionaires who live in a Fan room that costs 1800 Baht per month, guys that will inherit millions soon, and could I lend them 500 Baht till their money gets sent over next week.

Not saying that you are like that, but I have met many that are.

Trust comes in time, you have to earn it.

[meadish_sweetball]

Do any of you have similar experiences with Thais?

Yes, but not my girlfriend. She is much more likely to listen to my opinions than those of her friends. Or rather, she listens to her friends, but always with a pinch of salt.

General advice (not specifically directed at you) If you want to convince a Thai of something - don't behave like the (stereo)typical farang male who "knows he's right". This is the surefire way to make Thai people totally uninterested in what you are saying.

[Darknight]

My wife learned trough experience that i was usually right about something. She had to bump into some brick walls though first. it's the same with teenagers they will listen but think what the heck. they still have to find that out for themselves.

By now after three years my wife knows that if i'm not 90 percent sure of how things are i won't comment on it. i find that mostly the "Think before you do" tends to be "Do without thinking" in thailand.

It of course makes the charm of the country, otherwise it wouldn't be that relaxed.

[Neeranam]

Imagine yourself in your own country, with a Thai telling you all about a visa for Thailand. Your mates tell you all about it - who would you believe????

14 Years living in Pattaya, I have heard a lot of stories.

I never believe anyone from Pattaya. There have been so many of the millionaire living in a 3000B a month room, Ferrari at home types. I met a guy recently, who after living for over 30 years in the country(Pattaya) he needed me to help him buy 2 bottles of water as the woman could not understand him

What a thought, being in Pattaya for 30 years, maybe he had. That place screwed me up after only 2 days, 3 years ago. Must be the only place inthe world where one can be offered sex whilst pushing a babystroller. NEVER again. I actually know some guy who goes there with his family of wife and two girls(14 and 16), right into the heart of the <deleted>. I guess I just don't like being mistaken for one of the holiday makers that go there, or residents.

To the original threader, my wife has some friends with a greater knowledge than I. I am more knowledgeablei n certain areas than some others though. Do you REALLY no better than them. Good luck with her visa application.

[p1p]

My wife does this all the time. I try to teach her something and she will not believe it. Her Doctor, Lawyer or another professional gives her the same advice, and she quotes it back to me anew, as if saying "Why didn't you tell me this?" We even laugh about it now!

Psychologists recognise this phenomenon. It has something to do with them not wanting to rely on you too much.