Romantic Honesty

[a2396]

I am a relativey new arrival in Thailand (about two months). I have a lady friend that I have known for several months and am now living with her and family in an Issan city. Now that I am "on board" so to speak, she has cooled considerably to me, ie little or no affection. We had a "Tahi Traditional" marriage, but it seems like she may not be legally divorced. Her English is poor and my Thai zero. Any thoughts on such a situation??? Is this a common situation???

Thanks

[snoophound]

Not uncommon

Probably this working for you is against the odds?

Where did you meet the girl?

I am a relativey new arrival in Thailand (about two months). I have a lady friend that I have known for several months and am now living with her and family in an Issan city. Now that I am "on board" so to speak, she has cooled considerably to me, ie little or no affection. We had a "Tahi Traditional" marriage, but it seems like she may not be legally divorced. Her English is poor and my Thai zero. Any thoughts on such a situation??? Is this a common situation???

Thanks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[kurgen]

get a mia noi,sucker

[Pink Mist]

two months, several months, your story has a few holes already.

[a2396]

I am a relativey new arrival in Thailand (about two months). I have a lady friend that I have known for several months and am now living with her and family in an Issan city. Now that I am "on board" so to speak, she has cooled considerably to me, ie little or no affection. We had a "Tahi Traditional" marriage, but it seems like she may not be legally divorced. Her English is poor and my Thai zero. Any thoughts on such a situation??? Is this a common situation???

Thanks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I met her on the internet, but we spent considerable time in getting acquianted. Why would she have a Traditional weddind and invite the neighborhood, etc, if I was only a cash cow to her. I am not a jerk or difficult person to live with and the most logical explanation I see to her icy behavior is another man in the picture, although I don't see where she would have time for it. She works 12 hours a day "supposedly". I have not gone to check yet.

[britmaveric]

I am a relativey new arrival in Thailand (about two months). I have a lady friend that I have known for several months and am now living with her and family in an Issan city. Now that I am "on board" so to speak, she has cooled considerably to me, ie little or no affection. We had a "Tahi Traditional" marriage, but it seems like she may not be legally divorced. Her English is poor and my Thai zero. Any thoughts on such a situation??? Is this a common situation???

Thanks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Come on you can give us a better story than that!

[a2396]

two months, several months, your story has a few holes already.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What Holes?? Know here for six months. In person (in Thailand), since September 2004.

[a2396]

I am a relativey new arrival in Thailand (about two months). I have a lady friend that I have known for several months and am now living with her and family in an Issan city. Now that I am "on board" so to speak, she has cooled considerably to me, ie little or no affection. We had a "Tahi Traditional" marriage, but it seems like she may not be legally divorced. Her English is poor and my Thai zero. Any thoughts on such a situation??? Is this a common situation???

Thanks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Come on you can give us a better story than that!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What details do you want. She is no barfly girl.

[tuky]

a2396, Thai affection and farang affection are not the same dog. If your looking for deep affectionate kisses and touchy feely in public etc you may have picked the wrong girl as not all Thais are up for this.

I used to (still do actually) tell my wife I love her each day, but it was rare for her to tell me that she loves me, when I questioned her about this she says she thought I knew she loves me so why should she say it all the time? She actually had a point!!!

Good luck, follow your heart I am sure deep down you know the truth. Oh and don't listen to those that do not offer something constructive, it is just the way these forums are!!!

Cheers

[Backpack_thailand]

I have a lady friend that I have known for several months and am now living with her and family in an Issan city. Now that I am "on board" so to speak, she has cooled considerably to me, ie little or no affection. We had a "Tahi Traditional" marriage, but it seems like she may not be legally divorced. Her English is poor and my Thai zero. Any thoughts on such a situation??? Is this a common situation???

VERY common - you've been done! Get out NOW!

Big wedding, why would she have one...??

Simple, you paid for it all and itgave her a lot of "face"

Thai "Traditional" weddings mean &lt;deleted&gt; all. It's just a bullshit ceremony so all the hangers-on can have a free drink! Let me guess, you haven't been to your Embassy to register the marriage, probably not even to the local town hall...!!!

Sorry to tell you mate, you're fcuked if you stay!

[davethailand]

I have a lady friend that I have known for several months and am now living with her and family in an Issan city. Now that I am "on board" so to speak, she has cooled considerably to me, ie little or no affection. We had a "Tahi Traditional" marriage, but it seems like she may not be legally divorced. Her English is poor and my Thai zero. Any thoughts on such a situation??? Is this a common situation???

