udon Posted November 21, 2004 Share Posted November 21, 2004 Just roll back a couple of posts Udon, then head for the optometrist Yer ole dad was right about what'd happen if you kept it up Must be the Vee, I'll nip into to OPSM later today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted November 21, 2004 Share Posted November 21, 2004 Just roll back a couple of posts Udon, then head for the optometrist Yer ole dad was right about what'd happen if you kept it up Must be the Vee, I'll nip into to OPSM later today. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> If OPSM cannot help, get a white cane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbkudu Posted November 21, 2004 Share Posted November 21, 2004 The voice of 5 times married experience here....I lived with my first 4 wives for 6 months and more before getting married, to "make sure" it was going to work and that we were compatible. Ravisher, you're either a serious masochist, a high stakes gambler, a fool or all three rolled into one. Six months, that's it? Who should listen to you for good advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bannork Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 Take a good look at your potential wife's relatives and friends, the latter she can choose so to some extent you can judge her by whom she associates with. Do her friends seem like nice people? Of course the language barrier is a problem but over the course of a few weeks you should get a good idea of the company she likes to keep. If she likes to hold frequent drinking sessions with karaoke give her a wide berth, similarly heavy gambling of any form. Did she have any plans, ambitions before she met you, in other words she wasn't just waiting for a sugar daddy? Does she want you to learn Thai or Issan? If not, it could mean she sees no future for herself in Thailand and is looking for a way out or it could mean she doesn't want you to understand as she tells her friends how she's taking you for a ride. Regarding the relatives,again take time, can your partner stand up to them, is she close to them? If still unsure, find a Thai friend you trust and ask him to come along with you to her family home or go out together and ask his opinion. Some helpful hints: marry a girl whose parents are dead, no dowry or grasping mother-in-law. Marry a teetotalling widow with a couple of nippers or a single mother( if the ex has a new girlfriend); usually the mother and the kids will be very grateful to have some security and will be thankful without being greedy. Marry a girl who cannot speak English. all the best, bannork. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tippaporn Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 QUOTE(Nam Kao @ 2004-11-14 22:22:52)Dont give their families a dime. I never did besides helping her mother and my wife didnt lose face etc. Some of the brothers and sisters tried to pry some $$ out of me but I just cried poor-mouth and now they wouldnt even think of asking. Once you crack open the wallet for 1 - the rest will come running like blood sucking leeches. It's amazing reading posts like this. I am continually amazed at the farang guys that come here and appear to be completely ignorant to the culture - and the trappings thereof. If you can't handle it, pack your bags and go home. If his in-laws if were white, would there be more willingness to help? And would he ever refer to them as 'leeches'? What a charming chappie. It's this holier-than-thou attitude which gives farangs a bad rap and with the sort of claptrap and the condescending drivel posted here, I am surprised you're even welcomed by your wives'/gfs' families. Start showing some respect for the country and the people that didn't invite you here. You made your own way here so accept what you find and for God's (and ours') sake, stop bitching and stop making crass statements. Nuff said. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I'm with you Sean. Well said <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Ditto that! And yes, well spoken indeed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tippaporn Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 Did I do the right thing? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Hi Flummoxed. Sorry, I have a contrary opinion to most of the other posts here. I agree with Amarka (who's said it much shorter than me!). We Westerners come to Thailand and marry Thais because we choose to (most of us do fall genuinely in love with the caring and nurturing attitude of the Thai ladies we have the good fortune to get to know). We believe there are advantages in doing so over the alternatives open to us. We make a conscious and positive choice to buy into these advantages, which are part and parcel of the Thai lifestyle and culture. It's part of what makes this culture unique and different from ours. And we love it, because it suits us and flatters our male egos! However, we should also take note of other deeply ingrained traditions in Thai culture as well, which again are different from ours and, because they may hit our pocket book, we're not so prepared to accept them! I mean that in Thailand, family members are expected to help each other (they can't run off and get loans and overdrafts from the bank, unlike in our society!). This means helping the family when they need it, be it time, moral support or, as in this case, money. Unless you've married into a family of total spongers, the request to you for help was a genuine one and your refusal will not be easily understood or accepted. In fact your refusal will leave them all bewildered, if you have the resources to pay. Don't talk about "not marrying the family". You did so when you married a Thai, and you should recognise this less palatable part