VERY common - you've been done! Get out NOW!

Big wedding, why would she have one...??

Simple, you paid for it all and itgave her a lot of "face"

Thai "Traditional" weddings mean &lt;deleted&gt; all. It's just a bullshit ceremony so all the hangers-on can have a free drink! Let me guess, you haven't been to your Embassy to register the marriage, probably not even to the local town hall...!!!

Sorry to tell you mate, you're fcuked if you stay!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Absolutley spot on and 100%, get the F*** out now, if she's still legally married then thats a bonus because she can't legally be married to you, and she is then she's broken the law.

100

[RamdomChances]

I'll and my little bit.

First tukyleith is right, out of the tourist areas "thais" dont show a lot of open affection. Also not getting divorced is not that uncomman, in fact I think with the Thai divorce laws it is fairly difficult for a woman to divorce a man (could be wrong on that, it might have changed).

It is fairly uncoman for a woman with a husband or ex husband to go through the whole "traditional wedding", I cant really see how people would expect her to be gaining "face" from this as most of the people attending would know she is already married.

Also you say that she is working 12 hours a day, what you expect her to come home and then be all over you? Is her ex husband still on the scene?

Her expectations of life with you may be totaly different to reality, I'd bet she was'nt expecting to be working 12 hours a day and probably looking after you.

They are possable explanations, but looking at things from and outsiders point of view. You have know this woman 6 months on the internet, but state she does not speak english very well, how did you comunicate with each other?. Also you came out here, and I assume you paid for a wedding after only knowing her for 2 months, only to find out she has been married before and is not divorced, As you dont speak thai and you state she does not speak very good english, what is your relationship based on??

OK there are a lot of asumptions in the above, but if you look at these last points from an outsiders point of view, what advice would you give?

[ZOVOX]

I am a relativey new arrival in Thailand (about two months). I have a lady friend that I have known for several months and am now living with her and family in an Issan city. Now that I am "on board" so to speak, she has cooled considerably to me, ie little or no affection. We had a "Tahi Traditional" marriage, but it seems like she may not be legally divorced. Her English is poor and my Thai zero. Any thoughts on such a situation??? Is this a common situation???

Thanks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think you have been a bit of a 'plonker': Did you not ask to see your wife's divorce papers ? Why don't you get your marriage registered and then she would have to produce them. Also, my wife changed her surname back to her maiden name, when she got divorced, on her i.d card - she now has my surname - so you should get someone to check her i.d card. I know language is a problem, but my wife knew little english when we first met, but we manage to get through evrything with the aid of a dictionary. I think maybe you are too afriad to confront her because you are fearing the worst: that is she is still married and just using you as a cash cow. This would expalin why she's gone cold on you because you are not coming up with enough money - are you really living with her in-laws or have i just read your posting incorrectly ? I think your wife expected you to buy a house in her name and take care of the family.

Bottom line, you need to confront your wife !!

[Pink Mist]

I am a relativey new arrival in Thailand (about two months). I have a lady friend that I have known for several months and am now living with her and family in an Issan city.

Thanks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

what don't I understand?

[cojones]

could be many reasons , another thai bloke lurking around , sulking because you didnt give in to some whim , you are not good enough at pam-pam , not enough monthly money payments , peer pressure , loss of face , jealousy of neighbours , realisation that she has made a big mistake because you are too poor , little or no communication , .

maybe she is a natural born sulker ...it could be many things

[erasmus]

I met her on the internet, but we spent considerable time in getting acquianted.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would guess it must have taken a very, very long time for you to get to know each other on the internet.

In what language were you communicating on the internet?

Didn't you say she does not speak much english and you can not speak Thai?

Anyway, you're doomed...

[nogutsnoapplepie]

TROLL.

[Gazza]

She may have lost face if she's still working, while those around her who have married other farangs are at home with their feet up.

She doesn't sound like a happy bunny to me.

[davethailand]

TROLL.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

without a doubt

[britmaveric]

What annoys me more than anything- how can you have a proper relationship if you dont know thai and she doesnt know much english? COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO ANY RELATIONSHIP - how do u expect to do anything when the basics arent there?

[kanatip]

but it seems like she may not be legally divorced.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What makes you think about this matter?

[Tom Kagai]

I met her on the internet, but we spent considerable time in getting acquianted.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Next time you have some 'considerable time' to spend on the internet, stick with this forum. It'll make you a lot more streetwise and won't cost you a penny mate.

That said, if you want to make yourself feel a bit better, many of us have been 'had' in Europe or the States. Ouch!

[Tom Kagai]

I am a relativey new arrival in Thailand (about two months). I have a lady friend that I have known for several months and am now living with her and family in an Issan city. Now that I am "on board" so to speak, she has cooled considerably to me, ie little or no affection. We had a "Tahi Traditional" marriage, but it seems like she may not be legally divorced. Her English is poor and my Thai zero. Any thoughts on such a situation??? Is this a common situation???

Thanks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Get yourself a copy of 'Money Number One' by Neil Hutchison. Read a chapter everynight and, when you finish it, read it again. You'll soon get the hang of it.

[konthai]

Absolute crap crap

[khunlungphudhu]

Sounds like an average female to me!

[a2396]

I'll and my little bit.

First  tukyleith is right, out of the tourist areas "thais"  dont show a lot of open affection. Also not getting divorced is not that uncomman, in fact I think with the Thai divorce laws it is fairly difficult for a woman to divorce a man (could be wrong on that, it might have changed).

It is fairly uncoman for a woman with a husband or ex husband to go through the whole "traditional wedding", I cant really see how people would expect her to be gaining "face" from this as most of the people attending would know she is already married.

Also you say that she is working 12 hours a day, what you expect her to come home and then be all over you? Is her ex husband still on the scene?

Her expectations of life with you may be totaly different to reality, I'd bet she was'nt expecting to be working 12 hours a day and probably looking after you.

They are possable explanations, but  looking at things from and outsiders point of view. You have know this woman 6 months on the internet, but state she does not speak english very well, how did you comunicate with each other?. Also you came out here, and I assume you paid for a wedding after only knowing her for 2 months, only to find out she has been married before and is not divorced, As you dont speak thai and you state she does not speak very good english, what is your relationship based on??

OK there are a lot of asumptions in the above, but if you look at these last points from an outsiders point of view, what advice would you give?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for the very good and valuable insights here. Yes, I am living with at her Mother's residence area. It is sort of a Mother-in-law apartment set-up, as we call it in USA. All the family has been great to me, as well as the neighbors. My lady is the one who has turned into the icle. She never was greatly affectionate, but the situation now is unacceptable. I do not expect public display of affection. I lived in Malaysia for one year, so I know what the Asian "rules" are.

As for wheather she was married or not before, I asked her brother today point-blank and he said no she was never married. It could be she misunderstood my question before, but I though I had been clear enough about it. As for proof or no proof, I think it is easy to conceal the truth, if there is no national marriage registry data base. There is no such thing in USA. It is all by state and county. I am not sure about Thailand. Neither I nor her are in any hurry to tie any legal ropes around our necks, certainly not at this early stage of the game. She also could have been someones "mistress", as we call it in USA, called "second wife" in Malaysia. Who knows and I don't care really, but I would like to know the facts because past ghosts can create many emotional disturbances. It could also be that she has ever had any "meaningful" relationship with a man and has not much of a clue re: behavior expectations.

I am not anxious to have her continue working 12 hour days. I have offered to offset her losses and and pay for some better education, but that has gone "through one ear and out the other" with her. She is 34 and no spring chicken, as far as Asian job market standards are considered. In Malaysia you are "dead and buried" in the job market at 35.

I will try to to get her attention to get some dialogue, but I have gotten stonewalled so far. It will pass a certain point and I will just leave.

[a2396]

TROLL.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

without a doubt

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yep! 100% TROLL

Just check the writing style... and he did not even think it out clearly... Starts with "I have a lady friend that I have known for several months... " Notice 'have'.

Then, "Now that I am "on board" so to speak.." Notice 'now' and still no mention of the most important point, 'marriage'.

Then, "We had a "Tahi Traditional" marriage..." He meant Thai

For my money this is a TROLL.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What is the meaning of TROLL. This is a true story. I write quickly and there is no spell checker here. You can read my earlier post regarding "legal ropes". I am not interested in one.