of the bargain. Unfortunately, we 'farangs' tend to cherrypick the parts of the culture that suit us and reject the bits that we dont like! I've been in the same situation as you and I was glad to pay up. The family has never taken advantage of me subsequently and they still remember my support! The family member in question has actually paid my wife back some of the money I gave. More importantly, I have been completely accepted into the family and her brother (and her grateful parents) will do anything for us now and in the future. A favour like this will always be repaid, maybe not in money, but in a way that can be a lot more valuable If you don't help, you will make your wife lose face, disappoint and bewilder her (as she really won't be able to understand why you refuse), lose the friendship of her brother (and probably her mother and father too). You're lucky that the brother actually wants to marry the girl, many Thai guys just walk away! Suggests that he's responsible and probably loves her. I'm amazed at the irresponsibility and lack of moral fibre in the advice you're getting from most of the posts. Follow your own good judgement and do what you should in terms of fairness! US$750 really is a small sum from a Western perspective for what you will receive in return, I assure you. Ignore any ridicule you get from 'farang' friends about going 'soft'. Just do the right thing. You wn't regret it. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> A nice post, Michael. A good personal story, some very good insight to bear in mind, and a good illustration of how things can work. Three posts since April? I think this forum deserves to hear from you more often. I'm sure it work both ways, though. No doubt there are families out there who would be willing to take advantage of another family member's financial abundance. Of course, you can be assured that is not a situation that's restricted to Thailand, so at no time should generalizations be made that suggest it's a Thai 'thing' if you do find yourself being taken advantage of. People do need help at times, nothing wrong in that at all. But, as long as you're not viewed and used as a permanent crutch. So do use your own judgement. I would be willing to give the benefit of the doubt rather than not. Especially since it is family. Besides, your good will comes back to you in other unforeseen ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tippaporn Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 O.K. , To all you experienced Issan girl lovers...How about some tips and ideas on how to tell early on in a relationship if the girl is only about the money, or if there is truely an emotional attachment. After reading so much that it's about ... the money, the money, the money, .... You've all got me paranoid. Let's hear some concrete information, based on experience, of how to avoid the ladies that are only in it for the money!!! Thanks! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I met my Isaan teehlak 18 hours after my plane touched down on my first business trip over here. That was three years past. I don't think I ever fell in love more quickly. I was amazed at the care I was given and could only imagine what life would be like if I were to reciprocate in kind. I spent 2-1/2 weeks with her on that initial trip which turned out to be 2-1/2 weeks of some of the most charmed experience I had ever had. Before leaving back to the States I had offered to send her $250/month. Not only did she refuse my offer but she let me know in no uncertain terms that it was her challenge to make her dreams come true, not mine. This was certainly not the response I had anticipated. But I insisted and sent her money anyway. First I tried sending a personal check, then an international bank draft. Both methods did not work well in terms of time and cost. The bank draft was supposed to have been paid out to her immediately but the banks here claimed a 30 day delay in payment. On top of that they wanted roughly 2,000 Baht for a fee. She emailed me asking what I wanted her to do; cash it or not. It took me a day to figure out to open a separate Stateside bank account and send her the ATM card. I emailed her back letting her know and at the same time asked that she send the bank draft back to me. She agreed to do this. Almost a month went by and I still had not received the bank draft from her. I assumed it had gotten lost in the mail and placed a stop payment on the draft in order to recover the funds. I emailed her to let her know. That weekend I made my weekly call to her and was shocked to hear her bawling uncontrollably, telling me only that she didn't care about money. It was obvious that there was some serious miscommunication, as she spoke very little English at the time. I assured her as best I could that there was not a problem on my end. She seemed to calm down for the rest of our conversation and I assumed she understood. Not so. After that conversation I spoke with her only once more on the following weekend. Neither did I receive a single email from her after the one I had sent letting her know about the stop payment. Most surprising of all was that she no longer used her ATM card even though she had over 10,000 Baht balance in 'her' account. Evidence beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was not into me for money. And evidence also of the great sense of pride she had about her. It took me over a month using enormous persistence to finally straighten that miscommunication out. We've since been together in Thailand for over two solid years, during which time she has shown herself to be one of the most frugal women I had ever known, though never cheap while also showing a quite generous heart to her dear friends and family. These past years she has