[a2396]

I have a lady friend that I have known for several months and am now living with her and family in an Issan city. Now that I am "on board" so to speak, she has cooled considerably to me, ie little or no affection. We had a "Tahi Traditional" marriage, but it seems like she may not be legally divorced. Her English is poor and my Thai zero. Any thoughts on such a situation??? Is this a common situation???

VERY common - you've been done! Get out NOW!

Big wedding, why would she have one...??

Simple, you paid for it all and itgave her a lot of "face"

Thai "Traditional" weddings mean &lt;deleted&gt; all. It's just a bullshit ceremony so all the hangers-on can have a free drink! Let me guess, you haven't been to your Embassy to register the marriage, probably not even to the local town hall...!!!

Sorry to tell you mate, you're fcuked if you stay!

You may be very correct. But, if I leave, the money leaves. Unless she thinks she can find one with more money next time. I consider my financial capability to be reasonable. I do not drink to excess or smoke, which she does not like. She is attractive and sexy, but her social skills are poor, as well as her English. So what are her chances to land a bigger "western fish", who will live in Thailand with "Mama". She may have already been the route of Thai man's "second wife". I don't think she is keen for that. I think she is being downright stupid, unless there is something I don't know.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Absolutley spot on and 100%, get the F*** out now, if she's still legally married then thats a bonus because she can't legally be married to you, and she is then she's broken the law.

100

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[a2396]

She may have lost face if she's still working, while those around her who have married other farangs are at home with their feet up.

She doesn't sound like a happy bunny to me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There has been no discussion of "work not work". If she is not happy with this she has said nothing. I am the one who brought it up for discussion.

[ZOVOX]

I'll and my little bit.

First  tukyleith is right, out of the tourist areas "thais"  dont show a lot of open affection. Also not getting divorced is not that uncomman, in fact I think with the Thai divorce laws it is fairly difficult for a woman to divorce a man (could be wrong on that, it might have changed).

It is fairly uncoman for a woman with a husband or ex husband to go through the whole "traditional wedding", I cant really see how people would expect her to be gaining "face" from this as most of the people attending would know she is already married.

Also you say that she is working 12 hours a day, what you expect her to come home and then be all over you? Is her ex husband still on the scene?

Her expectations of life with you may be totaly different to reality, I'd bet she was'nt expecting to be working 12 hours a day and probably looking after you.

They are possable explanations, but  looking at things from and outsiders point of view. You have know this woman 6 months on the internet, but state she does not speak english very well, how did you comunicate with each other?. Also you came out here, and I assume you paid for a wedding after only knowing her for 2 months, only to find out she has been married before and is not divorced, As you dont speak thai and you state she does not speak very good english, what is your relationship based on??

OK there are a lot of asumptions in the above, but if you look at these last points from an outsiders point of view, what advice would you give?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for the very good and valuable insights here. Yes, I am living with at her Mother's residence area. It is sort of a Mother-in-law apartment set-up, as we call it in USA. All the family has been great to me, as well as the neighbors. My lady is the one who has turned into the icle. She never was greatly affectionate, but the situation now is unacceptable. I do not expect public display of affection. I lived in Malaysia for one year, so I know what the Asian "rules" are.

As for wheather she was married or not before, I asked her brother today point-blank and he said no she was never married. It could be she misunderstood my question before, but I though I had been clear enough about it. As for proof or no proof, I think it is easy to conceal the truth, if there is no national marriage registry data base. There is no such thing in USA. It is all by state and county. I am not sure about Thailand. Neither I nor her are in any hurry to tie any legal ropes around our necks, certainly not at this early stage of the game. She also could have been someones "mistress", as we call it in USA, called "second wife" in Malaysia. Who knows and I don't care really, but I would like to know the facts because past ghosts can create many emotional disturbances. It could also be that she has ever had any "meaningful" relationship with a man and has not much of a clue re: behavior expectations.

I am not anxious to have her continue working 12 hour days. I have offered to offset her losses and and pay for some better education, but that has gone "through one ear and out the other" with her. She is 34 and no spring chicken, as far as Asian job market standards are considered. In Malaysia you are "dead and buried" in the job market at 35.

I will try to to get her attention to get some dialogue, but I have gotten stonewalled so far. It will pass a certain point and I will just leave.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Giving her education at her age is no good, as you said yourself to get a job at 35 is very hard. You'll be better off paying for some private english lessons, so you can maybe start some dialogue going - i did this for my wife when we first met and it did wonders, because it gave her some confidence.