also shown herself to be the most caring, loving, honest, happiest, and devoted woman that I ever could have imagined in my wildest dreams. When I met her I swore to her, and myself, that I would ever and only give her Thai happiness, kwam sook. In our three years together thus far we have never had a single fight, argument, or even bad word between us. In an amazing and unfathomable way our love just gets stronger in time. Neither of us have lost that 'puppy' love that is so often only fleeting at the start of a relationship. Sorry all you Isaan lovers, I got the best one! They done broke the mould! My advice? Follow the inspiration of my story and the many, many other wonderful stories contained in this thread. You haven't a clue yet of what is truly possible. Go for it. The trick is not to avoid the wrong ladies but to anticipate the right ones. Keep only love in your heart and feel safe in dropping any fears. Gently laugh at those who would like nothing better than to have you commiserate with them over their Sad Sack experiences and wish them the best in their next go-around. But for you, well, you know where you're going . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonthaya Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 I was involved in a pretty bad acident. It resulted in a open skull fractur. Anyhow, at the time, my wife was kind of a friend - girlfriend. She was by my side at the hospital every moment, every second. Fact is, she even slept in the hospital bed with me. She is rather small, and there was room for the both of us. With the way hospitals are so understaffed now in the states, I guess no one minded. Any how, as I said she was by my side every moment, she saw me at my worst, but yet she was still there for me... We were married shortly after I recovered. The truth is, I had an American gf I had been dateing off and on for almost 2 years, and I thought we were close. That girl, didn't even visit me at the hospital, and by the time she called to check up on me, I had been released. I am thankful for my Thai wife, and thankful I survived. Yes, she does take care of me. At the time we got together, I really did not have much to offer financially, but she was still crazy over me. So I don't think she was "in to me" for money... She is just a big hearted kind woman, and I got lucky. That is just some of the stories that we share together.... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> A real sunshine story, I'm happy for you, I have now been married to a Thai for 12 years, the best years of my life, they doesn't come any better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pschef Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Okay me too, 12 years. I would be a fool if I say all a bed of roses, but I wouldnt change. You guys must understand, you must take the rough with the smooth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bannork Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Love Issan before you meet your beloved. Love morlam with its melodies that break your heart, along with its driving rhythms that compel one to dance.Love the open-heartedness of the people, the fireflies and frogs in the rainy season, the dramatic storms, thunder and lightning, followed by sunshine, no dull cold drizzle! Somtam or dtam-m-hoong with grilled chicken, everyone invited to share. The mist in November and December from 5am to 7am, the sound of the cattle in the fields with their cowbells, the friendly greetings,(and gossip), of the locals to each other; if you love all the aforementioned and you meet a woman whose roots are still in her village and you have enough money or funds to maintain yourself and her family you will be guaranteed happiness, at least until the funds run out! bannork. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backpack_thailand Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Been with my Issan missus 5 years, never a dull moment! The first GF I had here was a money grabbing wh**e and grabbed a lot of it. At the time i was green as grass, just got off the plane etc. etc. Currently have beautiful baby boy , great family life and the in-laws have never asked for a single Baht. When I visit I take a few gifts, flowers, bit of shopping from TESCO etc. and they think I'm wonderful! True, there are plenty of wrong 'uns butthe best advice I can offer to any new boys is to let a few expats (Thai speakers preferably) meet your new GF and give you their opinions. It's then up to you whether you listen or not, no matter how lovely she may appear! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backpack_thailand Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Food for thought..... Thai girls that speak really good English are usually wrong 'uns! If you met your GF/Wife in a bar then when it happens, and it will, then "Som Nom Na!" If the GF's family are always hanging around waiting to be fed, taken out etc. - Sack her! If the sex is awesome, I mean REALLY awesome, after a major financial offering (gift, family help...) you're in for a tough time! Generally, most foreigners you meet here have got "second time lucky" with regards to GF/Wife. Those that just keep on getting done, well, mmm, er.... TAXI! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tippaporn Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Love Issan before you meet your beloved. Love morlam with its melodies that break your heart, along with its driving rhythms that compel one to dance.Love the open-heartedness of the people, the fireflies and frogs in the rainy season, the dramatic storms, thunder and lightning, followed by sunshine, no dull cold drizzle! Somtam or dtam-m-hoong with grilled chicken, everyone invited to share.The mist in November and December from 5am to 7am, the sound of the cattle in the fields with their cowbells, the friendly greetings,(and gossip), of the locals to each other; if you love all the aforementioned and you meet a woman whose roots are still in her village and you have enough money or funds to maintain yourself and her family you will be guaranteed happiness, at least until the funds run out! bannork. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I'm in the States now for about a month and a half. This story (along with the winter weather here) does not help things here. Kit tueng Issan mak mak! But it's a beautiful story nonetheless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somtaamgaiyang Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 I don't understand the people on here claiming never give a dime. I laid down the ground rules at the beginning of "marriage" about my priorities, wife and children first, then any requests would be considered if valid and affordable. Probably no more than one would say in the Western world. What is so difficult in checking that your brother in law really did fall off the motorcycle and helping out if you can or explaining that you cannot afford the Bht1 m to buy the new car is unaffordable. Maybe my wife is different but so far no major problems, and they seem to believe that I cannot solve the worlds problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thetyim Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 In this months issue of a Thai magazine there is an article about falangs marrying Issan girls. It states that 69% of the girls only have primary education,27% have secondary education and just 7% had further education. This raises the question why do falangs choose the poorly educated girls and how much maths education did the writer receive ? Other statistics include number breakdown for marriages in each Chumwat with an Issan total of 8931 ( not the 20000 quoted here) and breakdown by nationality, with the Germans getting top place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backpack_thailand Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 ...with the Germans getting top place. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Spot On! Love a Thai bird yer average Kraut! Any girl, regardless of nationality would have to poorly educated to live with a German! Yes, yes, yes, let's hear those responses!! LOVE IT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamdomChances Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 In this months issue of a Thai magazine there is an article about falangs marrying Issan girls.It states that 69% of the girls only have primary education,27% have secondary education and just 7% had further education. This raises the question why do falangs choose the poorly educated girls and how much maths education did the writer receive ? Other statistics include number breakdown for marriages in each Chumwat with an Issan total of 8931 ( not the 20000 quoted here) and breakdown by nationality, with the Germans getting top place. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Tha above figures look like a pretty good cross section of Issarn women, the trouble with statistics is you have to know what you are comparing them too ie 7% Issarn women who get married to a falang have further education, If out of all Issarn women only 5% have higher education, this would mean that they are more likley to marry a falang, if they had been to collage. I'm assuming:- Primary education ( up to 16 yr ) Secondary education (16-18) Further education (university) Further more compare that to the stats from your own country on how many people attend further education. Further educaction stats from UK 1990-91( to give people a few years to get married) % of leavers whose highest qualification was: 3 or more 'A' levels 20.7 2 'A' levels 7.3 1 'A' level 3.7 No 'A' levels but 5 or more GCSEs (A* - C grades) 13.0 1 - 4 GCSEs (A* - C grades) 24.9 1+ GCSEs (D - G grades) 17.4 Qualifications other than GCSE/GCE/GNVQ 4.4 No formal qualifications of any kind 8.6 Destination of School leavers: Institutions of Higher Education 22.0 Institutions of Further Education 33.4 Other Destinations 36.3 Destinations Unknown 8.3 Source http://www.deni.gov.uk/facts_figures/docum...mpendium_04.pdf Higher education - University Further education- A levels, collage (16-18) So from the above stats you can see that 44.6 % of people did not attend any further/higher education ( this is in 90-91) remember the further back you go the higher that figure will get. If by some mircle people only married others with the same educational background, then only 22% of people married each other with university education ( this would be the theoretical maximum ), leaving the majority of the population to marry non university educated people. Any way this begs the question why do british men generally marry such poorly educated British women, or even, why do British women generally marry such poorly educated British men. I just love stats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiamJai Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 at some level I am, and always will be, looked down upon in much the same way. I will always be 'farang' (a somewhat derogatory term, for sure). You and your kind is not looked down upon because of your skin color or nationality. While the term "Farang" may indeed carry negative connotations, it is not always the case. What kind of Farang, that's the question. I doubt that there is any derogatory meaning to it when Thais refer to, say, Mr. Andrew Biggs as "Farang". Isaan folks may be poor, but not blind. They very well know that the men flocking to their land are looking for the stereotypical submissive Asian female. Wishy-washies, social inepts and wimps who cannot live with independent Western women, who wish for a subordinate rather than an equal partner in life... well, they will find in Isaan what they are looking for. Not to mention the antisocial old geezers whose pension is barely enough for dog food in the West - they behave like kings in the impoverished NorthEast thanks to the generous exchange rates and low living standards. All these guys, rather than living up to the challenge to create a meaningful, happy existence at home, they climb down the socioeconomic ladder until they find a place low enough to accomodate their fragile, hurt egos. They are the ones giving "Farang" a derogatory meaning. (Along with sex-tourists of course, but that's another Pandora's box.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourbaht Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Siam Jai >> are u a farrang female who's husband has moved on to greener, sweeter and less problematic pastures? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backpack_thailand Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Wishy-washies, social inepts and wimps who cannot live with independent Western women, who wish for a subordinate rather than an equal partner in life... well, they will find in Isaan what they are looking for. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> "wishy-washy" - Have you ever seen an Issan girl lose it when you do something wrong...? My missus (from Issan), as lovely as she is, is not one to be crossed! She is certainly NOT any inferior than me, and to be honest has been a great help to me here over the last 6 years, most notibly with the language. I have never looked down on ANYONE, wherever they're from (Thai, Europe, USA)and to generalise like that is quite an insult. I am only in my early 30's and consider my self to be a fairly "modern" man! So obviously in your country you don't have old sad geezers or dippy tarts that don't know any better...??? Treat everybody as you wish to be treated.... Who would want a submissive partner anyway, where's the enjoyment in THAT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiamJai Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Hi Backpack, What's the big deal? I am not the first one to say these things - not even on this forum. While is not too hard to find a woman to wait on you hand and foot, which is what I gather some of these guys in the article are looking for... Older falangs are more likely to stay and support them than the Thai guys. These were just some of the things said, right there on the first page! I didn't add much to it, really. The rest were inferred in the original article. So obviously in your country you don't have old sad geezers or dippy tarts that don't know any better...??? I have no country I could call "mine". However, I spent long time on three continents, and saw 'old, sad geezers and dippy tarts' in every country - they either visited brothels, got a mail-order bride, or settled in Isaan. I'm glad that you are satisfied with your life. If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it; very simple, no? It's great that your wife is not submissive, but the same thing cannot be said about the other millions of women who grew up with "Women form the hind legs of the elephant" and Sunthorn Phu's "How to be a good wife". Regardless of individual exceptions, the ever-growing trend of Farang man - Isaan woman is undeniable, and until someone comes up with a more plausible explanation for it, mine is as valid as any other out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
udon Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Siam Jai >> are u a farrang female who's husband has moved on to greener, sweeter and less problematic pastures? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I noticed that your question was avoided Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiamJai Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 I always overlook silly questions - especially those with exxxtrimmely baed ghraamer. Besides, his signature and avatar show the mindset of a 14-year old. But Udon, if you really want to know, I stand when I pee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backpack_thailand Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 But Udon, if you really want to know, I stand when I pee. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Quite impressive for a chick! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiamJai Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
udon Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Say no more, nudge, nudge, wink, wink Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bannork Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 LOL <{POST_SNAPBACK}> สยามใจ ในประเทศไทยเงินเป็นพระเจ้าเเม่นบ่ บ้านนอก Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDN Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 LOL <{POST_SNAPBACK}> สยามใจ ในประเทศไทยเงินเป็นพระเจ้าเเม่นบ่ บ้านนอก <{POST_SNAPBACK}> บ้านนอกเออแต่เพราะอะไร โรเจอร์ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuchok Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Isaan folks may be poor, but not blind. They very well know that the men flocking to their land are looking for the stereotypical submissive Asian female. Submissive??? you really know alot about Issan women..tool! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 But Udon, if you really want to know, I stand when I pee. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Quite impressive for a chick! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Perhaps you should start a poll and ascertain how many chicks usually do that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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